Tony and Kate still sat at the floor behind Tony's desk. The crossword was filled long ago and for the past two hours Tony had told her another story with her head on his shoulder.
He didn't know if she was asleep and actually he didn't care, he just kept talking. Talking stopped him from thinking about the possibility lying on his shoulder.
It stopped him from hearing the little devil who told him to take her into the breakroom and kiss her senseless, and a bit more.
It stopped him from hearing the little angel who told him to be a good boy. To not make Gibbs angry. To not risk his job and the chance to see her every day.
It even stopped him from hearing the devil who told him to kill the damn angel and take what he really wants.
A soft reddish light started to fall through the windows. It was that very moment that Kate woke up, or rose her head, who knows.
Both agents stood up and walked over to the not-openable windows and watched the sun slowly rising.
"I never noticed how beautiful the dawn is from here."
Kate said dreamly.
"I never noticed any dawn from here."
Tony said confused.
"Wierd though! How many nights have we spent here already?"
"Uncountable, like your women."
Kate answered with a teasing tone. She already regretted it. This was a perfect moment. Well, yes they were locked in the building with no way out. Yes, this was not the most romantic place she could imagine.
But, hey, she was there, with Tony, completely alone. The sun was rising and everything was lightened by a red light and seemed more soft than usual. Even Tony seemed more vurnable, more near.
Actually, now that she looked at his features, she thought she saw hurt on them, was it from her comment?
"You know, they weren't that much..."
His voice was low. Now he would confess, well at least a bit. He would make the huge mistake to make a complete idiot of himself and tell her how he really feels. But somehow he thought this was the right moment to take a step towards her.
Maybe this was not only the right moment, but the last chance. When will he ever have the opportunity to talk to her completely in private. And he was pretty sure that soon some Petty Officer or Sargeant or what over would be shot, stabbed, beheaded or something else and the building would be crowed. Well, at least they wouldn't be alone anymore and they would be free to go and he was pretty sure if he doesn't do anything to deepen their relationship Kate would walk out on him without looking back.
"You mean you made up dates?"
Kate couldn't believe that they weren't that much. She couldn't really think of a week Tony hadn't at least one date, and only really few cases he had come out without any phone number.
"I did not made up dates! But I never said that I slept with all of them!"
"Yes, you did!"
Kate could swear that there was a small "Puff" and their perfect moment had vanished into thin air.
"No, Kate, I didn't!"
He turned so he could lock his eyes with hers.
A slight shiver ran up her spine. There was this sparkle, this special one, but it was dampened by something else. Something like hurt and deep emotions he hadn't let out ever. Not really emotions he had for her, well there were but they weren't what she noticed. They were emotions he had surpress for years, for more years than he knew her, maybe even his whole life.
It was because of his eyes that she believed him in some way.
He lowered his eyes and she didn't need to be a profiler to see that it was just a action to hide the pain underneath.
"I never said that. You all assumed it and I thought it would be better if I let you believe what you want to believe. I mean, yes, there were a lot but not as many as you think. And never I had completely meaningless sex. It always meant something."
Now Kate lowered her eyes. Slight feelings of guilt and regrett filled her. How did it happen that she was so wrong about him. She could see him now, for the first time it seemed. They worked together for more than two years now but it seemed that he was always wearing a mask, always undercover and maybe that's the reason why he was so good in that, because he always was acting.
Tony looked at her. Her eyes were focused on the floor. God, he hadn't felt like that since high school. Tony hated to let his guard down. The guard he had put up at college and became the one he was now. He was so damned good in acting that he sometimes nearly forgot who he really was.
And actually that's why he was acting.
He was a loveneeding kid, still, and it would never change. Somewhere deep inside he was still this boy he was in high school. Unloved by his parents, beaten by his classmates.
�Time to leave' rushed through his mind.
It was always a conversation like this one which made him move on. Everytime he opened up to his colluages or his boss or a girlfriend he didn't recieve what he wanted.
They never had said "It's ok, Tony." or "I'll make it better." not even a lied "I understand you." left their lips. His desperate search for a father, a family seemed to end here but he was pretty sure it was over now.
He didn't want to be like that. He didn't want to feel the pain he felt for years. But nothing seem to come from Kate. She didn't say anything to his confession that he played a trick on them only to let them think what they want to think.
Kate's mind was still working on this piece of information.
�First impression' seemed to be written over everything. Over the imaginary profiler files he had mentally written and stored about Tony.
If she was completely honest she had never tried to look past this every happy outside. She never tried to see Tony underneath DiNozzo.
But now she saw it. His family history, even if she knew less about it what actually only emphasized it, and his behavior. It never really fit together but he was right, it wasn't what she wanted to believe.
It's so much easier to work with DiNozzo than with Tony but now Tony was there and DiNozzo gone for the moment. She knew Tony would only show aslong as they are alone, soon he would be calling McGee Probie and recieve headslaps from Gibbs.
Her head was spinning from the thought that Tony gave her so much without thinking about it.
He had this sparkle, this smile, and Tony without act without cover. And that was all she wanted.
She also knew that this moment was very important for his life. When somebody who's acting all day long lets down his guard it's always important and meaningfull.
But nothing she could say seemed enough to show him what she thought. Nothing seemed to be acurate to show him that he, Tony, is welcome.
When she looked up at him he had already turned. He was slowly walking towards the breakroom and she wanted to slap herself for not saying anything but she just didn't seem to find her voice or words.
She turned back to the sun which were nearly fully risen by now.
One thing she knew for certain, she had to show him what she thinks of him, and soon, or they would all lost him and that's something she really didn't want.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony stars to open up
Chapter End Notes:
PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK!
I wanna know if you wanna more!
Ok, I know I stole a bit from eve, but I hope she'll forgive me!
Sorry, but I stopped Tate some time ago. So this won't be continued, except I'm in a really really strange mood.
And the angel/devil thing from Mel, sorry, was just fitting!
And I know this chapter is a bit depressing, I promiss the next will be funny again
I wanna know if you wanna more!
Ok, I know I stole a bit from eve, but I hope she'll forgive me!
Sorry, but I stopped Tate some time ago. So this won't be continued, except I'm in a really really strange mood.
And the angel/devil thing from Mel, sorry, was just fitting!
And I know this chapter is a bit depressing, I promiss the next will be funny again