Chapter 1.
Murphy's law.
She was gone… they were laughing on the roof of an abandonned building, joking about the chance she had had of wearing a bullet proof jacket. And then, they had heard that sound, a soft sound. She was between them, hoping that this day would be finally over without anybody being hurt...
Her head had been blown awy by a bullet. A bullet fired from the opposite building by that bastard. When he had looked at her, she was lying on the floor, a little red circle on her forehead, her eyes still open... but there was no life anymore in her eyes.
He had made that nightmare once. He had seen her in Ducky's lab, dead on one of his table. It had come true and he was the one responsible for what had happened. He had read it in His eyes... Tony had tried to hide it but he knex that he was the one blamed for her death.
Now, they were back in the office. He sat at his desk trying to wash away the guilt, the sorrow and the pain, trying to be the boss, the one in charge, trying to help them.
Abby had found refuge in McGee's arms. He would stay with her and he was glad that someone would take care of her.
Tony was at his desk, shoulders bent, his expression unreadable. He was still weak from Y-Pestis he had been infected with only days before. Dark circles were still drawn under his eyes. He had been scared for the first time in years, scared of losing him. He had spent every nights at the hospital... not in his bedroom but in the hall. Tony had never been aware of his visits but he had stayed there waiting for the younger man to fall asleep.
He had accomplished the same ritual each night, as the nurse told him Tony was sleeping, he entered the quiet room. He needed to hear him breath, see by himself that he was alive and safe.
Tony would never know what he had felt but there were some times when he couldn't stay away. But today, Tony seemed so far from him. What he had read in his eyes had frozen him inside. It should have been him.
He had warned Ari that night not to touch her, he had no right to kill one of his people. It should have been him...
Tony couldn't stay still, he had to move, to do something. He wasn't the kind of man who stood by the side of the road. He couldn't believe she was dead... No more jokes, no more teasing, he would never hear her again. Even if they had not been close friends, they had shared much in two years.
She had stayed with him in that quarantine room, pretending to be ill too. She had helped him up when he couldn't breath because of teh cough. He felt so tired now, but he knew that he would be restless until they caught Ari. No, it would be better to kill him himself.
He looked at Gibbs. His boss seemed to be in control, sad off course but the professional was stil here. Hell the man was always in control. He had thought Gibbs would never make a mistake. He was always right, an instinct infallible but this time he had fucked up.
He had misunderstood the threat. It was not the first Ari had fooled one of them. The first time, Gibbs had taken a bullet in the shoulder but today Kate was dead killed by Ari's bullet, the one he had reserved to Gibbs.
He couldn't help feeling angry at him. Ari was playing with him for a year and Gibbs had let him play, hunting him. It had become his personnal quest. So personal that he hadn't allowed any of them to help, blind with anger. He had been unable to see what Ari was planing certainly from the begining.
Ducky entered the quiet room. He had been in charge of Kate's body after they had secured the area. Tony hoped that he had talked to her like he always did. Not that he believed in after life but he needed to be sure she was not alone.
The Me went directly to Gibbs'desk, he had a report to do even if every one what and who had killed her.
-What do you have, Ducky?
Gibbs' voice was weak as if the man was unable to speak louder. As if telling things out loud would make what had happened too real to bear.
-Well, it's quite what you already know. The bullet went through the head causing a massive bleeding. The death was immediate. She didn't suffer, she never realised what happened.
-Thanks, Ducky. That bastard knew wat he was doing, he was aiming at her.
-You doubted it!
It was the first time Tony talked to his boss until Kate's death and he couldn't hide his bitterness.
-He almost told you what he was going to do. You didn't read the signs right this time and it caused her death.
-Tony, he told me he had a contract to kill me. And the FBI agreed. I had no reason to doubt that information...
-Oh! Come on, Gibbs! You are a better investigator than that. It would have been the first tim you believed the FBI on something. Killing you was not the only way to reach you...
The two men were face to face in the middle of the office. They had approached while speaking and their voices had raised so that everybody in the room was now looking at them. All the witnesses could feel the tension in both of them but nobody draed to intervene.
Even Ducky knew better than t come in the way. Things needed to be said or heard even if he feared they were not going to use only words.
-We did our job, tday like every other day, Agent Dinozzo. We saved many people and Kate knew that her job was important. She knew the risks...
-Sure, we all know. But it was a revenge, your quest... It shouldn't have been her...
Gibbs winced at Tony's angry words. He understood too well what his Agent meant..
I know, Tony it should have been me.
He had already told himself that sentence hundredth times but it was different hearing Tony reproaching him her death so clearly.
-So that's all! She's dead and what? We go on like nothing happened. How can you believe that it would ever be the same?...
