How much can you bear
It was one of those hot summer days Tony just couldn't concentrate. All he wanted was to go out where a lot of women in short skirts just waited for him. He saw himself standing on the beach. All this girls in bikinis. Twins came near to him. They opened their mouth to speak.
"If you don't move your ass now your more than fired!"
Tony looked up into the face of a pissed of Gibbs.
"We've got a case."
"About a week.!" Ducky answered to Gibbs question how long the marine was dead.
"Cause of dead?"
"Hard to say!"
"Any clues?"
"It could be that this young man bled out but I can't tell before I took a closer look."
Gibbs walked into the bullpen.
"DiNozzo!"
"Yeah! It's a bit tricky you know! No skin on toes and fingers, no flesh on the face, no teeth. His uniform was blank, no ranking. So it's possible he wasn't even a marine, but a freak you bought himself a uniform like a costume."
"So there is nothing to identify him."
This was wierd. Who would place a body so they certainly find it but make sure they can't identify him?
"Well, there actually was something."
Gibbs looked at him, waiting.
"He had a tattoo."
"Unless he has his name tattoed on his ass it won't help.Anyway, what was it?"
"An eagle with the number 83 on it at his left ankle."
Gibbs seemed to be freezed for a moment.
"I'll make a call!"
"What's the name of this Captain?"
Tony drove with McGee to the Navy base.
"Captain Myers!"
"No first name?"
"I've only got Gibbs' note!"
They entered the base end came to an huge building. There were two marines standing at the door, MGs at the ready. Tony went to them.
"Special Agents DiNozzo and McGee." He showed him his ID.
"To whom you're heading?"
"Captain Myers!"
"You've got an appointment?"
Tony shared a confused look with McGee.
Another came out of the building.
"Special Agent DiNozzo?"
"Yeah!"
"Hi, Commander Banks!" he introduced himself.
"Follow me! Captain Myers will be ready in a minute."
They followed him inside. They walked many halls and felt like in a labyrinth. Then they entered a swimming hall. There was nothing but a pool.
"The Captain will be there for you in any moment. She's swimming her daily rounds."
"She...?"
In that second a woman around thirty got out of the pool. She was wearing a green swimsuit. She was well formed. Trained but with female curves. Her wet mahagony hair trailed on the back of her neck. Her eyes blue and deep like an ocean. She came towards him shaking her hair, closer, very close, pulling his head down. Her lips slightly open, eyes locked with his, pulling him to her wet body and
"Earth to Agent DiNozzo!"
Tony squinted a couple of times.
There was no wet body pressing against his, no hand on his neck pulling him down. But there were these blue eyes looking at him like he's crazy.
"Back in our univers?" she grinned.
He cleared his throat.
"Captain Myers?"
"Yeah! I didn't expect you coming! I thought Jethro would come. So you're Tony? I heard a lot about you!" she said that with a bad girl smile and a raised eyebrow.
Who was this woman, knowing Gibbs, hearing things about him? Did she heard it from Gibbs? That couldn't be good then!
"So, what do you have for me?" she asked after realizing that she wouldn't recieve an answer.
"Special Agent Gibbs told us to bring you to the office."
"Ok, fine then! Just give me a minute to change."
Against expectation she didn't return in a uniform but in jeans and a tank top. A gun on her hips. She just slipped in a jacket that hid the weapon perfectly. Somehow she remembered Tony to someone.
They entered bullpen twenty minutes later.
Gibbs was waiting for them. He hugged the Captain.
"Haven't heard of you for quite a while, Chris! I already thought you're missed or something!"
"You know the job! Always on the run." She smiled gently.
"So, why did you call? I guess it's more than that you just want to drink coffee with me."
He nodded and mentioned her to follow him into the autopsy.
"Do you know him?", he asked showing her the body.
"I don't recognize his face!", she said sacastically.
Tony thought that could have been said by Gibbs.
She took a closer look and saw the tattoo.
"He's certainly one of mine!"
"Can you imagine who?"
She bit on her lips.
"Lieutnant Commander Jeff Micheals. He's missed since yesterday."
"This one died more than a week ago.", said McGee.
"That's McGee, right?", she asked Gibbs who nodded once.
"Yeah, thought so. I said he's been missed since yesterday, Agent McGee. The last time I saw him was three weeks ago. He was on holidays. No family, no friends he wanted to visit. We have no idea since when he is really lost. But I'm pretty sure that's him. You can test the DNA, I'll get you his."
"That would be a big help, Christin!", said Ducky, "And it was nice to see you again, by the way! It must have been nearly ten years! Little Mary just got in school!"
"Yeah, that's around the time!", she said, not really thinking of the conversation, "How did he die, Ducky?"
"Oh, that. Poison. Arsenic! I remember a similiar case I had in Hollywood..."
