Gibbs rubbed his thumb over the names of his wife and daughter one last time before slipping the flask back into his pocket. At times like these, he missed his old family something fierce. Not a day didn't go by that his daughter didn't come to mind, when he didn't wonder about what she'd be like if she'd lived. And part of him still wished things between himself and Shannon had worked out better.
Shannon blamed him for Kelly's death; no more than he blamed himself. Guilt and recriminations created a rift between them that got wider and wider. Ultimately, it proved to be a span neither of them could bridge. And in all honesty, neither of them tried very hard. It was easier, less painful to simply accept that without Kelly there was no reason to rebuild their lives together. It was easier for both of them to simply walk away and start fresh somewhere else, with someone else.
Gibbs wasn't terribly unhappy with his life now, but that didn't mean he didn't miss what he had once. Occasionally he caught himself wondering if Kelly would have liked Tony. He thought she would have.
Gibbs sighed. He glanced around the empty bull pen, eyes instinctively coming to rest on Tony's desk. He smiled softly. Gibbs was more satisfied and content than he could remember being in a long time. It had taken him awhile, and a few mistakes in between, but he'd finally found the right one. Nodding to himself, Gibbs got up, grabbed his coat and headed for home.
Everything at the office was in order. There was no reason to stay any longer. There hadn't been any reason to stay as long as he had, except that it made for good cover. He never left before his team, ever.
Gibbs shook his head, pushing the button for the elevator. He'd have preferred to be the one to drive Tony home. Not that he didn't trust McGee to handle things, he just would have felt better doing it himself. Gibbs sighed and rubbed tiredly at his eyes.
He hated politics. He hated the need for secrets even though he understood very well the reason for them. But he wasn't about to give Sheppard any more fodder for disrupting his team more than she already had. She'd already included herself on a number of cases. Hell, she'd assigned Ziva to the team, and still thought Abby having an assistant was a good idea. Ziva was proving to be a good addition, but Abby hated putting up with Chip. No one seemed to really like the guy. Gibbs just couldn't see that ending well. And if there was one thing he hated more than politics, it was picking up pieces.
Gibbs pursed his lips. He wouldn't mind including Abby in the circle of informed people. But he'd promised Tony that nothing at the office would change. Maybe now, with relationship past the six month mark, Tony would be open to telling Abby?and Ducky. It would be good for McGee to have back up. Would be good for Gibbs and Tony too. Although, Gibbs wasn't entirely sure he could convince his younger lover of that. For all his irrepressible attitude and general upbeat outlook, when it came to personal things, Tony was decidedly pessimistic at times.
He nodded to himself, pulling out of the parking lot with a squeal of the tires. It couldn't hurt to ask. If Tony said no, nothing changed. If he said yes, Gibbs didn't think much would change there either. He trusted both Abby and Ducky to know how to be discrete when the situation called for it, and neither had ever expressed any homophobic tendencies. If anything they were two of the most open minded people Gibbs had ever met.
It was late enough most of the rush hour traffic had long since cleared out. Gibbs still used every shortcut he knew of to get to Tony's place. He hadn't trusted Tony enough to let him take the prescription pain killers with him; the younger man was too fond of just tossing them away. He hadn't appeared to be in much pain when McGee had taken him home, but enough time had passed Gibbs knew Tony could be hurting now. He cursed softly, hating the need for secrets anew. If he'd been able to take Tony home like he wanted this wouldn't be a problem.
He pulled into the lot for Tony's building. He wasn't sure who was supposed to have the parking space next to the mustang, but no one had objected yet to his using it. The lot was never completely full so maybe no one cared if there were one or two more cars than usual.
Gibbs took the steps two at a time. He was glad it hadn't snowed recently. The overhanging roof wasn't enough to keep snow and ice from accumulating on the stairs. As far as Gibbs knew, the only one who ever made an effort to keep them clear was Tony.
He slipped his key in the lock, opening the door to step silently inside. Gibbs could hear voices from the living room, frowning when he recognized what had to be a British accent and music. Movie, he decided with a smile.
He toed out of his shoes, leaving his coat on his usual hook. It still gave him a momentary flash of happiness to realize his lover had so casually given him the right to stake a claim on anything at all. He had his side of the bed and his pillow, a coffee mug that was his alone to use, a selection of his favorite channels were bookmarked on Tony's satellite under Gibbs' name.
