Chapter 4: The Truth is Hard to Hear

April 15
My brother came home grinning yesterday and went straight to Mari to talk to her. He was acting silly and I was wondering what was going on until he told me that he had just had a nice talk with Jethro. Mark kept hinting all evening what they had talked about but he wouldn’t tell what it was exactly what all they talked about. He did tell me that Jet asked for permission to take me out for dinner tomorrow evening and for me to stay out all night. Mark told Jet that it was fine. I think Jethro told Mark something about a surprise or something tomorrow. Mark is definitely hiding something big. He keeps hinting at something but he is not making any sense at all. It is driving me crazy. I am excited about tomorrow as it will be two months since we met and really are two month anniversary.
I kind of am glad that my brother finds this so amusing he needed it. Last week Mari started to feel contractions and me and her rushed to the hospital. I keep trying to reach my brother but couldn’t find him. He finally gets a message I left and rushes to the hospital in a panic not knowing what was going on. Thankfully all it was, is practice contractions that are perfectly normal and do not hurt the baby. Only two more months until the baby is born, everyone is getting so excited. The nursery is completely finished now and the baby has enough clothes to last three lifetimes. The only thing that anyone is worried about is Mari being in the house by herself close to her due date. I am sticking around the house more and making sure that I am never gone for long when Mark is not at home.

April 18
I am no longer an innocent! When Jet picked me up from the house he seemed to be very nervous this got me wondering even more what was going on. We went into town to the nice hotel there and we checked in. I was very surprised to find out that we were in the honeymoon suite. I did think it was kind of fitting from my point of view as I had decided that I no longer wanted to be a virgin. Jet had the room decorated with flowers and candles. A dinner was set out for us and it was just perfect. When we sat down Jet told me that though this was a hotel room nothing had to happen we were just here for the peace and quiet. I informed him that I had decided that I no longer wanted to be a virgin and would he please take care of that fact. Jet asked me if I was sure and I told him that I was, that I had always wanted it to mean something. I am in love with him and this was something that I wanted to experience with him. We talked as we finished dinner and then for dessert Jet gave me this little cake. On top of the cake was a ring. I looked at it and then I looked at him and then back to the ring. Jet got up and came over and knelt down beside me. He said that while we had not known each other for very long, that he was in love with me and wanted to be with me forever. Jet told me that he had spoken to my brother and had gotten his blessing. He looked at me and asked for my hand in marriage. I started to cry and laugh and I could not get any words out so I just nodded. He slipped the ring on my hand and kissed me. It was the happiest moment of my life.
After crying and laughing so more we started to move over to the bed as we helped each other undress. He told me that he had not brought any lube and I told him that there was some in my bag. He laid me down on the bed and went to the overnight bag to get the lube. He putted it on the nightstand table and told me that if I wanted to stop at anytime to just tell him. Jet laid down next to me and we just kissed for a long time. Soon he started to lick and suck my nipples as his hands caressed lower and lower. He slowly started to kiss down my torso down to my cock. He had me turn over and he kissed all down my back and shockingly didn’t stop. He started to kiss my ass and then started to lick at my opening again and again. I started to relax and Jet started to thrust his tongue inside. Jet must have gotten the lube off the table without me seeing because the next thing I felt was a slick finger push inside of me. He slowly moved to two fingers which was kind of uncomfortable which made me tense up. He stopped the movement until it got better. He then touched a spot inside of me that made me feel like I was on fire. He slowly stretched me until he moved to three fingers which took me even longer to adjust. He asked me whether I wanted to be on my front or back. I turned over to lie on my back. Jet then slicked himself up and slowly pushed in about two inches. I tensed up as it did hurt but I looked into his eyes and he kissed me and the pain got better. He pushed in slowly until he was all the way inside of me. He rested a moment to let me get use to being full and asked me if I was ok. He then started to gently rock in and out of me but was gaining a little speed each time. He kept hitting that spot inside and soon any feeling but pleasure was gone. It didn’t take me long to come and Jet wasn’t far behind me. When he pulled out it felt like he had parked a train inside of me and I couldn’t help making a little whimper and wincing as he pulled out. He quickly checked me but didn’t see any blood. We fell asleep that night wrapped in each other’s arms. The next morning I was still sore but I wanted to do it again. Jet was worried that I would be too sore but as sore as I was I still wanted to do it again. It was more intense because I wasn’t scared anymore.
I didn’t want to leave the hotel room but we were due to checkout and had to get back. When we got back to the house my brother barely let us get in the door before asking. I showed him the ring on my hand and Mark hugged me. He told both of us how happy he was for us and he welcomed Jethro into the family. Mark also couldn’t resist a ‘I told you so’. Mark said that he had seen it coming from the day that we met. Later that night after Jethro had gone home me and my brother had a talk. Mark could see how carefully I was sitting all day and wanted to make sure I was ok. He said that he was pretty sure what happened but wanted to hear it in my own words. He knew that I had been thinking of going further. Mark supported my decision but he warned me to be careful because of my age. I didn’t even think about the fact that technically I was under the age of consent. Mark saw my face and asked what was wrong and I told him that I didn’t want Jethro hurt just because of my age. I understand that the law is for the majority of people my age that are still children so that they will not be taken advantage of.