"Yeah, I guess we have to move on, Ducky!", said Gibbs.
Tony sat at his desk. Why is he so fascinated by her? She knows Gibbs, and she knows Ducky. Who is that Mary Ducky was talking about? Tony was staring into thin air.
"I can imagine that Christin's ass is fascinating you, but I'd prefer you work!"
Gibbs was standing at his desk. Christin gave Tony her bad girl smile again.
"Sure, Boss! I was thinking about the case!"
"Christin, enlight them, please!"
"As you like! Jeff Micheals was Lieutnant Commander in the special unit 83. We are kinda secret, that's why you were asked for an appointment at the door."
She gave them a clue what they were doing at the unit.
"We work pretty often undercover, so an ID is difficult to have with us. I remember once, I had to wear this gogo dancer outfit. And you know there is not much room for..."
Gibbs gave her a glance.
„Well, anyway, we all got this tattoo at hte right ankle."
"But his tattoo was on his left ankle.", said Tony
"Yeah, that's what makes me sure it is Jeff. He was the only one. He had some kind of a scar on his right ankle where he couldn't be tattooed so he got it on the left. And it makes me think that it was one from inside."
"What do you mean inside? One of your men?", Gibbs was reading something but looked up her suspicion.
"Yeah, there are some who left the navy earlier. I can't imagine it was one of the current team. It's more than a unit. We are all friends."
"What makes you think it was someone from, inside?" Tony pronounced the word in a way that it sounded unintentionally nasty so he earned another of her grins.
"The skin on his right ankle was removed. So I guess it was someone who knew about the tattoo, but not that Jeff had in on the other side and probaply he worked in the dark or he would have noticed."
"Any ideas?", Gibbs asked her unimpressed.
"Give me time! I know about that an hour now!"
"Well, then you'll better call Mary! It's gonna be late!"
And he was off to get coffee.
"Great! Another video evening fading away!"
Tony was already in his thoughts. Who the fuck is Mary? And where does Gibbs knows Christin from? Is Mary her girlfriend. Not that that would be so bad!
"Why don't you get back to work?"
Christin was standing directly behind Tony who was scared to death!
"Man! You sneak up to me just like Gibbs!"
"What do think you taught me?"
She stepped aside him to get her a coffee.
"So, what is it about him? The boat?"
Tony didn't really think about it first! It just had to come out.
"What?"
"Gibbs, I mean, aren't you two...?"
For a second she seemed confused then shocked
"Me and Jethro? NOOOO! He's my uncle! Didn't he told you?"
Tony burried his face into his hands.
"No, sorry, he didn't!"
"It's ok!"
And again there was this smile again.
"Any other questions you want to clear?"
"Who's Mary?"
That she hadn't expected.
"My daughter!"
"You have a daughter, I mean, you don't look like a mother, I mean you don't look married, I...!"
she gave a little giggle.
"OK! Well, I'm not married. But I take it as a compliment, that I don't look like a mother!"
She took her coffee and let him alone.
"Fuck!", he whispered.
She never felt so relaxed. Man, he knows what he's doing! Gibbs told her about his "rate" but she had no idea that practice makes such a difference! He knew where to touch. He knew what she wanted. She didn't need to ask. He slowly made his way up to her lips again.
"That's really not what I expected!", she whispered
He gave her a gentle kiss. Never in her life somebody gave so much attention to her needs.
"Ohh, Tony!"
She was ready, only a few seconds more...
She wanted to open her eyes. She wanted to see his face.
But what she saw wasn't what she wanted. She sat in the bullpen at Gibbs desk. He head lying on the cold tabletop. It was nearly 2 in the morning. She looked around to see if she had done something in sleep. Talked, moaned, screamed his name? But McGee and Tony were just sitting tired at their desks.She took in a deep breath and returned to work.
She was checking the files of Jeff but still had no clue. He wasn't somebody who talked much. She liked that because she could talk for two then. He had a lot to hide. The only gay of the unit and she was the only one who knew it. At least she tought so. But she couldn't believe that someone of her men would kill him over that. She knew them. They rarely killed on command, only if it's necessary. And killing someone on own decision?
She looked up through the room. McGee seemed nervous. Gibbs had made a clear point at him that if he wouldn't find something on Jeff's computer it would get dangerous for him. Gibbs hadn't drunk coffee for nearly half an hour at that time and got really easy pissed of. Christin smiled at the hard working McGee. She knew Gibbs. He took her when she was sixteen, pregnant and thrown out at home. Her mother was religious. She hadn't even had the chance to say something. Her things where already packed when she got home one day. Her mother had found the test. So he became her family. And he adored her and her little baby. For him she was a little girl who came in that situation because she was too naive. As a matter of fact, he still believed she was that little girl.
