Summary: today's challenge prompt is... prompt is by Peja @ WWOMB (thanks for the idea) authors choice #449 - Best Way To End A Fight - any pairing - any length:
(Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love."
"Well," said the other woman, "that will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!")
Challenge Rules:
Must be longer than a hundred words.
Must make reference to the joke.
All fandoms are welcome.
PWP's are acceptable.
Humor is preferred, but not necessary.
Must include at least three of the following. In order to use three of the choices below I did modify some of the material, see if you know what it originally was.
Frozen Chicken.
Whipped Cream Topping.
Hockey Sticks.
A Jock Strap.
A Bottle of Wine.
A Cat in heat.
A Zambonie.
One of the characters saying, "You're sticking it in the wrong hole!"
Spectrum from 1967 to 1996 then now Well Fargo Center from 1996
Owner: Ed Snider Coach: Peter Laviolette
The Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune ice hockey team “The Few” where Gibbs met Laviolette they are both defense men and Gibbs was the enforcer.
Title: Lord Stanley
Fandom: NCIS
Genres: Gen
Warnings: Language
Parings: Gibbs/DiNozzo established relationship McGee and David also make an appearance
Ratings: FRT-15 Over 15 Language, implied m/m
Genres: Authors Prompt Challenge “Best Way To End A Fight”
Disclaimer: As usual I still don’t own NCIS or the children I just take them out to play, Now however the Flyers have come to join them as well. If I did own the Flyers we’d be playing for the Stanley Cup this year not off playing golf.
Summary: The fantastic four get called to Philadelphia for a Marine found dead on the ice. All is not as it seems though.
I have taken quite a few liberties of which having Gibbs play hockey is one of them. But it’s my story and I can let my muse take me wherever I want it to. Obviously is very AU and quite silly. It was meant to be posted before the end of the Stanley Cup finals please excuse the delay.
:-*)
Gibbs had long ago run out of coffee and at this point he would even take one from the Golden Arches if he could find one. Listening to the children fight was getting on his last nerve. Tony turned around to add more fuel to the fire and that was it. His whistle was loud, long and sharp. “Knock it off. If you three even think about continuing this discussion then the next words out of your mouth should include the words pink slip in them. ARE.WE.CLEAR?” Getting a chorus of three “yes Boss” he continued looking for a place to get coffee. Finally when they were in Wilmington he spotted a Shell and pulled off the highway to fill himself with coffee and the car with gas. Getting back into the car he was carrying a drink holder with 4 cups.
Tony thinking he must have gotten some for him and the others he made the comment, while taking the drink holder from Gibbs he asks “so did you get all coffee or coffee for you guys and a hot chocolate for me?”
“It’s all coffee and it’s for me. I’m gonna need it with you three in the car.”
“That’s harsh Boss we’re just trying to make the trip shorter.”
“If you three continue to talk like this the trip will be even longer as you will be walking.”
“Ouch” Tony said to his lover, thinking he better defuse this situation right now or he’ll be sleeping alone for a very long time. He glanced into the back seat to see both Tim and Ziva making hand gestures to talk to Gibbs and get the thorn out of the bears paw. “Say Boss you never told us why we are going to Philly. Taking us out for cheese steaks?” Even while driving Gibbs could manage a head slap “oww, what was that for?”
“Obviously you didn’t listen when I said we were called here by a friend who found a dead Marin in his Zambonie when the team came in to practice. He wants to keep it quiet as they are in the playoffs for the Cup and doesn’t want his team’s focus to be drawn away. Since it’s a dead Marine and we deal in dead Marines he called me.”
“Wow Boss I’m impressed didn’t know you were into hockey.”
“Well Tony there was really no need for you to know now was there.”
Tony thought about that statement and decided that Gibbs had been hiding a vital part of himself from his lover and now he found that it did matter he hadn’t been told. This simple information caused all his insecurities about his relationship with Gibbs to come to the surface and he turned to the window and stared at nothing the rest of the way.
