Chapter 4.
Jethro, Tony and Tom.
It was already dark outside when Tom went back to the room Gibbs had given him only hours earlier. The teenager was still not sure he was not dreaming…He had found his father…His father had finally found him to be more precise. But the only that mattered now was that he wanted him to stay. Gibbs wanted to keep him here…in his house. He had said he was his son…
Tom had hoped to hear this word for years…And here he was in his father's house…Hoping for the first time in his life that everything would be all right for him. He sat on the bed and closed his eyes. He was safe here. He felt hot tears running down his cheeks. Lying down he starred at the ceiling for a moment thinking about what had happened in the last hours.
Last night he had been about to follow a man when another one had pulled him out of the car, hitting the driver when this one had tried to keep him inside. He had learnt to recognize when he didn't control the situation. That's why he had let this man take him to his car. He needed money no matter who was giving it to him. this man or another…
When he had begun this ‘job' he had been so scared but it had not lasted for long. The men he had met in the streets night after night didn't like crying little boys…So he learnt to give them what they wanted…building walls around his heart to avoid being hurt too much. It had not worked…He had been hurt badly day after day but he had decided to bury it deep inside.
No one had ever fought for him or to defend him. this man had been the first and he had waited for him to ask for what he wanted when they had entered this house. But instead of that this man had asked him if he wanted something to eat or drink. He had made him sat at the kitchen table and had watched him eat.
-My name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I'm a federal agent of NCIS.
That's when he had thought it was the beginning of troubles. A federal agent…He had never been lucky. He had stood up and walked to the door. He had to get out of this house as fast as possible. Gibbs had caught his arm before he could open the door.
-You will be safe here…Don't go.
Something in the man's voice had kept him from running outside. He didn't know why but he had wanted to trust this man…And not because he was a federal agent. He had turned to face him and had felt those blue eyes reading his mind. He didn't act like the man he had met in the last year. He had not asked for anything and was only offering him a shelter.
He had decided to stay and see what would happen. He was not taking a great risk. What could happen to him that had not happened once or twice already? …He could be killed…At least it would have been the end of the nightmare he had been living for years.
But Gibbs had not try to harm him, he had not tried to touch him. the man was a mystery to him. he had not said a word except that he needed to go to the police station and at his office before leaving him alone in his house. This man had trusted him enugh to leave him alone in his house for hours…He had visited the house finding nothing very interesting.
Then he had taken the stairs leading to the basement and had stayed frozen in front of what looked like the skeleton of a boat. He had touched the wood, felt it under his palm. The wood was warm; it was as if the boat was alive. He had stayed there for long minutes…his ahdns on the wood. He had surprised himself thinking it would be nice to learn how to build a boat like that. Maybe Gibbs would like to teach him…
He had shaken his head thinking he was being stupid. That was not because Gibbs had taken him out of the streets for a night that he was going to adopt him. He'd better enjoy the moments he would spend here before going back to where he belonged.
When Gibbs had come back he had brought him a cup of hot chocolate and he had not dared telling him he would have preferred a coffee. Around noon the door bell had rung and he had met Tony. The least he could say was that the man was hot. He had seen surprise in his eyes…surprise and something else. This man had known at the first sight who he really was. No need to hide with him.
He had played with him the role he had learnt over the years. He had hated himself while he was trying to seduce Tony. He knew it would never have worked with him. This man was a cop, Gibbs' friend…two reasons to be nice with him. But he had always been good at deceiving people.
Things had gone faster from that moment…He had learnt Gibbs was his father. At first he had tried to go away and forget about what he had just heard. But deep inside he knew it was his chance to get out of the world he was living in. Most of all he wanted to feel safe and Gibbs could give him that.
For the first time since his mother's burial he had allowed himself to cry. He had allowed someone hold him. He could still feel the strength of Gibbs' arm around him…Of his father's arms…Tom drifted into sleep a smile on his face…He was home again.
Gibbs and Tony were still in the living room. They were both feeling exhausted by what had happened today. They had a lot to think about and Tom was not the only one Gibbs had difficulties dealing with. Tony had been distant all evening…Gibbs had not expected him to hold his hand or touch him in front of Tom. But he was not sure now to have interpreted Tony's behavior right.