He stepped into the living room. McGee's gaze drifted away from the TV almost immediately to meet his. The younger man didn't look startled to see him standing there. Either he was losing his touch or McGee was getting better. Gibbs hoped it was the latter.
"Where is--"
McGee pointed to the couch, drawing Gibbs attention to the long, lanky body resting there under the brightly colored afghan Louisa had made. The flickering blue light from the TV danced over Tony's pale and bruised features. It reminded the former Marine just a little too much of the ultraviolet lights used in the isolation chamber at Bethesda. He stifled a shudder.
"Did he eat anything?" Gibbs asked quietly.
"Said he didn't want to risk it." McGee shrugged apologetically when Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "He wasn't sure it would stay down."
Gibbs nodded. He could just let Tony sleep, but he didn't think it was a good idea to let him skip a meal. Or two really. He hadn't gotten lunch. His stomach should have settled by now?and if it hadn't that was likely a sign the concussion was more serious than the doctor thought. Better to wake Tony now, Gibbs decided. He could do a quick round of concussion check related questions, make sure he was okay with eating, feed him and put him to bed.
Gibbs flicked on the lamp on the nearby end table, letting white light banish the shadows. It could have been the faint click or the added light that made Tony frown, eyes squinting open before closing again.
Gibbs smiled down at him. Tony looked so much like a toddler waking up from a nap. He quietly said Tony's name before carefully moving one hand to run his fingers through his hair. He didn't want to startle or scare him. He waited for Tony to open his eyes again.
"Hey."
Tony smiled. "Hey, yourself." He sighed and started to stretch but aborted the move with a small groan.
"You okay?"
"Sore, little stiff, but otherwise fine." Tony blinked owlishly, one hand rubbing carefully at his eyes. "What time is it?" He mumbled around a yawn.
"Almost eight."
Tony grunted an acknowledgement. He sat up, fingers moving to rub at his temple.
"Head still hurt?" Gibbs sat down next to him.
"A little, yeah." Tony admitted.
Gibbs held out a small pill bottle, offering it to Tony. Tony eyed it warily for a moment. "It's just Tylenol with codeine," Gibbs assured him. "You can just take one. Should be enough to take the edge off." It was a fine line to walk getting Tony to do what Gibbs thought was good for him while still letting him make the decision.
Tony nodded reluctantly, taking the bottle. With greater ease than Gibbs had ever managed Tony popped the top off and shook one out. He closed the bottle and set it on the coffee table. He grabbed a bottle of water that had only a swallow or two left in it and downed the pill.
"Louisa leave anything in the fridge?" Gibbs asked even though he knew she likely had. She stocked Tony's fridge on a regular basis.
"Tuna noodle casserole, I think." Tony glanced at McGee.
The computer whiz nodded. "It's very good."
Everything Louisa made was good. And she always made a lot of it. Gibbs still wasn't sure if she knew they were a couple or not, but she did seem pleased that he was around to eat with Tony several nights a week. To his knowledge she'd never questioned where Tony went on the nights he didn't come home. But then even before he and Tony were dating, Tony's active social life and the job likely kept him from making it home every night, so she might not have even noticed any changes to his schedule.
"You up for eating some of Louisa's cooking?"
Gibbs was pleased Tony nodded without hesitation. The younger man rose to his feet easily without swaying once upright. It was another good sign.
"You want more, Probie?" Tony asked with a knowing smile.
McGee grinned, unashamed. "I wouldn't say no to seconds."
"Figured." Tony smirked. "Reason she always makes plenty."
Gibbs headed into the kitchen, knowing Tony and McGee would follow. He dished out casserole for all three, making eye contact with Tony to confirm just how much the younger man wanted. It was less than he usually ate, but not so little Gibbs had to worry about Tony eating just to humor him.
"You get everything taken care of at the office?" Tony asked as he sat at the table. The answer varied but the question was always the same, part of their usual routine. Tony asked even when he already knew the answer.
The familiar question was reassuring. It was more proof Tony was okay. Gibbs nodded, answering the query. "Yeah, everything is taken care of."
McGee looked askance at him. Given that the case had been closed before everyone else had left, it was natural for the younger man be curious about what the hell he'd been doing at the office. Gibbs didn't offer an explanation, just giving McGee a firm look, daring him to verbalize the question. McGee looked away.