She looked over at Tony. He seemed to be staring at the screen of his computer. Wierd, shouldn't he be reading files. Christin got up and placed herself directly in front of him. She even waved her hand directly before his eyes. "You're sleeping with open eyes! That's kind of an art."
A cunning grin came to her face. She stepped aside him and whispered into his ear.
"What's your favorite ice cream?"
She waited for an answer it was only a test.
"Strawberry" he replied slowly.
She suppressed a giggle.
"What do you think of Christin?"
"She's hot!"
That's the answer I wanted, she thought.
"Will you ask her out for dinner?"
"No."
Chris freezed for a second. What?
"Why not?"
"He's gonna kill me."
"Who?"
"Gibbs. She is his niece. New Rule."
"Rule?"
"Never touch niece of boss."
"Did he told you?"
"Yeah!"
His head slipped from his hand and he was bright awake. Confused he looked at Christin.
"Can I do something for you?"
"You did enough!"
She was furios. How could he do that? She wasn't sixteen anymore! He always did that.
Gibbs came back with Abby.
"Hey ya! Chrissie! What's up?"
"Hey Abs! You're good?"
"Sure I am!"
She went over to McGee.
"Found something?"
He looked panic at Gibbs and shook his head.
Christin stood up and walked to the empty desk of Kate. She didn't wanted to sit at the place of their dead team mate. It made her feel heartless. But she couldn't be near to Gibbs at the moment. Tony looked up for a moment. It were months now but he still disliked it when somebody was at Kate's desk. But for now he didn't care. In fact, she even remembered him on Kate. She was just as strong and smart. The same kind of beauty he missed since the day on the roof. More than one new Agent had sat at that table, but noone filled the space. Not for Tony, nor for Gibbs. He felt all this feelings he had for Kate projected on Christin. Was it just because they were so much alike? He didn't like the thought. It hurt him. It hurt him to think of Kate again in this way. He just stopped to dream about that night. Now he was afraid the nightmares would come back. He felt pulled back in time. When Kate sat there. All the feelings he had. Unable to show them because of Gibbs. She was like a daughter to him. Christin was like a daughter to him. And the rule. Rule 12 then, this new rule now! He damned Gibbs for them. This time he wouldn't wait. This time he would be aggressiv. He would ask her for dinner. He didn't want to be a coward about it anymore. Too much had happened.
It was the next day. Tony went to Christin's house to give her a ride. They lived pretty close to eachother. There was no need for two cars. He stepped up the few stairs and knocked. A fifteen year old girl opened the door. She was just a clone of Christin. Except for the hazelnut eyes. She looked up at him, waiting.
"Hi, em, I'm Tony DiNozzo. I wanted to get your mother!"
"Mum! Tony's here! You wanna come in?"
It was a nice house. Warm and colorfull. Nothing in here reminded him on the Navy, or Gibbs, what's not a big difference.
Christin came jumping down from upstairs.
"This damned shoes! How can women wear them every day?"
She tried to slip into a pair of heels. She was wearing some kind of a bussiness outfit.
"Well, training. So bye. Oh and by the way, you were right he is gorgeous!" Mary grinned just like her mother.
Tony couldn't suppress a grin either.
"I'm gorgeous?"
"Nobody talked about you! We were talking about Johnny Depp, and Mary didn't want to believe me that he looks gorgeous in Chocolat!"
The word came out of her mouth so fast that it was completely obvious that she lied. But she went on out of the house, feeling his boyish grin on the back of her neck.
They stepped into the bullpen where Gibbs and McGee where already at work. Christin sat behind Kate's desk again when Gibbs placed a letter in front of her.
"Who knows you're here?"
"I dunno. Maybe one of the unit?"
She opened the envelope and took the letter.
"Your next!"
It was all it said. It was written in blood.
"That surely is the blood of our dead Lieutenant Commander!" said Abby.
"Fingerprints?" Christin asked absently.
"None!"
"What about the handwriting? We could analyse it!", said Tony to comfort Christin.
"Without something to compare? I don't think so."
"Still no idea?"
Christin began to shake her head but stopped in the middle of it.
"Bill McThomas."
All the other stood their asking her for more information with glares.
"He was one of us. Jeff found out that he'd stolen navy's property, like gun, munition, and sold it. He told me and because of us he got into prison and was thrown out of the navy without anything. I guess he's out now." She still was in her own thoughts. "Mary!", she whispered.
"What about her?" asked Gibbs. His voice was serious.
"He first have killed Jeff! He wants to see me suffer!"
"More than he did in prison."Tony finished for her.
"McGee, come on, we'll get Mary! You stay here with DiNozzo! Never take you're eyes of her."
"No problem, boss." And he earned another headnut.
"Where are they? It don't take so long to drive at my place and back!"
"Christin, just relax! They aren't gone so long." In fact they were gone since nearly two hours now and Tony was perfectly aware of that.