April 27
Everything has been going well lately until this morning. I hate being sick. I picked up a stomach bug somewhere and woke up this morning sick. I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. When Mari founded me in the bathroom she laughed and said it was a good thing she was over her morning sickness. Mari called Mark to tell him that I was sick. Mark is so overprotective at times because I almost never get sick he wanted me into the doctor today. I started to feel better this afternoon but was still feeling tired. Mark had to bring home dinner for him and Mari because I didn’t think I could cook. Jet went to the store and got me some chicken noodle soup and crackers. As soon as he heard I was sick from my brother he called to make sure I was fine this morning. He babied me all evening not letting me get up to do anything. For such a straight laced tough marine he sure is a softie at times.

May 1
Jet had to leave yesterday to go back to the base he transferred from. He was only given 18 hours notice before he had to be on the plane. He couldn’t tell me much about why he has to go back but whatever is going on over there it’s not pretty. All I know is that it has something to do with a threat that his team helped to deal with before. He says that it is very important. Last time I got to hear the ‘this is important and I have to go for my country’ speech it was my father. A month after my father left we were informed that he had died and that the events were a matter of national security. Jet was not very convincing when he told me that he will not be in any danger. We had are first argument ever about him lying to me about the danger. As I have informed him on many occasions my father was a marine and my brother is now a marine. I am not naive about the danger in their jobs. I screamed at him that I had lost my father and that I was well aware of the danger that he was walking right into. He told me that he will probably be gone for about two to three weeks and will not be able to be in contact a lot. I got Mark to put some fellers out to see if he could find anything out. Today Mark came home and told me what little he was able to find out. Jethro is being sent on a mission that has a high level need to know. I am really worried about him and what might happen. I do not know what I will do if he dies like my father did. I saw him off yesterday. We were lucky enough to have fifteen minutes in private before he shipped out. My brother said that we could go talk in his office until Jet needed to leave. Jet promised that he would come back to me. I told him that I wanted one more memory of him before he left. He barely even undressed and we used lotion for lube. I barely even let him stretch me as I couldn't wait to get him inside of me. I just slid down on him as I kissed him. I cried softly the whole time thinking that this could be the last time we would ever make love. Almost as soon as we both had come we had to hurry and dress as it was time for him to leave. He told me that he loved me and then he got on the plane.

