The note came in the mail. It looked innocuous, unassuming. Just a white rectangular envelope Tony didn't pay any attention to until he opened it.
Then the contents slammed into him like a freight train and he dropped it, his bag, and his coffee all at once. The coffee splattered over his shirt and the note, thankfully obscuring what was on the paper. The scalding heat didn't even register for another few seconds.
"Tony!" Abby came running over, hands full of paper towels. "What'd you do?"
"Nothing," he said, managing to peel off his shirt and wipe off his skin, hiding the note in the process. "Just dropped my coffee."
"Ow." She wrinkled her nose. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." He summoned a grin and kissed the top of her head. "Let me go find a sweatshirt."
"Why bother? You know Gibbs is going to show up in a few minutes anyway." Abby dropped down on his couch, swinging her legs over the arm.
"And you two can go have all sorts of fun. I'm not feeling all that social tonight--something about getting scalded by hot coffee." Tony gathered up the paper towels and the mail and dumped them in the trash. "Give me a sec, okay?" Before she could answer, he disappeared into his bedroom.
The wood of his dresser was solid under his hands, something to hold onto while he fought to breathe, to calm down. He'd known she'd be released eventually. Assault only counted for so much, even against a cop, and with good behavior...it wasn't that much of a surprise. Or it shouldn't have been.
So she was out. No big deal. She was in Philly, and he was here in DC. It was fine. It wasn't like he was going to go looking for her. And he was over this now. She wasn't the boogeyman anymore. Between Abby and Gibbs, he was learning--slowly, but he was learning--what the scene was supposed to be like. What it should be, instead of what she'd taught him it was.
It took him a minute, but he fought the memories down and grabbed a sweatshirt, tugging it on before heading back into his living room. Gibbs was there, sitting on his couch with Abby perched on the arm next to him. "You all right?" Gibbs asked. He had one arm around Abby's waist and looked completely at home and Tony wanted nothing more than to go over and sink down at his feet.
"Just a little burned," he said with a grin. "I'm fine."
"We were thinking of ordering in Chinese," Abby told him. "You want?"
The thought of food made his stomach roll. "Not really hungry right now, to be honest. You two go on and have food and stuff--I'll be fine. Sorry for the lack of hospitality."
Two pairs of eyes--one green, one blue--studied him carefully, and for a moment Tony wasn't sure they'd buy it. But Gibbs nodded and they both stood up.
"I'll see you in the office tomorrow," he said simply.
"Okay."
Gibbs kissed him; it took everything Tony had not to melt into it, not to fall to his knees. He bit back a moan and couldn't hide the shudder when Gibbs' hand closed around the back of his neck. "Sure you want to be alone tonight?" Gibbs murmured against his mouth.
No. God, no. "Yeah," he said, swallowing.
It took a moment before Gibbs nodded. "Tomorrow night," he said quietly. "My place, nine o'clock. Just you and me."
"But Abby--"
"Just you and me," Gibbs repeated evenly. Tony dropped his eyes, nodding.
"All right."
He slept restlessly, his night disturbed by dreams and half-remembered things. Work the next day was exhausting; it took more energy to hide his unsettled mood than anything else. Gibbs was too perceptive, and Abby was too intelligent; if he wasn't so good at undercover work he didn't think he'd have fooled either of them. As it was, he wasn't sure.
Quitting time rolled around and Tony made his escape without having to say goodbye to anyone. Abby would be hurt, and Gibbs would give him a hard time about it later, but he just didn't care right then. Then again, he had a feeling Gibbs wasn't going to be easy on him tonight no matter what.
He had four hours to get himself together before he was expected to show up at Gibbs' for the night. From the way he felt, he'd need every minute of that time.
At eight fifty-seven, having gone for a long run, showered, and shaved, he knocked on Gibbs' door.
He didn't have to knock twice. Gibbs opened the door and waved him inside silently, taking Tony's bag and setting it down. "Did you eat?" he asked.
