So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who you are
And nothing else matters
‚Running. Running is good. To run is a relief. C'mon Tony. Run!‘
He ran since half a hour on full speed. His lungs started to hurt but nothing was as bad as the nearly loss. Nothing reached the pain when he couldn't touch.
He stopped completely unaware where he was. The cold air felt like needles in his throat and he somehow thought he would suffocate that very moment.
The world around him came into focus. Without thinking his feet had lead him here. Why here? Why to this house?
The one he loved was here. That's why.
‚Accept it or not, DiNozzo. That's why you‘re here!‘
He couldn't accept it. Not with this person! It was something he tried to deny since high school. He couldn't be...gay. No way. All those women. Hundreds and only eight men. Eight! What are eight compared to hundred?
But he was there. Standing in front of his house. His boss‘ house.
‚Get your fucking ass away from here, DiNozzo! He'll kill you! Or worse, fire you!‘
It would be worse. To work for him meant to be close to him. As close as he could get.
So close no matter how far.
He tried to deny it. Hell, four years he tried. And actually he still did. But he stared to the house. And those dreams came to his mind. Those dreams when he entered the house, be welcomed, be home. Okay, maybe be fucked through the mattress but at home.
From the first moment he fell head over heels into those icyblue eyes.
He lived for those moments when his boss focused only on him.
He even loved those head slaps only because it was contact.
Sometimes he thought he's some kind of a pervert, a masochist but in his dreams, and only there he knew it would be different. He thought of those head slaps not as an abuse but as a sign of affection.
He loved this man more than he ever loved somebody else, more than he ever would even more than life itself.
Couldn't be much more from the heart.
Eventually he would believe himself. He would listen to that voice in the back of his head.
He was a damn good field agent. His skills were out of question. That was the reason why Gibbs took him in the first place and that was the reason why he was still there.
„Don't ask, don't tell"
This had worked out for him so far. Well, his father wasn't too good with it, but Millitary school? Duh, if you can't get experience there, you'll never get some!
Philly wasn't easy either. Fucking his partner didn't help.
But he never doupt himself. Never like that. And he wouldn't start now. Maybe Gibbs took him the possibility to fuck who and when he wanted but he wouldn't break him!
Forever trust in who you are.
Anger grew in him. He wouldn't let Gibbs destroy his life. His good life with meaningless sex. This just wouldn't happen.
He stared at the house. This it was. That was the moment.
Resignation! Time was up. For too long he let Gibbs be his world, now he had to make it spin again.
This job was great, but suddenly he knew it wasn't really the job. It was Gibbs. This job had Gibbs written all over and now it would be over. He would go. Leave this job, Gibbs, behind. He had to be himself again.
And nothing else matters.
Story Notes:
Ok, normally I don't write Slash, and Mel is gonna kill me for it but anyway, I heard the song, read slash and had to think of this...I hope you'll like it
JOIN NCIS ROLEPLAY!!!!!
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garanty: case focused roleplay
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony thinks about his life and love
Chapter End Notes:
Ok, normally I don't write Slash, and Mel is gonna kill me for it but anyway, I heard the song, read slash and had to think of this...I hope you'll like it