Gibbs' eyes drifted from the TV to Tony. The younger man rested against him, his back against Gibbs' chest, his head on Gibbs' shoulder. Tony was solid and heavy, all long bones and lax muscle. His breathing was deep and even, green eyes closed, fine lines around his eyes speaking more of exhaustion than age.
Gibbs was not surprised Tony had dozed off. It had been a rough day to say the least. He placed a kiss on Tony's temple, fingers sliding through his lover's hair. Tony sighed softly, a muted sound of contentment.
Gibbs glanced at the TV. He really had no idea what the hell he was watching. He'd spent more time concentrating on his lover, senses attuned to Tony rather the flickering screen. Cocking his head to one side, Gibbs frowned unconsciously trying to place the action he was seeing as he continued to run his fingers through Tony's hair.
It was definitely not one of those idiotic reality TV shows. Thank god. Gibbs got enough of stupid people on a daily basis. The last thing he wanted was to watch morons via for their fifteen seconds of fame.
He grinned when he finally placed what he was seeing. He wasn't entirely sure how he could have missed Tom Selleck or the red Ferrari. Tony had the entire Magnum series on DVD. He wasn't quite sure he understood the appeal, but he didn't really need to. Tony liked it and Gibbs didn't mind watching it.
Gibbs eyed the remote and debated turning off the TV. The sudden silence would wake Tony. It always did. And Gibbs wasn't sure he wanted to wake him just yet.
Gibbs bit his lip. He was such an idiot for bringing up Tony's mother. He should have waited. Although, he wasn't sure there would ever really be a good time to talk about that bitch and what she'd done to Tony. He was sure there were times that were better than others; there always were, he just never realized it until after the fact. God, my timing stinks, Gibbs thought with a silent sigh.
Still, he'd gotten an honest answer to his question. He just wished he'd been better prepared to deal with it. Even knowing what to expect hadn't made it any easy to hear how Tony's mother had berated him and broken his arm when he was seven. Jesus. His rage had been so white hot that for a moment Gibbs hadn't been able to breathe or think clearly. He'd scared Tony with his anger. In all the time they'd known each other that had never happened before. Gibbs never wanted it to happen again.
Gibbs shook his head. The medical history Sam had given him supplied him with some of what Tony had gone through, but it didn't cover everything. The why and how were definitely details Gibbs needed to know, and Tony was the only one who could provide those.
Gibbs was relieved that Tony was willing to talk to him about what had happened. It was certainly a start. And it was an astonishing display of trust.
Gibbs kissed Tony's temple again. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do the same thing if Tony ever confronted him about his past or his family. How the hell Tony could ever think of himself as a coward was beyond him. The younger man was a lot stronger than he gave himself credit for.
Gibbs knew he'd have to be careful when he brought the issue up again. Letting it go wasn't really an option. It was obvious the damage done had been more than just physical. He knew it wasn't uncommon for victims of abuse to blame themselves, to believe it had been their fault, but it had never occurred to him that Tony might fall into that mindset. I am such an idiot, Gibbs though, resisting the urge to smack himself.
While Gibbs didn't really believe in therapy or spilling his guts, he did see the value in it for other people. Tony had been revealing more and more details of his childhood and Gibbs was astute enough to know that meant the younger man needed to talk about things, was finally ready to start dealing with them. Marriage counseling and job required counseling sessions had taught him that much.
Gibbs wasn't entirely convinced he was the right person to help Tony, but he couldn't see his lover trusting very many people with the details. And he knew himself well enough to know, he didn't want someone else to help Tony. He wanted to be the one to make Tony feel safe. Gibbs wanted to be the one to make Tony feel loved and valued. He was determined to do the best he could and hope like hell he didn't make too many mistakes.
Gibbs smiled wryly. No pressure. None at all. He was damned lucky Tony was so forgiving. Hopefully he wouldn't test the younger man's limits.
Gibbs sighed. He bit his lower lip, uncharacteristically uncertain of himself and his course of action. He weighed the options and nodded to himself.
He'd have to be patient, wait for another opportunity to bring up Tony's mother and his childhood. Not for the first time did Gibbs wish his timing and instincts were better when it came to emotional stuff. He was getting better?or at least he thought so. Tonight certainly hadn't been a complete disaster. It had actually turned out better than he expected given Tony's initial reaction.
His jaw tightened as he thought about what Tony had said. God damn woman, Gibbs cursed mentally. She was lucky to have been killed in a car accident. He hoped there was a vengeful god torturing her soul.
Tony shifted restlessly, at though he sensed Gibbs' mood. The former Marine had forgotten how in tune to him Tony could be at times. It was uncanny.
Gibbs forced himself to take a slow, deep breath and unclench his fists. He'd already let his anger get the better of him once tonight scaring the hell out of Tony in the process; he wasn't going to make that mistake again. Gibbs took another deep breath, holding it for a count of ten, waiting for Tony to settle again
Feeling calmer, Gibbs glanced at his watch. It was late, later than he was usually up unless he was working on the boat. He rubbed at his eyes, wincing at the gritty feel. He hadn't slept much last night. Only seemed fair since he was certain none of his team had either.