It was one of the things that Gibbs truly appreciated about his lover. Even on his first day, Tony would have risked asking. He naturally pushed the boundaries whereas McGee, after some encouragement, was slowly learning to the same. The thing that amused him at the moment was if McGee asked, Gibbs would tell him the truth; tonight he'd just been killing time until he could come home to Tony.
Green eyes met blue in a shared look of amusement. Tony hid a smile. Gibbs lightly bumped his lover's knee under the table with his own. He loved how often frequently they were on the same page.
"What did you think of the movie?" Tony asked McGee, eating more slowly than he usually did.
"Not bad."
Gibbs listened to the younger men discuss the merits of a film he'd never seen. At the office, he'd slap down references to movies and pop culture, but at home it was fun to listen to Tony expound on the value of the classics. Gibbs had to admit he was far more 'with it' as Abby would say than he'd been before he and Tony started spending so much time together. Not that he let that show at the office either.
Even eating slower than he usually did Tony still finished first. Gibbs arched an eyebrow, silently asking if he wanted more. Tony shook his head. He belatedly covered a yawn with one hand, and Gibbs fought off the urge to yawn himself. It had been a long couple of days.
"I should call a cab," McGee said, looking a bit sheepish as his gaze darted from Tony to Gibbs and back. He clearly thought he should have said something sooner.
"You sure?" Tony yawned again. "You can sleep on the couch if you want." He smiled. "Not like you haven't slept there before."
McGee looked warily at Gibbs as though he expected him to object. Gibbs just shrugged, letting the younger man know he had no opinion on the matter. It was still Tony's place. He could extend an invitation without Gibbs' permission.
It wasn't like he planned to do anything tonight that would embarrass himself or Tony. Tomorrow morning might be a different story. He stifled a chuckle. Course anything they did likely wouldn't embarrass them but that didn't mean it wouldn't embarrass McGee. If the comments Abby had dropped occasionally were to be believed, McGee had a greater sense of propriety and modesty than either he or Tony had.
Gibbs' eyes met Tony's. His lover had no trouble reading his mind, none at all. Tony dropped his eyes coyly, smiling suggestively. It was a good look for him; a little tease and a lot of promise.
"I'll...ah...I think I'd rather...is...It's probably better if I just go home," McGee got out, a faint blush coloring his cheeks.
"You sure?" Tony's expression morphed seamlessly into something open, friendly and innocent. It was a neat trick.
"I'm sure." McGee cleared his throat, pushing back from the table. "Thanks for dinner."
"Any time." The offer was casually made, but genuine just the same. "Louisa always makes enough to feed a small army."
McGee smiled. "I'll remember that." He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called for a cab. Gibbs wasn't sure if he had the number memorized or kept it on speed dial. He chose not to ask, deciding it didn't matter.
Tony saw McGee to the door while Gibbs made short work of cleaning up the kitchen. He heard the TV shut off and knew Tony was turning off lights they'd left on in the living room. On a normal night it would be early for them to even think about going to bed, but tonight wasn't exactly normal.
Tony leaned against the door jamb, watching him do the dishes. He never questioned why Gibbs preferred to wash by hand rather than use the dishwasher. It was another thing Gibbs liked about Tony; he could go with the flow, accepting Gibbs' quirks without batting an eye.
"Should have talked McGee into staying." Tony grinned. "Let him see you elbows deep in soapy water. Not every day he gets to see you in all your domestic glory."
"He lit out of here like he was on fire." Gibbs rolled his eyes, still amused by the younger man's chagrin. Some days McGee was just so easy. "Not even a chance to see my 'domestic glory' could have convinced him to stay."
"True." Tony chuckled. "You want help?"
"I got it." Gibbs waved him off. "Go get ready for bed."
Tony tossed off a sloppy salute. Gibbs quickly finished up with his self appointed task, leaving the wet dishes in the rack to dry. He'd put them away tomorrow. Gibbs flicked on the small night light that was plugged in near the toaster. It cast just enough illumination that neither of them had to worry about stubbed toes first thing in the morning. Gibbs had installed another one just like it at his house.
He stopped in the bathroom, taking care of his own nightly rituals before heading into the bedroom. Gibbs smiled, seeing Tony already under the covers waiting for him. He striped down to his boxers, and quickly joined him, turning off the bedside light.
Tony sighed and snuggled into him, his head coming to rest naturally on Gibbs' shoulder. Gibbs rubbed his cheek against the silken strands, eyes closing in silent gratitude to whatever divinity had seen fit to give him this.