"No, but I'm not hungry." He knew better than to even try and dissemble where Gibbs was concerned. It'd only get him in trouble.
"You should eat something." Gibbs stroked the side of his face. "There's sandwich makings in the kitchen."
"I'm not..." Tony shook his head. "I'm not hungry."
"Tony." The soft, commanding tone in Gibbs' voice was something Tony couldn't help but respond to, no matter his mental state. "Eat something."
He sighed. "Yes sir."
The sandwich he made wasn't as big as he normally would have made it, but he got it all down, along with a glass of juice. He cleared away his place and waited, unsure what Gibbs wanted next.
Gibbs walked around him slowly, stopping behind him and brushing a kiss over the back of his neck. "What's got you so upset?" he asked softly. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Tony shook his head. "I just didn't sleep well last night."
"Don't lie to me." Gibbs moved in front of him, meeting his eyes evenly. "Don't you dare."
"I'm not. I swear. I just...I didn't sleep well. And when I did sleep, I..." Tony looked down. "I dreamed about her," he said, barely audibly.
"She's not here," Gibbs said. He curled his hand around the back of Tony's neck. "I am."
"I know."
Gibbs tightened his hand a little; Tony closed his eyes, wanting to fall for him, to kneel at his feet and wait and just...surrender. Just turn himself over to Gibbs.
But he couldn't make himself move.
Gibbs' fingers slipped into his hair, tugging him down for a kiss. Slow and gentle, it made him wonder what Gibbs had planned for the night. Gibbs wasn't usually this laid-back.
"Upstairs," Gibbs said quietly. "Undress and lie down on your stomach."
"Gibbs--I don't know if I can do this tonight," Tony blurted. "I shouldn't be--I can't--"
"Shh," Gibbs murmured, resting his fingers over Tony's mouth. "Relax, Tony. Just relax."
He swallowed, fighting for control. Ironic, really--he came to Gibbs to let go of his control, not hold on to it. But if he gave in now, he'd end up a shaking mess on Gibbs' kitchen floor and he couldn't do that. "I can't," he whispered. "Gibbs, please..."
"Do you trust me?"
Tony looked down. He knew what Gibbs was really asking. In the short time since this had all started, that had become a codephrase. If he said yes, he was agreeing to the scene. If he stayed silent, it meant he couldn't play that night.
He wanted to keep silent, he really did, but...too much of him wanted this. "Yes," he whispered.
Gibbs tipped his chin up, his fingers warm. "Then go upstairs and get undressed," he said evenly. "And lie down."
As Tony climbed the stairs, his feet felt like blocks of wood and his hands felt like ice. He undressed mechanically, folding his clothes and putting them down, before stretching out on the bed with his head pillowed on his arms.
He heard Gibbs' footsteps and closed his eyes, waiting. His throat tightened and he couldn't stop his hand from clenching against the sheets. He should have kept his mouth shut, should have just left. He couldn't do this tonight, couldn't let Gibbs take him down, not without breaking apart.
The footsteps stopped next to the bed, but Gibbs didn't touch him. He just stood there. Tony felt the weight of his eyes, the thoughtful look that missed nothing. But Gibbs didn't say anything, or do anything, and Tony couldn't move.
When Gibbs finally touched him, it was so light Tony wasn't even sure he was really feeling it. Gibbs' fingers stroked over his hair, down his spine, gentle and easy, so light it made his skin prickle. "Beautiful boy," Gibbs murmured. "My beautiful boy."
Kristen had never made him feel like this. With her, it had always been about what he was willing to take from her. How much he could handle. And he'd usually ended up feeling raw and wrecked afterwards, his body and his spirit protesting. But Gibbs...Gibbs made him feel wanted, like what he needed was the most important thing. Gibbs held him after, soothing him, keeping him safe until he could handle reality again. Tony had spent more than one night with Gibbs on one side of him and Abby on the other, both of them holding him and petting him as he swam back up from headspace.
