Part 2
Gibbs paced like a madman back and forth in the hospital waiting area. It killed him that this was the only thing he could do. He thought about all of the other things he could have done to help Tony. How they should have figured it out sooner, gotten him out sooner. The last three hours have been nothing short of torture for him. All he remembers is those 4 words, "We've got a pulse". Everything after that was just a blur. He barely remembers the medics rushing Tony to the ambulance, talking about how faint the pulse was but at least it was there for the time being. He doesn't remember the guard he shoved up against the wall and growling "Find out who the hell done this and tell me their names." All he can think of is Tony's face, how lifeless it looked, how unnatural it was to see him this way. Tony was always moving around, cracking jokes. He kept everyone at ease, even when the hardest case came along, somehow Tony made them all feel that it would work out okay in the end, that they would find the bad guy and go home happy. He gave people hope. Gibbs smiled at the realisation of that thought, Tony really did give everyone he met hope. Then Gibbs looked down at his hands and saw blood, Tony's blood. The happy thoughts of Tony left him and where replaced by his vacant eyes staring up at him, his lifeless mouth whispering "This is your fault Jethro, you could have saved me but you choose not to, you're work was more important to you than me, I'm not surprised you've had 3 divorces, you've known how you felt about me for 3 weeks and already you've got me killed."
Gibbs ran out of the waiting room to the bathroom and scrubbed at his hands to remove the blood, to remove the image of Tony staring up at him, with eyes that had lost the faith once placed in Gibbs. Gibbs looked down at his shaking hands and took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself before going back out there to face his team. It was hurting them all not knowing what was going on. The strain of the past 3 weeks showed clearly on all there faces tonight, stress lines around their eyes, eyes red from the lack of sleep. The team looked like the energy had been sucked plain out of them, Tony really had given them what they need to move onto case after case.
Gibbs walked back into the waiting area, the team barely looked up, all of them seemed to be trapped in there own world of guilt and sadness. Gibbs placed himself beside Abby and stroked her hair. Gibbs knew he should be watching over Tony, the nurse had told him there was a window that looked into the theatre if he wanted to keep an eye on what was going on. But Gibbs couldn't bring himself to look at Tony, not yet anyway. The shock of seeing Tony so lifeless in the prison still haunted him and he just need a little while longer to prepare himself to look at Tony again. Not that he would admit it to anyone but there was another reason he couldn't face Tony just yet, and that was that Tony might not want him there. Gibbs wouldn't blame Tony if he hated him, hell he deserved to be hated. But Gibbs just couldn't quite face Tony's eyes looking at him in disappointment and hate just yet, as stupid as that sounds seeing as Tony is having surgery and is obviously not going to be awake, the fear of seeing Tony look up at him with loathing in his eyes throws logic right out the window.
The nurse Gibbs had talked to about Tony was one he knew quite well. He had been in this hospital a few times himself, and he also got to know her better when Tony was in here recovering from the plague after he had been moved out of isolation. Gibbs remembered the times he snuck in when Tony was sleeping to get an update on his condition from Nurse Mona. He never went into Tony's room, just looked through the window, got an update on his condition and left. Every night was the same. So when he seen Mona walking down the corridor which an upset, anxious look on her face he knew something was seriously wrong.
"Jethro… I…..I….just came from the observation window in surgery. I wanted to check up on Tony's progress, I came in just in time to see him flat line. The doctors were still trying to revive him when I ran out to find you. I heard one of them say that it didn't look good for him. Jethro I'm so sorry I don't think there's anything they can do for him. His condition was just….. Jethro? Jethro where are you going? Jethro!"
Gibbs didn't hear her calls, he didn't her his team call after him either, he heard nothing after she told him Tony's heart had stopped. His own had begun to hurt like no other pain he had ever felt, it was beating a mile a minute. He didn't know where Tony's surgery was taking place, he hadn't worked up the guts to ask anyone yet, but somehow he knew where Tony was. He had always been able to find Tony and this time was no different, he felt bonded to the man and he was not going to let him go like this. Not like this! He would follow Tony anywhere and always drag him right back to where he belonged. Like that time he disappeared when he went undercover as an escaped prisoner, he brought him back then and he will do so again. The irony was not lost on Gibbs that Tony had once acted a prisoner only to become one but he couldn't give a shit about irony right now, Tony need him to bring him home and nothing could stop him from doing so this time. He'd failed Tony once before maybe if he just brought him back he could begin to make up for the wrongs he had done.
