Chapter 4.
A new Boss.
As Ducky and Tim entererd the room they saw Tony standing in front of Gibbs. The older man didn't seem to have noticed Tony's presence but Ducky could see the tension in his friend's moves. It was obvious that he was trying to forget about Tony's eyes on him while he was doing probably one of the hardest thing he had had to do in his life. He wouldn't have stood seeing rejection in the eyes of the one he loved.
Tony was aware of the fact that Gibbs was trying to avoid looking at him.
-What do you think you are doing here? You can't flee like that!
-You know as well as me that there is no other choice. And as I said I made my decision!
-If you think it will be the best for you, okay. But what about the team?
-Director Morrow will make an announcement soon. You don't have to worry he had chosen the best for teh job.
-So you know who would replace you.... You had it all planed. And I guess you helped him choose?
-He asked for my opinion and I told him what I thought would be the best for the team... but it's his decision to take, Tony, not mine.
Ducky walked to Gibbs' desk looking directly at his friend. He was not surprised to see the sadness in his eyes. The job had meant everything to him for years. But what afraid him the most was that he could see resignation too. It was not like him to accept things without fighting.
-What about you Jethro?
-I have a new assignation at Norfolk. They needed someone to teach newbies how to behave! I will not be in the field anymore and I think it would be better for every one! I must be there in two days!
-So soon?
Ducky saw that his frind had asked too leave as soon as it was possible. He realised that no matter what he would say, Gibbs was leaving the team, the town, what had made his life for years.
-If you need any help, my friend... You know I ‘m here!
-Sure, Ducky. As always.
Director Morrow chose this precise moment to join them. They all remained silent fearing what their Big Boss was about to say. Gibbs alone was still packing, oblivion to them all.
-It's a good thing that you are all here.
Morrow took his time to look at each of them.
-As you certainly already know, Agent Gibbs asked for a transfert. His reasons are known of him only and I respect his decision not to explain them. Even if I will regret him leaving this office, he gave me no other choice.
Morrow looked at Gibbs and the men in the room understood clearly what he had meant. Gibbs had given him no alternative : a new team or he would have resigned.
-So I had to find a new team leader. We both agreed that it would be a mistake to add someone new because there was already a potential leader in the team. So Congratulations, Agent Dinozzo. Your promotion will be effective tomorrow!
Morrow faced Tony who seemed to be unable to say anything
-You will have the day to review the cases with Agent Gibbs.
Tony was not aware of Morrow leaving the room. After what he ahd said and don to him, Gibbs had chosen him to lead the team...
-Why me?
-I told you. The team needed good agent and I think you are the best for the job. And before you say anything stupid... It was not a favor and I didn't let my feelings blind my judgement.
Tony couldn't stay in front of Gibbs any longer. He was confused and realised only now what Ducky had meant when he had talked about the way Gibbs loved him.
He felt sick as he sat at his desk, he couldn't help feeling guilty. Gibbs had felt obliged to leave because of him and the way he had reacted. And he had asked for him to take his place...
Ducky was still at Gibbs' side and began to be worried as he followed his friends' eyes locked on Tony.
-Are you fine, Jethro?
-I don't know Ducky.. It was the only thing I could do. You know he would have left if I had decided to stay. I couldn't let him do that for me.
-So you did it before him?
-You know his history as well as me. He had already been obliged to leave so manytimes. I just couldn't do it to him.
-I don't say I agree with you but I can understand. Do you plan on talking to him? You know how he would feel!
-Off course, Ducky. I won't leave like that. I don't want him to feel guilty about what happened between us.
-He came this morning to talk about the way he reacted. I think he will realise it was a mistake.
-Or not!! But it doesn't change the fact that he will never accept what I feel for him and I'm unable to face it.
The ME knew that nothing would lessen his friend's pain but the least he could do was showing him his support and be there if he needed him.
-We will miss you, Jethro!
-Thanks, Ducky. I will miss you too.
Ducky didn't miss the brief look Gibbs glanced at Tony. He already knew that his love for the younger agent was real but when he saw that look, he realised that the older man would never be able to forget this man. Tony had marked him deeply.
He placed a hand on his friend's arm.
-I will take care of him, Jethro.
Gibbs atheavily at his desk and closed his eyes. He was pale and Ducky feared ha was going to pass out but he took a deep breath and re-opened his eyes.
-He will be a good leader but he will neeed a little help at the begining and I will not behere for him.
-I will help him. Don't worry. I think you should talk to him as soon as possible.
-Yeah, Ducky but I'm not sure to be able to say goodbye. He means so much to me and he isn't even aware of it.
-I think he is smart enough to understand. He is not quite ready to think about it for now. He will soon open his eyes.
