Title: Hiding In Plain Sight

Author: BuffyAngel68

Rating: FRM Mature and possibly uncomfortable subject matter.

Summary: A secret is uncovered that Tony didn't think anyone at NCIS would ever learn...

-

"Dinozzo! Front and center, now!"

When Tony didn't appear, Gibbs' already severe expression darkened further and his hands clenched into fists and moved up to rest on his hips. He spoke again, but his tome was much quieter this time.

"Tony. If you enjoy unemployment, keep ignoring me."

Hearing his voice, those at their desks considered diving under them and those just entering the bullpen turned around and exited again. A soft-spoken Jethro Gibbs was often a much more angry and dangerous Jethro Gibbs and everyone on the floor knew it. Tony Dinozzo, knowing that he chanced a third summons at his own risk, half appeared from around a corner.

"Ummm... yeah, boss?"

"Did I *not* say front and center?"

"Oh. Right..." the younger agent replied, stepping fully into view and moving forward a few steps.

"Dinozzo. Are you a part of my team?"

"Last I knew, but I have a feeling I'm behind the curve..."

"What kind of life expectancy do liars have on my team?"

"About as long as it takes you to... find out. Uh-oh..."

"That's a *big* understatement. Conference room."

"I can explain, boss..."

"What mood am I in, Dinozzo?"

" ' Shut up and move your ass.' "

"Got it in one, now do it."

Tony grimaced, but slowly acceded to his leader's command, despite the mounting fear that he was marching into the path of a bullet with his name on it. When they were alone and the door was shut behind them, Gibbs crossed his arms and stared at the other man, clearly indicating that he would wait as long as it took.

"Boss, you don't understand..."

"You lied to me and to the Director. *Make* me understand."

"It wasn't a big deal... and it was my business. I didn't feel like anybody else should be sticking their noses in."

"You. Lied."

"So I said I took a physical when I didn't. It's not like I have an alias or a criminal past I never disclosed. I don't see what you're so mad about, Gibbs..."

"Let's start with falsified records, signed by some buddy of yours who's never been within a hundred yards of a medical school."

Tony lost his confidence and a bit of his color at the same time.

"You checked."

"No. Blame the Director's secretary. This year she tried to save you some time and effort by calling to make you an appointment for your physical. Imagine her surprise when she realized there wasn't a doctor in D.C. or Virginia under the name listed on your medical file. There was a stockbroker, though."

"Boss..."

"He finally owned up to covering for you. It's gonna cost him."

"How much?"

"He'll be ponying up a fine. It won't be small. Beyond that... I haven't heard."

"It wasn't his fault. He's a family friend I talked into helping me."

"Why?"

"I hate doctors. If I'm hurt on the job and I know it could be serious... that's different. Otherwise I act like they're a swarm of killer bees."

"Scream and run like hell?"

"Every time."

"They don't exactly thrill me either, Tony. It's in my contract, so I go. You have to go, too."

"But I'm fine. Strong as an ox, healthy as a horse... pick an overused cliché."

"And we're supposed to just depend on your judgment? Sorry, not gonna happen."

"You see me every day, Gibbs. Don't you think you'd be the first to know if I'd developed leprosy or come down with malaria? I promise, if I walk in some morning delirious with fever and then my lips fall off, you can call a doctor."

"Enough with the jokes, Dinozzo! You're going. Today."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I have my reasons. I'm not taking a physical."

"You're already on half pay this week because of the lies. You really feel like making it no pay and suspension?"

"I told you... you don't understand. I can't go. I won't."

"Fine. You're outta here."

"How long?"

"It's Thursday, a couple hours 'till lunch.... make it the rest of today, tomorrow and all next week. Get out there and pull your stuff together." Gibbs ordered, opening the door.

Tony opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it and trudged silently out to his desk with the other man right behind him. As he shrugged into his coat and hefted his backpack onto his shoulder, Kate and McGee both kept throwing him confused looks. Kate was the one who finally risked her boss' wrath, but Tony saved her.

"What's going on, Tony?"

"Don't, Kate. Stay clear of this."

"If you say so..."

"It's best. See ya... sometime."

"Elevator, Dinozzo." Gibbs barked. The younger man threw his colleagues a quick salute, turned and walked away, his boss once again dogging his steps. As the doors to the cab had closed in front of them, Tony reached out to hit the button for the parking garage, but found his wrist gripped tightly in Gibbs' hand. The older man then punched in a different destination; the morgue.

"You never listen! I said I'm not doing this!"

