Abby's choice in music typically reflected her mood. At the moment she was torn between being worried, hurt and pissed. She sighed, stabbing viciously at the play button on the stereo. Instead of screaming guitars and loud bass the speakers played something decidedly soft, melodic and sad.
"Guess it's hurt and worried then," Abby muttered to herself, morosely sitting down in front of her computer.
She'd seen Tony's Mustang in the parking lot when she pulled in. She expected him to leave a message, send an e-mail, stop by the lab... something, anything, but not a peep all morning. She sighed heavily. Well, if he wouldn't come to her, then she'd just have to go to him.
Determined to see Tony, she'd bounded upstairs, eager to make sure he was okay, give him a warm 'welcome home', and find out where the hell he'd been. She'd save yelling at him for not calling for another day.
The bull pen was mostly empty when she got off the elevator. She'd heard there was a new case. But Tony wouldn't be going out to the field. Not until he qualified on the shooting range again. So he had plenty of time to come see her. He was avoiding her. That was the only explanation, and she wanted to know why.
She was still somewhat pissed at McGee for not mentioning to her that Tony had been shot. And she wasn't happy with Ziva for saying it was just a scratch. Who the hell was she to determine what sort of injury was serious or not? A scratch didn't require stitches for crying out loud. And they could have died in that damn shipping container. That wasn't something to be made light of.
Just because Abby was glad Ziva wasn't dead didn't mean she liked her yet. She'd accepted the invitation to dinner because Jimmy asked her to. He wanted her to give Ziva a chance. And when she found out Gibbs was going, Abby decided it would be okay; a team building thing.
Maybe she should have followed Tony's and Ducky's examples and turned the invite down. The food might have been outstanding, but Ziva still wasn't exactly one of the team. She wasn't going to replace Kate as Abby's best friend that was for sure.
Abby rounded the corner, and spotted Tony talking on his cell phone. She skipped over to his desk, grinning, happy that he was back. He'd held up one hand, asking her to wait while he finished. She nodded to herself when Tony wrote something down; definitely work related and not a social call.
"I'm on it, Boss...I'll have it when you get back." Tony nodded even though Gibbs couldn't possibly see him. "Yeah, already checked that. You were right."
The annoyed look he gave the phone told her Gibbs had hung up on Tony. Abby thought Gibbs really needed a lesson on phone etiquette.
She waited until Tony pocketed his phone before she launched herself at him giving him a hard hug. He didn't move or make any effort to return the gesture. Even though he didn't actively try and push her away, Abby still felt like he'd just erected some sort of wall between them. That wasn't normal.
She pulled back to stare up at him. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." His smile was nothing like the ones he usually gave her. It was distant and impersonal.
She looked him over. The suit and tie were a good look for him. He wasn't sporting any bandages, no cuts or scrapes. But the attitude was all wrong. She blinked. "Are you sure you're okay? 'Cause you don't seem?well, like yourself."
Tony's expression hardened slightly, although the smile stayed firmly in place. "Was there something you needed?"
"You took a week off." She shook her head ignoring his question. "You never take sick leave. Well hardly ever. I mean there was that whole plague thing, but that was totally understandable. And you really should have probably taken more time. I mean I know you were bored and staying home isn't quite your thing, but--"
"Did you come up here just to discuss my leave status?" Tony arched an eyebrow.
"No." She blinked, caught off guard by his tone. Tony had never talked to her like that. He'd always been friendly, outgoing, and tolerant of her tendency to run off on tangents. He rarely interrupted her.
"Tony, I was worried about you."
"So people keep telling me." Tony snorted delicately.
"What people?" Abby cocked her head to one side. "And why do you sound like you don't believe them?" The 'or me' went unsaid though it was loudly implied.
"You don't need to worry." Tony shook his head. "I'm fine."
No, he wasn't. Something was wrong. He wasn't acting like Tony at all.
"Why didn't you call me?" She frowned at him, pointing a finger. "It wasn't nice to just leave without a word."
"I left word with Gibbs."
"Oh please. That's the same as not saying anything at all." Abby rolled her eyes. "You know he sucks at sharing. I think me must have been an only child or something."
"I'm an only child." Tony pointed out quietly.
"Yeah, but you play well with others." She grinned cheerfully.
Tony sighed softly, and squared his shoulders. "Can we talk about this some other time?" He held up the tablet he'd been writing on when she'd come in. "Gibbs wants me to run down some things."
"No we can not talk about this some other time," Abby said firmly.
She was not backing down. 'Some other time' and many variations thereof was a line Tony had told Abby his parents often used when putting him off as a child. It typically translated into 'never'. Things like 'later', 'we'll see' and 'not now' were all just creative ways of denying him until the obvious 'no' was realized.