-Do you know if he would ever forgive me, Nostradamus?
Even if Gibbs had tried to look amused by Ducky's speech, the ME knew his friend too well not to miss the real meaning of his uestion.
-There is nothing to forgive Jethro. But if you want to know if Tony would be able to be your frined again, I can tell you that you mean much more to him than he can himself imagine. Give him more time...
Gibbs laughed sadly and stood up putting a hand on Ducky's shoulder.
-You've always been a good friend for me and I know it was never easy. We had great moments andI'l miss your stories... Take care Ducky.
Ducky couldn't tell him what he intended to without letting his feelings overwhelm him. It was hard to say good bye to a friend after having lost Kate. He hughed him trying to hold the tears that were burning his eyes.
Gibbs headed to McGee's desk and gave the young man a hand shake.
-You are a good agent, Tim. Never let anybody tell you otherwise.
-Thank you boss. I learnt a lot working with you. It won't be the same without you.
-Thanks Tim. Try not to be nasty with your new boss.
Tim nodded visibly moved by Gibbs'words. The older man turned to face Tony's desk. Tony wass now looking expectingly at him.
-So it's time to say good bye, Boss?
-It seems so, Tony. You know you can stop calling Boss now.
-You are still the boss until tomorrow.
-On the paper maybe. But I think I stopped being your boss yesterday.
Tony winced at the statement. Gibbs had always been the best to make you think about what you were trying to forget.
-What about a coffee? I'm not sure I want to talk here.
Tony seemed to hesitate.
-Don't worry I won' t try to make you change your mind... On anything. But I don't want to stay here any longer than necessary.
Tony nodded and followed him to the elevators. Gibbs lead him to his usual spot.
-What makes you smile, Tony?
-I was wondering if you would find your drug at Norfolk?
-I phoned the office and I was assured that the coffee was their specialty!!
-I can't believe you really phoned them to know if they had good coffee?
-Well I phoned to know if they had numbers I could call to find a house there...and I made the most of it. I had to be sure I didn't need to take some stocks with me.
They both laughed and Gibbs couldn't help staring at the man in front of him. He had always been amazed to see how open Tony might be. He was laughing like a child as if he had nothing to hide. He realised that he hadn't heard him laugh for a long time.
Tony felt Gibbs' eyes on him and stared back at him. Gibbs lowered his face as if he had been taken in fault. Who was the child now?
-Sorry, Tony. I didn't meant to stare at you like that. I only realised that you don't laugh so often...
Tony seemed to think twice before asking a question that was burning his lips.
-What do you see when you look at me? I mean...
-I know what you mean but I don't think it would be a good idea to talk about that, now. You made clear that you wouldn't accept what I feel for you.
-I only want to know what makes me different for you. Call it curiosity if you want but I think you can tell me.
-If you are sure. It's difficult to put it in words, Tony. It's not a thing in particular.
-Don't tell me you can't find a reason why you have those kind of feelings for me.
-It's not that. There isn't only one reason. Where do I begin? Have you recently looked in a mirror, Tony? The leas you can say is that you are a good-looking man. The most amazing is that you seem to be unaware of the way you use your charm on everyone.
Tony was about to say something but he was interrupted by Gibbs' raised hand.
-I don't try to say that you do it on purpose but it's the way you are...
-So you think I tried to seduce you?
-No, Tony. You don't understand. I'm unable to make people at ease butyou know what to say. You just care about people.
-So I'm a nice guy? That(s all?
Gibbs knew what Tony was trying to make him say.
-What doo you want to hear, Tony? You would be reassured if I told you it was only a question of physical attraction, that I only wanted to have sex with you? But it's not that, at least not only...
Gibbs was looking at the man before him and Tony didn't lower his eyes trying to figure out if he really wanted to hear what would follow.
-I love you, Tony. The only way I know, with my heart and my soul. I love everything in you, the way you chew yourpen when you are writing your report, the way you look at him when you've found something interesting, the way you smiled when you teased Kate...Off course it would be a lie to say that I never imagined what it would be like to make to you but it was only the extension of the way I felt...
Gibbs' heart was beating fast when he stopped talking and he was now gathering his strength not to run away from Tony's unreadable gaze.
-I'm sorry, Tony. I guess there were too much information... But it won't be a problem any longer. I hope you would be able to forgive me one day and maybe we could be friends again.
-I never wished it to end like that. I didn't want to react so badly but I was so angry at you. You lied to me... but I think that I was even angrier at myself for having been so blind.
-I never intended to hurt , it was the last thing I wanted to do. You must trust me on this.
Tony sighed still looking at Gibbs.
