- Text Size +
Story Notes:
Harmon Rabb from JAG lost the coin toss, is now a civilian working at NCIS.
Author's Chapter Notes:
NCIS tracks down the treasonous Wikipedia ArbCom members.
The Marines had arrived at their destination: a little building seemingly in the middle of nowhere, two miles east of Tifika, Iraq. There was only one guard in front, and as soon as he spotted the Marines, he started shooting indiscriminately. Just one bullet from an M16A2 and he was neutralized. The Marines went into the building, which was pretty much empty, except for a bunch of crates.

"That was easy," said Lt. Smith with satisfaction.

"Too easy," said Master Sergeant Lopez.

Smith lifted the lid of one of the crates. It was all pretty much old weapons, most of it Soviet surplus, but at least one crate was proudly emblazoned "Made in the USA." "Why would they leave all this stuff behind?" Smith asked.

"You've got to get out of here!" Lance Corporal Williams shouted, holding a timer with less than two minutes on it. "I've got this, go!" Williams threw the timer on the floor and then threw himself on it.

"Get up!" Lopez ordered. He lifted the young Marine off the timer, then picked up the timer. "That's not how you win a Medal of Honor these days," Lopez said, fiddling with the buttons on the timer. The timer reset to 11:59.

"Plenty of time for EOD to get here," Williams chuckled awkwardly.

"Give me that," Smith said. He opened up the device. "It's got no payload."

Williams sighed with relief.

"Alright, men, now for the boring part of the mission!" Smith said. "Miller, Stone, Haylock, you're on watch until the cavalry gets here. The rest, you're going to open up each of these crates, catalog the contents and then–"

Explosion from another corner. Soon the whole building looked like a fireworks factory on fire, minus the pretty lights. Meanwhile, at the senior enlisted barracks at Annapolis, a Navy Petty Officer was dead with a gun in his right hand and a suicide note typed into Microsoft Word on his computer.

NCIS theme song goes here. Then some inane banter at the NCIS headquarters, setting up Tony's punchline "I guess that means McGee saw his shadow."

"Did you just compare me to a rodent?" McGee asked.

Gibbs came in. "Everyone to Ops."

Director Vance briefed everyone. "Wikipedia ArbCom has been messing with matters of national security."

"I guess this is going to be a short episode," Tony said.

"May I?" Vance asked Tony sarcastically. "Petty Officer First Class name redacted, better known to the Wikipediots as User:Bard Enumerator. The Wikipedia ArbCom was aware that Bard Enumerator was using several accounts on Wikipedia, and they knew Bard Enumerator had something to do with the Navy. They sent him a threatening anvil message."

The anvil message came up on the screen. "You dragged your wife into this, your son, your sailor friends and your commanding officer," McGee read off the big screen.

"You don't have time to read all that," Vance said. "Suffice it to say, it was meant to be intimidating. But ArbCom could not pinpoint who Bard Enumerator was in real life, at least not until after the death of Ensign Pavel Amirov." (See the earlier story "Of Wikipedia and Murder" on this same website). "Wikipedia ArbCom hired a hitman to kill Petty Officer name redacted, and they also leaked details of a weapons cache confiscation mission to ISIS. Two members of ArbCom have been apprehended abroad and will soon be extradited to the United States. Your mission now is to apprehend the two members of ArbCom on American soil so that they can be tried by a tribunal for their treason."

Gibbs and his team went to see Ducky. "Seventh century Romans had a very strange superstition whereby–"

"The point, Ducky," Gibbs said impatiently.

"The petty officer here is left-handed," Ducky said.

"Classic mistake when framing someone for suicide," Tony said almost flippantly.

Next the team went to Annapolis to speak with the commanding officer. "He was being considered for meritorious promotion to Chief Petty Officer," Lt. Cmdr. Saunders said. "But then he started spending way too much time on Wikipedia. He wanted to be transferred to the DoD's Wikipedia Warfare Division."

"DoD has a Wikipedia Warfare Division?" Gibbs asked incredulously.

Saunders started to explain: "When so many people blindly accept Wikipedia as the gospel truth, or even if they think it's 90% accurate, it becomes a national security interest to carefully control the information–"

"And disinformation..." Gibbs butted in.

"Yes, the information and disinformation on Wikipedia. But I told him the WWD already had plenty of staff, whereas our unit here could use at least two more men."

Gibbs and his team visited the WWD at the Pentagon. "Did you know the NSA also has a Wikipedia team?" Ellie Bishop told the WWD head honcho.

"We were aware," the honcho said, trying not to sound surprised.

Anyway, after more blah blah blah, Gibbs and his team tracked the remaining ArbCom bastards to an abandoned factory building in Baltimore. One of them, known as Raker, was holding two guns, one in each hand. Raker shot one gun and then the other, then he stopped. McGee shot Raker in the knee.

Gibbs arrested Raker. "Shooting two guns at once, it doesn't quite work like in the movies," Gibbs said.

Raker had the secret ArbCom notebook, the one detailing all those ArbCom strategies the ArbCom members did not trust into computers. It was from that notebook that Ellie determined that Loopclaimer is actually an ArbCom sock. "This exonerates Kelly Turner!" Ellie said excitedly.

"I wouldn't go that far," Rabb said. Oh, by the way, did I mention that in these fanfics Rabb from JAG resigned his Navy commission and now works at NCIS? Anyway, Rabb had another tidbit for Ellie: "Kelly Turner was found guilty last week. Her sentencing hearing is this week."

Rabb and Ellie rushed the relevant facts to JAG headquarters. The judge, Admiral Sebring, heard sentencing arguments for and against mitigation. "This new evidence does not change the fact that you killed a man who posed no actual threat to you," Sebring said to Turner in court. "But you were under extreme duress due to the manipulation of Wikipedia's treasonous ArbCom. I sentence you to four years at Camp Cupcake."

Meanwhile, all the members of Wikipedia's ArbCom died under mysterious circumstances. The NCIS team went for drinks at Barrigan's. "So what pathetic disgraces for human beings will become Wikipedia's new ArbCom?" Rabb asked Ellie.

"Some losers of no consequence to national security," Ellie said.

"I am very glad to hear that," Gibbs said, before leaving the bar with Tony.
Chapter End Notes:
Harmon Rabb from JAG lost the coin toss, is now a civilian working at NCIS.
You must login (register) to review.