"I should ask you a few standard questions before you go to sleep." He'd meant to do that earlier. "Make sure your concussion isn't worse."
"I think I've already proven I'm okay." Tony chuckled. "I knew you when I woke up. Knew McGee. Remembered what Louisa had put the fridge. Remembered the movie I'd been watching. Think I'm as mentally stable as I ever was."
Gibbs laughed softly. Tony had a point. Asking him who was president seemed a bit redundant now.
Feeling Tony shiver, Gibbs frowned. He hadn't forgotten that Tony sometimes got chilled when he'd been injured. "You warm enough?"
"Getting there." Tony wrapped an arm and leg around Gibbs, using him like a body pillow. Gibbs rolled into him slightly, pulling him in even closer, and making sure the comforter was pulled up far enough to cover them both. Tony's soft sound of pleased contentment made Gibbs smile.
Gibbs could almost feel Tony's heartbeat. He reveled in the weight and feel of his lover, something he'd sorely missed over the past few days. He took a slow, deep breath and soaked up the feeling of well-being.
"McGee thinks maybe we should tell Abby about us," Tony said after several minutes of silence. With his face tucked into the hollow of Gibbs' shoulder his voice was muffled, the statement little more than a whisper against Gibbs' skin.
Gibbs ran a hand up and down Tony's bare back. He placed a kiss in Tony's hair. "And what do you think?"
He could almost feel Tony weighing his thoughts, picking his words with care. Gibbs expected Tony to answer the question in a round about way. He had a tendency to do that when he was nervous or uncertain.
"She already knows I'm not as straight as I pretend to be."
Gibbs caught Tony's hand, keeping him from fisting it as he wove their fingers together. "And she was okay with knowing about you?" He was pretty sure Abby was fine with Tony's bisexual nature, but it never hurt to be sure.
Tony nodded, the soft strands of his hair tickling Gibbs skin. "She's okay with me being bi." Tony raised his head, the glow from the streetlamp filtered through the blinds to provide enough light for Gibbs to be able to make out Tony's pensive expression. "Don't know how she'll feel about you and me together."
Gibbs raised both brows. "Why would that be a problem?"
"Cause, I'm just a friend. But you're more...a father figure." Tony bit his lip. "She has higher expectations of you. Wants better for you?more than me."
Gibbs seriously doubted Abby would ever think Tony wasn't good enough for him. It didn't matter if she did. The only way Gibbs was ever going to give up Tony was if the younger man asked him too, and even then he probably couldn't walk away.
He gave Tony a chaste kiss. "I think you are more than enough. And in this case, all that matters, is what I think. Understand?"
"Yeah, Boss." Tony gave him a tentative smile.
"Abby loves you like a brother, Tony. Don't think you need to worry about us meeting with her approval." He squeezed the hand he still held. "She wouldn't worry about you if she didn't love you. And she sure as hell wouldn't have shared that stupid farting toy with you."
Tony snickered, countenance lightening to something joyful that was beautiful to see. He dropped his head to Gibbs' shoulder again, settling in once more. All the tension Gibbs had felt in him fading away.
"So?are you okay with telling her?" Gibbs asked, not sure the original question had been answered.
"If you want to, I'm okay with that. If you don't want to, I'm okay with that too."
Naturally, he bounces it back to me, Gibbs thought with a grimace. Okay. Then he'd go with his gut. "I want to tell her."
"Okay." Tony rubbed his cheek against Gibbs' chest.
"Okay?" No discussion. No comment. "That's it? Just okay?"
"You want me to make a fuss?" Tony raised his head again, a smirk appearing.
"No...but I sort of thought a bit more?"
"Why?" Tony shook his head. Even in the dim lighting Gibbs would see his eyes sparkling with glee.
Tony kissed him softly. "You got to learn to accept it when things come easy."
Gibbs snorted. "Hello pot, I'm kettle."
Tony laughed, a delighted peal of amusement. "I love you, Leroy Jethro Gibbs."
"Love you, Anthony Michael DiNozzo." He kissed the tip of Tony's nose. "And don't you forget it."
Tony smiled shyly. "Will try not to."
"Good." Gibbs cupped the back of Tony's head, gently forcing him to lay it on his shoulder again. "Go to sleep."
Tony snuggled in with a soft sigh. Gibbs ran his fingers through Tony's hair. The repetitive, familiar gesture soothed both of them into slumber.
Chapter End Notes:
This is the first chapter of a longer story.