-I do but you must undersatnd that I never thought you could be attracted by men, especially me. It was such a shock. I felt betrayed because I began to think of times when you were mad at me ... Was all we shared a lie?
-No, Tony. I've never lied to you. But I needed to avoid being too close to you. It was too dangerous for me, for you. So I build a wall around ma and played my favourite role. It was easier pretending of being mad at you.
-The least you can say is that you did well hiding your true feelings. If you had asked me two days ago what you were thinking of me, I would have answered that I was considered as a pain in the ass.
Gibbs couldn't help laughing. Tony had always been able to make his point using a language full of imagery...
-Well, you were that too. But most of all you were the reason why I came to work even if I often thought about quiting. I was always amazed to see how you could make the most little thing an event.
-Why have you chosen me as the new leader? It was a good bye gift?
-The job is nothing but a gift, Tony. You deserve it and you are the most qualified to do it.
-I don't know if I would be able to be the Boss?
-Trust me, one last time. i observed you on many cases, professionnally, I mean... You were most of the time the one that made the difference each time we were on a dead end.
-I will do my best not to disappoint my mentor.
-And who is it?
Tony was about to laugh at the older man's stupid question when he realised that Gibbs really didn't know who he was talking about. He had never seen him so unsecure before and he couldn't help thinking he was partly responsible for that. Gibbs seemed vulnerable at that moment and Tony wondered what else he was hiding to him.
-We spent almost three years working together and you realised that I was always trying to impress you. And I thought I was the blind one! I've learnt more with you in the first week than when I was a cop.
-I'm glad to hear it, Tony. But you had everything to be a good agent when I hired you. Maybe I helped you to use your abilities but nothing more. You worked hard to become the man you are today. And it has nothing to do with me.
-I didn't know you had such a high opinion of me.
-I couldn't tell you. It was my method to make you give the best you had. But I regret now not to have been able to tell you how I appreciated working with you.
-I wish you needn't to leave.
Gibbs smiled sadly.
-You know it's the only thing to do. But be sure I would be there if you need anything for the job.
-I know but I think we will need some time to go over it.
Gibbs stood up still looking at Tony.
-Take all the time you need but never forget it's never a wrong thing to be loved.
The older man straightened and Tony could feel that he was trying to find a way to say good bye. For the first time since Gibbs' confession, Tony could see the way the last events had affected the older man. He realised that Gibbs had lost a lot in two days.
-You don't need to feel guilty about waht happened. It was my choice to tell you what I felt. I knew the risks.
It was time to go but it was hard to turn his back on this man knowing he would probably never talk to him. He knew deep inside that Tony wouldn't call him.
-It was an honour and a pleasure to work with you , Tony. You will be a great leader.
He was ready to go and he didn't wait for a reply that he knew would never come. He added in a whisper looking the younger man in the eyes.
-Promise me to take care, Tony. And don't forget that there is someone who loves you.
Tony looked at him as he walked away. He could still hear Gibbs' last words. He had never thought it would be so hard to say good bye to the man he thought he hated only hours ago. He was not sure to know what he felt about what Gibbs had confessed.
He had pushed him away, obliged him to leave and now he was about to cry! Had h been stupid or simply naïve?
He was lost in his thoughts and when he looked up he saw Ducky in front of him.
-What have I done to him, Ducky?
-It's not your fault. He made a hard decision but it was also for his own good. It would have been too hard for him to go on knowing that you would never feel the same for him.
-He lookd so depressed when he left. I could have said something to lessen the pain.
-He didn't need you to say something you didn't truly feel.
-We should ahve found a way to keep the team together.
-There is no team anymore, Tony. I htink your first job as a new leader would be to build a team.
Ducky looed up at his friend knowing that the loss of both Kate and Gibbs would be hard to over come. He had promised Gibbs to take good care of the most importantperson of his life and he wasn't the kind of man who could betray a frined. He had to help tony going on.
-I think we'd better concentrate on what we have to do for now. We would have time to grieve later.
-You're right, as always. I'm the boss now.
Ducky was pleased to see a true smile on Tony's fce even if he knew the promotion wasn't really saisfying for him under these kind of circumstances. Ducky had always admired Tony's recovering abilities. It had only taken him a week after being affected by Y-Pestis to go back to work. He knew that this time he would need much more than some meds to heal.
The only thing he could hope was that Gibbs would be able to go through the last events too. He feared that his older friend had been hurt badly.
Author's Chapter Notes:
they are saying good bye to the life they once shared...!
Chapter End Notes:
I haven't finished this story but I've already some chapters done!
It's a new sad part!!
Special thanks to rednetra for sharing your thouhgts with me!
It's a new sad part!!
Special thanks to rednetra for sharing your thouhgts with me!