Title: Misconceptions
Author: Ceindreadh
Email: Ceindreadh@eircom.net
Website: n/a
Permission to archive: Yes to WWOMB, anybody else, please ask first.
Fandom(s): NCIS
Genre (general, hetero or slash) : Slash, M-PREG, Angst/hurt-comfort
Pairing/Characters: Gibbs/DiNozzo, McGee/Jimmy
Rating: T
Warnings: THIS IS AN M-PREG FIC. If you don't like M-Preg then don't read it. If you read it anyway, then don't go complaining to me that you don't like it *because* it's M-Preg
Later chapters *will* feature minor character death, just so you know.
Disclaimer. I don't own the NCIS characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in minty fresh condition when I'm finished.
Notes: Thanks to FatCat for her Beta'ing
I was going to go into this whole pseudo-scientific explanation as to how M-Preg works in this universe, but then I thought, Feck it. It works, and that's it.
Previously on NCIS - McGee and Gibbs hadn't been on good terms since Jimmy's 'accident', and Tony felt stuck in the middle. Jimmy was setting up for an Autopsy when he got a phone call from Ducky.
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[9]
McGee stood by the side of the car waiting impatiently. "Hurry up, Tony," he called, a note of exasperation in his voice.
Tony emerged from behind the tree zipping himself up. "Take it easy," he said, as he took the pack of hand wipes from McGee. "It's not my fault I couldn't hold it. In case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda pregnant. You know, the whole dealie with a baby pressing on my bladder."
"Just get in the car, we're going to be late."
"I hope you don't speak to Jimmy this way," grumbled Tony as he sat back in the passenger seat and strapped himself in.
"Jimmy has sense enough to use the head *before* setting out on a car journey," said McGee as he pulled back out into the traffic.
"Yeah, whatever," said Tony, as he reached around to the back seat and grabbed a bag of potato chips from his backpack.
"And he has sense enough not to be stuffing himself with junk food all the time."
Tony shot him an indignant look. "Just for that, I'm not sharing," he said as he crammed a handful of chips in his mouth. "Besides," he added, "I'm eating for two now...have to keep my strength up." He patted his stomach and belched loudly.
"Well it hasn't improved your table manners!"
"And you really should try to cut down on all the junk food. You have to think about your cholesterol levels. Jimmy eats at least six portions of fruit or vegetables a day," added McGee, a trifle smugly.
Tony chomped down another mouthful of chips and wisely refrained from mentioning the stash of donuts and other tasty sweet things that Abby had stored in her lab for the benefit of two pregnant guys with sugar cravings.
Most days either he or Jimmy or both of them managed to sneak away from their respective watchdogs and deplete the stash a little further.
Tony did occasionally feel a little guilty about sneaking away to Abby's lab so often. It wasn't just the donuts that attracted him...Abby's lab was one of the few places he could truly relax. Any time he spent in the bullpen...or to be more accurate, any time he spent in the company of both Gibbs *and* McGee...it felt like he was walking a tightrope...trying not to offend or upset either of them, at least that was what he had told Doctor Jackson in one of his solo therapy sessions.
"Have you tried talking to either of them about it?" asked Jackson.
Tony shrugged, "Every time I mention Gibbs's name in front of McGee...it's like he clams up. He'll change the subject to anything rather than talk about him...unless it's job related. And Jethro..." Tony fell silent.
"What about Jethro?" prompted Jackson when she felt the silence had gone on too long.
Tony shifted uncomfortably on the couch, "We sort of don't talk about stuff like that..."
"What sort of things *do* you talk about?"
"Anything...everything...except what happened to Jimmy." Tony's hands automatically strayed to his abdomen.
"Have you talked about his reaction to when you told him you were pregnant?"
