Harmon Rabb had gotten used to arriving at the NCIS office before everyone else. He sat down at his desk and reviewed the office with satisfaction. In his previous career, as a lawyer/judge/pilot/spy, Rabb had been all over the world. Now he was ready to settle down on the East coast of the United States while his wife Sarah continued to live the exciting life of a JAG attorney. Passeportout, I mean, Harmon Rabb, reflected on the oddities of his new boss, Gibbs. A know-it-all who showed little respect for his subordinates, Gibbs managed to earn their loyalty. While Chegwidden would slap someone who spat at him, Gibbs would gleefully deck them instead.

Rabb's reverie was broken by sounds he heard emanating from a corner office. He went there to investigate, and upon opening the door, saw Dinozzo bent over a desk, with Gibbs behind him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Hold on, Rabb," Gibbs said holding up his hand then laying it back on Tony's waist. He gave one more thrust, then withdrew and zipped up his pants. "We are going on a little trip to Japan, Bangladesh, Vietnam, Kuwait, Iraq, Italy, Sweden and England," Gibbs said, then looked back at Tony. "Finish, I don't have all day!"

So much for my globetrotting days being at an end, thought Rabb.

The Mile High Club

First stop was San Francisco, California, where Gibbs, McGee, Tony, Kate, Abby and Rabb boarded a plane for Okinawa, Japan. Actually, McGee tried to board. "Your name is on the list of terrorists," a security guard told McGee.

"What the hell!? I'm not a terrorist, I'm with NCIS!" McGee looked to Tony. "Tell them!"

"I've never met that man in my life," Tony said with a straight face to the security guard. As soon as neither McGee nor the security guard could see him, Tony chuckled evilly. Needless to say, McGee did not get on the plane.

It was a 14-hour flight, one straight shot. Kate had called the window seat, and came back from the restroom. On her way back to her seat, Tony ogled her ass.

"What are you smiling about?" Gibbs asked.

"Oh, you know," Kate said.

"That's right, because I know everything," Gibbs asserted. "I just want to hear you say it."

"I just joined the mile high club!" She waved to a Japanese businessman sitting in a middle aisle seat.

"With him!?" Tony asked incredulously. "But they're only 4-inches, at best!"

"What he may have lacked in size, he more than made up with in imagination. Do you really think the woman you're having sex with is really impressed by 12-inch--"

"Go on," said Gibbs.

"It's just I'm not sure this still applies," Kate said.

"Try."

"OK, if you don't mind my asking, which one of you is bigger?"

"He's longer," Tony said of Gibbs.

"He's thicker," Gibbs said of Tony.

"And that's just the way we like it," Tony added. Turning to Gibbs, Tony said, "I have an idea, Boss. We could join the mile high club."

"I'm already a member," Gibbs said arrogantly.

"But only with women," Tony said.

"What are you waiting for, let's go!" Gibbs said.

The Case of the Purloined Chevrons

Getting off the plane at Kadena Air Force Base, Gibbs started briefing his staff about the case they were in town for. "Sergeant Anthony Taylor is accused of stealing Sergeant chevrons from the AAFES PX at Camp Foster," Gibbs said.

"That's our case!?" Kate asked, surprised.

"Most of the time, larceny is dealt with by NJP. But Sergeant Taylor claims he's innocent and the matter is going to court martial," Gibbs explained. "McGee, I want you to gather some... where's McGee?"

Tony started giggling. "I put his name in the do-not-fly list. He was detained in San Francisco," he said and started laughing. But the others were not laughing. "Come on, it was just a prank."

As soon as they walked into a hangar, they saw McGee there. Cue on the soundtrack Gustav Mahler's Symphony No. 1, fourth movement. McGee's clothes were torn, with green and purple stains, and a couple of feathers strewn about him. He had an extremely angry face. "How did you get here, McGee?" Gibbs asked.

"It's a long story, sir. Right now I have something to take care of," McGee growled. He lunged at Tony, and with a blurry barrage of fists, proceeded to beat the crap out of him. Then he started adding in pile drivers, scissor kicks, hadokens, tatsumakisenpukyakus, sonic booms, the works. When McGee stopped, Tony had been knocked out long ago. Fade music out.

Kate rushed to Tony's side and hugged him as he lay on the ground. "I... didn't... know you... cared..." Tony sputtered.

"Only because you're injured. As soon as you recover, I will snap out of it. Don't read too much into this."

