Chapter three.
Time to leave.
Gibbs could feel the light of the day on his face. He had been unable to sleep and knew it would take time to go over the events of the last day, if only he could one day forget about it.
He looked at his alarm clock and saw it was about fiva am... high time for a coffee. He sat on his bed trying to stabilize his vision. His head was still hurting but he could deal with it...
What he doubted more was if he would ever accept staying next to Tony knowing that he hated him. He knew well he had to face him but for the first time since yesterday something was clear in his mind: they could not pretend nothing had happened between them and go on working together.
He had tried to figure out how he would be able to do that without being obliged to retire. It was obvious that one of them had to leave and he was aware that it had to be him .
He sat in front of his first coffee trying to think of a reason to stay in town now! Sure he had friends and he would regret not being able to work with Ducky or Abby but none of these reason were strong enough to make him face Tony's rejection da after day for the next years.
So the decision was made, he had to leave, his time in Washington was over and the worst was that he wasn't even upset about it!; the only thing he could feel was regrets about what had happened and disappointment too.
-Hi, Gibbs! How is the head?
Gibbs raised his head from his mug to see that Ton was already dressed. It was obvious that the younger man as not slept better than him and the tension in his shoulders hadn't left. Even if he was trying to act casual he could see that he was unconfortable .
-Still hurts but better than yesterday... thanks for asking.
-Just being polite... i didn't forget about yesterday and I made my decision.
-Me too, Tony!
Gibbs didn't like the way Tony had talked to him. He was acting as an upset child.
-You don't wanna know what I decide?
Gibbs decided not to play the game Tony was trying to begin. He was not in the mood for a fight so early.
-I'm sure you'd do what is the best for you. I would only do the same...
-So that's what our discussions would be like... cryptic remarks.
-They were your rules, Tony. You were obviously disturbed by what I told you yesterday. For the most I think I can understand. We both know that it will be soon be impossible to work together... there is nothing more to explain.
-It seems so easy for you to throw me out. I won't let you fire me, Gibbs.
Without even waiting for an answer, Tony bursted out of the house yelling that he would wait for him in the car. He hadn't let Gibbs tell him whathe intended to do... Gibbs couldn't help being proud of Tony's reactoin. Two years ago, Tony wouldn't have fought to keep his job. He would have bent his head and left without trying anything.
Gibbs stood up, took his jacket before walking to the car where Tony was patiently waititng for him. He didn't know what the day would be made of but whatever happened it would be his last day working with the man he still loved no matter what.
The tension between the two men was palpable during the travel to NCIS' headquarters. None of them dared to speak fearing another confrontation. So they both remained silent. They went separate ways as soon as they entered the building. Gibbs went straight to Morrow's office under the angry look coming from Tony. The younger man decided to walk down to Ducky's lab.
He had to talk to the Me as he was sure Ducky knew everything about Gibbs' life. He entered the morgue looking around for Ducky's assistant. When he was sure the Me was alone he cleared his throat.
-Anthony! I didn't hear you coming in. How was the night?
Tony ignored Ducky's question.
-Tell me you didn't know, Ducky!
-Well, I'm not sure of what you are talking about... I'm sorry if Jethro had not been an easy patient... I know how he could be when he is injured... But
-I'm not talking about his ability to piss everyone off when he is tired...
Tony walked closer to his friend until they were face to face and Ducky was able to tell now that something had gone really wrong between them.
-I'm talking about the fact Gibbs is in love with me...
Ducky was speechless. He would never have thought that Gibbs would risk their friendship telling him. Obviously, the younger man had not taken it well.
-Indeed, I knew Jethro had feelings for you. He needed someone to talk... So...
-And it never occured to you that I had the right to know?
Ducky had never been afraid of Tony before but he wasn't sure that the agent would be able to control his anger. He had never seen him like that before.
-I promised him not to tell you no matter what might happen. Jethro didn't know what your reaction would be and, judging by the way you are acting right now, he had been right.
Ducky's words seemed to reach their goal and Tony calmed down. He sat on the table behind him an breathed heavily feeling suddenly tired.