Gibbs stormed into the observation area only to find doctors still working on reviving Tony. Gibbs stopped in his tracks, nothing could prepare him for the sight he saw. There was Tony lying so still on an operation table, and doctors swarming all around him attempting to revive him, so many machines connected to him that are meant to help him and yet there he was not breathing in front of Gibbs. He heard Tony in his head "You're too late to save me, you've killed me Jethro, just like you killed Kate, you let everyone down, you are my boss you were meant to protect me but you failed, I went to jail Jethro because of you and the second I was gone you carried on working like nothing had ever happened, you…"
Gibbs shut the voices in his head, which were threatening to consume him, out and looked down at Tony's eyes. He pounded on the glass as if to get Tony's full attention then whispered softly "Tony, Tony it's me, I know I should have been up here from the start, please forgive me, but I was so scared to see you like this, so scared that you would hate me for leaving you. Tony I gave you an order a while back and that order still stands. You will not die, do you hear me? You will not die. I promise if you come back I will make everything okay, I'll fix this whole mess just please don't leave me. I don't think I can live without you Tony. Tony please, come back."
With that last whispered plea a faint heartbeat is seen on the monitor, then another, and another, each stronger than the last.
"He's back with us now let's finish this up quickly, the surgery is causing a lot of strain on his body we have to close up and soon."
Gibbs falls into a nearby chair, his eyes refusing to leave Tony's. He stays with Tony for the remainder of the surgery without once removing his eyes from Tony's. He stays there even after Tony is removed from surgery and placed in a room somewhere. He knows he should go be at Tony's side but his legs won't support him just yet. He hears a voice that sounds very far away, and then feels a hand on his shoulder, shocking him out of his trance.
"Agent Gibbs? Agent Gibbs are you okay?
"Yes sorry I'm fine. What news is there on Tony, what is his condition?
"He is stabilised thankfully, but he has a long journey ahead of him before he will be back to the way he was. It looks like he was taking a beating for two weeks or more at least. There was damage done all over his body resulting in him having a much weakened condition which did not help matters today. He has a dislocated shoulder, which we have managed to correct, his left leg has been broken in two places and will be in a cast for a while now, he has several bruised ribs and 1 broken rib which pierced the lung which as you saw we had to go in and repair. He took several blows to the head by the looks of things so he probably has a concussion, but I doubt it is anything more than that. The things that caused us a lot of trouble was the massive amounts of blood he lost. It was touch and go for a while whether he would pull through or not but it appears he's a stubborn one. We will obviously be keeping a close eye on him but I think he is out of the woods and after a few months or so should be back to normal physically."
"Thank you, very much. I think I shall go and see how he is doing."
"Agent Gibbs?"
"Yes?"
"There is one … other thing you should know about. The only reason I'm telling you this is because you are down as the next on kin. It would seem that Mr.DiNozzo has been, well, raped, repeatedly. As I said he will get over all these physical injuries, but the emotional ones may take quite a while longer. I have the name of a really good person who helps people deal in these kinds of situations if you would like?"
"No, thank you. It's not my place to accept help for Tony. I shall talk to him and see if that's what he would like but I won't make the decision for him."
"I understand, if you want me to get that number for you or anything, just ask."
Gibbs left and went to find Tony. The Tony he found was too pale, with bruises on his face, he was covered in bandages, and had machines attached to him, but it was Tony and he was alive and that's all Gibbs could have wanted. He walked over to Tony and held his hand, being careful not to disturb the wires, or Tony. He just sat and stared, glad just to be able to touch Tony and confirm to himself that he really is alive.