"This can wait."
"No, Tony. We need to talk now." She shook her head. Too much time had already passed. He'd already been gone a week without a word and had ducked her all morning.
"Never doesn't seem like a bad alternative," Tony mumbled, looking away from her.
"Tony." The reprimand was obvious in her voice and she wished she'd toned it down when he winced.
"I've got work to do."
"So then let's do this and you can get on with that." There, nice and reasonable. She was not giving an inch.
He shook his head. "Gibbs--"
"C'mon, Tony." She wanted to stamp her foot like a child. "You know I'm not going away." She hoped she didn't sound as much like she was whining to him as she did to herself.
Tony glanced around the bullpen. It wasn't crowded but it wasn't exactly deserted or private either. "Abby, please, I'd rather not?"
"Conference room." Abby pointed to the elevator. If it was good enough for Gibbs, it was good enough for her.
Tony sighed and nodded once. He followed her into the elevator. He flipped the emergency stop switch after a moment, leaving them safely between floors. She wished he didn't seem so reluctant to talk to her. He never had been before. What the hell was going on?
"Why didn't you tell me you were taking a week off?" She asked softly, getting straight to the point. He was willing to talk to her for now, but that didn't mean he would for long.
Tony shrugged. "I didn't think it mattered."
"How could it not matter?" Abby stared at him. She poked him hard in the chest, venting a small measure of anger and frustration. "We're friends. Friends care about each other."
He raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"
"Of course, I'm sure." She poked him again, hard. "Why would you ask such a stupid question?"
Tony's jaw tightened. He reached for the button, but she knocked his hand away.
"Tony...talk to me."
"Just leave it alone."
"No." She was pushing hard. "I deserve an answer." Abby wanted some kind of reaction. She wanted the old Tony, not this distant, controlled version of him. They weren't leaving the elevator until she got him.
"Fine." Tony's eyes flashed as they narrowed. "Us being friends...That would be why you helped Kate doctor a photo of me? You remember it, I'm sure. The one that made me look like a poster boy for gay pride."
Abby felt herself blush. It hadn't occurred to her Tony even knew about her part in that little incident. "Kate was my best friend, Tony. All she told me was that she needed to have something over you so she could get back what you had over her. It was harmless."
"Harmless?" Tony nearly growled, his eyes like ice. "If she'd showed what you made for her to anyone else, it could have cost me my job. Or at the very least gotten me one hell of a beat down."
Abby stared at him. "Kate would never?"
"You don't think she would?" His lip curled in a sneer and he leaned forward. "She made sure damn near everyone in the building knew about me kissing Voss."
He snorted. "You aren't naive enough to think that there aren't more than a few bigots in this building. We're affiliated with the macho Marines and gung-ho Navy for God's sake. You know we've worked enough hate crimes to know better than to think Kate's little blackmail picture couldn't do some serious damage if she'd shown it around."
Abby winced. She clearly remembered a case with some poor sailor getting thrown overboard and left to drown because his buddies saw him kissing another man. And another where a Lance Corporal was beaten because his comrades thought he was just a little too effeminate for the Marines. She never thought doctoring the photo would put Tony in danger because Kate said no one but their team would ever see it. It had seemed like an innocuous prank.
"At least what I had on her was genuine. At most it would have gotten her a reprimand, at worst she'd have gotten asked out on a few dates." Tony ran a hand through his hair. "Christ. Do you know how many incidents of gay bashing I worked in Philadelphia?"
Abby shook her head. She was pretty certain the question was rhetorical.
"Never want to be caught up in the wrong end of something like that." Tony shuddered.
She reached out to touch him. "Tony?"
He stepped back. "Us being friends...That would be why you didn't come see me or call when I was out for two weeks recovering from the plague. Would have thought nearly dying was greater cause for concern than just taking a week off, but clearly I was mistaken there."
Abby blanched. She'd never told him that she'd caught Kate's cold, and that Dr. Pitt had told her seeing Tony wasn't a good idea. His lungs were still recovering and Pitt didn't think it would be a good idea to risk exposure. She hadn't called because things at the office got hectic and every time she got a chance it seemed way too late to disturb him. He needed his rest.
"And us being friends, " Tony stressed the word 'friend', giving it a negative connotations, "that would be why it took you more than a week to apologize for putting me in jail for a murder I didn't commit?" He held up a hand when Abby opened her mouth to protest.
"It was a damn good frame. I'm not faulting you for following the evidence." Tony shook his head. "Anyone else would have bought it and I'd be a prosecutor's dream. That's not the point." He rubbed tiredly at his eyes. "The point is that if you were sorry about it, why take so long to say so?"