Gibbs yawned widely. They really should get up and go to bed. Tomorrow would be coming soon, and they'd need to get ready for another day. Hopefully one that was a lot less stressful.
He pointed the remote toward the TV, hesitating for a moment before reluctantly hitting the power button. He breathed a soft sigh of relief when the plasma screen went dark rather than blowing up. Just as he expected, Tony's eyes opened immediately.
"Boss?"
"I'm here," Gibbs whispered. He carefully wrapped his arms a little tighter around Tony so his lover could feel as well as hear him.
"Wha' time is it?" Tony mumbled, rubbing at his eyes.
"Time for bed."
Tony's chuckle was a warm, raspy sound. "You woke me up to tell me to go to bed?"
"Yes, I did." Gibbs hugged him. "I like this couch, but I prefer sleeping in your bed."
"Yeah." Tony yawned. "Me too."
Tony rolled smoothly to his feet. He stretched, arms over head, back arching into a tight bow before releasing to bend forward and touch his toes. Gibbs envied him the ease of moment. It had been a few years since he'd been able to stretch like that without joints popping, muscles and tendons protesting.
Tony straightened and offered him a hand. Gibbs took it, smiling slightly. He didn't need help getting up, and he knew Tony knew that. It was just an automatic offer, a way for them to stay connected.
He used their joined hands to pull Tony into a hug. Gibbs liked the way they rested against each other, drawing and giving strength at the same time. The closest he'd ever come to a similar feeling had been with Shannon. He sometimes wondered if Tony had ever felt the same way with someone else, but he had never been able to bring himself to ask.
Tony patted his shoulder before stepping back. He walked over to the candle that was still burning and blew it out. Gibbs become so accustomed to the scent and flickering light he'd actually forgotten it was even still lit. He turned off the small lamp on the end table.
They headed for the bedroom together, fingers and shoulders brushing as they moved. They parted at the door to the master bathroom. Gibbs let Tony take care of his own nightly ritual, heading into the bedroom.
Gibbs regretfully placed the massage oil back in the nightstand drawer. He didn't think either of them were really up for it now. He'd offer Tony a massage tomorrow. Make up for missing out on it tonight.
"Bathroom is all yours."
Gibbs nodded. He quickly brushed his teeth and gargled some of Tony's sinfully expensive mouth wash. Stuff had to be worth it because Tony never woke up with morning breath that Gibbs had ever noticed. Not that it mattered much if he did. It would take more than morning breath to keep Gibbs from kissing him.
Gibbs wasn't comfortable sleeping naked. Too much time in the Marine Corps sharing space with a lot of people, and then having a daughter in the house had made him leery of going to bed without something on. He had grown accustomed to sleeping in a pair of Tony's silk boxers. Tony had bought him several pair of is own, but Gibbs preferred the ones he'd stolen from his lover.
He left the nightlight on in the bathroom and the door open enough to allow the dim light to filter into the bedroom. Tony had gotten the small light after Gibbs had caught his little toe on the dresser one night. The layout of the room and location of everything was now as familiar to Gibbs as his own bedroom, but he liked having that little bit of light just the same. It was one more thing he'd grown used to.
Tony held up the comforter in an open invitation. Gibbs slid into his side of the bed. He sighed when Tony curled in close, head on Gibbs' shoulder.
Gibbs rubbed his cheek against Tony's hair, pulling the comforter up so that it covered Tony's back and shoulders. "You warm enough?"
"I'm good." Tony patted his chest in a gesture of affection.
Gibbs smiled. "Love you, Tony." Saying ?Love you' was almost a ritual way for him to end the day. He'd missed being able to say it yesterday. God damn little weasel, Gibbs thought, hoping like hell Chip was finding his new accommodations at NCIS terrifying.
Tony tilted his head, placing a light kiss on Gibbs' chest. He didn't vocalize it as often as Gibbs, but the older man knew the kiss was Tony's own ritual of expressing his love.
Gibbs closed his eyes and breathed out a silent prayer of thanks to any deity who cared to listen. He was grateful for the man in his arms, for the chance he'd been given to know him, to love and be loved by Tony. Tony was a blessing he never wanted to take for granted.
"Stop thinking," Tony mumbled against his skin. "It's too loud."
Gibbs laughed softly. "Sorry."
"S'okay." Tony curled in closer. "Sleep now. Think later."
Gibbs smirked, relaxing further. Tony rarely gave him orders to do anything. Sleep now. Okay. He could do that. Not like he had any plans to argue with Tony about ordering him to do something he was already planning to do?eventually. They could always argue about it tomorrow. And maybe work in a little make up sex while they were at it. Gibbs smiled. Yeah, that was a good plan. Definitely. A damn good plan.
The end
Chapter End Notes:
This is part of the Risky Series. Follows Covering the Risk