The complete contrast made tears prick behind his eyes.
"Just relax," Gibbs said softly, stroking his back. "Go down for me, Tony. Just relax."
He shuddered, swallowing hard. "Yes, sir," he whispered, finally letting himself fall.
He wasn't surprised by the blindfold Gibbs fastened over his eyes. But he couldn't identify the sounds he heard. He wondered a little what they were--just not enough to really care one way or the other. He'd find out if he needed to.
Tony felt the bed dip when Gibbs crawled onto it, kneeling between his legs. He arched into the kiss Gibbs brushed over the back of his neck, blushing a little at Gibbs' chuckle. "Such a hedonist," Gibbs said fondly. "You'll love this, then."
By this time, Tony could recognize the sound of the nightstand drawer opening. The flip of a bottle cap was familiar as well, but the scent of..."Vanilla?" he asked in surprise.
"Shh." Gibbs' fingers slid into his hair, massaging his scalp. "I told you to relax. Don't think about it, don't worry about it, just...relax."
He couldn't form words anyway; the scalp massage was melting what brain cells he had left.
"Smells like cookies," he murmured when Gibbs began working on his shoulders, the pressure firm and steady. "'S nice."
"I thought you'd like it." Tony heard the smile in Gibbs' voice.
Gibbs worked his way down Tony's back slowly, coaxing each knot into submission before moving on to the next. Tony was limp and purring by the time Gibbs finished, wiping the excess oil off with a towel. The faintly rough texture felt wonderful.
"Don't fall asleep on me," Gibbs said wryly.
"Mm-mm. Won't, sir."
"Good." Gibbs was quiet for a moment. "I know, Tony," he said finally.
He didn't quite make the connection. "Sir?"
"I flagged the Philadelphia criminal database. I know."
Every muscle in Tony's body locked up at once. His breath caught in his throat and he felt his heart beginning to beat faster. "It's not--" He swallowed. "Sir, it's not--"
"Not what, Tony? Not terrifying? Not a big deal? Not something I need to worry about?" Gibbs' voice was soft, but the words fell like stones. "You don't get to make that decision, Tony. Not here."
"It's so stupid," Tony whispered. "She's there. She doesn't know where I am."
"She hurt you. She scared the crap out of you." Gibbs stroked his back, coaxing him to relax. "Abby and I are still working on undoing what she did to you. It's not stupid, Tony."
"It feels that way." Tony swallowed. "Sir, maybe you should just let me--"
"If you ask me to let you go home I'm cuffing you to this bed," Gibbs warned him. "You're not running away, Tony."
He didn't want to run away. He wanted to curl up in Gibbs' arms and let himself be held. He wanted to fall for Gibbs, until Gibbs was the only thing that mattered to him.
He just wasn't sure he could.
There was silence in the bedroom for a long moment. Gibbs kept stroking his back, petting him, and in spite of everything Tony found himself relaxing into it. "That's it," Gibbs murmured, his caresses becoming more languid, designed to arouse, not soothe. "Focus on me, Tony. Just me. I've got you. Just focus on me."
Tony shuddered. He felt himself spiraling down, deeper than before, down so far nothing else existed for him. "Sir..."
Gibbs kissed the back of his neck. "Mine," he said softly. "My boy."
Tears burned behind his eyes. The word trembled on his lips and it took him two tries to say it. "Master," he whispered.
Gibbs kissed the back of his neck again, teeth scraping gently over his skin. "Turn over."
His body felt loose and liquid, like it didn't belong to him. He moved, stretching his arms over his head, waiting. Gibbs' fingers circled his wrist, squeezing gently, and he shivered. "Trust me," Gibbs said, thumb resting over his pulse.
Tony managed a nod.
The cuffs were soft around his wrists, not too tight but fitting closely against his skin. He tugged at them, testing, and was momentarily alarmed when he couldn't get any slack. "Shh," Gibbs murmured, stroking his chest and his stomach. "Trust me. I've got you safe."
