Chapter 8.
Healing process.
Tony hadn't realized McGee was talking to him until he felt his frineds hand on his arm.
-Is he...?
-He is weak but he is alive. I have to clean up his wounds. You just stay here and look around. I don't think that Ari could still be here but better be careful...
McGee took his gun, ready to fire if Ari showed up. He secretly wished he would be able to kill that man himself.
That bastard had tortured Gibbs not enough to kill him, he hadn't hurt him badly enough to make his life in danger... but he had abandonned him here in the middle of nowhere with no way to find help or to call someone....
Tony was trying to open the case Ducky had given him but his hands were shaking too much. He took deep breaths trying to slow down his heart beat. A moan from Gibbs caught his attention and he rushed to his side. Gibbs was trying to stand up unaware of the two men next to him.
-Hey, Gibbs! Calm down! You are safe, now.
Although Gibbs' eyes had been wide open he didn't seem to see Tony or recognize him.
-Tony the team you called is here.
Tony took his eyes away from Gibbs a moment to see three men walking in their direction.
-You tell them to search the area for any trace of Ari.
Tony hadn't left Gibbs' side while talking with McGee. The older was exhausted and seemed to have difficulties to breath. Tony placed a hand on his forearm but Gibbs was not prepared for the contact and he tried to escape Tony's hold.
He managed to stand up and swayed while walking away from what he thought was a threat. He was too weak to go far and when he fell, Tony was behind him preventing him from other injuries.
-It's ok, Gibbs. Nobody will hurt you , now.
-Tony...?
-Yes, it's me. Who else would have found you here?
-He told me... He showed me pictures...
Tony couldn't understand what the man in his arms was talking about but he realized at that moment that the wounds Ari had inflicted to him had not only been physical ones.
-It's over now. You are safe. Let me have a look at your wounds. Sit here while I go and take the bag...
Gibbs nodded weakly trying to control the nausea threatening to overwhelm him. When Tony returned at his side, he began to unbutton Gibbs' jacket and shirt. Tony gave him a puzzled look as he heard Gibbs laugh.
-What is so funny, boss?
-I was thinking I didn't want to wake up from this dream...
-I'm not quite sure to understand. Judging by the bruises and the cuts you have, it must have been anything but a dream.
-The cuts and the bruises will heal...
Tony didn't like the tone Gibbs had used to say this sentence.
-What did he do to you?
Gibbs sighed heavily and closed his eyes. Tony knew there was more than bruises.
-Not now, Tony. Take me out of here, please.
-You think you can walk? We are not so far from the road but we can wait for the medics.
-I don't want to stay here, Tony. I think that if you help me I would be able to walk to the road.
-Ok. McGee come here and bring the blanket with you.
McGee was still staring at the woods trying to find any signs of Ari. He had not really looked at Gibbs and when he gave the blanket to Tony he realized what the older man had been through.
-Hey, Boss. How are you feeling?
-Peachy, Tim.
-I know... stupid question.
Tony put the blanket on Gibbs' shoulders feeling the older man shiver under his touch. His reaction could be due to the exhaustion but the two men couldn't help wondering if it was not something else...
Tony passed his arm around Gibbs' waist helping him up.
-Let's get you back home, boss.
They began their walk to the road where Ducky and a medical assistance were waiting.McGee began to think that they should have waited for a stretcher. Gibbs had more and more difficulties to walk, leaning heavily on Tony.
-Let's rest a minute.
-Thanks,Tony... Do you think he is still here?
They hadn't pronounced Ari's name but Tony and McGee couldn't doubt who Gibbs was talking about. Tony didn't miss the fear in Gibbs' voice and as much as he wanted to reassure him, he couldn't lie.
-There is a possibility that this nut case could still be here somewhere but we didn't find any traces...
Gibbs looked around as if he was searching for something... a sign that the man responsible for his worst nightmare wasn't hiden somewhere.
-But I also think that he is smart enough to know when he has lost... We've got you, now...
-He didn't want to kill me. He just wanted me to know that he was bale to hurt me or one of mine whenever he wanted to...
-What happened, Gibbs?
-He had the control on everything, since the beginning... Kate's death on that roof... the way he trapped me in my own house, what he told me... all of this was a part of his plan...
-I don't understand. What did he tell you?
-Don't ask me that now, Tony! I don't want to think about it!
-As you wish. For now, you need a soft bed and a doctor.
They began their walk to the road but Gibbs was too weak to make one more step and began to cough. Tony was unable to catch him and they both ended on the ground. Tony helped Gibbs leaning on the trunk of an oak.
-Take it easy, Boss. Breath slowly.
Tony turned to McGee when Gibbs' breathing got less laboured. The young agent was already at their side and Tony could see the concern in his eyes while he was looking at Gibbs' face, distorted by pain.