"Where you close to her?"
Tony looked up at her.
"What do you mean?"
"Kate! Jethro was completely broken when she died. It was the first time I saw him like that."
"I wasn't as close to her as I wanted to be!"
"Rule 12?"
He glanced at her in surprise.
"I tell my men the same rules everytime we get somebody new. I know how it is to lose somebody you're close to. I lost one of my men, who actually was my boyfriend. From that on I used rule 12. I thougth it wouldn't have hurt that much if there never was something."
"It hurts more." Tony's voice was down to an whisper, his eyes fixed on the tapletop, tryind not to think of the pain..
"Yeah, all the unspoken words, undone actions. I guess it's hard to moun and regret."
He glance up at her again. She looked at him in understanding. He didn't felt this understanded by anyone since Kate's death.
His phone rang. It was Gibbs. He hung up and looked at Christin. There was no need for words. She knew everything. Her baby was dead. Killed by a maniac who wanted revenge. She didn't cry. It felt as if there was nothing inside her, not even tears. She felt killed herself. No, that would feel better. No physically pain compared to this. She didn't knew what to do. What to say. She closed her eyes. Why didn't she cry? Crying would be an relief. It would wash a bit of the pressure she felt inside away. But nothing happened. She felt a hand on her shoulder. Nothing seemed real. She saw herself standing in the autopsy. Her child lying there. Dead. She saw that from outside. McGee's point of view, maybe Tony's but not hers. She felt pity for that woman broken of the lost of her beloved daughter. That wasn't her. That wasn't Christin standing there, crying into Tony's shoulder, it wasn't Gibbs standing apart, not able to look at the dead body, and it wasn't Mary lying there lifeless. Cold and shock on her face.
The next days ran away. Christin couldn't think. She felt like in trance. Gibbs had killed him. Bill, the murderer of her friend, the murderer of her daughter was dead. All the hatred in Gibbs was projected in this man. It was not only revenge for Mary, it was a revenge for Kate too. There were too many losses in his life lately. But it didn't felt better. He wasn't satisfied. Neither was Christin. Death seemed to be too good for that man. She wanted to make him feel the same way she felt. She wanted to feel this gap. This whole inside. Tony sat beside her. Talking calming words to her. She never heard them. She didn't wanted to hear them. He couldn't imagine how that feel. All he wanted was to know that she is ok. That she'll come over it as best as possible. He wanted her to speak, to cry to do anything so he would see that there is something, some kind of feeling left. But there was nothing. It was too big. There was no pain, no hatred, no mouning. She felt dull and numb. She looked at him. She wanted to feel. Something, anything. She kissed him. He let her. For him it was her way to say thank you for being here, help me through this. For her it was just feeling. Not good, nor bad, just feeling. She took what she longed for. She wanted it because it would make her feel. She sat on him. Moving her hips to feel him inside. All feeling came back all of a sudden. There was pain, too much to bear. There was hatred, and mouning. She starded to cry. Cry loudly in his neck. But she didn't stop. If she stopped the feeling would fade away. But to feel was a relief. It showed her that she was still alive. Still her. Alone. The man in her arms felt hollow. He wasn't there. But it was that what he wanted. He wanted to be there. All the love he had inside happened to belong to this woman from now. He loved her more than he dared. She was there and she had Kate inside her as well. He hated the thought to love a women because of another. But he held her. She cried but kept pumping. He didn't come. Not with a crying woman in his armes.
He dreamt of Kate. She told him that is was fine. That she wanted him to be happy. He wasn't happy. Not in the original sence of the word. He just felt something else than pain. Something good. He reached out beside him. But there was nothing but air. When he opened his eyes there was a shot. For a second he thought it had hit him. Because he knew what it meant. It meant loss. It meant pain.
He sat on the couch when she was carried out of the house. He had found her in Mary's bed. A single shot in her temple.
"Men shot in the head. Woman don't!" Gibbs once said. He was wrong. She did. It was the marine in her, he tought. Gibbs sat beside him. He never felt so emotional close to his boss. They had lost everybody they loved.
It was an warm day. But for Tony and Gibbs it was cold as ice. They all stood there in black. Two graves side by side. Mother and daughter. Tony couldn't cry. He seemed to have cried all his tears. Fate seemed to hate him. To test him. To ask him how much he could bear.
END
Story Notes:
In my universe Twilight happened a few month ago but they haven't got a new agent.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony found a new love but Gibbs is standing in the way again. Until there is a loss for both of them again.
Gibbs sat beside him. He never felt so emotional close to his boss. They had lost everybody they loved.
Gibbs sat beside him. He never felt so emotional close to his boss. They had lost everybody they loved.
Chapter End Notes:
In my universe Twilight happened a few month ago but they haven't got a new agent.