"Yes, Master," he whispered, relaxing against the bed.
"Good boy." Gibbs' hand flattened on his stomach, fingers spread wide. The warmth of his touch soaked into Tony's skin like sunlight.
And then his mouth was on Tony's, strong and gentle and demanding, possessing him easily. "Don't hold back," Gibbs said against his lips. "I want everything you have, Tony. I don't want you to worry about coming without permission, about pleasing me...I want to see you surrender."
Tony wasn't sure if he whimpered or if he just thought he had.
Gibbs kissed him again; Tony tasted coffee and a hint of...cinnamon, maybe? It didn't matter. What mattered was Gibbs' mouth on his, Gibbs' tongue teasing his own, Gibbs' hands wrapped around his wrists, just below the line of the cuffs. He arched into it, wanting more, hungry for Gibbs' hands on him. "Master, please," he breathed, his head falling back against the pillows. "Please, touch me..."
"Touch you how, Tony? Like this?" Gibbs' fingers skimmed down Tony's arms, traced over his collarbone, down the center of his chest. "Or this?" He slid his hands up Tony's sides, the caress heavy enough to make Tony groan in pleasure. "Or this?" The warm wet flick of his tongue over Tony's nipple made him shudder, twisting into it when Gibbs repeated it on the other side.
He shook his head blindly. "Anything, Master," he begged. "Please..."
Gibbs laughed softly, kissing his stomach. "Beautiful boy," he said softly, crawling up Tony's body. "Beautiful boy--and all mine." He kissed Tony again, harder, more demanding now. "No one else, Tony. Just you and me and Abby. Understand?"
"Yes," Tony said, his voice raspy. "Yes, Master."
"Good boy." Gibbs nipped his lower lip. "Spread your legs, Tony."
He did, moaning a little at the drag of skin on skin as Gibbs slid back down, caressing his skin, the line between hip and groin, licking and nipping his thighs. Gibbs cupped his balls in one hand, fondling them gently; Tony groaned, desperate for more contact. But Gibbs didn't seem inclined to indulge him just yet.
"I should keep you like this," Gibbs murmured. His hand slid back under Tony's body, rubbing the skin behind his balls. "My beautiful boy. So perfect like this."
Tony whimpered helplessly. "Master," he whispered.
Gibbs licked the head of his cock, making him gasp, trying not to arch into it. "Just let it all go," Gibbs whispered. "Let it all go for me."
He bent his head again and took Tony's cock into his mouth; Tony closed his eyes and gave himself over to it.
Liquid gold ran through him, sending sparks through his body. He wouldn't have been surprised to see his skin glittering with the pure heat of it, shimmering like air in the desert. He'd never known how much he wanted this--needed this--and God, he was going to break, fall apart, and he couldn't stop it. He heard his breath coming in ragged gasps, his heart pounding. He tasted salt on his upper lip and licked it away. His hands were sweaty where they tried to grab the chain between the handcuffs.
He couldn't think, couldn't do anything, and he was two seconds away from coming already and--Gibbs slid one finger inside him, dry, and he cried out something harsh and incomprehensible and came helplessly.
Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking until the blurry sight of Gibbs resolved into something clearer and in focus. "Um," he said intelligently.
Gibbs chuckled and leaned down to kiss him gently. "With me, Tony?"
"Um." He felt loose and liquid, like his bones had melted and all that was left was a pile of content and satiation. "Ask me in the morning?" Slowly, he felt himself swimming up from headspace, coming back to something resembling normal. Not entirely, but enough for now.
"We're not there yet." Gibbs reached over Tony's head and uncuffed his wrists, bringing each to his lips before setting them down on the bed. "And I'm not done with you yet."
Tony blinked. "Um--I--"
Gibbs laughed. "Not like that." He moved to sit against the headboard, legs out in front of him. "Come here, Tony," he said quietly.
He shouldn't have been able to fit in Gibbs' lap--it was ridiculous. He was a grown man, taller than Gibbs, even, but...somehow he managed, ending up with his head on GIbbs' shoulder.