Leaving Kate and Tony behind at the Kadena infirmary, the others proceeded to the Foster PX where they dusted the chevrons for fingerprints. "I don't understand why any Marine would steal chevrons," McGee wondered. "Look at this, PFC chevrons cost $2.47, and they're nothing more than a stripe of black plastic. Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps chevrons, with their three chevrons, four rockers, two stars and miniature eagle, globe and anchor logo, weigh a lot more, require more material, yet also cost $2.47"

"By the time the court martial is through with Taylor, he won't have to worry about chevrons anymore," Gibbs said coldly.

Just then, a cashier yelled, "Help! A local man is stealing a bag of rice!"

Gibbs, McGee and Rabb chased him. The thief dropped his ID, which McGee picked up. "What's it say?" Rabb asked.

As he ran, McGee opened his laptop, connected to Wikipedia, which referred him to the list of approved kanji for Japanese names. "His name is Akio Yamato!" McGee said. They chased the thief out of the base, down several crammed city blocks, and finally onto the hills, where the really poor people lived.

They lost sight of him and stopped by a newsstand housed in a makeshift building consisting of sheets of aluminum. Gibbs approached the salesman. "Yamato! Doko da yo!?" Gibbs asked.

The cook looked very frightened, and sheepishly pointed in the direction he had seen Yamato go. Gibbs, McGee and Rabb resumed their chase.

"That was very rude, sir," McGee said sternly to Gibbs.

"Look who has suddenly grown a pair," Gibbs said derisively.

"According to Wikipedia," McGee continued, unfazed, "the Japanese language has no curse words. But failing to use courteous forms has for the Japanese the same effect as using curse words for the English. It would have been more polite to say 'Nan doko Yamatosan ikimasu ka?'"

"There's Yamato!" Rabb pointed.

Yamato ran into a makeshift house on a crag. Just in front of the crag, was a table where several children ate, as a woman served them.

"We're here to arrest Mr. Yamato," McGee told the woman. "He has stolen a bag of rice from the Camp Foster PX."

"He's my husband," the woman said. "He stole the rice from your PX because it's much less expensive than the rice sold at the Japanese market. It's to feed the children."

"That changes everything," Rabb said. "Look, Gibbs, I will pay at the PX for the rice."

"Whatever," Gibbs answered.

Back at Camp Foster, the crew went to the S-1 office to look at some documents, where Kate joined them.

"Tony is in critical but stable condition. He's expected to make a full recovery," Kate reported.

McGee leafed through Taylor's SRB. "It says here that Sergeant Taylor met with Staff Sergeant Johnson, the career planner, the day before he allegedly stole the chevrons from the PX."

"Let's find out what he talked with the career planner about," Gibbs said.

"What's a career planner?" Kate asked.

"They're like recruiters, but for people already in the service," McGee explained.

"If you thought recruiters were slippery, career planners are ten times worse," Rabb said.

The NCIS group busted into the career planner's office. It was decorated with pictures of tough-looking, muscular Marines carrying super-heavy machine guns, or slashing their way through the jungle with their faces covered in green paint, etc. The career planner, neat in his dress blues, was a sharp contrast, a tall skinny man, bespectacled with thick glasses, looking more fragile than Steve Urkel.

"You probably only barely meet the physical strength requirements of the Marine Corps," Gibbs said coolly.

"Gibbs!" Kate whispered aghast, "you shouldn't have said that aloud!"

"Did you come here just to insult me?" the career planner asked.

"What did you talk about with Sergeant Taylor?" McGee asked.

"He didn't want to re-enlist because he didn't believe me when I reassured him he wouldn't be sent to Iraq in his next enlistment," the career planner explained.

"If Taylor had asked my advice as a former lawyer," Rabb said, "I would've told him not to believe anything a career planner says unless they put it in writing. That's what he did, so I say good for him."

"Not good for him," the career planner replied. "I talked with the CO, and he said he'd take care of him."

"Undue command influence, the mortal coil of the military judicial system," Rabb said. "I've said it many times, including at least two episodes of JAG."

Conveniently, Sergeant Taylor stepped into the room. "Do you know what my MOS is? I'm a translator. I'm fluent in Chinese, Japanese and Korean."

"The Marine Corps will pay for you to learn Arabic," the career planner said.

"I'm too old to learn a new language, I wouldn't be as useful in Iraq. Besides, North Korea is the more credible threat. The United States needs Korean translators," Taylor said.

"Sergeant Taylor did not steal chevrons?" Gibbs asked the career planner.

"No," the career planner said, looking down sadly.

"You and me are going to write Taylor's new contract," Rabb said, "and it will state that the Sergeant will stay put here in Okinawa."

That matter taken care of, Gibbs and company boarded a plane for Bangladesh.

To Be Continued...