Title: Brothers in Arms 2/4
Author: Ceindreadh
Email: Ceindreadh@eircom.net
Permission to archive: Yes to WWOMB, anybody else, please ask first.
Genre (general, hetero or slash) Gen
Pairing/Characters: Tony/Tim
Rating: FRT 13
Summary: Tim needs to deal with the aftermath of Probie
Warnings: spoilers for Probie
Disclaimer. I don't own the NCIS characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in minty fresh condition when I'm finished.
Notes: Thanks to FatCat for her title suggestions. Also thanks to Lynda and MJM from the specialops chats for advice regarding guns and guns handling (even if I didn't use as much of it as I thought I would)
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Tony glanced over at Tim as he drove. In spite of his assurances to Gibbs, he was beginning to have doubts about his plan to get Tim recertified. Oh he was sure that after a day with him on the firing range, Tim would be able to shoot the required numbers to get passed by Martin, but it was one thing to be able to shoot at a paper target, it was a whole other deal to have the confidence to draw your weapon in the field. An agent in the field had to be prepared to draw and use their weapon at any time. Otherwise they might as well paint a target on their back, and that of their teammates.
Tony shifted uneasily in his seat as he drove. Gibbs had told him about Tim's reactions when they'd confronted Archer. If Gibbs hadn't been so quick off the mark, he could have been killed, Tim could have been killed, Archer would have gotten away with murder and Tim's name and reputation would have been forever blackened.
Tony trusted Tim. He liked him. He'd rather have him on his team than any other agent in the building, bar Gibbs of course, but he was realistic enough to know that if Tim wasn't able to handle a gun then he'd be a liability that they couldn't afford. He pushed that thought away. Today was going to work, it *had* to...there was no way in hell that Tony was going to lose another teammate.
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Several hours later, Tony was less confident about his plan It had started out well enough. He'd taken Tim through the basics of gun usage, supervised him loading the gun, and then watched him squeeze off a few rounds at a paper target. It hadn't taken a trained investigator to notice that Tim's confidence had been totally shattered. He'd handled the gun as if it was a snake about to bite him, and his scores had been lower than Tony had ever seen them.
"Okay, kiddo," said Tony, when he'd examined the target. "Looks like we're going to have to start from scratch. Reload and we'll try again. A few hours of practice and we'll get you a passing score."
"What's the point?" asked Tim, gloomily. "Even if I manage to get recertified on Monday, what's the point? I nearly got Gibbs killed because I couldn't bring myself to draw my weapon. What happens the next time I'm supposed to be backing somebody up and I can't do it? I should just hand in my resignation now before I get one of you killed."
"No!" snapped Tony, more harshly than he had intended. "Dammit Tim, you're not a quitter. I've seen you stay up all night to work out a problem that nobody else could fix. But if you give up on this, without even trying..." He could see how upset Tim was looking and sighed heavily, "Please Tim. I know what it's like to lose your nerve. I know that you're looking at your gun and remembering how it felt to see a man on the ground and know that it was your gun that put him there."
"Do you know what it's like to shoot an innocent man?" Tim's voice was shaking. "Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is his face in the instant before I pulled the trigger. I know even if I hadn't been there, even if I'd missed totally, that Archer would have just finished him off. I know that Gibbs said I made the right call based on what I knew at the time...I know that he or you would probably have made the same call...but that doesn't change the fact that it was the wrong call, and every time I think about using my gun, all I can think of is that I might kill somebody else. Tony, I can't do this. When Archer had his gun on Gibbs and I knew that he was going to shoot him...I knew that pulling my gun and shooting first was the right thing to do...and I just couldn't do it, because I was afraid that it'd be a mistake, that'd I'd shoot another innocent man." Tim was breathing heavily by the time he'd finished his speech. "Tony, I appreciate all you've done for me...all you're trying to do...but it's just a waste of time, I'm just wasting your time." He dropped his gaze and turned away. "I'll pay you whatever it cost to set this up Tony, I'm sorry." He started walking away.
"Hey, McGee, Tim." Tony caught up with Tim and grabbed him by the shoulder, spinning him round. "Okay, maybe I don't know what it's like to shoot somebody who didn't deserve it...but I do know what it's like to second guess myself, to look down at a person I've shot and wonder if I could have done something else besides pulling the trigger. And I know what it's like to have a little voice in my head telling me that I made the wrong call and that I shouldn't be trusted with a gun in my hand." He put an arm around Tim's shoulder, gently turning the younger agent back towards the firing range. "And I know that the only way I was able to shut those voices up was by getting back out there with my gun and proving to myself that I could pull the trigger. Tim, I don't want you to decide someday that a single bullet is the only way for you to silence the voices."
Tim sucked in his breath sharply. "I wasn't...I...how..."
"It's okay kid," said Tony, patting him gently on the back. "You wouldn't be the first. I know that working out on a firing range isn't the same as being in the field, but it's the best we can do for now. And while I can't promise you that the next time you're in the field you'll find it any easier to fire your weapon, I can at least try and make sure that when you *do* fire it then you'll hit what you're aiming at."
Tony gave Tim a few seconds to compose himself before leading him back to the gun table. "Come on kid, let's give it another go. Hey, you didn't happen to bring your manuscript with you?"
Tim looked at Tony suspiciously, "No, of course not, why?"
"Ah, just a little trick I picked up from Gibbs, never mind. Now, get that gun loaded."
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to be continued
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony tries to help Tim get past the events of Probie