He was too confused to think clearly for now…and he didn't know if he really wanted to think about what happened between him and Tony. he was scared that it could only have been a dream, something that would never go further than a kiss. He was aware that the younger man didn't want to rush things but he needed to know…Hell, he needed him.
-Are you ok, Boss?
It took Gibbs a moment to realize that Tony was talking to him.
-Sure, Tony. I'm fine…I'm just a little tired after what had happened today…
-I'd better leave you alone then…You need to rest.
-No...!
The word had escaped from his mouth before he could think about it. He didn't want to be alone. He could not let Tony go.
Tony looked at the man sat at his side. He didn't know what was wrong with him but it wwas obvious that something was bothering him. He placed a hand on his knee.
-What's wrong, Jethro?
-Nothing…Tony. You're right I need to rest and you probably need it too.
Gibbs had not looked at him while he was speaking and Tony was now sure there was something really wrong. Gibbs had never avoided his eyes before.
-You know you can talk to me, right?
-Tony…I …
-Jethro…Tell me what's wrong.
-I was just thinking…
-About me…? About us…?
Gibbs blinked several times and cleared his voice before trying to answer. Tony was close to him…so close…
-I had just hoped…Nevermind…You'd better forget about it.
-Jethro…I don't want to forget about it. I don't want to rush things between us. You have so many things to deal with…
-Tony…I need you.
Tony didn't know what to say to this simple statement. For once Gibbs had let his heart talk for him and had only expressed the truth.
-I need you too, Jethro. And I've already told you I would be more than happy to be a part of your life.
-Tony…I…
Ok, Gibbs was unable to answer for the second time in only two minutes…Now, Tony was really worried.
-Tell me what you want from me, Jethro.
Gibbs stood up and began to walk around the room trying to forget about Tony's eyes locked on him, about the warmth of his hand he was still feeling on his knee. He felt a hand on his arm and turned to see that Tony was facing him.
-Jethro, please. Tell me what you really want.
-I can't Tony.
-Why…? You just have to tell me the truth.
-You don't understand…
-On the contrary, I think I understand perfectly well. You want to know why…?
Tony took Gibbs' hand and placed it on his heart.
-I understand, Jethro…because I want it too.
When Tony's lips touched his eyelid Gibbs felt his heart miss a beat.
-I want the same thing, Jethro.
The younger man went on, kissing his other eyelid, his jaw…Gibbs was not sure he was in his living room anymore.
-Are you feeling it, Jethro?
He could not answer because Tony's lips were on his. Yes, he was feeling it too. His lips parted allowing Tony's tongue to enter his mouth. Tony's arms found their way around Gibbs' waist.
Tony was the first to break the contact. His eyes were shining when he looked at the man in his arms. Gibbs had not made a move…he was feeling safe in the refuge of Tony's arms.
-Is that what you want, Jethro?
Why was it so hard to answer? Of course, that's what he wanted but he could say the words Tony wanted to hear. He rested his head on Tony's shoulder pulling him closer.
-I'm here, Jethro. You don't need to say anything. I won't leave you…
-Tony…
Tony could hear the sobs Gibbs was trying to hold back in his voice.
-Let it go, Jethro. You have nothing to hide to me…
Tony was caressing Gibbs' hair talking softly into his ear. He wanted Gibbs to trust him…he wanted to be his partner, his lover… the one he could rely on.
-Tony…Don't leave me…
It was almost a plea and Tony felt his heart break at the insecurity he could hear in those words.
-I won't leave you, Jethro.
It was the sentence Gibbs needed to hear. Tony could feel Gibbs' tears wet his shirt. Tony let him cry holding him tightly. After what seemed long minutes he led him to his bedroom. He was not sure Gibbs wanted anything else from him than a friendly shoulder but he had promised to stay with him. So he layed down on the bed at his side. The older man curled against him and soon his head found his way to Tony's chest.Tony knew Gibbs would soon fall asleep.
-You need to sleep, Jethro. I won't move from here.
Tony's right hand was on Gibbs' back going up and down in a reassuring and gentle move.
-I love you, Tony.
