Gibbs and Zoe got into the elevator. Gibbs switch the energie button.
"Well, I thought we first..."
"What happened between you and Mum?"
"What?"
"Why did she left you?"
"I never had the chance to ask her that."
Zoe lowered her eyes.
"Don't hate your mother! It wasn't her fault."
"It wasn't her fault? She left me alone with him!"
"She didn't went to him on her own decision! He forced her! She was working for him before she was with me, you know that!"
"That's no excuse for the cocain!" Zoe grew angry.
"She was clean! I made her clean, just like you! It was his fault! Not hers!"
"C'mon, Jay! It wasn't an accident! She wrote me a letter! She didn't care about me! Neither did you!"
"That's not true! I cared! I fought for the fucking custody fourteen years but they didn't gave it to me!"
"And why did you never looked for me?"
"I couldn't!"
She looked angrily at him.
"I hate you for that!"
They weren't just words. Her eyes told him the same. It was worse than every pain he had ever felt in his life. She had never asked him that. For the last thirteen years she had just accepted it. But now everything was there again. Now all the pain in her was coming back and turned into anger. And this time it was focused on him. The last time she was too grateful that he had busted her stepfather, that he helped her through the withdrawel. That he took her. But this time there was somebody to blame. She was shaking with anger and the elevator seemed far too small for both of them now.
"I tried it!" his voice was low. Of course he felt guilty. From the moment he learned that this girl, sitting in the autopsy was his daughter. Knowing that the decision of the judge was never for the child's best. And he felt guilty right now. See her afraid of the man who made her childhood to hell. He just couldn't blame her to be angry. He himself was angry. He wished he would have killed him when he had the opportunity.
"Look, I know you're angry! I should have told you that a long time ago. I can't change what happened! I wish I could! I had no clue that... I wanted to protect you, but they didn't let me!"
His eyes went dusty. She had never seen him like that. In that moment he seemed older than ever. She could see all those years he longed to see his daughter in his eyes. And it scared her. For the first time she asked herself how it felt for him to meet her. How difficult those years were for him. How hard all the time was when she was on mission and he had no idea if she was fine and felt helpless again. How much it scared him to death when he recieved a call that she was shot down or anything, what happened often because she didn't cared about her own life.
The anger went away in waves. All of a sudden she knew that he wasn't the one to blame. That it was in fact everything but fair to yell at him. That he cared. That he cared more than anybody else ever would or had.
"I'm sorry!" her voice was rough. Her throat was dry and she thought she would suffocate on those words which stucked in there.
"I didn't mean to let everything out on you!"
He looked down on his feet.
"I don't hate you!"
"It's ok!" he said nearly inaudible.
"No, it's not, Dad!"
He looked up at her. The last word meant more than everything she'd said before. He had always thought the reason why she called him Jay was because she had meet him with fifteen. But it was because she hadn't accepted him as her Dad. But now she did.
He pulled her into a tight embrace.
"I always tried to protect you!" he whispered.
"I know, Dad! I love you!"
"I love you,too, Zoe! I love you, too!" and he let out a tear.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Zoe ang Gibbs are overwhelmed by emotions
Chapter End Notes:
In the beginning it's nice, but it's getting worse...
Thanks to Mel, and especially to eve who helped me through my bunny attacks!
Thanks to Mel, and especially to eve who helped me through my bunny attacks!