"I...no...we sort of..." Tony sighed, "Gibbs hasn't brought it up...and...and I guess I've just been afraid to..." He half curled up on the couch, wrapping his arms protectively around him, "I mean, I just feel...we're together now...the baby's coming...I don't..." He hesitated for a few seconds before continuing, "We were at my place last week, and we talked about getting stuff for my spare room...to make it into a nursery. And...and then we went to his place, and Gibbs was saying about putting a lock on the basement door, and maybe getting stair gates and things...and he was going on about how we'd have to start spending more time at my place because he wasn't going to carry me up the stairs anymore and then I teased him about having too many steps in his house and he teased me back, and the next thing I knew we were doing it right there in the hallway...and it's been so long since we were able to just let it go and have fun and I wasn't worrying about whether I was gonna say the wrong thing and watch him shut me out again." Tony took a deep breath before continuing, "And I love him so much it hurts...but I just can't talk to him about the important stuff...because I'm afraid he's gonna change his mind and walk out on me because he doesn't trust me, so I'm keeping my mouth shut cause I'm scared..." Tony lay there breathing heavily for a few minutes.
Doctor Jackson let him take his time getting his emotions under control. She knew from experience - both with Tony and other patients - that if she pushed him too hard he'd just clam up. He had to tell her these things at his own pace.
Tony looked up at the Doctor, "I suppose you think I'm a total coward," he said finally.
"No, Tony, I don't think that at all." Jackson chose her words carefully, "I *do* think that you're doing your best to protect yourself and your child. Your instinct is to shield it from any pain...you don't want to rock the boat." She looked at her notes. "Have you thought any more about settling the paternity issue once and for all? Gibbs could have a test to see if the vasectomy was successful or not..."
Tony shook his head, "Gibbs was right...this isn't about a piece of paper that tells him I'm not lying...this is about whether he believes me...whether he trusts me or not. If it takes a lab test to prove I'm not lying, then we've got no future." Tony looked away, "Not that I'm sure we have a future anyway..."
Tony stared out the window as McGee drove. The therapy sessions *had* helped somewhat with his relationship with Gibbs. What still was a problem was the balancing act between Gibbs and McGee. Tony hated being in the middle...although at least Gibbs and McGee didn't yell and throw things like his mother...or crawl into a bottle like his father. And at least he had Abby to go to when things got too much for him on the job. And speaking of too much...
"Pull over," ordered Tony.
"What, *again*? That's it, no more soda for you until we're back at headquarters!"
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Tony zipped himself up and returned to the car. If truth be told, he hadn't *really* needed to go again...he just liked yanking McGee's chain every so often.
"What's up?" he asked, seeing the worried expression on McGee's face.
"I don't know," said McGee. "I was trying to call Jimmy...see if Ducky had shown up yet...but his cell's switched off and nobody's answering in Autopsy."
Tony fell a twinge of envy. He couldn't imagine Gibbs getting all worked up if *he* didn't answer his phone. Okay, maybe if he was undercover or tracking down bad guys. But if Tony didn't answer his phone while he was tucked up at N.C.I.S. Headquarters, then Gibbs would more than likely just swat him silly.
To be fair, Tony told himself, that was just Gibbs being Gibbs. And Gibbs knew that Tony was well able to take care of himself, and didn't need to be hovered over like a babe in arms. Sometimes Tony wished he wasn't so self-reliant...it'd be nice to just relax and be taken care of.
He'd said as much to Doctor Jackson...okay, he hadn't *meant* to say it, but she'd kept on encouraging him to speak his mind and so he'd told her...told her how he'd been pretty much self reliant since he was a kid...since his parents had divorced...since his father had crawled into a bottle and his mother into bed with a string of men in search of a new rich husband.
Tony had looked up at Jackson and said, "I know what you're thinking...you're thinking that I want Gibbs to be a surrogate father because my relationship with my own father was so messed up...but it's not true, I love him for him...age has nothing to do with it...has he *said* anything like that to you?"
But Doctor Jackson had told him that unless something came up during a joint session she couldn't discuss it with him. It hadn't been until one of their joint sessions a few weeks later that Tony had gotten so fed up and depressed that he had finally blurted out to Gibbs "I'm afraid you're gonna leave me...like my father did...and I'll be dealing with all this shit alone..." He had regretted the words the moment he'd said them and had tried to leave the room immediately.