May 12
I heard from Jet again today for the second time since he has been gone. When he called today it was not with the best of news. He won’t be home for another week or so but he told me that he is fine. Everything is going fine over there he says and that it was not as bad as he though it was going to be. He told me he loved me and that he would be home before I knew it. In my opinion he can not come home soon enough so that I can know that he is safe. Mari has tried to keep me busy with going shopping for the baby and getting ready for school but it is still hard everyday. Mari asked me how long Jet and I are going to wait to have children after we get married and when are we getting married. We have talked about getting married next summer but don’t have a definite date set yet. I told her that we had not talked about how long we would wait to have kids but I admitted that it would not be a very long wait. Mari said that she would be surprised if we made it a year past us getting married before I became pregnant. This conversation did make me think about the fact that we had not been using any protection so far. Mari looked at my face and asked what was wrong. I told her the truth that we had not been using protection and that I had been feeling sick but had thought that it due to worrying about Jet and having trouble getting over that stomach bug. Mari asked me why I had no told them that I was still feeling sick. Mari called her doctor and got me an appointment for tomorrow. We agreed to not say anything to Mark until I know for sure.

May 14
Well its official I am knocked up. Yesterday I fell apart at the doctor’s office and Mari called Mark. I felt like a little kid making Mari call my brother to hold my hand. The doctor took some blood and urine to test. The quick test came back positive. It is unusual to have a false positive. I started to cry and Mark had a hard time calming me down. I knew I was pregnant before the test came back I just had a gut feeling about it. I got knocked up before I even turned fifteen. My parents would be so disappointed in me. I made Mark and Mari promise not to tell Jethro until I am ready. The doctor wants to watch me closely due to my age. He prescribed prenatal vitamins and medicine for the morning sickness as I am getting dehydrated. The doctor also gave me a lot of information to read. This morning as I bent over the toilet it hit me that there is really a baby in there and that I am really going to have a baby. I think knowing what is causing the nausea is making it better. The doctor’s office called this afternoon. The results of the blood test came in and it was positive, confirming that I am pregnant. I don’t know how I am going to tell Jet. I am really terrified of his reaction. We haven’t had any serious decisions about having children yet.

May 28
Jet called again today and told me that he will be back definitely on June 1st. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone that I was pregnant. I still don’t know how to tell him that I am pregnant. Mark and Mari pointed out that it takes two to make a baby but I still am terrified of his reaction. I know how honorable he is so he won’t leave but what if he really doesn’t want the baby. I have only known about the baby for about two weeks and I am already in love with her. That is another worry of mine what if I am not able to carry the baby and miscarry. I was out with Mari and Mark shopping when we went into the baby section at the department store inside the mall. We all were looking at clothes and I found the cutest pink dress with flowers. Mark comes up and asks me what I am looking at. I found your niece’s first dress. Mark starts laughing and asks how do you know I am going to have a niece and not a nephew. I started to blush and told him that I just know. Mari told me that it is not that unusual for the mother to know. Mari and Mark had a conversation with their eyes and then stated that it is never too early to start picking up the basics. Mark said why don’t we go over to the big baby store across town. I went to put the dress back but Mark stopped me and went and bought it. We went over to the store and Mari and I looked all over. We had been there so many times but it was always to shop for their baby. Mari knew how much I liked looking at the baby clothes. They both were watching me very closely and as much as I tried not to let them see what I liked they still seemed to know and would put it in the shopping cart. When we finally went home I had a lot of clothes for the baby. My next doctor’s appointment is in two days and I am going to have my first ultrasound. I should be able to see the baby’s heartbeat. Mark is taking the day off and both of them are going to go with me to the appointment.

May 30
Mark, Mari and I went to the doctor’s office today. Mari’s appointment was first and everything still looks ok. The doctor told her that the baby has dropped and that she could go into labor now or it could be another week or two. I got to see my baby’s heartbeat today. It was one of the best moments of my life to see that healthy heartbeat. I was worried that we would get here and there would not be a heartbeat. The doctor asked a lot of questions and took more blood for testing. The doctor says that my due date is around January 8th but due to my age he said that I have a higher risk of going into labor early. The doctor told me that so far everything looked good with the baby and me. He wants me to keep taking the prenatal vitamins and to be sure and get enough rest. There is still a large part of me that is still in shock that I am going to have a baby. Jet is coming home in two days and I still don’t know how to tell him that I am pregnant. Another thing that we will have to talk about is whether to get married now or to wait until next summer like we had first talked about.

