Disclaimer: ...uh, no.


"Would you please stop it?"XXX


"Why. I buggin’ you, Chippy?"

"My name’s Charles."

Tony laughed from where he was bending over the other man, watching over his shoulder as he peered into the microscope. "Sure, Charley. Whatever you say."

"You won’t be able to see anything just looking at it, you know? You actually have to look in to the microscope."

Tony stood up, but didn’t back off. "Do I look stupid, Charley?"

"Uh-no. No, you don’t."

"You’re a good liar. I like you."

Abby entered the lab with Gibbs close behind her, his hand resting on her shoulder, an action which Chip found rather amusing due to the fact that Abby’s heals made her no more than half an inch shorter than Gibbs. "Tony!" she sang, slapping the other man on the back of the head as she passed. "Stop telepathically molesting my assistant."

Chip tried to show no reaction, and Tony shoved his hands in his pockets, leaning back against the table that Chip was still working at, not facing him. "Sorry, Abs. He’s just so cute, in that needy puppy dog sorta way."

Gibbs looked ready to say something, but Abby cut in before the older man could speak, spinning on Tony with a victorious grin on her red painted lips. "So you *did* have a crush on McGee!"

Tony jerked up. "No! Damnit, Abby, I don’t-"

"But you just said-"

"I was kidding!"

Gibbs pointedly cleared his throat. "Could we, possibly, just maybe, do something that at least *looks* like work?"

"Well, I’m sure Tony and Chip could find some sort of work, though I think they’d want us to leave, first. I can’t see either of them being the performing type," Abby observed. Gibbs lightly tugged on her pigtail.

"Abs…"

"What?!" she demanded, obviously trying to suppress her giggles. "Can’t you see the way Tony’s looking at him?"

"I’m not looking at him!" Tony objected, staring pointedly up at the ceiling.

"Oh, come on, Tony, we know how much you just wanna rip his clothes off and have your wicked way with him right there on that table!" Abby mocked. Ziva stood in the doorway, mouth half open.

"I really think I came in at the wrong part of this conversation," she commented in her light accent.

"Oh believe me, there is no right part of this conversation," Gibbs assured her, one hand covering Abby’s mouth.

"I. Do. Not. Have. A. Crush. On. Chip." Tony annunciated, glaring at Abby. She wriggled free of Gibbs’ hold, and grinned a truly frightening grin.

"Ok, prove it," she challenged him.

"Oh dear Lord," Gibbs muttered.

"And how, exactly, would you like me to do that?" Tony demanded.

"Kiss him."

The entire lab was silent for a moment, and then everyone started talking at once.

"No bloody way!" Tony exclaimed.

"I really don’t think I’d be comfortable with-" Chip began.

"Abby, I’m going to lock you in a very small closet," Gibbs threatened.

"I’ll go get the video camera," Ziva smirked.

Abby grinned at her, their rivalry temporarily forgotten in the face of this much larger and more important task. She bounced away from Gibbs to stand beside Ziva, the two women united against the men. Gibbs inched back, until he was pressed against the wall, leaving Tony and Chip alone in the middle of the room.

"You have got to be kidding me," Tony muttered.

"Um, how is this going to prove anything?" Chip asked hesitantly.

"If you two kiss, and we," Abby indicated to herself and Ziva, "see absolutely no spark, you can say I told you so, and I’ll bring you both coffee for a week. However, if we, as women, spot some sexual tension being released, I am totally right, and I have ‘I told you so’ privileges and… well, you can’t bring me coffee, ‘cause Gibbs already does that, but I’m sure I could figure out something."

"This is insane," Tony muttered. He turned imploring eyes on Gibbs. "Boss, you can’t let them do this to us! I mean, isn’t there a rule for this sort of thing?"

Gibbs held up his hands. "I’m not involved in this, DiNozzo. Not in the slightest."

"Right," Tony muttered. "You just get to do it with Abby later when we’re all out of the lab."

Gibbs gave him a death glare, and Abby blushed, and began babbling frantic denials.

"Would you just kiss, already?" Ziva asked, grinning in a good approximation of the ‘Abby grin of dooooooooom’.

Tony turned to Chip, with a defeated look on his face. "Well, what d’ya say, Charley? Want to get Abby as our own personal coffee slave for the next week?"

Chip was sure that his cheeks were bright red, and he looked away. "Um… I guess…"

Both a little awkward, the two men leaned towards each other, both looking nervous and embarrassed. And then, their lips met, and they were kissing.

"One, two, three, four, five," Abby counted the seconds.

"You’re done," Ziva commented to the two.

"…Seven, eight, nine, holey shit, don’t they need to breathe?"

Gibbs, looking more than a little disturbed, gestured at the doors.

"I really think we should leave, now," he said firmly. Together, the three left the lab, looking more than a little shocked.

"They gone?" Chip breathed against Tony’s lips.

"Yeah, I think so," Tony affirmed.

Chip grinned up at his boyfriend. "Well, looks like we’re gonna have to be Abby’s personal servants for the next week," he said.

Tony shrugged. "It was worth it for the looks on their faces." The two of them shared a quiet laugh in the silent lab, completely content with a job well done.

*END*