Chapter 15.
The end…
Tony had stayed for hours alone in this empty room…waiting. He didn't know what he had waited for…there was nothing to wait for now…nothing mattered for him now.
He could still see the events of the last hours every time he closed his eyes…He could still feel the joy and then the intense pain.
For a few hours he had believed his life had changed for the best. He had finally admitted to himself he was in love and for the first in his life he had felt loved in return. Gibbs had been the first one who had been able to go through the walls he had built around his heart.
But this night had turned into a nightmare…he had never been so scared than when he had heard Ari's gun shoot. This sound was still resonating in his ears… the smell of gunpowder and blood was making his sick even now… hours later and miles away from the crime scene.
He had watched his worst nightmare coming true in front of his eyes…the man he loved had been killed trying to save his life. And he had been able to do anything to help him. He had let him die.
They were on the couch…both asleep. It was good to have Gibbs in his arms, to be close to him. How could he have thought it was wrong to feel love for this man? He had always respected him, admired him. But his feelings had changed…He remembered the moment he had realized what he really felt for his boss. He had first tried to deny it but you can't fight against so strong feelings…You can't deny your heart.
For one day he had been happy, finally in peace with himself. It had not been so difficult to take the next step. Gibbs had given him the time he needed and Tony had been glad the older had forgiven him.
He smiled thinking of the first kiss they had exchanged…their first real kiss. Definitely different…Not because Gibbs had been the first man he had kissed. He couldn't explain what he had felt when he had kissed him but there was no tension, no pressure. He knew Gibbs didn't expect anything special from him. He had nothing to prove to him.
He had felt free to be really himself with him and he had realized kissing Gibbs that he had played a role all these years. This kiss had been like the first one for him…Being in love was new for him and it felt so good…
But everything had turned wrong. When he had opened his eyes and seen Ari in front of him, he had realized he could loose everything…He knew the man in front of him had not come in this house only to scare them. He wanted to kill Gibbs or him.
He had not been scared to die…It was a risk he had learnt to live with over the years but he would not stand Gibbs being hurt or worse.
He had tried to make Ari talk. He knew he could not make him change his mind. The man was crazy. He had killed Kate for no real reason…Only because he could. He wanted to show them he would be able to reach them any time, anywhere.
He had believed for a moment he would be able to take the advantage but it was too risky to try something. He could not put Gibbs' life in the line. But the older man had taken the decision for him. He had not asked for his approbation.
Why would he have done that? After all, he was still the Boss. For Tony he would stay his Boss..; the one who was able to make the right decision at the right time…the one who had saved his life so many times.
But something had changed. Gibbs was not only his Boss now. He was the man he was in love with…the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. And he could not help being angry at him for what he had done.
He knew why he had done that…for the same reason why Tony had thought of doing the same thing. Gibbs didn't want to see Tony hurt or killed. He had risked his own life because he could not have stand seeing his love injured. As weird as it could sound, it had been a selfish decision. But Tony understood it…"Better being killed than being the helpless witness of the other part of your soul's death."
Tony had seen the pain in Gibbs' eyes as he had turned to face him. His decision was made and he knew it was probably the last moment they would share. Tony had wanted to yell, to tell him he could not do it, that there was another way…But he knew Gibbs was right. One of them would die tonight…Ari had all the cards in his hands and they could not do anything to avoid the confrontation.
It should have been him. Gibbs was still weak. He should have taken this decision instead of him. But before he could say or do anything, Gibbs had closed the gap between them. The older man had taken him in his arms whispering those words in his ear. He would never forget the last words Gibbs had said.
He had then faced Ari knowing the man was only waiting for the right moment to shoot him. He didn't care at that moment. Gibbs loved him and this love was warming him up. "I've never loved anyone the way I love you, Tony. Nothing will change that…Not even death."
Gibbs had been right. Death was not strong enough to separate them. True love can't die. He was ready to die when he had looked up at Ari. That when Gibbs had jumped between him and Ari's gun.
What had followed wasn't really clear in his mind. It had seemed to last for long minutes. He had watched the two men fight on the floor, the gun between them. Then the sound of gun shot had filled the room and time had frozen.
He couldn't say how long he had stayed there, frozen in the middle of Gibbs' living room. The two men on the floor didn't move. Tony wanted to yell at Gibbs. He wanted to tell him to stand up, that it was not funny…But no one had moved.
He didn't want to think the worst had happened…His mind couldn't accept what his eyes were watching. There was blood on the carpet…Ari was looking at him with a smile on his face…But the only face he wanted to see was hidden. Gibbs could not be dead…It couldn't be his blood…
He had left the house hours ago but he was still not sure that the event of the last days had really happened. Maybe it had only been a bad dream… he would wake up in his bed and nothing would have happened.
He couldn't help shivering at the thought of what had happened in only a few hours. He could still fear the fear running through his veins.
He rubbed his tired eyes. The room was dark and he was being to be uncomfortable on that chair. He wanted to go back home and sleep for the rest of his life. He wanted to forget the last hours… he wanted to erase those memories from his mind…But he had to wait here…alone.
It was amazing how your life can change in only some minutes. He couldn't have been happier with Gibbs asleep in his arms and a minute later …He couldn't even think about what he had felt when he had seen him on the floor…
He sighed heavily and didn't realize someone had opened the door. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at the man who was standing next to him. The room was dark but he recognized him.
The first thing he saw was the man's eyes. He had once believed those eyes could only reflect coldness. But now he could see something else in them. He stood up and faced him.
-You're ready to go back home, Tony?
A warm smile was his only answer. He could have stayed here…He could have lost himself in those eyes. His fears were gone now.
He knew someone could have seen them but he needed to feel him closer. Tony made one more step and took him in his arms resting his head on his shoulder. The older man didn't pull him back. They both needed to be sure the other one was safe.
-Don't ever do that again, Gibbs. I thought I had lost you for good this time.
-I'm sorry, Tony. But it was the only way to end it. He would have killed you…
Tony knew Gibbs was right but he would never say it out loud. He had been too scared to forgive him for now. For long minutes he had believed him dead. But finally Gibbs had stood up…Ari was dead. But it had been so close…
-I'm ok, Tony. I won't leave you now.
-You're going to stay…But your new job…?
-I don't care, Tony. I want to be with you and you're all I need.
-I've never loved anyone the way I love you, Jethro…
Tony smiled at him. He couldn't be mad at him now. For the first time since the beginning of this nightmarish week, Tony had hope…He had hope that finally they would have a real chance together.
Ducky closed the door. He wanted to give his friends time to realize their nightmare was over. He was sure everything would be ok for them now.
Tony and Gibbs didn't hear him close the door. They were lost in a passionate kiss… A new life had just begun for them.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The title says it all.