"Tony I'm so sorry, I should have been there for you and I wasn't, you needed me and I let you down. God Tony I don't know what I would have done if you died. I need you Tony. I wish I could tell you how much I need you."
"Need you to boss, always have"
"Bloody hell DiNozzo, when did you wake up? You've already given me 2 heart attacks today I don't need a third."
"Sorry….boss…." Tony starts coughing, Gibbs leapt up to rub his back.
"Aw Tony, it's not your fault. It's me who should be sorry." He could see Tony was struggling to stay awake, the drugs they had him on were pretty powerful stuff, reminding Gibbs again how close Tony had come to death.
"Do you know why I fought so hard to stay alive? Because I needed to tell you something. I don't care if I get fired, don't really care what the hell you do to me or my reputation, just need you to know so I can move on with my life. I love you Boss, have for some time now. There I've said it, now just leave me alone… please."
Something in the way Tony said those words made him look closely at him, particularly his eyes. He didn't like what he saw. It looked like a part of Tony that always was so happy, carefree and optimistic had died within him. The doctor was right, emotionally Tony was a wreck. That single look in his eyes told him everything, the pain and torture that Tony went through, but most of all the look of hope that has been lost. Even in the worst situations Tony always had hope, but now it seemed as if he had lost that and he didn't care anymore. Well Jethro sure as hell wasn't about to let that happen.
"Tony look at me. I love you, I need you, I want you, I always have. I don't know the details about what happened in that prison but I know it was bad, I can tell by the look in your eyes just how much you have been hurt. You lost your faith in me and hell Tony I don't blame you for it. But if you let me I will fix this Tony, I promised you I would and I will. I almost lost my chance to tell you how I feel and I won't make that mistake again."
"Gibbs…." Tony looked at Gibbs genuinely shocked by what he had just heard. Not just the words but the truth and caring behind them. The way Gibbs had said it with such passion and love, well it's not something Tony ever heard in someone's voice before that was directed at him.
"Gibbs….why?"
"Why?"
"Why do you care? I don't deserve it, you, anything."
"You must have hit your head harder than I thought to think you don't deserve someone to love you. You deserve that and so much more Tony and I want to give it to you if you let me. You put everyone before yourself, you hide it behind your humour but I know if it came down to it you would protect everyone else before you thought about protecting yourself. You don't really show anyone the real you, but I've caught glimpses of that person that hides behind the Tony DiNozzo that sleeps with a different women every week, who acts like he never left college, and I like what I see. You are so kind and caring Tony, I don't know what has happened in your past to think you don't deserve someone half as decent as you are but you do."
This speech from Gibbs had brought tears to Tony's eyes, he didn't know if it was the drugs that were slowing down his thoughts, or the blunt statement that someone wanted and needed him, truly needed him that did it. His eyes felt so heavy but he wanted to stay awake and not let the nightmare take hold of him again. He wanted to stay by Gibbs' side and never leave, because then he knew he would be safe.
"Sleep Tony, I'm not going to leave you. Wild dogs couldn't drag me away. I'll be here when you wake you but for now your body needs sleep. We can talk more when you feel up to it." Running his fingers through Tony's hair he leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips and sat back to see a sleeping Tony with a little smile on his face. Taking Tony's hand once more in his own, he resumed his position on the hard hospital chairs and settled down for a long night. He meant what he said he would not leave Tony's side for anything, he just hoped he was enough to help him through the nightmares Tony had to face.
Gibbs stayed true to his word and never left Tony's side. When he tried to remove his hand from Tony's he found that Tony would not let go. It was like now that he finally had Gibbs nothing could take him away again. So Gibbs was content to sit there all night and well into the morning until Tony woke up. The team came and went, each noticing Tony's refusal to let go of Gibbs' hand, and each smiling secretively at Gibbs' blunt refusal to leave at there offers to stay with Tony a while.
Tony awoke a while after everyone in the team and come and gone. Gibbs was gently stroking his hair.
"Mmm Gibbs."
"I think we could move onto first name basis here Tony."
"Mmm Jethro."
"Talkative this morning aren't we."
"Was having good dream, which I think involved your car, well the backseat anyway, you, me, and some missing clothes."