-Tim, go ahead and bring back the meds.
-I can walk, Tony. Give me a minute to catch my breath back.
-No way, boss. You may have internal injuries and i won't risk worsening them any further...
-I'm fine, Tony...
-Sure, boss... McGee, go...
McGee looked back at Gibbs searching for an approbation that didn't come.
-Tim, I'm your boss and I just gave you a direct order. Now run up there and come back with a doctor and a stretcher... Now!
Tony had yelled but he saw in McGee's eyes that he had made his point. The young agent got up and ran up the hill.
Tony wrapped the blanket around Gibbs' shoulders.
-They won't be long. Tim is a fast runner.
-Especially when you get bossy with him!
-I learnt from the best...
Gibbs laughed but it soon turned into another cough and more pain. He was tired of aching... the pain he ahd endured in the last hours had been expertingly distilled and he couldn't find a single place on his body that was not hurting.
-He did a pretty good job torturing you?... I mean...
-I know what you mean, Tony. He had been very carefully. He wanted me to remember every minutes of it. He never let me pass out.
-Shit, I'm sorry , boss. I should have placed you under protection. Damn, I should have done it myself.
-No!
Gibbs had yelled and Tony was stunned to see the agonizing pain on his former boss' face.
-I know it had been pretty tensed between us lately but I should have been able to protect you or at least see that you were in danger...
-I've been very careful... believe me but there was no way to stop him... and putting your life in the line would certainly not have been the solution...
Tony didn't miss the sadness in Gibbs' voice mixed with something else he had never heard in his boss' voice.
-I thin it had nothing to do with me. He wanted you to suffer...
-And he was ready to kill everyone I could care for. You would not have been in security with me... hell you would not be safe until we catch him.
Tony looked at the man in front of him and saw the truth in his eyes. Gibbs took a deep breath before going on.
-I'm sorry, Tony.
-For what, Boss...? You are not responsible for what ari had planned...
-Sure, I am! It's my fault if he decided to kill Kate...
Tony was about to reply but Gibbs talked before him.
-Ari thought there was something between Kate and me. That's why he shot her. I don't know how he got the information but now, he knows that I care for and he...
Gibbs couldn't continue. He was obviously lost in some bad memory and Tony wondered what had happened to him. He put an hand on his shoulder trying to bring him back to the present.
-You are safe, now...
-Maybe but you are not...
-If he had wanted to kill me, he would have shot me on that roof...
-but he didn't know what I feel for you and now he is aware of what you mean to me...
-So that's why you decided to go away from here...?
-You were not really ok with what I told you if you remember...
-Yeah... Well, I admit I may have over reacted... you didn't even give me time to think about it...
-You didn't need time to know what you were feeling Tony...
Gibbs closed his eyes when a wave of pain hit him. His head was pounding...
-Boss, are you ok?
-Not really Tony. My head hurts and it's harder to breath...
-Where is McGee? Those geeks are nowhere when you need them.
Gibbs began to laugh at Tony's words but he only managed another cough and finished bent over his friend's shoulder trying to catch his breath. McGee chose this moment to arrive with two paramedics and a gurney.
Ducky was also with them, he had been unable to stay on the road knowing his friend was injured. The ME stopped as he saw Gibbs' face and chest. He knelt by his side and put a hand on his arm. He couldn't do anything to lessen the pain but he needed to be here as well as Tony who was looking protectively at his boss while an IV was put on his right arm.
-I've just sent some happy juice in your veins. You're going to feel better soon and we are going to put you on that gurney and bring you to the hospital where a soft bed and a scadron of nurses are waiting for you...
Gibbs maneged a weak nod as he was slowly drifting into sleep. Tony felt relieved as he saw the tension go away from Gibbs' face. The young man beside Gibbs looked up at Tony.
-If you want to follow us... we are going to transport him now. I gave him a slight sedative to move him without pain but he will soon be awake and he would be much more comfortable in a bed.
-I come with you. I'm not leaving him...
-Rules are clear, Sir. You can't...
-I don't care... young man.... This man had been the target of a dangerous terrorist who has already killed a member of our team... I won't let him without protection no matter how many rules I have to screw to do that...
The young man didn't know haw to react in front of the man's anger. Ducky stood up and faced Tony.
-Anthony, I think you made your point and I'm sure you would be allowed to go with Jethro if you promise not to come in the way...
He turned to the paramedics visibly relieved by the older man's speech. They nodded at the ME, avoiding Tony's glare.
-We should hurry, Sir. This man needs health cares we can't give him here...