June 2
Jet came back yesterday afternoon and I was so glad to see him. I needed to see with my own eyes that he was safe and unharmed. Today we had a cookout at the house for a late Memorial Day celebration. A lot of people came to the cookout and it was very hectic with Mari having to stay off of her feet and not being able to help. Unfortunately I was not being very careful and almost fainted. I was heading back in the house to go and get more beers from inside when I started to get dizzy. If Jet hadn’t been next to me I would have fallen to the ground. Mark and Jet got me into my room and lying down on my bed. Jet was really worried and I started to cry. I just keep thinking that I was not ready to tell him that I was pregnant yet and that I just wanted one more day without stress before telling him. Mark sent Jet to the bathroom to get a cold washcloth to put on my head. While he was gone I begged Mark not to tell him yet. Jet walked back in, put the washcloth on my forehead and asked about whether they should take me to the hospital. Mark said that it wasn’t necessary that my blood sugar was just low and that I had too much sun and would be fine later. He said that they should just let me get some rest and that I would be fine and if I wasn’t in a little while then they would take me to the hospital.
I fell asleep in my room and sleep for several hours. It was almost six o’clock when I woke up. A lot of people were gone by then and only close friends were still there. Mark, Mari and Jet all asked me how I was feeling now and I told them that I felt a lot better. Mark made me eat dinner and drink some juice. Jet was acting really weird and not letting me get very close. I didn’t know what was going on. Jet left kind of quickly after I woke up. He just kissed me on the forehead and said that he would call me later. The party finished up soon after that. I asked Mark if he knew what was wrong with Jet. Mark told me that some guys were ragging on Jet for robbing the cradle with me. They asked him if he couldn’t find someone his own age and keep making cracks about training them young and stuff. Mark heard Jet say that I wasn’t a child and that I was nearly eighteen. This got me to thinking and worrying. I didn’t know if I had ever told Jet how old I actually was. Mark thought about it too and admitted he didn’t know if Jet knew how old I was. We all tend to forget that I am still so young due to as my brother says me acting like I am going on thirty most days. I must admit that I even forget how old I really am. This is just wonderful another mess that I am in the middle of.

June 14
Mari went into labor yesterday and she had a precious baby girl early this morning. Mari and Mark are so happy that they are now parents. My niece is the most beautiful baby that I have ever seen before in my life. I got to stay in the room for the whole labor which was an eye opener. The thought that I will have to do this in another seven months is very scary but will be worth it, I think at least. Jet has still been acting a little weird and I still haven’t told him that I am pregnant. I want to find out what is going on with him before I tell him. In the last two weeks he has seemed odd. He will be really affectionate one day and the next he will treat me like a younger brother. We have only had sex three times since he has been back. We were supposed to just hang out at his house yesterday evening so that we could talk but Mari went into labor. I am getting ready to head over to his house now and I am going to stay the night. We are going to watch a movie after we go shopping. I want to restock the house with groceries before Mari and the baby come home from the hospital.

June 20
The last several days have been eventful and worrying. On the 14th after we sat down to watch the movie I feel asleep and didn’t wake up until the next day. We both went with Mark to bring Mari and the baby home from the hospital. They decided to name her Sara Anne. I was surprised because I thought that they were going to name her after mama. They told me that they had decided to name her Sara instead of Julia because they knew that her cousin’s name should be Julia. Mark knew that I had always planned on naming my first daughter after mama. Jet stayed over at the house that night but we didn’t really get a chance to talk. A few nights ago on the seventeenth Mark woke me less than an hour after I had gone to bed to tell me that he had to take Mari to the hospital that she had started bleeding again. I was so worried about Mari. I knew that she had had some problems with bleeding right after the birth but we all thought that it had all been taken care of. I had to stay here with Sara Anne. I had to call Jet at two in the morning because she was hungry. Mari had decided to breastfeed and there was no formula in the house. Jet ran into town to the closest all night drugstore for me and brought me some bottles and formula. He stayed at the house with me that night and the next night and helped me take care of the baby. That first night I did get a chance to ask him about wanting children. Jet said that he would like some kids in a few years. I started to bring up the subject of having children sooner than a few years from now. Jet said that we really should wait to discuss this until we get married. Before I could respond Mark called from the hospital to say that they were admitting Mari to the hospital. Mari had to stay in the hospital for two days before the doctor’s released her. She was so happy to be home with her daughter but she has to take it extra easy for a little while longer. I am going to Jet’s again tonight so that we can talk tonight and tomorrow before he has to work in the afternoon.