"I think we will have to explore that dream further at a later date."
"Well it doesn't necessarily have to be your car you know, clothes go missing in a hospital too, could turn into an epidemic you know." Tony wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"DiNozzo…" Gibbs growled.
"What?"
"Don't even get me started. How you feeling today?"
"Like a bloody big truck hit me, reversed, and hit me again."
"That good?" He could still see a darkness in Tony's eyes, but it seemed lessened from yesterday. One step at a time, Gibbs thought, one step at a time.
"That good" Tony sighed. "Guess I'm going to be in here for a while eh?"
"The doctors haven't really talked about when they are going to release you yet, but I'd rather you spent time in here than time at Ducky's morgue. I really thought I'd lost you…"
"Hey, hey come here. I'm right here, and clearly not going anywhere for a while."
"I no, it's just, you came so close, too close." Gibbs rested his head gently on Tony's good shoulder, being careful not to lean on any part that could hurt him. Tony stroked Gibbs' hair and whispered soothing words to him. It's ironic that it's Tony who is comforting Gibbs, but at the moment all Gibbs needed to do was reassure himself that this wasn't some cruel dream and that Tony really was there, then he would work on getting Tony better. Gibbs wasn't naïve enough to think that Tony would turn back to the way he was before the prison incident, but if he could help Tony get past it and move on that would be enough for him.
The day finally came where Tony was aloud to leave. After Tony had been poked and prodded by all manner of things that the nurses said were "good" for him, it was fair to say that he wouldn't miss the place.
"Just one more thing Mr.DiNozzo…"
Tony growled, it had been just one more thing for the past hour and Tony's patience had worn very thin. If Jethro hadn't been there with a firm hand on his shoulder he would have knocked this man out and left the hospital hours ago.
"I would feel better knowing that you will be staying with someone, and I shall need their name and contact number just incase I need to get in touch with them."
"I won't be staying with anyone, I'm going back to my apartment, resting and getting things back to the way they were."
"I'm afraid I must insist Mr.DiNozzo, the reason we are letting you go so soon is on the basis that you will be getting looked after."
"I never said any such thing, now sign me out."
"Well if that's the case I'm afraid I can't let you go just yet. You are in no condition to look after yourself."
"Okay, listen, my patience just jumped out of a 2-storey window, now if you don't sign those sodding papers…."
"He will be staying with me."
"No really Jethro, I'm fine and I just…."
"He will be staying with me."
"No honestly…."
"Very well, I shall just get the papers now."
"Jethro really I don't need…."
"If you could just sign here Mr. Gibbs to state that we are releasing him into your care."
"No you're not releasing me into anyone's care…."
"Certainly"
"Might as well have a conversation with a bloody lamppost for all the good this is doing me. The lamppost at least would listen to what I'm saying"
"Hardly likely, the lamppost would have more sense than to listen to you."
"Gibbs! I'm NOT staying with anyone, I am perfectly able to take care of myself."
"Oh really?"
"YES!!"
"Okay then." Gibbs sets a pen on top of a shelf. "If you can give me my pen back, then you can stay on your own."
Tony wheeled his chair over to directly underneath the pen, then reached up to try and grab it.
"Ow bloody hell!" His ribs and shoulder cried out at him straining to get the pen.
"Now where is it I am to sign?"
Tony grumbles under his breath but Gibbs distinctly heard "bloody show off, doesn't prove anything, stupid pen." Smiling to himself Gibbs grabs the wheel chair and gets Tony out of this place. He was as eager for Tony to leave as Tony was himself. He knew if the situations were reversed he would be doing the exact same thing, insisting he was fine and didn't need anybody's help.
After a few moments of struggling he finally got Tony into the car. Even this tiny bit of exercise wore DiNozzo out and it wasn't long before he was asleep on the ride back to Gibbs' place. Gibbs knew it was going to take Tony a long time to get back on his feet. He got tired very easily, and movement was very difficult for him. But the important thing was that eventually he would get back on his feet. None of the damage physically done had been permanent, it was just going to take time to heal. Gibbs glanced over at the sleeping Tony and grabbed his hand. It had become a ritual thing for them. He always found that Tony slept better when he knew that Gibbs was close by. Already Tony had settled into a deeper and more peaceful sleep.