"Black roses aren't that easy to find you know." Abby sniffled, surprised to find herself on the verge of tears.
Tony reached out to her, one hand cupping her face. "Oh, Abby, don't cry, please." His thumb lightly caressed her cheek. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I didn't mean any of that." He leaned in and kissed her forehead.
"All that stuff you said, it wasn't like that. It wasn't." Abby pushed him away. She wiped away a stray tear. "I'd never ever do anything intentional that would hurt you. You aren't being fair."
"I know." The admission stole all her thunder.
"God damn it, Tony." She hit him in the arm. She was surprised when he flinched away with a hiss of pain.
"Bad arm." Tony ground out.
Good, she thought savagely for just a moment before immediately feeling bad for hurting him. "I didn't mean--"
"I know." He pulled her into a hug, holding her close. "I'm sorry." He murmured into her hair, his voice hoarse. "I'm sorry."
"Why did you say all that shit?"
Tony sighed softly, and pulled her closer, laying his cheek against her hair. "It sounds stupid and petty if I say it out loud."
"Can't be any more stupid and petty than you thinking I'm not your friend. Or that I'd hurt you on purpose." All the distress and shock she felt bled into her voice. She hated that she still sounded like she was on the verge of crying.
"I took the week off to do some thinking." Tony sounded sad, hurt and disappointed.
"Thinking about what?"
"When I was eight, my father took me with him on a business trip. When he checked out of the hotel, he left me behind. Was on my own two days and he never knew I was missing." Tony tried to pull away but Abby clung to him afraid if she didn't he'd never come back to her. The breath he released sounded more like a sob than a sigh.
"Think he was kind of relieved to have me gone. Probably never would missed me at all if I hadn't charged enough to room service for the bill to get his attention."
Tony rubbed her back, almost as though offering her comfort gave him comfort in turn. "It is childish and meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but none of you even noticed I wasn't at Ziva's party." He took a slow deep breath. "Made me think maybe I'd been reading everything all wrong. That you were just tolerating me, and would rather not have to put up with me...like my father, you know?"
"Oh Tony." She whispered. "We aren't like him."
"It's all in how you look at it Abby."
"Well, then let me help you look at it the right way. Gotta see stuff from outside the box, Tony."
She pulled away, raising her hands to cup his face, forcing him to look at her. "You and Kate were always competing. It was like watching two little kids on a playground. But you know she'd have done anything for you?the same way you'd have done anything for her."
Abby smiled gently. "You got over the Voss thing. Same way she got over you going through her purse. Tit for tat. That's the way things were between you."
Blue eyes searched green. "She'd have never shown that picture to anyone else. And even if she did, you got so many girlfriends, no one was going to take that thing seriously."
"No one?" His lips curled into a half smile.
"Well, no one but me." Abby shrugged, unable not to be honest. "But I know you better than they do. Most people never see beyond the surface." They'd gone clubbing together a few times. She knew he wasn't nearly as inflexible about his sexuality as he tried to make others believe.
"Abby, I've got all the depth of a parking lot puddle. All I am is surface. No depth to be had." He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. "And this latest bout of self pity or whatever certainly goes to show that."
"You are a better man than you give yourself credit, Anthony DiNozzo." She kissed the tip of his nose. "A moment of poor judgment as a result of past experiences isn't the worst thing in the world. Lots of people have done dumber things."
He chuckled. "Thanks, Abs."
"You're welcome." She patted his cheek. "The plague thing...I had a cold. Dr. Pitt told me stopping to see you wasn't a good idea because your lungs were already compromised. Kate and McGee said you always sounded so tired when you called them. I didn't want to risk calling you and waking you up. You needed to rest or you weren't going to get better."
"Should have figured it was something like that."
"Yes, you should have." She gave him a pointed look. She wasn't happy that he'd doubted her, but at least she understood. Given his past, it wasn't hard for her to grasp that some of those feelings of abandonment could easily change his perception of two weeks on his own. That time had probably felt like an eternity to Tony, especially having limited contact with people. Tony needed to be around people like he needed air to breath.
"Gibbs was cranky those two weeks you were out. I think he missed you."
"I called him." Tony snorted. "Trust me, he didn't miss me."
"He did." Abby insisted. "He's just not good with expressing himself. Especially over the phone."
"Can we agree to disagree on that one?"
"For now." Abby knew that was a battle that would take more time. She was okay with that.
Abby did a quick mental review of things Tony had mentioned. "What about Ziva's party?" She frowned. "Of course we noticed you weren't there. But you'd turned her down so I wasn't expecting you to be there."
"I didn't turn her down, Abby." Tony shrugged on shoulder. "I never got invited."
