Chapter nine.
Back home.
Ducky drove to Gibbs'house respecting his friend's silence. The ME parked his car in front of the house behind Tony's. He heard Gibbs' sigh as he saw Tony's black car.
-Anthony is fine, Jethro. Let's go inside and you will be able to see from yourself.
-Sure, Ducky. But I think I'm going to need some help to get out of the car.
-Of course, my friend.
Ducky opened the passenger door and helped his friend out. Gibbs winced but he managed to stand up and walk to his front door.
As they entered the living room, they found Tony and McGee sitting on the couch. They both stood up hearing their friends enter the room. Ducky was still looking around.
-You two did a good job with the house in only twenty minutes, Anthony.
-It was not me, Ducky. Tim was already there as when I arrived. He had managed to give the house some kind of order.
-Good job, Timothy.
-I thought it would be better for Gibbs to come back in a clean house.
Gibbs had not moved. He couldn't stop looking at Tony. He was aware of the puzzled look of his friends but he didn't care. Tony was alive and in front of him at arm's length but he was unable to move, unable to do what he had ached to do since he had opened his eyes on him in that forest... he wanted to touch him, to feel that he was really here and not a product from his imagination...
-Jethro, are you ok?
Tony walked to him. He was worried to see the pale skin and the tension on Gibbs' face.
-You should sit down, Boss. You look like someone who is about to pass out.
Gibbs tried to walk to the couch but his legs didn't want to obey him and he only managed one step before his knees gave up under him. He ended on the floor of his living room with three men surrounding him.
Ducky was checking his vitals while McGee went to search a glass of water in the kitchen. Tony was frozen and couldn't decide wether to move and help his friend or stay here. He was looking at his boss, so weak that he was almost unable to keep his eyes open.
-Anthony, come here and help me lying him on the couch.
Tony seemed to wake up at the sound of Ducky's voice and he hurried at Gibbs' side. Gibbs looked up at him as he passed an arm around his waist. He let Tony held him and leaned on the pillow McGee had brought and put on the couch for him. The older man sighed and tried to let the pain go away.
-Try to relax, Jethro and take those pills. They'll help you with the pain.
-I'm fine, Ducky.
-You don't look so fine to me, Boss.
Tony had sat on the coffee table next to the couch. The young man was obviously concerned.
-Maybe, Tony. But I'm feeling as fine as I can be given the circumstances...
-Which circumstances, Gibbs...?
-You are well aware of what happened, don't make me explain it to you. You are a better investigator than that.
Tony was begining to feel the anger raise hearing Gibbs' words.
-Ok, if you want to play it like that...
Ducky looked at Tony trying to make him change his mind. He knew what Tony was planing to do and he didn't think that Gibbs would be strong enough for such a confrontation. The younger man looked back at him and Ducky could see the determination in his eyes.
Tony thought it was the only way to make Gibbs talk about what happened to him. Ducky nodded to him and took McGee wit pretending they needed to buy something to eat. He didn't want to be on the way of what would be a tough fight.
-What are you planning, Agent Dinozzo?
-You know very well what I have to do. Your kidnapping and the investigation are under NCIS juridiction. And I'm the one in charge... So I'm gonna take your deposition on the facts...
-I could give you a complete report tomorrow...
-We haven't so much time before Ari decides to leave the country...
-Tony, if he had planned to leave the country he is already far away...
-Maybe but we won't take any risk... he may still be after you.
-Tony...
-No, Gibbs... I have a job to do and the sooner we'll get rid of this the better.
Gibbs sighed heavily and Tony wasn't sure he would talk. He didn't know what he would do if the older decided to keep his secrets.
-I see, Agent Dinozzo. You want to keep that on a professional plan. I can do that...
-I learnt from the best. So tell me what happened yesterday after I left you on the parking in front of the church.
-I just stayed there for a moment... Maybe ten minutes before driving home.
-Did you see anyone following you? Anything suspect?
-To be honest, I didn't pay attention but I don't remember anything unusual... I parked my car in the alley and went inside. When I opened the door I didn't notice anything strange. I sat on the couch and didn't check the other rooms immediatly. I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up it was already dark outside.
-What did you do next?
-I went to the basement and he was there waiting for me. My boat... he had destroyed it piece by piece and he was pointing a gun at me, I was unarmed and couldn't do anything. He tied me to a chair...