"Tony……Tony……Come on Tony open those big eyes of yours for me"
"Mmph"
"That won't quite cut it, I need you fully awake."
"Mmmmmmph!"
"DiNozzo do you think I'm stupid? I know you're awake now don't make me drag you out of this car and into that house."
"Mmmm that could have interesting results"
"What is it with you and cars DiNozzo" Gibbs mumbles not intending for Tony to hear it.
"They make me feel safe. You can just get in a car and drive away and leave everything behind. Not many things you can do that with."
Gibbs looked at Tony in shock. A blunt statement like that was not something you usually heard from Tony. Tony was still pretty out of it from all the drugs they have been giving him, and from just waking up, but still to stay straight out what he was thinking is a rare thing. Gibbs smiled, he might be beginning to feel more comfortable around him.
"Right DiNozzo wake up!" Gibbs started kissing Tony, his tongue demanding entrance into Tony's mouth, just when it was clear that Tony was really beginning to enjoy himself Gibbs pulled away and walked off a little.
"Gi-Gibbs!! That's not fair you can't start something and not finish it. Get back here!"
"Ha knew that would wake you up Tony. I thought we were onto first name basis here."
"Force of habit, it just feels weird to call you Jethro. Ducky calls you Jethro and he would most definitely not stick his tongue down your throat. At least I hope he wouldn't. You know what I don't want to go there. I have completely just freaked myself out. Now would you get back here and finish what you started like a true gentlemen, kiss me senseless!"
"Not yet DiNozzo, not yet. But I might begin using that as your wake up call."
"No wonder your nickname includes the word bastard."
After getting Tony settled on the sofa, Gibbs goes to make some proper coffee. Not that brown sludge they have at the hospital. They wouldn't know what good coffee tasted like if it came and slapped them on the face. Hearing his phone ring he went to answer it.
"Gibbs….Hi Abby…..Yeah he's hear with me now….no not today, he's pretty worn out after his trip from the hospital, but you can drop by tomorrow and see him….Has there been any word on Chip….okay let me know if something turns up…..the sooner we find the bastard the sooner I can get my hands around his….. no I'm not going to cause any permanent damage…..yes I know you want your hands on him to……we'll go half and half……okay see you tomorrow, bye Abs."
Gibbs walks in to find Tony staring at him curiously.
"What?"
"What's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know damn well what I mean, what have you been keeping from me? Why were you asking about Chip?"
Shit Gibbs thought. He hadn't told Tony about the fact that it was Chip who did all this. He was a bit curious as to why Tony never questioned him about how he got him out of prison, but didn't want to bring up the subject until he thought Tony was ready.
"I'm sorry Tony, I just didn't want to tell you this until you were feeling up to it. I wanted you to concentrate on getting better." Gibbs sighs "It was Chip who planted all the evidence against you and who landed you in jail, I don't know how he got you transferred like that but I intend to find him and make him tell me."
"Ha…Chip….I always wondered who he paid to do his dirty work for him" Gibbs wasn't sure he was meant to hear that. The look that suddenly appeared in Tony's eyes and the sound of his voice scared him. God knows Tony has the right to hate Chip far more than anyone else, but the pure venom in his words and his eyes so filled with hatred that they looked almost black didn't make any sense. His eyes looked like they were ready to kill, and that's what scared Gibbs the most. Tony wouldn't harm a fly, but the Tony before him now wouldn't only kill the fly but would do so in the most painful way possible. The hate he saw in Tony was the kind of hate that is built up over a long period of time, it couldn't possibly be directed at Chip. You could almost feel the hate being radiated of Tony.
"Tony…..Tony can you hear me…..Tony, honey, please come back to me." Try as he might it was as if Tony was trapped in his own little world and Gibbs couldn't break through.
"Tony….please…." Gibbs gently and slowly so as not to scare him, leaned over and kissed Tony.
