It was that moment Madame Director chose to show up.
„Agent Gibbs, Agent DiNozzo! My office!"
Gibbs and Tony shared a look but followed Madame Director up the stairs.
„How are you getting along with this murderer?"
Gibbs licked his lips and looked at Tony before he answered.
„Well, we have some traces."
„Anything really useful?"
Sheppards tone was pretty aggressive and Tony frowned.
„We have a profil of the culprit and the victims. But of course there were only two, so..."
„What is that profil of the victims?"
Tony sighed. He had done the profil together with Ziva.
„Male, between 30 and 40, white, tall, rather good locking."
Madame Director nodded slowly and Gibbs knew very soon she would say something he wouldn't like.
„I think a under cover action is appropriated."
‚And there it goes.‘
„I don't know if I can agree with you, Jen, there are still..."
„There's no discussion about it, Agent Gibbs! And according to your profil and experiences the best for the job will be..."
„No! Jen! He'll not go under cover!"
Gibbs said loudly.
„Yes, he will! Agent DiNozzo will do this! This is not a suggestion, Agent Gibbs!"
Tony looked between the two. They just stared at eachother for a couple of seconds.
„We're done here, Agent Gibbs."
She said and Gibbs stood up. Tony had to run a few steps to keep up with the other man and Gibbs shut the door loudly.
„I can't believe she's doing that! It's my job to solve the cases!"
When they passed the restroom Tony grabbed Gibbs arm and pulled him into the room closing the door. He checked that it was empty before he turned to Gibbs. The older man could see pure panic in his lover's eyes and he really didn't like that expression.
„Jethro, I don't know if I can do this! I've done it before and... it was a nightmare, Jethro. All that is just a flashback! I mean those murder and me going undercover... I couldn't take that again, Jethro, I just couldn't."
Gibbs closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Tony.
„It's ok. I'll try to talk to her. Don't worry! And even if you have to do it, you'll have backup. You're not there anymore and it's not your boss!"
Tony relaxed a bit in Gibbs‘ arms. Somehow the other man could always calm him down and maybe he would help him to finally heal.
****************************************************************
Gibbs vanished for about two hours in Madame Director's office and Tony knew that that wasn't a good sign.
The hole team was sitting in Abby's lab. Even Ducky and Palmer were there silently praying that Tony didn't had to go on this suicide mission.
„This is just stupid! She could also put a hat with the American flag on his head let him stand in the middle of Bagdad and yell „I'm Uncle Sam!""
Abby said pacing up and down.
„Jethro will do it, Abigail, don't worry."
Ducky promised but shot another concerned look at Tony.
The young man sat on the floor back against the fridge and seemed to be completely absent. Eventually Tony would find his legs working again and stood up. He couldn't be there with all those people. Deep inside he knew he had to go under cover and he didn't want to see the faces of those caring friends when Gibbs told them.
„Where you going?"
Abby asked surprised when he headed for the door.
„I wanna be alone for a while."
He said squeezing her hand gently as he passed.
He sat behind his desk and buried his face in his hands. He suddenly felt extremly tired. It wasn't real exhaustion. It was what he had felt about four years ago. The feeling when everybody tried to reach him and talk to him and he only wanted to take a shower and sleep.
Maybe it was what he really needed, he would never know. The next few days just happened not really bothering him. It took several weeks until that feeling was completely gone, actually it took three months, a new job and a move. Now Tony knew that it was Gibbs who took that feeling away from him. And hopefully Gibbs would be able to do it again.
Gibbs rushed into the bullpen and to his desk. Tony looked at him intensely. The older man was completely calm. There was no sign of anger or anything else but Tony knew that in that state he was only more dangerous. Tony swallowed before he found his voice.
„Jethro?"
It was next to a whisper and shaky but it was all he could manage.
Gibbs sighed and stood up. He turned to leave, turned back and took his cell phone. Then he froze in place still not looking at Tony.
He couldn't look at him. He couldn't see the pain of memories coming back, he couldn't see the fear in the younger man's eyes.
And certainly he couldn‘t see the disappointment that he, almighty Gibbs, couldn't get him out of that. He turned several times uncertain what to do next. The anger inside seemed to burn him.
He hadn't noticed Tony standing next to him. The younger man looked full concern at his lover. He had only seen Gibbs like that once, it was immidiatly after Kate's death.
„Didn't have luck, did you?"
Gibbs looked for a way to flee but Tony blocked the only way unless he wanted to climb over the table.
All his muscles tensed and the anger grew even more. He had to let it out or it would kill him.
„AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!!!!!!"
He just cried out and threw his cell phone into the nearest wall where it smashed into thousand pieces.
Tony didn't move when he did that, neither when he sank back into his chair. He waited until the other man's breath became more even.
„It's ok, Jethro."
He said kneeling down in a try to make eye contact with his lover.
„You know, I didn't expect miracles from you and I never really thought you could convince her. I mean she's right. It's worth a try and I really am the only one who can do the job."
„You're not!"
Gibbs locked his icy blue eyes with Tony's green ones.
„I am, Jethro. You're not fitting the profil and McGee'd never been under cover. You really would want Probie there?"
„No, but neither I want you there."
„I know but as you said, I've back up! McGee and Abby will bring something up so they can track me down where ever I am in no time and you're watching my back. And you should know by now that I trust you with my life, heart and soul."
Gibbs surpressed the urge to kiss that man.
How could he be like that? How could he face an unknown enemy when Gibbs is shaking with fear?
But Gibbs didn't need anybody to answer. He already knew it.
To set your life in the line is easy. It's part of the job but the life of your loved one? It's something you don't decide. He never decided to fall for Tony.
But worse he would be left behind. Gibbs wasn't somebody who believed in afterlife, neither heavon nor hell, so why fear death? But the death of his lover would be unbearable. He would have to deal with it. He would lose. He had lost often enough in his life. He already had lost his daughter because of the job he didn't want to lose Tony. He didn't thought he could manage it.
His eyes told Tony everything.
„I'm strong, Jethro. I can do this but I need you to be strong, too. And there's something you have to promise me."
Tony said softly when he turned them out of sight of the security cameras. He cupped Gibbs‘ face with his hands.
„Promise me that if something happens to me you won't blame yourself."
Gibbs was about to protest.
„Promise me, Jethro!"
Gibbs nodded.
„Thank you!"
Tony whispered before he kissed the other man shortly.
„Let's go to the lab. Everybody's waiting there."
Tony said and stood up.
When the door of the elevator closed Gibbs pushed Tony against the wall taking his mouth into a hard, desperate kiss.
„If anything's happening to you, I'll kill Sheppard!"
He said when they broke apart.
„You have full permission."
Tony smirked and planted a last affectionate kiss on Gibbs‘ lips before the door opened with the familiar „Ding!"
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony is litterly living the nightmare again. But not only the younger man has fears...
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks to Eve.
No at the moment there isn't more...
No at the moment there isn't more...