Gibbs swallowed trying to find the words to describe what Ari had done to him. If Gibbs had been a witness or a suspect in one of their case, Tony would never have let him breath and would have asked a question. But Gibbs was his friend and it was obvious that the older man had difficulties talking about what had happened.
Tony walked to the kitchen giving him some space and some time. He came back with two steaming mugs of coffee and took a chair to sit next to Gibbs.
-Thanks, Tony. It's not really a good technic to let someone think about what he has to say. A testimony is always more accurate when the witness is under pressure.
-I know Boss. But you are not a usual witness. I think you've been through a lot and you don't really need me to put some more pressure.
-So, we are not on a professional plan anymore?
-Don't misunderstand me, I'm in charge of the investigation and I need your deposition on the facts. But we are not in a hurry.
-So...Why? why do you need to hear it now?
-The question is not what "I" need but what you need to do.
-Thanks, Tony to think of my welfare but I'd only talk about what you need for your investigation. I don't need you to be my shrink...
-Sure. And what do you intend to do? Hide what you've been through hoping it would disappear? Pretend nothing had happened?
-I don't want to be rude, Tony but it's not your problem. I'm going to tell you what you need but don't ask for more...
Gibbs had put back on the mask he was wearing for years. Tony couldn't let the older push him away like that.
-Ok, so next question... Why were you surprised to see me when we found you? You told me something about pictures...
Tony had always been able to go straight to the facts. Gibbs had always admired the younger man's ability to keep only what was essential on a crime scene. Tony hadn't forgotten Gibbs' reaction.
The older man couldn't answer that question without living once again the worst hours he had ever lived. He didn't want to think about the pain he had felt thinking that Tony had been killed because of him. He closed his eyes trying to erase the images of Tony's face covered with blood.
Tony knew he had to ask this question but looking at Gibbs now he was afraid to have pushed too far. He placed a hand on Gibbs' arm.
-What had he done to you? You know you can talk to me?
-I can't, Tony. He beat me and used what he had learnt from his years as a Mossad agent... But the physical pain was nothing... I could deal with it but what he told me...
-What did he say? Has it something to do with me and what you told me about your feelings?
Tony was surprised to hear Gibbs laugh but he could see no joy on his face when the older amn looked up at him. Tony didn't say one more word. He knew it was now Gibbs' choice, he couldn't oblige him to say something that was obviously still painful.
-You are right, once more. Ari knew everything about I told you. I don't know how he managed that but he played with it... used my feelings against me...
-It was not a game, wasn't it?
-He told me things I already knew but you know how different things may sound when said by someone else. He laughed at me saying I've been stupid to think someone like you could ever love someone like me... I replied I had never thought you would ever love me back and that's when he showed me... the pictures... They seemed real...
Gibbs had now difficulties to breath. Tony sat next to him on the couch putting a hand on his right knee whilme his right hand was patting his back. Tony suddenly realized how easy it had been for him. He had found his place at Gibbs' side reassuring him.
-Who was on these pictures?
Gibbs looked up at him and Tony could see how hard it was for him to talk about it.
-You... Tony...You were on these pictures. He told me he had taken them himself...There was blood everywhere... all over your clothes, your face... He laughed and told me he had taken his time to torture you before killing you...
-It could not be true, Gibbs... He had just left you....
-I didn't know how much time I had spent in the basement with him... He made him take some drug and once or twice he had left me alone... He told me you were dead because of me... that he had had to kill you because you meant too much for me...
It was too much for him to say those words out loud and he was unable to hold back the tears. He let the tension go away. Tony was still close to him amazed by what he had learnt.
-You thought all this time that I was dead...?
-I was so angry at him, at myself... I had already let him kill Kate and now it was you...
Tony took Gibbs in his arms, letting him put his head on his shoulder. For the first time since they had found him in the woods, Gibbs was begining to realize that it was not a dream... that Tony was really here with him alive...
After what seemed hours, Tony felt gibbs relaxed in his arms and he realized the older man had fallen asleep, exhausted by the events of the last days. He lied him down on the couch and began to pace around the room. He had known from the begining that Ari had wanted to find a way to hurt Gibbs. And that bastard had found it.
Tony had believed Gibbs when he had confessed his feelings but he had today the proof of the depth of that love. Gibbs' body was battered and bruised biut his soul had been damaged...