The darkness in Tony's eyes faded, as he looked in shock at Gibbs, instead it was replaced by a deep sadness and pain.
"Are you okay?"
"Y-yea, s-sorry about that."
"Tony you're shaking!"
"I-I'm okay. Really."
Gibbs pulled Tony over carefully so that his head was resting on his shoulder, and he began to run his fingers through Tony's hair. He had always marveled at how soft it was.
"Tony, what did you mean; I wondered who he paid of?"
"You weren't meant to hear that."
"My hearing is almost as good as yours DiNozzo." Gibbs chuckles, trying to lighten the mood, but as usual failing miserably. Words were definitely not his strong point.
"Tony, tell me what you know."
Tony sighs, "That's one hell of a big can of worms you want to open there."
"We have forever, you might aswell start now."
"Jethro…."
Gibbs can't see Tony's eyes but he knows they have tears in them, he can hear the pain in his voice, which is cutting through him like a knife. All he wants to do is kiss him better, but he knows Tony needs to get this out no matter how difficult it might be.
"Chip didn't do this alone. There is no way that he could ever have got me transferred, especially to Baltimore Prison. You would need someone with a hell of a lot of power and certain contacts to be able to do that."
Gibbs wants nothing more that to question Tony, to ask him straight out who that person might be. Instead he just sits and strokes Tony's head, occasionally, gently kissing the top of it.
"It's someone I've known basically my whole life, he's hated me right from the start and trust me the feeling is bloody mutual. He's really had it in for me ever since I denied a job he offered me. After that any job I had, there were … "complications" I guess you could call them, at each one. This person would throw their weight around so to speak, and next thing you know, "voila" I'm out of a job. Sure, they don't directly say "You're fired", because they know I could take them to court over it, but they would make my life a living hell if I didn't leave. So at each job, after about 2 years maximum, I left. It was the same everywhere I went, until I came here. This has been the longest I've ever managed to hold a job, but I know now I never should have stayed here so long. Staying in one place too long allows him to track me down. I've learnt that the hard way."
With each word said Gibbs anger was growing, but he tried to keep a clamp on it for Tony's sake. He knew Tony needed to get this all out. That he has been dieing to talk to someone about this, but no-one has ever given him the time of day, let alone listen to his past. The false mask of "goofiness", the macho outer shell, was all beginning to make sense in his head. Tony didn't want anyone knowing who he really was, or where he came from. He didn't want anyone finding out how badly he has been hurt in the past, because that would make people treat him different out of pity. Gibbs has had it happen to himself on several occasions until he learnt to stop giving too much away. He hadn't realised Tony has gone through the same thing.
"I loved this job so much, I didn't want to have to leave, so I stayed longer than I should have. He always finds me, no matter what I do, he always finds me, he won't go away….." Tony's voice which was barely more than a whisper before, trailed off into nothingness. It was so child-like and innocent that it teared Gibbs up inside to just sit back and listen. With his final words Gibbs couldn't take anymore.
"Who is "he" Tony?"
"Its'…it's….." Tony glanced down at his now ringing cell phone and saw the caller ID "….my father."
"WHAT??!!"
Tony showed Gibbs the cell phone and the caller ID "My father" he repeated.
Already Gibbs could hear the detachment in Tony's voice, whatever chance Gibbs had of learning who this bastard was, may have just gone. Gibbs felt Tony pull away from him and cursed, then stood up and left Tony to have a private chat with his father.
Gibbs heard yelling from the living room and ran in the see what the problem was.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH ALREADY? STOP SCREWING WITH MY GOD DAMN LIFE!"
With that the phone went flying across the room and smashed into a nearby wall breaking into several bits.
Everything clicked into place for Gibbs, he was pretty slow for not having picked up on it sooner. He blamed the lack of sleep and worry for Tony.
"It's you father you were talking about isn't it?"
"Yea… yea it is."
Gibbs sat back down on the sofa and helped Tony lean over to relax on top of him.
"Tell me everything."