They carried Gibbs up to the ambulance and Tony was glad that Gibbs had been uncounscious during that part of the trip. He didn't know the extense of his injuries but he ahd seen enough people suffering from broken ribs to recognize the symptoms. He had experienced it himself once or twice.
They were now driving to the hospital and Tony could only hope that Gibbs would be fine. He must admit that he was worried looking at the pale face of his friend.
They werewaiting for an hour in the hall of the ER. Tony was feeling worried, angry, nervous and he didn't really know what to do with those feelings. He was pacing up and down this hall for half an hour trying to find a way to catch this bastard and make him pay for what he had done to Gibbs. Even if he didn't know the whole story yet he was aware that Gibbs' injuries were not only physical. He had witnessed the fear in his eyes when he had touched him. There was other things he couldn't explain for now.
First, why Gibbs had been so surprised to see him alive and then why Ari had left him alive? It would have been easy for him to simply kill Gibbs. What was his goal? He had killed Kate without even blinking and he now hesitate to kill a man he had hated for years.
Tony suddenly realized that Ducky was looking at him. The older man hadn't said a word since they arrival at the hospital. He seemed to wait for Tony to say something. The ME was aware of the anger radiating from his friend and he was waiting fo rit to explode in a way or another.
It was obvious that Tony was upset by the last days' events but what made him so angry was when and in what circumstances those events had happened. The older man knew that Tony was feeling guilty about what had happened. He felt like he had abandonned a friend when he needed him the most.
Gibbs had known from the begining what might happen and he had put his life in the line without telling any of them. He had wanted to face Ari alone but he should have trusted them. They were a team and Tony felt like he had failed his boss, he had failed the only man who had always been there for him, who had never lied to him...No matter what they had been through he had always been able to rely on him... And now what?
Gibbs had been injured... he would heal but what about himself? Where was his place now? He had violentely rejected him and now he wanted him to accept his help... How could he ask Gibbs to trust him, now? The older man may have loved him but he was no fool... As soon as he would be able to move he would flee as far away as he could from him.
-Anthony, you must slow down! There is no point feeling responsible for what happened!
-Ducky, please. Stop trying comforting me. I let him go... worse I pushed him away. And he was alone when Ari came...
Tony looked at the man in front of him. He sighed heavily and sat on the chair next to the ME. He had seen no reproach in Ducky's eyes and he couldn't help feeling relieved by his reaction.
-I messed up this time, Ducky?
-What are you talking about, my friend? ... The way Gibbs had had to face Ari alone or the way you reacted when he told you about his feelings?
Tony couldn't really answer this question because he didn't know why he was so angry... Angry was maybe not the right word. He was worried... He had scared that Gibbs could have been killed. He was unable to explain why he had been so scared but when he had seen him on the lying on the ground he had thought he was dead...He had thought he would never have the chance to tell him how sorry he was... how he regreted the words he had told him...
-I don't know, Ducky... Both I think... I was so angry that he had lied to me all those years but when we discovered him in that wood... I realized I had over reacted... I acted like a capricious child.
-You felt betrayed but Jethro never meant to hurt you or to lie to you.
-I know that now ... I should have taken time to think about what he had said. But I reacted instinctively and he paid the high price for it...
-What do you mean, my friend?
-Gibbs knew that Ari would have come after me if he had known about his feelings so he made everything to put distance between us...
Tony could see that Ducky didn't undertsand what he was saying.
-Gibbs told me a little about what happened but Ari said that he had killed Kate because he thought there was something between them...That bastard wanted him to suffer one way or another.
-Holy shit!
Tony was stunned to hear such words in Ducky's mouth and he would have smiled if the situation had not been so tensed.
-Ari told Gibbs he had killed Caitlin because of him?
-Yes, he did. But I think there is more he didn't tell me. I felt that there was something he didn't want me to know... He seemed a little confused when we found him and he said something about pictures Ari had showed him...I've never seen so much fear in his eyes...
-I will try to talk with him as soon as we would be allowed to see him.
-Sure, Ducky. He would more likely talk to you than to me.
Ducky put a hand on Tony's arm trying to reassure him. They waited in silence for someone to tell them where their friend was and when they would be allowed to bring him back home. Half an hour later a doctor came to them.
-Hi, I'm Doctor Bates. You came with Agent Gibbs?
-Yes, I'm Doctor Mallard and here is Special Agent Dinozzo. How is he?
-You can say he had been lucky. We found no internal bleedings, no fracture. He had been severely beaten and I can say that the one who did that was a professional.
-What makes you think that, doctor?
-Well, he wanted him to suffer and the injuries, even if they are not life threteaning, are for sure very painful.
-Can we see him?
-Of course, there is no reason for him to stay here any longer. I recommand that someone stay with him tonight just to be sure... There will be some things he won't be able to do alone but all he needs is rest and good meals...