"You've already managed forfeiture of pay and a week's suspension. Insubordination could make that closer to a month and I'm not losing you for that long."

After a tense minute spent glaring fiercely at Gibbs, which had absolutely no effect, Tony turned away, slammed the palm of one hand into the wall and swore under his breath. "Glad you agree."

Despite Tony praying fervently that the elevator would get stuck or the power would decide, providentially, to fail, they arrived at the correct floor. The doors slid apart and Gibbs exited, but the other man didn't, hoping against hope that the car would be called quickly and he could escape. Gibbs hauled him out and into the corridor, however, just as the metal panels clicked together. Pushed ahead of his boss, Tony stumbled forward and was eventually delivered to Ducky, who looked up in surprise.

"Anthony. And an extremely upset Jethro. Oh dear. To what do I owe this visit?"

"He hasn't had a physical in two years. Maybe longer. I haven't had a good look at his older records yet."

"But... it's required. How could he have avoided it?"

"Dinozzo?" Gibbs prompted.

"I lied." Tony responded, forcing the words through gritted teeth and pairing a tight, fake smile with a sarcastic tone. Ducky's eyebrows lowered.

"You did what?"

"Don't you start..."

"You're not really swamped, are you Duck?" Gibbs asked.

"Not at the moment, no. Leave the boy in my capable hands. I'll look him over thoroughly and have a report for you in an hour or two."

"Sorry, I can't. See, I have a date to go roller-blading..." Tony began, but a scowl from the coroner halted his attempt at lightening the atmosphere before it really got started.

"This is a serious matter young man, and you will treat it as such. Understood?"

"Yeah. I understand."

"Good. Is there anything you're particularly concerned about, Jethro?"

"Not especially. He's been cracked on the head a lot. Skull x-rays might not be out of place."

"Right. Perfectly sensible. I'll make that a priority."

"You guys can't do this, you know. It's *my* body." Tony reminded them. Though he no longer had any expectation that he might change their minds, he couldn't stop trying.

"Mostly." Gibbs countered as he turned to leave.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The minute you lied your ass was mine." He returned over his shoulder as he left. Tony turned a downhearted, pleading look on the medical examiner, but it got him nowhere.

"Ducky... you have to let me go. I swear, I'll go see a doctor tomorrow... or Monday, just..."

"You will see one now."

"Oh, c'mon..."

"There are clean scrubs in the dressing room. Go disrobe and put them on while I call Abby and warn her not to show up unexpectedly."

--------

TWENTY MINUTES LATER:

Tony appeared at last, tugging at the short sleeves of the scrub shirt and looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"There you are. Alright, let's get started. Hop up." He said cheerfully, patting the nearby autopsy table.

"You've gotta be kidding."

"You know perfectly well that I wash and disinfect the tables after every case. Now do as I say. Up."

Tony grimaced and briefly closed his eyes, but he eventually lifted himself up to sit on the metal table. Ducky smiled and began to wrap a blood pressure cuff around Tony's arm, but the younger man pulled away.

"Can we skip that? My pressure's fine."

"No we cannot. Now please hold still."

"Not something you have to say too often, huh?" Tony joked, though the strange hitch in his voice made Ducky hesitate.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Can we just get this over with?"

"Anthony..."

Watching the young man worry at his sleeve again, Ducky realized it was a protective gesture and not just a nervous tic. When he looked closer, His eyes went wide with shock. Thin, almost invisible scars angled, crossed and re-crossed all over Tony's left arm. They were well faded and obviously years old, but still evident enough for anyone who cared to look.

"Oh, Tony... what have you told Jethro about these?"

"If he saw... he never asked. He probably assumed something happened when I was a cop."

"And of course you wouldn't want it known."

"He... you won't tell him, right? You can't tell Gibbs. I haven't done it in a long time... Please...." Tony begged, suddenly panicked.

"I'll consider it... but only if you explain this to me. What, in the name of God, could ever have driven you to self-mutilation?"

Hiding In Plain Sight 2/2

-

Tony was silent, but he spun, pulling his bare feet up onto the table. Bending his knees, he wrapped his arms around them and rocked slightly back and forth.

"Tony?"

"Can we not do this? Can we just... not do this?"

"I'm willing to keep your secret from Jethro and the others, my boy, but I want you to tell someone. What was it?"

"My father." Tony replied.

"He abused you?"

"No! God, no. It... it wasn't abuse.... at least I didn't see it that way then. All I knew was that he loved me."

"How old were you?"

"Nine."

"Was that when he first..."