But Gibbs's hand had fallen on his shoulder and turned him around, and Gibbs had been there and saying "How can you think that I'd just walk away? Doesn't all this..." he gestured around at the office. "Counseling, therapy...fixing up our places for the kid...doesn't it prove I'm not about to just walk out. I take my responsibilities seriously."
Tony had pushed Gibbs away, "I don't want to be just a 'responsibility' to you...I don't want you to feel you have to stay just because of some misguided sense of duty to some guy who got knocked up while sleeping with you. I don't...I just want *you*..."
He allowed himself to be enveloped in Gibbs's arms "You *do* have me," said Gibbs, gently. "I wish I could say we'll be together forever...but you and I both know that's an impossible promise. I've told three women we'd spend the rest of our lives together...and look how that turned out." There was a long pause before Gibbs continued, "But what I *can* tell you is that I intend to be around for the foreseeable future...I'm not going to lie and tell you everything's gonna run smoothly, I'm not gonna tell you it'll be forever...but I am *not* going to abandon you and your...you and *our* child..."
Tony looked up at Gibbs in delight. "You mean..."
"I mean is that this baby is definitely yours...and for that reason alone then it'd be part of me too...whatever else happens, I believe that...and I believe you've never lied to me...ever...and I'm just sorry it took me so long to understand that. Can you forgive me for being such a stubborn pig-headed old fool to have ever doubted you?"
"Oh Gibbs..." Tony's reaction said it all as he fell into Gibbs's arms and let the older man hold him safely.
- - - - - - - -
Tony clapped McGee on the back, "If Ducky's late then Jimmy's probably just visiting with Abby."
"Maybe I should try her cell." McGee started to dial but Tony grabbed the cell phone from him.
"I thought you said we were gonna be late? Come on, Jimmy's a big boy now and I'm sure Abby will take care of him. He might end up with his nails painted black again if he falls asleep on her, but apart from that, I'm sure he's good."
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Jimmy however was feeling anything but good as he punched the button on the elevator. Doctor Mallard had sounded so calm on the phone even as he'd described getting concerned when he hadn't heard his mother snoring that morning. His voice hadn't trembled even as he'd told Jimmy how he'd gone in to check on her and found her cold. The only tremor had been when he'd mentioned making 'arrangements'. Then he'd rallied and told Jimmy to contact Doctor Stroller at Bethesda if there were any urgent autopsy requirements.
Jimmy had promised to do so, and had also offered to let the appropriate people know at N.C.I.S.
"Thank you, Jimmy," Doctor Mallard had said. "I...I do appreciate your assistance."
"Of course, Doctor Mallard," said Jimmy. "Is...is there anything I can do?"
"I believe there's a report on my desk that needs to be forwarded to the District Attorney's office. All the information, where to send it, should be in my notes."
"Yes Sir, but...but I meant for you...personally."
"I...I'm sure I will be able to see to the necessary arra...arrangements."
"Of course...and Doctor Mallard, I'm so, so sorry for your loss."
Jimmy hung up the phone and looked around Autopsy. The John Doe he'd been intending to set up for autopsy was part of a cold case being reinvestigated. A few more days wouldn't hurt it. There was nothing especially time sensitive...at least nothing that couldn't wait until the appropriate people had been notified. He glanced at the phone, but realized that there was some news that should be delivered in person. Tossing his scrub cap in the used linen bin Jimmy headed for the elevator.
"Start at the top," he muttered to himself as he pressed the button for the Director's level.
The elevator slowed to a stop. Jimmy frowned as the display panel indicated a level below where he'd intended. And then the doors opened at the bullpen level...with Gibbs standing in front of them.
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To be continued
Author's Chapter Notes:
Jimmy's pregnant by McGee, Tony is pregnant by Gibbs. McGee and Gibbs still aren't really speaking to each other. Mrs Mallard has just died.
Chapter End Notes:
I wrote a fic called Reality Check, which featured an M-Preg dream. Feedback was so positive that I decided to do the real thing.