July 1
Jet is gone. He has left me. He just left without looking back without any care for me or what this is doing to me. I don’t understand how he could do this to me. I thought that he loved me. Is there just something about me that does not allow for happiness? When I got to his house that night he acted like his old self and we made love on his bed before falling asleep. When we woke up in the middle of the night we made love again tenderly. I didn’t notice anything wrong at all. I woke up that morning all alone without him anywhere. He left me a note, a stupid, little note without bothering to tell me himself. After I read it I just there on the bed crying until I started to get sick. I ended up in the bathroom in front of the toilet for hours crying. My brother found me there later on that day. Someone had called him to fix a problem even though he is one leave. When he told them to call Jethro they informed him that Jet had transferred to another base effective this morning. Mark told them to call someone else and then came here to look for me. He knew the minute that he heard about the transfer that something was really wrong. Mark found me in the bathroom sobbing still clutching the note that Jet had left me. Mark got me up and dressed and he took me home. When we walked through the door Mari put Sara Anne in her cradle and helped Mark to get me cleaned up and into my bedroom. I spent the next two days crying while Mark tried to find out where Jet had gone in between taking care of me, Sara and Mari.
I started having cramps and they had to take me to the hospital. I was terrified that now I was going to lose the baby just like I had just lost Jet. I didn’t think that I could survive if I lost the baby. At that moment it was the only thing keeping me grounded. I had to stay in the hospital for five days due to the cramps, my low and high blood pressure and my dehydration but I didn’t lose the baby. I spent my fifteenth birthday in the hospital mostly scared out of my mind worrying about losing the baby. When I got out of the hospital I told Mark to stop looking for Jet. I said if Jet wanted to leave and if he didn’t really love me then it was better that he was gone. Then I started to sob and Mark just sat there and held me like he use to do right after our parents died. I don’t know how I am going to do this by myself but I do not have any choice that is acceptable for me. I called the University and talked to admissions I am going to take some independent study courses this fall and will start full time next fall maybe.

Jethro’s vision started to become blurry as he read how Julian had felt when he had left all those years ago. Jethro knew then for the first time that he had made the wrong decision back then. The guilt that he had always felt since he first learned of Julian’s age was now being replaced by the guilt he felt at abandoning Julian when he was pregnant. As he had went to turn the page to start reading again a sheet of crumpled paper fell out of the journal and on to the ground. Jethro picked it up and look at it in shock. The crumpled tearstained much read sheet was his note to Julian all those years ago. He felt guilty as he reread those words written so long ago.

Jules,
I have to go now. I have been reassigned and I feel it is for the best. You are too young and I am too set in my ways. I love you but I have to go. You need to find someone your own age. I should have stopped this the moment I found out how old you really were. While you never directly lied to me you knew that I thought that you were eighteen. Yes I know now that you are only fourteen I am assuming that is the important matter you need to talk to me about. I do love you but I have to go.
Love,
Jethro Gibbs

He looked at the Journal again knowing that it still held answers to questions that he wanted to know but he knew it also held more guilt for him. He would have to live with the choices that he made and live with the fact that his choices affected more than just him. Jethro turned to the next page in the Journal to continue reading of Julian’s pregnancy.