"I was five when it started."

"Dear.. so young. It must have been horrifying for you."

"It wasn't. I knew you wouldn't understand... how could anybody?"

"I'm sorry." Ducky soothed, wrapping one hand gently around Tony's shoulder. "Continue. I'll try my very best to see things from your point of view."

Tony sighed, but eventually he began again. As he told the story, the rocking gradually stopped, but he remained in a tight ball.

"I was happy. I never cut myself then. When he stopped... that's when I lost it. One minute I was everything to him... the next he wouldn't touch me. He could barely look at me. He sent me away to school... he didn't care how confused I was... or how suddenly throwing me out of his life would screw me up. There I was in this new place, hundreds of miles from home, from everything I knew... the work was so much tougher I had to try twice as hard just to stay even with the other kids. I was tired, depressed, angry... and I had no way to make it better... no outlet. Then... a knife slipped while I was cutting an apple... dug a groove in my finger about a quarter inch deep. I watched the blood seeping out of the cut and... it was like a cement block fell off my neck. I'd figured out how to survive..."

"When did you finally stop?"

"College. My girlfriend caught me. She helped me find other ways to feel better. We broke up eventually... but I'll always love her for that."

"But you didn't seek out professional help."

"No way. I couldn't..."

"The scars say you never regressed."

"I've thought about it... especially lately."

"Timothy?"

"When he showed up... it was like I was right back there at nine years old. *I* was first in line... I was the one getting all the atta-boys all the time. Then mister "Look at me, I'm so young and naïve" walks in and I'm swimming against the current again... fighting for my place."

"You feared you'd be rejected again."

"I still do."

"That isn't how Jethro works. Status in his eyes is earned. In your years here you've more than proved yourself worthy."

"Yeah... and one lie shot it all to hell."

"It hasn't, I promise you that. Granted he's angry for the moment, but he'll calm down. If he knew..."

"No! You said if I spilled my guts..."

"Relax, relax, Tony. I've sworn not to betray your confidence and I won't, but... it would help your cause a great deal if he could hear some of what you're feeling from the source itself."

"He doesn't wanna hear it. Job performance is priority one with him. Anything else is tied for about a hundred and fifty on the list."

"I see. That's why he dragged you down here and asked that I have a look at you, hmm? Because he cares nothing whatsoever for your health and well being."

"He cared that me getting charged with insubordination would reflect badly on him, plus get me suspended for longer than I already am, leaving him a man down."

"Yes. I'm sure that's what he *said*, but I doubt you were really in a mood to look at his expression and determine what he actually *meant*."

"In English?"

"You'll work it out for yourself in time, I'm sure. For now, swing back around and let's get going on this exam. They could drop a body on me any moment."

"Uggh. That came out completely wrong, Duck." Tony chided his friend, uncurling and throwing his legs back over the edge of the table.

"Oh. Yes, I suppose it did." The older man chuckled. "By the way, since I assume your punishment was for refusal to comply and you are now taking care of that, I think I can safely say you will not be suspended."

Tony's eyes narrowed as he realized the scam that Gibbs had run on him.

"He told me that to get me into the elevator..."

"Quite likely. Jethro is relentlessly clever. Deep breath." He ordered, positioning the stethoscope on Tony's back.

--------

ONE HOUR LATER

As Tony slowly buttoned his shirt, Ducky sat down close to him on the dressing room bench.

"So how much longer have I got, doc?" he joked.

"You seem to be fine. The blood work will take a day or two to come back, but I don't anticipate any problems. However, the cranial x-rays worry me a bit. I discovered a previous hairline skull fracture that would and should have been caught when it happened. If you were seeing a physician regularly..."

"I can't. Anyone else would have to tell. Forget how disappointed Gibbs would be in me. If the brass upstairs ever found out I used to be a cutter... I'd be out on my ass."

"I have to say, I think you're underestimating Jethro immensely. I can't speak for our employers higher up..."

"You're my doctor from now on, Ducky. If you want the job, that is."

"I'd accept the position even if there weren't other issues involved."

"The x-rays... you really think there could be a problem?"

"Not if you take care to avoid being whacked on the head with so many blunt objects."

"It's a part of the job, Duck. If I stop taking risks and putting myself on the line, I might as well quit."

"It was part of Muhammad Ali's job too. You'd do well to remember that." the coroner commented dryly, rising to his feet. "Are you going directly back upstairs?"

"Nah. That's what he expects. I'm going to lunch first."

"Would you mind a bit of company?"

"Love it."

END