Tony closed his eyes and let himself breathe in the scent of the man. "Master," he murmured, for no other reason than he could.
Gibbs rubbed his back gently. "What does that mean, Tony?"
He was supposed to be able to think now? Tony tried to make his brain focus, but couldn't manage it. "I...Master, I can't think," he said sheepishly.
"I'd be surprised if you could," Gibbs said wryly. He kissed the top of Tony's head. "So listen carefully."
Tony nodded. "Yes, Master."
"You don't lie, you don't pretend, and you don't hide things from me, do you understand? Something like this, you should have told me right away. I'll take care of you, Tony. But I can't do that if you don't let me. And if you don't trust me enough to tell me when something's wrong, I can't keep you as my boy." Gibbs tightened his arms around Tony. "I'm not going to let you go, Tony," he said quietly. "Which means you need to be honest with me. You want to play the games at work, fine. You want to hide behind the jokes and the masks and the frat-boy side of you everyone else buys, fine. I'm not asking you to change that. But I'm telling you--and no, Tony, I'm not asking--that you're going to be honest with me from now on. You're not going to lie, dissemble, obfuscate, or any other fancy word you can think of. And you're going to be honest with Abby, as well."
It was terrifying. Even now, even with Gibbs' arms around him and his whole body still purring quietly from orgasm, the thought made a cold ball of fear tighten in his stomach. "I--" He stopped, burying his head in the crook of Gibbs' neck.
"We're not going to let you go," Gibbs said again. "But we're going to make you be honest with us."
They wouldn't let him go. They wouldn't--but--"I don't--I--Master, please, I'll try, but--"
"Shh," Gibbs murmured. "Shh. Easy, Tony. Relax. No one's perfect, and you're so used to hiding it'll take time. But I'm letting you know now that this is what I expect. I'll tell you what I told Abby. I'm not a harsh master, but I do expect to be obeyed."
Tony nodded. "I'll try," he whispered.
"That's fine." Gibbs kissed the top of his head again. "So long as you remember that we're not letting you go."
They sat in silence for a long minute or three, before Tony's body started protesting and he slid off Gibbs' lap so he could crawl under the covers. Gibbs slid in next to him and pulled Tony back against him, kissing his shoulder. "Did you have any idea she was getting out?" he asked.
Tony shook his head. "I'd kind of repressed the whole thing. I wanted to forget she was alive, so I made myself forget the length of her sentence."
"She doesn't know where you are. She's not going to know. And it wouldn't be in her best interest to find you even if she could."
"I know." Tony sighed. "I know." He closed his eyes. "It was just a shock, you know? It just kind of threw me back to...then. It...it was weird, then. I was always so careful to hide the marks, not even my partner knew. And he was one of the first ones on the scene, when...well, you know. He couldn't even look me in the eye after that. Didn't come to the hospital, anything. I'd coached his son's basketball team and he wouldn't even visit me. Because it wasn't just that I'd been assaulted--that would have been bad enough, but they'd have stuck by me then. But being assaulted by a woman--that was worse. And given the set up...you didn't have to be a genius to put the pieces together."
He sighed. "I had a friend down in Silver Spring who knew a bit about the scene and was horrified for me, instead of because of me. He gave me a place to stay until I found the job in Baltimore."
"Good friend," Gibbs commented.
Tony smiled a little. "One of the best."
Gibbs kissed his shoulder again and settled Tony a little more comfortably. "Can you sleep now?" he asked.
"I...think so."
"Try." Gibbs kissed his jaw.
He sighed and yawned. Maybe he could sleep after all. With Gibbs there...
He was safe. Gibbs had him safe.
It was on that thought he fell into a sound--and dreamless--sleep.
Author's Chapter Notes:
It shouldn't have been a surprise.
Chapter End Notes:
This is part of the Applied Psychology universe. Takes place after Control Theory but before Post Traumatic.