He wanted to tell him that he didn't know how he would be able to do his work now that he had one of his team member's blood on his hands. But it was not wwhat a boss had to say, it was not what they needed him to say. They waited for him to be strong and help them going on.
If Tony needed soemeone to blame, somebody to be angry at... He would be this one, allowing him to grieve for his friend.
-She was nothing more than a collegue for you?
-We have a job to do and I believe that we sometimes can make the difference. What we are fighting for here is much more important than any of us. So, Yes, I will go on doing my job whatever it may cost!
The words had never seemed so hard to tell. God knew that Kate had been more than a team mate but he couldn't grieve... not now. There would be a time for that... He couldn't afford it while Ari was still out there planning another assassination.
Tony was looking at him as he had realised that he had never known the man before him. How could he have been so wrong about Gibbs? The man he respected the most. Tony was aware of the importance of their job but Gibbs couldn't stay there and tell him that without a blink. He was more than he could stand...
-If you think so, we have nothing more to do in the same team. I will ask for a transfert after Kate's burial.
-I won't allow you to turn your back on the job!
Gibbs closed the gap between them and put a hand on Tony's arm. It wasn't supposed to be taken as a threat but the younger man jerked at the contact. Gibbs didn't want him to go away while he was still recovering from a serious illness and grieving a friend.
-Don't dare tell me what I should do or not!
-I will as longer as I would think that you are unable to make the right decision.
-Because you know what is good for me? ... Like you knew for Kate when you hired her. Now, let me go before I do something I would regret.
The threat was obvious but Gibbs didn't think Tony would ever be angry enough to hit him. He didn't move nor release his hold.
-This kind of bevahiour won't do you any good!
Tony looked at his boss and Gibbs saw that the younger man was pretending to be mad at him. He had never seen him like that before.
-Let me go!
Gibbs felt the tension in Tony's left arm as he turned. He knew what the younger man was planning to do but he couldn't let him now. He was aware that if Tony had left the room now, he would never see him again. Tony had moved fast and Gibbs was unable to avoid the fist that hit him on the face.
Tony had put all his strength on that punch. He saw Gibbs fall and heard the sound of his head colliding with the desk behind him, Kate's desk. He was almostrelieved as he saw the blood on his face. He had wanted him to suffer, to feel in his body waht Kate's death had made to him, to them.
Gibbs was on the floor, his vision blurred by blood. His head hurt but he was still conscious. He heard Ducky's voice asking him to try to open his eyes. He realised that he was about to pass out.
Tony had not left the room, frozen by the sight of what he had done. He was looking at Gibbs, his boss, the one he had believed unable to fail...the one responsible for his friend's death. He turned as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Abby was at his side and she was talking to him. He understood without really herwords that she was telling him to seat down.
He let her guide him to his chair. He sighed realising that he was now feeling dizzy and a bit desoriented.
-Jethro, stay with me!
Ducky had knelt at Gibbs'side hiding him from Tony's view. He was aware that he had lost his job but, for now, he didn't care. He had not been fair telling gibbs that it should have been him killed on that roof instead of Kate. But he couldn't help thinking that she would still be there if Gibbs had been able to understand what Ari had said.
He hadn't realised that Ducky was looking at him until the Me talked to him.
-Are you done, Anthony?
He didn't raise his head. He didn't need a sermon on whathe had done and how wrong he had been in his judgement.
-Do you really think it's the best way to honorher memory?
-I don't know, Ducky. I know I should have let my feelings take the control but I couldn't help it.... He isn't even upset... I wanted him to feel...
-The same as you? You know perfectly well that he is as upset as we all are and he doesn't need you to tell him it's his fault. He alrealdy feels guilty for that.
-If you say so!
-I thought you had learnt not to judge on appearances. You work with him for three years...
Tony knew that Ducky was right off course but he had not taken time to think. As tension eased in his body and soul he realised that he may have hurt Gibbs badly.
-How is he?
-You didn't miss him. He bumped hs head on Kate's desk. The gash is not large but I sent Timothy search my case to make some stitches. The bleeding has stopped but he is uncouncious.
-God, I didn't want to hurt him. I really messed up this time, Ducky?
-He ill understand, Anthony. He is not the heartless bastard you seem to believ him to be. I thought you were a better judge of person.
They were interrupted by a moan from Gibbs who was trying to sit. They both ran to him knowing he would be unable to stand alone.
-Take it easy, Jethro. You were uncouncious for a while. Do you remember what happened?
They helped him siiting on the floor. Gibbs rested his head on the desk behind him trying to fight back the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him. Everything came back to him.
-She is ded!
He had tried to clear his voice but Tony heard the sadness in his sentence. He realised for the first time that his boss was hiding his emotions behind a pretended coldness. It was his way of dealing with the loss.
-Yes Jethro. Caitlin is gone. What else do you remember?