"But Jimmy said everyone got invited." Abby bit her lip. "It was supposed to be some kind of team thing. Still wasn't sure I liked her, and I'm still not sure. But I figured if we were all there we could bond. You know? Maybe find some common ground or something."
Abby stepped away from Tony, hands moving as she continued speaking. "I wasn't even going to go. But Jimmy all but begged. McGee said he was going. He thinks just a little too much of Officer David." Abby rolled her eyes. "Like she walks on water or something. Honestly. So she's got spy stuff. So what. Like the stuff I do isn't pretty damn amazing?"
Abby paced the confines of the elevator. "Even Gibbs was going. So I thought I should go. Cause he'd already said I should play nice. Didn't want him to think I wasn't willing to make the effort. I thought Madame Director would be there too. God knows the last thing I needed was for her to get her panties in a bunch because I wasn't warming up to her personal pick for the team."
Abby's pacing picked up speed. "She's just nuts that woman. First the stupid dress code thing and then a homicidal assistant. That kind of help I can do without."
She spun to face Tony. "I know Ducky couldn't go because he already had plans. He was catching that play thing he'd missed when you guys had to go under cover as those married assassins. Think he had some lady friend." Abby winked and smiled. "The Duck man is just such a sweetie."
Abby stepped close to Tony, hugging him again. "I thought you had plans." She looked up at him, feeling just a bit guilty. "I was kind of mad at you for getting out of going. Least you could have done was invite me along. Give me a good reason to skip out of her party. Not that the food wasn't fantastic or anything. But I can get a good meal anywhere."
Abby huffed out a breath. "And Gibbs, he got a call fifteen minutes after we sat down to eat. He was out the door right after that."
"Gibbs didn't stay?"
"No." Abby shook her head, pigtails flapping. "I can't prove it, but knowing him he arranged the call on purpose. The man is not the dinner party type." She rolled her eyes. "He did head back to the office though so maybe not."
"Could have been intell on the case." Tony nodded to himself. "He sent us to the docks before I even got to my desk."
"Makes sense." Abby shrugged. She was more willing to put money on him arranging an escape.
"He left me there with McGee making eyes at Ziva. And Jimmy making eyes at me." Abby grimaced. "It was a damn good thing the food was good or it would have been a complete disaster. It didn't hurt that Palmer can be pretty funny...in an offbeat, weird kind of way."
Tony chuckled. "Suddenly I don't feel so bad about missing out."
"You never should have." Abby waggled a finger at him. "You need to discuss stuff with me before you go off the deep end."
"I didn't go off the deep end." Tony smiled. "I just took some time off to think."
"Yeah, and you end up thinking I wasn't your friend." Abby gave him a dirty look. "That sounds like the deep end to me."
Tony kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry."
"I know." She smiled. "It's the reason I already forgave you."
"McGee knew I wasn't invited." Tony raised a hand to rub at his eyes. "Look on his face was a dead give away."
"Point." Abby wasn't going to deny that. McGee had looked smug. He rarely looked like that unless he had good reason for it. Her eyes gleamed.
"No," Tony said firmly.
"What?"
"Whatever you're thinking...no." Tony shook his head. He smiled ruefully. "I sort of already started something."
"You didn't say anything to him like you did to me?" Abby bit her lip. She didn't want to see the team fractured and McGee wasn't nearly as capable of dealing with a hostile Tony as she was.
"No." Tony chuckled. "Said next to nothing to him."
"Silent treatment." Abby knew that would be more effective than most would expect. For all McGee's protestations to the contrary, he liked hearing Tony's stories and he liked being considered Tony's friend.
"Cold shoulder too." Tony shrugged. "Paid him what I owed him too."
Abby raised both eyebrows. "Nice touch that."
"Strange to think of paying a debt off as being punishment."
"Yeah, well, no one ever said we were normal."
"Point."
"What about Ziva?"
"Not like she and I were ever friends, Abby." Tony shrugged. His tone and body language clearly conveyed that he didn't think he and Ziva ever would be friends.
Ziva was definitely not Kate, Abby thought. And she was reassured that she wasn't the only one who thought so.
"Her not inviting me didn't matter." He looked away. "You not caring I wasn't there...that mattered."
She nudged him gently under the chin with her fist. "You know better now."
Tony grinned. "Yeah, I do."
"Good." Abby glanced at her watch. "Cause you have to get whatever Gibbs wanted taken care of done. And I've got to get back to the lab."
She reached for the button to put the elevator in motion, but Tony neatly captured her hand. He brought it up and placed a kiss on the back of her knuckles. "Thanks."
"For you...any time." She smiled. "You're worth it."
Chapter End Notes:
I'm not entirely sure where this story is going. It may ultimately end up as a slash story, but for the moment, it's gen.