The little grey man stood in the middle of the control room and eyed the dark wall before him.
"Report!" A deep voice commanded from the darkness, and the small alien winced.
"There were complications, Master."
"What happened?" Asked the disembodied voice gravely.
"As per orders, we extracted four specimen from the field where we left the last message. Three male and one female. We hoped to observe their mating rituals, and what makes a female chose her breeding partner. We put all four of them together in a room. But upon waking up, instead of being interested in the female all specimen tried to escape. While it was interesting to watch them co-operate, we couldn't allow them success. So Ak'Tak released a gas filled with strong pheromone into the air system. The pheromone was supposed to make all of them more inclined to mating."
"Did it work?"
"Well..." The alien looked to the side, shuffling his tiny feet. ''Once the gas hit, the dark haired male - the talker - started emitting strange keening sounds. The leader and the female reacted instantly. They pushed him to the ground and started touching him, pulling at his clothes. The youngest male â€" the smart one - wanted to join the group, but the leader growled at him territorially. The smart one turned away and resumed his attempts to find a way out. Ak'Tak thought he was trying to find another perspective mate outside the room."
"What about the female? Did she chose herself a mating partner?"
"At first, the female showed much interest in the talker. They seemed to exchange bodily fluids in the form of kissing, but once the gas evaporated and the male stopped producing the strange sounds, she left him for the leader. After that she... gave a feral cry and pushed the smart one out of her way, heading straight for where the door was hidden." The pale alien seemed to lose what color he had, turning white.
"Rashak!" The voice prompted, growing restless.
"We tried not interfering, hoping that the situation would resolve itself."
"And?"
"It did, kind of." The alien looked away."After several attempts the door panel became uncovered. The smart male became interested in it and after some tweaking broke into our system and opened the door."
"You let them go?" the voice roared.
"We didn't have much choice," the alien tried to explain. "The guards approached them with stunners, but the female disabled them with brute force. The leader was trying to safeguard his mate and he attacked anyone that dared to approach. He was also trying to secure his post and hit the smart male in the head when he got too close."
"But you caught them, right? It's not like they could escape from a space ship, one that is actually IN SPACE!" The voice roared and the alien squirmed.
"Uhm, we let them go."
"What?"
"You see, Master, the female was heading to the ship's control room and there's no telling what damage she could have caused there, so I gave the order and Ak'Tak sent them back to earth."
"I see. So you wiped their memories and teleported them to their last coordinate. Correct?"
"Uhm..."
"You DID wipe their memories before returning them?"
"It just... wasn't possible, Master."
"RASHAK!" The spaceship shook with the roar and the small alien winced. Of course his first ever mission was a catastrophe, it was inevitable. At least it would take them several years to return home. Plenty of time for their Master to calm down.
"What the hell was that?" Tony coughed, eyes wide with disbelief. They were back on Earth, on the same field they were taken from. If they were taken. Tony still hoped it was just a hallucination.
"Aliens, we were abducted by real aliens!" McGee squeaked excitedly, unable to believe what he'd seen.
Ziva kept muttering something in a language that Gibbs didn't recognize, looking up at the sky with a killing glare. Gibbs finally let go of Tony's arm, although he made sure his agent was sitting down.
"How's your breathing DiNozzo?"
"Much better now that we're not breathing in that damn gas," Tony said, his voice still creaky but much stronger. For a moment he thought he would die there, when he was unable to catch his breath. Under different circumstances he would've enjoyed Ziva giving him mouth to mouth, but having Gibbs leaning over them wasn't part of the fantasy.
"Uhm, Ziva, thanks for... you know."
"Don't mention it," Ziva said and when Tony wanted to protest, she growled. "I mean it Tony. Don't mention it. Ever."
Tony nodded. McGee was still mumbling about aliens so Gibbs came up to him and gave him a proper headslap.
"And what the hell's wrong with you McGee? When I tell you to watch our six, you watch our six and don't pause to gawk at the aliens!"
"The little grey man... and the spaceship..." McGee blabbed but paused as another head-slap brought him back. "Sorry boss. It... Won't happen again."
"Luckily we found the door and got out," Tony popped in with a slight smile. Ziva snorted.
"You were lucky they were trying to make us mate, instead of trying to dissect us," she said and all three men looked at her with suspicion.
"What?" she asked. "Last time I was gassed by those creatures, I ended up killing my cell mate and drinking his blood thinking it was wine. Stupid buggers. They never learn." Spitting in disgust, Ziva shook her head in resignation. She pulled out a pen from her pocket and put on a pair of Ray bans. Tony's eyes went wide as he put two and two together and he started to protest, but it was too late.
"Say cheese," Ziva said and the pen flashed, leaving the three men in stunned silence. Using the momentary calm, Ziva activated her necklace and opened connection.
"This is agent Z. We have a problem. The Greys are back."
Story Notes:
A/N: This fic was written for the TVNETWORK1_LAS challenge. The prompt was *crack*. Unfortunately, the LJ journal was accidentaly purged and the challenge is kinda in a hiatus. As there's no info on the date of return, I've decided to skip out and simply post my story.
A/N2: This challenge was a little hard on me as I don't usually write crack or humor fics. For that reason, I tried my hand first on another story. As it's similar to this one, you'll find it here under chapter 2.
A/N3: Both fics were beta-read by the wonderful Tania. Ok, I'm finished, go ahead and read
Author's Chapter Notes:
Two crack fics written for one challenge. Or how would our favorite team deal with aliens?
Chapter End Notes:
A/N: This fic was written for the TVNETWORK1_LAS challenge. The prompt was *crack*. Unfortunately, the LJ journal was accidentaly purged and the challenge is kinda in a hiatus. As there's no info on the date of return, I've decided to skip out and simply post my story.
A/N2: This challenge was a little hard on me as I don't usually write crack or humor fics. For that reason, I tried my hand first on another story. As it's similar to this one, you'll find it here under chapter 2.
A/N3: Both fics were beta-read by the wonderful Tania. Ok, I'm finished, go ahead and read
A/N2: This challenge was a little hard on me as I don't usually write crack or humor fics. For that reason, I tried my hand first on another story. As it's similar to this one, you'll find it here under chapter 2.
A/N3: Both fics were beta-read by the wonderful Tania. Ok, I'm finished, go ahead and read