After ruminating for the next ten miles it finally did become clear to Gibbs. Tony had always been insecure about Gibbs past relations and friendships. He always felt he would never measure up, be found wanting in some way. That Gibbs would somehow remember his past relationships and want to leave him and return to someone in his past. Squeezing Tony’s shoulder he tried to make his voice reassuring. “Tony I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Lavy and The Few. We were team mates during the season I spent playing at Camp Lejeune on the ice hockey team The Few. You know how that time was for me. There are things I don’t want to remember about that time in my life, things that are hard to talk about. I don’t consciously shut you out it’s just I try to shut that time out. Lavy is part of that time.” He sighed as he felt Tony shake his hand off and concentrated on the road ahead.
In the back seat Ziva and Tim were softly talking.
“Did you know Gibbs had played ice hockey?” Tim asked.
“No it certainly not in his dossier” recently the team had learned of the dossier done by Mossad.” They had accepted Gibbs assurances he had never read it.
The car grew very quiet as they continued on the 26 miles to Wells Fargo Center in Philly. Once they arrived they parked in the team parking lot, after giving their name to the guard they went to the team entrance to try and find Peter Laviolette, the current head coach, and Gibbs’ former team mate.
Running into one of the players Gibbs asked where Lavy was and was rewarded with a smile and a hand reaching out for a handshake. Hi I’m Scotty Hartnel You guys form that navy place?”
Tony, who had been at Gibbs six reached around the man “Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, but please call me Tony. My Boss Special Agent Gibbs and yes we are those Navy guys. The ones known as NCIS. Now can you direct us to the man we need to talk to or not.”
In less time than it takes to repeat they were in the locker room and talking to Laviolette and for the first time Gibbs appeared to take an interest in what was going around him.
Walking over to the only man not in a uniform Gibbs gave him a manly hug. “Hey Lavy how ya been. Haven’t seen ya in a long time.”
“Yeah Gunny I think the last time was the championship at Lejeune. Good times, good times.”
“Yeah” Gibbs replied, “I’m sure you didn’t ask me to come all this way to talk about old times. So tell me Lavy what do we have here.”
“You haven’t changed one bit Gunny. Come on this way” he said leading them to the edge of the ice. “Gunny you have them bring the thick soled tennis shoes I asked you about?”
“Yeah I did. Ok all you change your regular shoes for your tennis shoes” Gibbs told them brooking no arguments.
The three looked at each other and Tony took the bull by the horns, “Hey Boss why are we changing shoes?”
“For two reasons the owner doesn’t want you marking up his ice when he has a game tonight and two your street shoes will have you flat on your ass in about 10 seconds. Care to demonstrate for us?” Gibbs asked as he quickly changed his shoes. He followed Lavy out on to the ice and over to the Zambonie. He looked to where Lavy was pointing and son of a bitch there was a body dressed in greens. Looking at the coach he asked “you know him?”
“Well as he’s face down I’m not sure but I think it’s PFC Denton Baker. He is was singing the Star Spangle Banner tonight and I believe they let him in to get a feel for the place. It can be intimidating. All I know about him is he was home on leave before going to Afghanistan, and management wanted him to sing. You know raise the amount of patriotism?”
“Ok let’s get going here. Ziva, McGee thoroughly check out the Zanbonie, gather all the evidence before we let the local ME near the body. That means find all the evidence. Tony sketch and shoot everything around here,” and he pointed to the area around them. He was watching them making sure they understood the scene so they didn’t contaminate it. It wasn’t long before he heard Tony.
“Hey Boss did you hear about the two boys playing hockey on a pond in a park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid cat in heat. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the cat’s collar and twists, breaking the cat’s neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal", he writes in his notebook. "But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero said. "Sorry, since we're in Toronto, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and he starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack!" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or a Jays fan. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Montreal Canadians fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little French ******* from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet."
“Tony did you hear about the two boys playing hockey on a pond in a park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid cat in heat. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the cat’s collar and twists, breaking the cat’s neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal", he writes in his notebook. "But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero said. "Sorry, since we're in Toronto, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack!" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or a Jays fan. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little French ******* from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet."