It had only been a whisper but Tony had heard those words loud and clear.
-I love you too, Jethro.
All was quiet in the house. Tony and Gibbs had fallen asleep in each other's arms. Tom was in the guest's room trying to fight against an invisible ennemy that was trying to attack him in his dream. It was not the first time he was making this nightmare…but each time it was the same fear. He could feel it running down his veins. The irrational fear, the thought that no one would come to save you, that no one would ever be here to hold you and wipe away the tears.
He sat on the bed. The room was dark around him.He knew he had screamed but he hoped he had not waken up his father or Tony. He didn't know why he had thought Tony was still here but he had the feeling that the special agent would not have stayed away from his boss tonight. He had watched them tonight and he had seen their feelings for each other.
He heard footsteps outside and saw the light coming from the hall. Well done! He had awaken his father. Gibbs opened the door letting the light coming in the small room.
-Tom…?
-I'm sorry, Gibbs; I didn't want to wake you up…I'll soon be asleep again. Don't worry…
Gibbs walked to the bed and Tom could now see that Tony was behind his father. He had guessed right…Good. Gibbs sat on the bed and placed a hand on his son's forehead.
-You're sure you are ok, Tom? You are sweating…
-It was just a bad dream. Don't worry.
-I'm your father and the first thing that fathers learn to do is worrying for their son. Want to talk about this dream?
-Not really…
Gibbs could hear that even if Tom wanted to sound brave; he had been shaken by this nightmare. He could not let him alone now.
-You want me to stay with you?
Tom gave him a puzzled look. He didn't understand what Gibbs meant. The older man saw the confusion in his son's eyes.
-I just want to be here if this bad dream come back. You are not alone anymore, Tom.
He had thought for a second that Gibbs wanted…Oh God…How could have he thought that his father would want something like that from him?
-I'm sorry, Dad…
-For what, Tom?
Tom looked up at him his eyes filled with tears. Gibbs took him in his arms and rocked him softly letting his son cry.
-There's nothing to be sorry about, Tom. The nightmare is over now. I'm going to take care of you and I promise that no one would ever hurt you.
Tony sat on the other side of the bed. He didn't want to interfere between the father and his son but he needed to be a part of it. Tom turned to face him and smiled softly at him.
-You're going to stay with us, Tony?
-I don't know, Tom. You have to ask your father.
-Dad?
Gibbs didn't know what to say. He hated being speechless but what can you answer to that? Two days ago he was alone; leaving only for himself…And today he had a son and a man he loved. Life can be surprising sometimes.
-Dad?
-I think you should give him a little more time to answer.
-I don't need more time, Tony.
Gibbs took Tony's hand, a arm still around his son's shoulder.
-I love you, Tony and I want you to be a part of my life…If Tom is ok with that…
-You're asking me if you can love Tony?
-No, Tom. I love Tony. You can't turn off those kind of feelings. I'm asking you if you want us to try to build a family. It's probably not the family you had dreamt of…
Tom remained silent for long minutes and the two men began to worry. Tony put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
-I love your father, Tom and with time I'm sure we could be friends but I won't come in the way between you and your father. I'm not going to steal him from you…
Tom looked up at Tony. He had not realized why he had suddenly been afraid to loose what he had just been given. Tony had put words on this fear.
-You are his son, Tom and no one would ever replace you in his heart.
Tom smiled at him.
-I've never thought I could love someone, Tony. No one had ever loved me except my mother. What I'm feeling now is so unexpected and wonderful at the same time…I can help feeling it will be over soon…
-It won't, Tom. I can't promise it's going to be easy but I'm willing to try if you are too…
-Yes I am, Dad. I want it to be true. I want to have a family.
Both men looked at the child between them. The boy Tony had met at the door only hours earlier had disappeared. They had in front of them an expecting child. A boy who needed them, who wanted them to show him what love really meant. Gibbs realized he had now to face the hardest challenge life had ever put him face to face with. He had to make his son happy…He had to teach him what being loved meant.
He had also a life to build with the man he was in love with. He could see in Tony's eyes that the younger man was thinking of the same things. For the first time in years he wanted to hope…He wanted to make it true.
Author's Chapter Notes:
the title says it all