-May I ask you a question, Anthony?
Ducky didn't wait for an answer as he knew in those circumstances the younger would certainly refuse.
-What is upseting you the most? The fact that Jethro could have strong feelings for yo or the fact that you never noticed anything?
Tony seemed to think about it for a moment as if it hadn't come to his mind to try to think about the reason why he had reacted so badly.
-I don't know, Ducky. But it doesn't change anything becaus ewhen we arrived he headed to Morrow's office. If I'm lucky I would end up packing for Alaska tonight.
-You think is asking for you to be sent in another team?
-I said if I'm lucky. I'd opte for a simpmle dismissal if I'm realistic. Gibbs isn't a man you can reject easily.
-So you rejected him?
-You thought I would do what? He lied to me and now he thinks he can tell me he loves me! Yes I rejected him and I intend to leave the team.
-Aren't you over reacting Anthony? You know he won't do anything to embarrass you. He never had. He cares to much about you to do that.
-"Care" that's the least you can say!
-Young man, you can't even imagine what it had been like for him to be obliged to hide who he really was only to avoid being misjudged. I once told him he should talk to you. I said that you would certainly understand. Obviously I was wrong...
-Yes you were and I won't be able to trust him anymore.
-The fact that he loves you doesn't change his capacity to do the job. Is that the real problem? You don't want someone like him to be the one who watch your back? I've never thought of you as a narrow minded homophobic.
Ducky had willingly used a hurting tone and harsh words. He was begining feeling sick in front of Tony's attitude toward Gibbs. He didn't want to believe he had misjudged the man before him.
-I'm not Ducky! Never been!
-What a relief! And you can't work with him anymore because...?
-I already told you! He lied to me. Now it felt like everything we lived at work and otu of work had been a lie!
-You know, he never lied to you, he only hide his true feelings. He never meant to hurt you. He would never have done that on purpose and I'm sure you are well aware of it.
-I'm not sure of anythinig for now. He said he had had those feelings for some time and I never realised something had changed.
-Because nothing had changed. It only grew to something more for him at least and you seemed to accept it until now.
-I accepted it because I didn't know what he really wnated. I've never been aware of what he was expecting from me!
Ducky looked at him doubtfully not sure where the younger man was going.
-Are you sure to know what he wants?
-I think I have an idea of what it could be even if I try hard not to think about it..!
-I'm afraid you don't understand what you really mean to him. Maybe I could enlighten you about some events of Jethro's life...
-I don't think it could make me change my mind and I'm not sure to be interested in knowing why he is the way he is.
The ME was now trying hard not ot become very angry and yell at his friend for the first time in years.
-Listen carefully, young man, I appreciate you a lot. You are a smart man, smart enough, I think, to know where your best interest is. But if you continue this way I promise it would be the end of our friendship.
-I see ! It's time to choose your side!
-It's not a question of who would need and have my support. But I wouldn't be able to be friend with someone who denies a friend the right to be imself. I can't believe you are that obtuse, Anthony. Are you?
Tony sighed heavily. He knew deep inside that Ducky was right and to be honest he didn't feel so angry at Gibbs now that he had talked about theirargument.
-I don't know why I reacted so badly. And I don't think I'm ready for that kind of introspection. But your friendship is to important for me, Ducky. Especially now. I promise to listen to what you wanna tell m. But I can't do anything more for now!
Ducky smiled at him, relieved to have guessed what the younger man would say.
-I always knew you loved my stories...
-So tell me Ducky. What can explain why a man like Gibbs could have fallen for a guy like me.
-I don't know if I can explain that but what I can tell you is the way Jethro loves you. It's not what you seem to believe.
Ducky sat on the chair behind him.
-Even if he denied it, I think Jethro fell for you the day he hired you. He was probably not aware of it himself.
-I knew he had hired me because of my smile!
Ducky was about to reply sharply when he saw the smile on Tony's face.