“Pretty good” Tony said to his lover. Of course no one knew they were lovers but then sometimes that was part of the fun. He did know his lover well and knew he’d have fun with this as he moved around. “Yeah Tony how about this one. A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Flyers fan. She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Flyers fans too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher and say they are too, except ONE kid named Dougie. The teacher looks at Dougie and says, Doug, you're not a Flyers fan? He says, nope, I'm a Bruin fan! She says, well why are you a Bruin fan and not a Flyers fan? Dougie replies, well, my mom is a Bruin fan, and my dad is a Bruin fan, so I'm a Bruin fan. The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says well, if your mom’s an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be? Dougie says, then I'd be a Flyers fan! Pretty apropos as we are in the Flyers house don't ya think?” On a roll he added another one, sure Gibbs would be surprised he knew any of these. “What about Mike Palmateer the Leafs goatender struggling with his netminding game after one horrible game where he allowed 8 goals decided to suicide by throwing himself under the teams travelling bus. However his attempt failed as the teams bus went between his legs.......”
“Wow Tony that was a really good one what about this one. This was originally a Yankees joke but I'll just make a substitution. A trucker is driving down the road in Boston and spots two guys wearing Montreal Canadiens jerseys walking on the side of the road. He swerves at the last second intentionally and hits them both. One goes flying into someone's front yard and the other comes flying in through his windshield and lands in the passenger seat. A cop witnesses what happens and pulls him over. You hit those two guys. Yeah I know, I guess you'll need to make an arrest right? You bet, I'll charge one for trespassing and one for breaking and entering!"
“That’ another good one, This is a simple one, the first one I ever learned. I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.”
Walking around to the side they were all on he said “Tony here is another short but sweet. What do the titanic and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common? They are both great until they hit the ice. Oh here’s a groaner What's the difference between a grape and a frozen chicken? They're both purple, except the chicken!”
Ziva walked over to where Tony and Gibbs were standing grinning at each other and screamed “that’s it.” Pulling out her gun she pulled the trigger hitting first Gibbs then Tony and both went down. She turned to Tim and said “Now we can finish this crime scene without the horrific jokes. Let’s finish and call the coroner to have him get all three victims.”
Tony flew up in bed screaming “LEROY!!!!!!!!”
Gibbs flew up to see Tony hyperventilating and still whispering Leroy. For some reason he was obviously having a nightmare. He only called him Leroy when they were at home. Trying to rub Tony’s shoulder in a effort to wake him he got no response. Getting up and walking around the bed he grabbed a hold of Tony’s shoulders calling his name until Tony finally responded to him. “You were having a nightmare Babe what’s going on?”
Tony looked at his love and said “I thought you were dead. I saw Ziva kill you then me.”
“Tony why would you ever think Ziva would kill us?”
“We were telling bad jokes. Say Leroy have you ever played hockey?”
“Where did that come from?” Looking at his loves serious face he knew it was time to tell him another piece of his puzzle. “Well actually have you ever heard of a hockey team called The Few?”
:-*)
AN: This was intended only so I could share these hockey jokes. They aren’t original and come from several joke sites exclusively devoted to hockey. Why you ask? Well the reason is in the title of the story, Lord Stanley. In 1892 the cup was commissioned and named after Lord Stanley of Preston who was Governor General at the time. In 1893 it was awarded to the top Hockey team supported by the Stanley family. In 1915 there were two leagues and through a gentlemen’s agreement it was decided that the top team in each league would play each other for the cup. In 1926 it became the de facto ultimate Trophy. I’m rather proud of the legacy of the cup and you can read more about it on your favorite free online encyclopedia.
The Few is a factual hockey team at Camp Lejeune. They now have two teams and the other is called The Proud. I know there is nothing indicating Gibbs played hockey but in my mine he started with pond hockey as a kid and moved on up from there. As with everything he touched he was a standout here as well. The reason he did not talk about it? In my head the physicality of the game would help him through that time right after Shannon and Kelly’s death. “Cause one of the jokes I wrote is true I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.”
Hope you enjoyed.
Story Notes:
See End of Story
Author's Chapter Notes:
The fantastic four get called to Philadelphia for a Marine found dead on the ice. All is not as it seems though.
I have taken quite a few liberties of which having Gibbs play hockey is one of them. But it’s my story and I can let my muse take me wherever I want it to. Obviously is very AU and quite silly. It was meant to be posted before the end of the Stanley Cup finals please excuse the delay.
I have taken quite a few liberties of which having Gibbs play hockey is one of them. But it’s my story and I can let my muse take me wherever I want it to. Obviously is very AU and quite silly. It was meant to be posted before the end of the Stanley Cup finals please excuse the delay.
Chapter End Notes:
See End of Story