The older man had not found the words to describe what he had felt when he had thought Tony was dead but the younger man had seen in his eyes the despair, he had heard the fear in his voice. Ari had made him face his worst nightmare... the death of the man he loved and he had made this death even more unbearable telling him he was responsible for that.
Tony stopped when he heard a moan coming from Gibbs. The older man was visibly having a bad dream and Tony could guess what it was about. For a moment he wished he could put a hand on that bastard and wipe away the smile from his face for good.
If only killing him could make Gibbs forget what had happened... but Tony knew it would take much more to erase those memories.
Gibbs was becoming more and more agitated, whispering in his troubled sleep. It was unbearable for Tony to see his friend suffer like that. He walked to the couch, sitting next to Gibbs he saw the tears on his cheeks. He reached a hand to wipe them away... Gibbs jerked at Tony's hand touched his face.
-It's me, Jethro. It's Tony. Nobody will hurt you... You are safe now...
-Tony...?
-I'm right here.
The older man seemed to be still asleep and oblivion to the place he was...
-I'm so sorry Tony.
-There is nothing to be sorry for Boss... I'm fine.
-I let him kill you... I shouldn't have told you what I felt for you... You would still be alive...
Tony was not even sure Gibbs had heard him.
-Jethro, you must listen to me... It's only a bad dream.
-Tony !
Gibbs grabbed Tony's shirt and the younger man pulled him closer putting his arms around him. Gibbs rested his head on Tony's chest.
-Listen to my heart, Jethro. I'm here with you...
Tony's soft voice seemed to have reached Gibbs' conscious. He opened his eyes but he din't move. He didn't want to leave the refuge of Tony's arms but he realized that staying like that would probably make Tony uncomfortable. He pulled back sitting on the couch.
Tony released his tight embrace and looked at the man in front of him. Gibbs seemed exhausted and his blue eyes refused to look up at him.
-Jethro, Are you ok?
Gibbs was still staring at his shaking hands visibly still shoked by his nightmare. Tony took Gibbs' hands in his trying to ease the tension he could feel in his frined's body.
-Jethro, please talk to me!
Tony was worrying for him as Gibbs didn't move.
-Jethro, say something... You are scaring me.
Tony squeezed his friend's hands trying to make him feel that he was here for him. Seconds streched into minutes when he finally heard Gibbs' voice.
-Tony?
-I'm right here with you. What do you want me to do?
Gibbs hesitated for a moment. He knew what he needed but he was not sure Tony would accept that. He needed to be close to him, to feel his warmth. He looked up at the man he loved hoping that he would not be rejected once more. But he could only read concern in Tony' hazel eyes.
-Tell me what you need, Jethro.
The tears were back in Gibbs' eyes when he whispered the words to Tony.
-Can you just hold me?
Tony took Gibbs in his arms, gently caressing his back. Without realising what he was doing, Tony began to rock the man in his arms telling soft words in his ears.
-It's ok, now. I'm here with you and I won't let you alone. Try to relax, you need to rest... It had been a hard day... hell it had been a hard week... but it's over now... We are both safe and we are going to go through this together...
Gibbs closed his eyes, letting Tony's words following while he drifted into sleep. Tony didn't move when he felt Gibbs was asleep. He had made a promise and to be perfectly honest he needed to stay close to him almost as much as Gibbs needed him to be.
-I'll stay with you, Jethro. You can sleep now.
Gibbs was now asleep in Tony's arm and the younger man was begining to realize how close he had been to loose him.
He had not been aware of what it would have meant for him. But he was sure now that he would not be able to let him go away from him. His feelings were not really clear but he wanted Gibbs at his side as a friend and maybe more.
-We are going to have some serious talk to do, Jethro. I won't demy that I have had some issues after you told me about your feelings... but i think I understand your choice not to tell me better now...
Tony was now caressing Gibbs' short hair and it was surprisingly relaxing. His vision became suddenly blurry as the tears began to fall.
-Damn, Jethro. I almost lost you. I almost let you go away from me without even realising what you meant to me... What would have I done if he had killed you? Don't you ever scare me like that again...
Tony sighed heavily and placed a soft kiss on Gibbs' hair before lying him back on the couch. He stayed at his side letting him know he was still here... his hand holding Gibbs' hand.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs comes back home...