"If I tell you, you'll just leave me like everyone else has. Every time I start to tell my story people go all glass eyed, nod in the right places and then leave before they get in too deep. No-one wants to stick around to take care of a poor screwed up guy."
"I meant what I said Tony, know that I've got you I'll be damned if I'm going to let you go because of your past. We all come with baggage Tony. Our past help make us into the people we are today. God knows I've got enough baggage to sink a ship. I won't ever leave you Tony, I swear."
I was a while before Tony said something again.
"My father beat me up as a kid. I needed to be perfect for him, he said I had to grow up to be the perfect business man to be fit to run his company. He wouldn't see his company killed by some ignorant kid. So if I ever did anything wrong I knew what would happen to me, he would take me to my room and beat me. As I grew up I started to try and fight back, I wanted him to stop hitting me, but that just made the beatings get worse. One day I snapped and screamed at him, and starting throwing things at him, telling him that I never wanted to be his son and I don't care about his stupid business. That was the first day he raped me. After that it became a regular thing. I did something wrong, he would beat and occasionally rape me. I couldn't break free of the cycle. I started to try and be perfect like he wanted to see if he would stop, but he didn't. Nothing was ever good enough for him. Finally when I was 15 I fought back. I was sick of it all, I just wanted to stop, I didn't care anymore what he would do to me I just wanted to hit him back to show him I'm not a little kid who's going to sit back and take this anymore. Did a good number on him too. That's when I got sent of to boarding school. He said he couldn't stand to look at my face a moment longer."
"Didn't your mum….?"
"Yea she knew what was happening, but she didn't care. She was just happy to live of my dad's money. I very rarely saw her actually, she was always out shopping or doing something, never had the time for me. I was raised more by the staff, that by my own parents. I went straight from boarding school to college, where I did the course I wanted to do and not the one my father had picked out for me. I was already enrolled and well into college before he thought to check what degree I was actually doing, and by then it was too late to change it. He really thought that I would do the plan for my life he had set out. That's what makes me laugh even now, that he thinks I'm still going to follow in his footsteps, that this is all just a very long teenage rebellion. When I went into law enforcement he near had a heart attack and I guess you know the rest."
"Aw Tony…."
"It's okay I've learnt to deal with it. Didn't really have any other choice but to learn how to cope with it, but what happened to me in prison just brought all those memories back. I know you know I was raped in there."
"The doctor told me just after you came out from surgery."
"He visited me in there you know. Offered me a deal to get me out. I had to sign a contract stating that I would carry on his business after he died and he would use the only evidence there was that would free my name. But guess you found something else didn't you."
"Yea Abby did. A bit of Chip's sweat got onto the carpet fibre he pulled from your car."
"I owe Abby a big Caf-Pow for that. You know he's dieing. My father that is. All the smokes finally caught up with his lungs I guess. That's why he did something this drastic because he's running out of time. They can't cure him so he needs to know that I'm going to follow in his footsteps. That's what the phone call was about. I won't do it thought, I won't become like him."
Gibbs couldn't think of anything to say. All the information he had just received was so hard to process. That Tony had gone through all this and turned out to be such a great caring man was something he should be so proud of. He still felt anger, and later that anger would be vented preferably into a Mr.DiNozzo senior or Chip's face. But for now he just felt an overwhelming desire to protect Tony and keep him safe from all the dark memories that were going through his head at the moment.
"I think it was him who got Luke moved to my cell."
"Luke?"
"Yea a rapist I took down in Baltimore. One of the first people I took down there actually. He had a personal vendetta against me ever since I caught him. He managed to vent that rage when I was in there I guess."
"Tony…… I wish I could make all the painful memories you have go away but I can't. Only thing I can do is help you deal with them. And I will Tony, in whatever way you need me I am here for you, for as long as you want me to be."
"Just by being here you're helping me. I just need to feel cared for…."
Tony started silently crying, and Gibbs held him there all night while he cried himself to sleep, and even then held him while he slept to keep the nightmares at bay. About 3am Gibbs fell asleep, both of them didn't move and inch, each content that they were exactly where they needed to be.
Author's Chapter Notes:
the aftermath of tony's attack.