-Thank you, doctor.
-You will find him behind the second door on the right.
The two men looked at the young doctor as he was walking down the corridor to his other patients. They were both relieved but something was still bothering them as they faced Gibbs' door.
-Ducky, you should come in alone. As I told you he would more likely talk to you and we need to know what happened...
-I know we need to catch ari but don't you think it would be better to give him some time. I'm not sure he would be ready to talk now.
-Damn, Ducky. Do you think I want you to talk to him because of the investigation? I'm sure Ari has already left the country and even if he is still here we would find a way to catch him without Gibbs being involved...
Ducky stayed silent for a moment giving Tony time to find a way to say what he really meant.
-Gibbs needs to talk to a friend... and I'm not the one he wants beside him for now....
-I'm sorry Anthony, I misjudged your intentions. But I think you ar ewrong. You are the only one he would talk to...
Ducky could see how insecure Tony was about his relationship with his former boss... and he realized they wold need time to figure out what they really were for each other.
-I don't know what you are afraid about my friend but Jethro loves you no matter what and I'm sure he would never blame you for what happened.
-Maybe, Ducky...
The ME undrestood that he wouldn't obtain anything more from his younger friend. One more time he would play the role of the mediator between them.
-We are going to do as you wish, Anthony.
-Thanks, Ducky. You bring him home and I'll wait for you there. I don't want him to see his house like Ari had left it...
-You intend to rebuild his boat?
Tony smiled softly at the older man but Ducky cold read the sadness behind that smile.
-If only I could...
-I know, my friend. I'll bring him back home.
Ducky waited for Toyn's deaprture before opening the door in front of him. When he entered the room he found Gibbs lying on the bed, eyes closed.
-I thought I would find you already dressed and ready to go home, Jethro.
Gibbs opened his eyes at the sound of his friend's voice. He tried to sit but the pain stopped him half way. Ducky winced at the sight of his friend suffering like that. He walked to the bed and helped him sitting on the edge of the bed.
-Thanks, Ducky... I've been able to dress but ... the floor is too low and I couldn't put my shoes on... And don't laugh at me....
-I won't laugh at you, Jethro. Let me help you so we could bring you home.
Ducky suddenly felt Gibbs freeze at this words and saw fera in those blue eyes usually so clear.
-Talk to me Jethro. What happened?
Gibbs shook his head. He didn't want to talk about what Ari had done to him. He looked up as if he was searching for something. Ducky didn't know how to react at the sudden panic he could read on Gibbs' face.
-Jethro, What's wrong?
Gibbs seemed to realize that Ducky was in the room with him. He swallowed trying to find the strength to ask the question he feared to ask. He knew his fears were irrational but he had no control on them.
-Where is Tony... Ducky tell me he is fine... tell me noone hurt him...
Gibbs knew he was babbling but he was unable to stop the words.
-Jethro, try to calm down. Breath slowly.
-Ducky please tell me he is fine...
The ME couldn't stand the despair his friend was in. He hugged him as he saw the first tear running down his cheeks.
-Anthony is fine, Jethro. He is waiting for us at your house. He wanted to be sure everything was secured there...
-Are you sure?
-I'm sure, Jethro. I've just left him, he was here five minutes ago. Now if you could tell me what made you think that something cold have happened to Anthony?
Gibbs shook his head one more time and Ducky coldn't help wondering what could have made him so insecure and scared that he couldn't even talk...
-I need to see him, Ducky. Bring me home, please.
Pleading was unusual, almost forbidden by a rule in Gibbs' world but the need was so strong. He wanted to see by himself that what Ari had told him had been a lie, that the pictures he ahd showed him had been faked. Each time he closed his eyes he could see them, he could still hear Ari's laugh...
Ari had pretended he had taken the pictures himself while he was torturing Tony. He had said that Tony had died, that he had let him bleed to death... He had seen the blood on the pictures... he had seen the man he loved covered with his own blood, his eyes closed...
Gibbs had no way to know Ari was lying to him. And for hours he had endures the blows without even feeling the pain...Tony was dead because of him... he had been here for him...He had not been able to save the man he loved more than life itself...
For hours he had thought that Tony was lost for him and he had pleaded that bastard to kill him too. But Ari had laughed and told him he would have to do it himself....He could still hear his laugh ringing at his ears...
-Jethro, come back to me. Where were you gone?
Gibbs smiled weakly at his friend.
-In my own private nightmare...
-Let's go home, my friend...
Ducky knew there was not much he could do to help his friend...there was something he didn't want to talk about and the ME knew he wouldn't tell him. Tony was the key and the older man could only hope that the younger agent wold find the way to ease the pain in Gibbs' heart.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Theyhad found Gibbs but what had really happened to him?