-Hey, Ducky. I was kidding. I know the jod is sacred for Gibbs. And even if my smile had prooved to be pretty efficient on nulmbers of occasions I know well he had seen beyond that.
Ducky smiled back. Tony wasn't aware that he was using his charms to make people at ease. It was his way to show his affection.
-I don't doubt that you had already used that charming smile of yours on every single woman in this building...Jethro had always been protective with every memebers of his team. But it had been different with you from the begining. When he realised he was feeling more than that for you he tried to shut it down. He is used of doing it but this time it didn't work so he tried to ignore you and deny his feelings...
- And I wondered what I had done to make him angry?!
Ducky could see in Tony's eyes that he was begining to realise what some of the last events had really meant.
-You didn't do anything wrong. That's when this trapped letter arrived. It hit him hard. He had to face his worst fear : loosing you would have been unbearable for him. I've known him for years, Anthony but this night, when Doctor Pitt told us that you would be fine, I saw him cry for the first time...
Tony was too stunned to talk. It was impossible that the Gibbs he knew could cry especially for him.
-I see that you don't believe me. I know it sounds incredible and if I hadn't been there I would never have believed it too. But I can assure you that I spent the night at his side, tyring to confort him. I didn't succeed and at the end I had to sedate him.
-I... I doubted he was even aware of me and you tell me he was so scared that he cried... God, Ducky... Nobody ever did for me... Not even my parents.
-He spen all nights during your recovery in a chair in the hall. That's the way Jethro loves you Tony... That's why I think there is no risk that he could fire you or send you away. He respects you too much and it's not because you rejected him that he would take a revenge...
Tony rubbed his eyes trying to clear his mind.
-I had no idea... I think I was too angry at him to see it. The only thing I saw was that he had lied and when he didn't even fight back... I thought I had been right.
-Jethro is exhausted, emotionnaly I mean. You rillness, Caitlin's death... He hadn't enough strength to confront you, to justify his love. And now, I fear he has nothing left.
-I couldn't pretend being in love with him just to make it easier for him§§
-Off course not, Anthony and it's not what he wanted. But the fact is that now he is alone.
-You'll be here for him. You've been friends for years...
-I don't thinnk he would let anyone come close to him now...
Both men remained silent for a long moment.
-What do you think he would do, now?
-A big mistake I think! But I wouldn't be worried for your job if I were you!
McGee entered the morgue in a hurry at that precise moment.
-Sorry to interrupt you but I think you should both come upstairs.
-What happened, Probie? You lost your pen?
-I wish it could be that! But Gibbs just exited Morrow's office and...
-What, Timothy?
-He is packing!
-Shit! That stupid bastrad!
McGee jerked at Tony's reply. The younger man rushed out of the room and almost ran to the elevators before Ducky and McGee could do anything.
-I thought he was planning something like that but I didn't think he would act on it so soon.
-Has it soemthing to do with yesterday's argumnt?
-More or less, Timothy but there is more than that... much more.
-Do you think he will really go away... I mean even after what happened to Kate...?
-I don't know but we should go upstairs. Our friends may need our assistance.
-Sure, Ducky.
They both headed upstairs hoping that thing would improve soon. McGee felt that it was the end of something he hadn't had enough time to enjoy. He wasn't sure Gibbs was acting for the best of the team but he had guessed that the job was not the main problem between him and Tony.
Ducky was worried of the way Tony would handle Gibbs' decision. He had known that his older friend would be unable to do something that could have hurt Tony. And if he had resigned or ask for a new assignement it was that he had thought there was n oother way out of their problem.
After what they had been through in the last weeks, he wished it wouldn't mean the end of what they all had shared.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs comes to a decision after Tony's rejection.
Chapter End Notes:
I haven't finished this story but I've already some chapters done!
It's not a part of my first fic "a call from the past". I'm still working on both stories but I wanted to share what I had already writen. I hope you will enjoy this one.
Thanks for your mails!!
It's not a part of my first fic "a call from the past". I'm still working on both stories but I wanted to share what I had already writen. I hope you will enjoy this one.
Thanks for your mails!!