-You mean except for the fact that I killed her!
Gibbs had not noticed that Tony was also at his side. It was easy to be honest with Ducky. A long time frienship had made it easier for him to trust the ME. He was the only one to know about his true feelings for Tony. He had confessed his feelings to him while they were waiting in the hospital.
-Do you know why you are on the floor with a deep gash on your forehead?
-Yeah, Ducky. I know but I'm fine.
-It was me boss. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You'll have my demission on your desk by tomorrow.
Gibbs turned his head in the direction of the voce regretting immediatly the move as a wave of pain made him close his eyes. He breathed slowly trying not to pass out again. When he opened his eyes he met Tony's concerned look on him.
-I don't want your demission, Tony. If you feel you can't work with me anymore I would accept for a transfert. But I hope you won't come to that. I've lost an irreplaceable memeber of my team today and I don't want to lose one more... But he you think you can't trust me anymore, I can understand.
Gibbs had said the last words in a whisper hoping that Tony would understand that he didn't want him to leave.
-I need time to make a decision, boss. For now I'm not sure to know what I want.
-Take all the time you need. I will ask Morrow for personnal leave for you, but prmise me you won't stay alone. You are still weak from the Y-Pestis. You need someone to take care of you.
Tony was amazed to hear Gibbs so concerned. He had just hit him, knocking him out and the man was thinking of his well-being. Ducky looked at Gibbs.
-Who will take care of you, Jethro?
-I was thinking of my boat and a bottle of bourbon!
-The only thing you are going to do tonight would be take some painkillers and go to bed. Besides alcohol is forbiden when you have a concussion.
-Okay, doctor.
Gibbs had tried to smile but he had only managed a wince.
-I think Timothy is lost. We should go to my lab, you need to be X-rayed. Tony, if you can help him stand.
-Sure Ducky.
Gibbs realised he was too weak to wak on his own so he leaned on Tony, allowing the younger man to take most of his weight.
-I'm sorry boss. I didn't mean what I said. It was unfair and unjustified.
-I know you enough to tell that you wouldn't have said that if it was not at least part true... and you were right. It's my fault. I was obsessed by theman and I didn't see what he was planning. I'm sorry Tony.
Tony was stunned to hear such a confession from a man he thought unable to express his feelings. They arrived at Ducky's lab and he helped Gibbs sitting on a table. The exam revealed a mild concussion. Ducky gave him two pills for the headache.
You can't stay alone tonight!
-I'm fine Ducky. If I feel dizzy I'll call you I promise.
-You can stay with me, boss or I can follow you at your house.
-I don't think it would be a good idea. You don't owe me anything. I'll be fine.
-Head trauma are serious injuries. You need someone to look after you every two hours. It's Anthony or a nurse at the hospital. Your choice.
Ducky knew that he could oblige him not to stay alone but he had totry. He knew that Gibbs would have prefered to grieve alone but he needed, like anybody else, to have someone to help him go through this. And Tony was the only one he would allow to stay with him.
-I'm a grown man, Ducky. I can take care of myself. I don't need you to threaten me.
He began to stand up saying the last words avoiding any other reply.
-Tony, you take all the time you need to make a decision. But don't forget we need you on the team.
Gibbs had to leave them, leave the office. It had been a hard day and he knew he wouldn't be able to pretend to be fine for long. He had no strength left and he could feel his last barriers falling apart.
-Ducky I want your complete report on my desk tomorrow. Go home. We all need some rest!
Gibbs walked to the automatic doors but before going through he turned abruptely and examined the room.
Ducky saw his hesitation.
-Is there something wrong Jethro?
-Where is she? You don't put her on your littlle boxes. You know she didn't like small spaces...
Ducky realised the extend of his friend sorrow and knew he wa about to break down. He walked to him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
-Her parents came an hour ago and they took her home. They didn't want her to stay alone as the burial is in two days.
-It's good that they could come so fast.
He exited the room feeling older than hours ago.
TBC...
Story Notes:
I haven't finished this story but I've already some chapters done!
It's not a part of my first fic "a call from the past". I'm still working on both stories but I wanted to share what I had already writen. I hope you will enjoy this one.
Thanks for your mails!!
Author's Chapter Notes:
What may have happened after Kate's death. Tony and Gibbs are trying to deal with their guilt and anger.Off course there is angst and more angst... Tony is a bit nasty but don't worry they finally get together... after some troubles.
Chapter End Notes:
I haven't finished this story but I've already some chapters done!
It's not a part of my first fic "a call from the past". I'm still working on both stories but I wanted to share what I had already writen. I hope you will enjoy this one.
Thanks for your mails!!
It's not a part of my first fic "a call from the past". I'm still working on both stories but I wanted to share what I had already writen. I hope you will enjoy this one.
Thanks for your mails!!