Gibbs sat unmoving in the waiting area. The others had gone into Tony's room but he just couldn't get his feet into that direction.
Somehow, even if he didn't want to, he believed Sheppard. How would Tony ever be able to be touched by any men again. Especially by him.
Even if he had promised Tony not to, he blamed himself, only himself for what had happened. He should have checked Jefferson after Tony had told him, no matter what the younger man had said. And he just couldn't think that Tony didn't come to the same conclusion.
Ducky entered the room but Gibbs didn't look up.
„He got a broken rip and some bad bruises. He has also a heavy concussion and some injuries from the rape but nothing the time can't heal. Don't you wanna see him?"
„I don't think he wants me to be there, Duck."
Ducky knew Gibbs long enough so he didn't need to ask. He knew the other man blamed himself.
„It wasn't your fault. And I don't think Tony would think that. Even if he hasn't any permanent physical injuries the emotional bruises will be hard to heal, and I think you're the only one who can help him."
„No, Ducky, I was the one who let it happen. And besides, how will he ever be able to be with me?"
That moment Abby, McGee and Ziva entered the room.
„He woke up."
McGee said and Ducky and Gibbs looked up.
„He said anything?"
Ducky asked.
„Well, he's staring out of the window and only asking for Gibbs."
Ziva answered and all eyes were fixed on Gibbs. The man slowly stood up and got over.
„Hey, Tony."
He said quietly and stayed at the door.
„You're disgusted by me, right?"
Tony asked when he saw the other man stop that far away.
„What gives you that thought?"
„You're staying at the door. I can't say I can blame you. I'm disgusted of myself."
Gibbs took a deep breath and sat beside Tony's bed.
„I thought you doesn't want me near."
Tony shook his head.
„I need you near, Jethro."
Gibbs took Tony's hand.
„Will you ever be able to forgive me?"
„There's nothing I have to forgive you!"
Gibbs lowered his eyes. Tony softly squeezed his hand.
„What is it, Jethro?"
„You'll ever be able to feel my touch without feeling his?"
Tony sighed and looked out of the window for a moment.
„I can't deny that'll take time until I'm ready for that. But, Jethro, all what kept me from becoming insane were you. When he started to...I thought of you. I tried to remember things we did, conversations we had, your smile and it helped me. It lessened the pain."
He locked his eyes with Gibbs‘. Gibbs could see the pain in them but even stronger he could see hope. Hope that this nightmare would finally end.
„You know your touch will never remind me on his touch. And some time I'll be able to sleep with you and enjoy it. But I guess I'm screwed for that whole spanking and tie kinks."
Gibbs just had to laugh. He knew Tony tried to light up the mood and it was good to see that the younger man hadn't lost his soul in that basement.
„I feared you wouldn't come back when you weren't here. I thought you couldn't stand me anymore."
He said his voice sad again.
„That'll never happen, Tony! I will never again let some homophobicals and maniacs do anything to you. I love you Tony, and never will ever change that!"
Tony's face lightened up with a bright smile.
„I love you, too, Jethro."
Gibbs kissed Tony shortly on the lips.
Both men were happy that the other didn't back out but still deep inside them there was this fear. Probably it was that kind of fear you always have, like the monster under the bed.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Both men were happy that the other didn't back out but still deep inside them there was this fear. Probably it was that kind of fear you always have, like the monster under the bed.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks to Eve.
No at the moment there isn't more...
No at the moment there isn't more...