Tony woke slowly, letting awareness come to him gradually. He could, and often did, wake in an instant, alert and ready to go. But everything his senses were relaying to him at the moment told him he didn't have to. He had been down for the count, completely gone; that only happened when his conscious and subconscious were in absolute agreement on his sense of how safe he was, how ready he needed to be to react to his surroundings.
He started to move, muscles seeking to rearrange themselves, to stretch and flex. Tony stopped abruptly when he realized he wasn't in bed but on the couch?and he wasn't alone. He frowned, searching his memory, looking for how he came to be where he was and who he was with.<
Fingers lightly carded through his hair, an indistinct, soft comforting sound coming from above him. "Shhh...I got you."
Tony smiled, making the connection. Gibbs. Tony frowned again. He thought Gibbs had taken the bed and left him to sleep on the couch. He had a strange recollection of looking up at Gibbs, holding his hand, sharing a smile. That was a dream, wasn't it?
Tony opened his eyes, blinking sleepily in the early morning light. He felt himself flush with embarrassment as he realized he had his head pillowed on Gibbs' thigh. Tony unconsciously found himself nervously moving his fingers, hands twitching with the instinctive reaction to the flight or fight response the sudden surge of adrenaline was generating. He was surprised to discover he was holding Gibbs' hand. Definitely not a dream then, Tony thought with a wry sense of amusement, laughing silently at himself.
Gibbs' head was tilted to the left, and angled downward in repose, making it easy for Tony to see his face. The older man looked younger, peaceful?and very handsome. Tony blinked, stunned as he realized this was the first time he'd actually seen Gibbs sleep. He'd seen him unconscious and in a coma, but never genuinely at rest.
Tony sucked in a breath, awed by the trust being displayed. Gibbs had let his guard down. He'd actually let Tony use him as a pillow. That was definitely above and beyond the call, Tony thought, now bemused by the situation more than embarrassed by it.
Tony bit his lower lip. Better to move now, before Gibbs woke up. Save them both the awkwardness this whole thing was bound to cause.
A part of him didn't really want to move. A part of him wanted to just stay right where he was, content to enjoy this closeness, this sense of peace and security. He might never get another chance to experience this ever again. Steeling himself, Tony told that part to just shut the hell up.
His effort to release Gibbs' hand was thwarted by the older man tightening his hold. Tony hadn't expected that, and he fiercely tamped down on his initial pleased reaction. This isn't helping, Tony told himself, stifling a delighted grin.
He started to move again, thinking maybe if he could at least get far enough away, Gibbs would release his hand naturally. Tony was surprised when Gibbs ran a hand through his hair again, the soothing action being executed apparently without conscious thought. Gibbs eyes were closed, his breathing still deep and even.
Tony sighed silently. So much for just slipping away. Evidently this was going to have to be like taking off a band-aid, one quick pull and get it over with.
He took a deep breath and told himself it was for the best. The longer he stayed, the worse it would be. Now that Gibbs knew about his bisexual nature, it would be way too easy to misread this situation. Or read it far too accurately, Tony amended silently with a grimace.
He didn't want the older man to think that just because it was known they both enjoyed the company of men that Tony expected Gibbs to act on it. Or that he'd take advantage of that knowledge and try to talk Gibbs into anything he wasn't truly interested in doing. Tony rolled his eyes. As if I could coerce Gibbs into anything, Tony mentally gave himself a head slap. He knew better than that.
Tony risked another glance at Gibbs. The earlier peaceful expression had given way to something pensive. Gibbs' jaw had clenched and his brow furrowed. Tony blinked unsure of what caused the suddenly fierce look. Definitely time to move away, he decided. Better to be out of Gibbs' lap before he woke up.
Tony wiggled free of the blanket. He winced when his movements made Gibbs' grip on his hand tighten painfully. Gibbs mumbled something incomprehensible.
Tony thought he heard what sounded like 'you're not going to die'. He raised an eyebrow. Dream about Desert Storm maybe, or his wife and daughter, or Kate or...well, a lot of other things Tony probably knew nothing about.
He managed to pry his hand free. Tony wasn't sure what to make of the distressed sound Gibbs made in response to the loss of contact. It seemed cruel to leave Gibbs in the throes of a bad dream, but the younger man didn't think he'd appreciate waking up to find himself clutching Tony's hand like a frightened child. Big, bad ass Marines didn't do that sort of thing, or so Tony had been told. The situation was going to be awkward enough without throwing that into the mix.
Tony moved to sit up, pulling his legs in so he could roll off the couch to his feet. He figured once on his feet, he could safely wake Gibbs without embarrassing either of them too badly. He could take the blame for falling asleep on Gibbs, make light of it, and move things along to safer territory.
Tony had barely begun moving when Gibbs grabbed him, pulling him into a breath stealing hold, pinning him tightly to Gibbs' chest. Tony gasped, ribs protesting as Gibbs arms circled him like bands of iron. He didn't struggle, trusting Gibbs wasn't trying to deliberately hurt him even if not fully conscious.
"Boss...Please...Can't breathe." Tony coughed weakly, trying to draw in air.
"Stay with me, DiNozzo." Gibbs ordered; his tone was harsh and desperate. "No one dies of the plague anymore. You keep breathing, you hear me!"
Plague? Tony blinked as comprehension dawned. Gibbs was dreaming about that?! He wasn't even there for most of Tony's time in isolation. He'd missed out on the fever, fatigue, blue lights and coughing up blood.
Tony didn't begrudge him that. Gibbs had been busy finding out who had poisoned the letter in the first place. And Gibbs was there when it really mattered.
He'd been there to tell Tony it was worth it to keep fighting. To reassure him he wasn't losing the war even if he'd lost a battle or two. That he would live even when everything Tony was feeling that moment belied Gibbs' declaration. He was there when it hurt like hell to breathe and the taste of blood in Tony's mouth was making him nauseous.
"You will not die!" Gibbs whispered into Tony's ear, his voice ruthless, unrelenting.
"Got it, Boss," Tony responded, instinctively giving the same answer he had then.
He wasn't sure if Gibbs heard him or not. The band around his ribcage didn't loosen any. Tony was forced to try and push him away. He needed more air than he was getting.
He felt Gibbs resist, tightening the hold on him. Tony winced as what little air in his lungs was forced out. God, but Gibbs was strong.
"You...have to...let go, Boss." Tony was starting to panic.
"No!" Gibbs hissed, fear and anger ringing out clearly in that one word. "Not letting go. Never. Can't lose you. Can't." Gibbs shuddered. "Need you."
In spite of being breathless, Tony grinned. It was heartening to hear Gibbs say he was needed. It was the only time he could remember Gibbs ever saying anything like that. Shame Gibbs probably wouldn't remember saying it.
"Stay, Tony...Please. Stay with me." Gibbs' plea hurt to hear. He sounded oddly broken, so unlike the confident, capable man Tony knew. Tony tried to offer reassurances but was unable to draw in enough air to speak.
"You can beat this, Tony. Breathe, damn it, breathe."
Trying to, Tony thought desperately. He needed to wake Gibbs up, free him from this dream. Staying was bad for both of them.
The way Gibbs had Tony's arms trapped, slapping him wasn't an option. This definitely called for drastic action. Tony kicked out with his legs, digging his heels into the couch for greater leverage as he tried to jackknife away from Gibbs, using his weight to break the older man's clutches.
The move worked better than Tony anticipated. He broke free of Gibbs' hold, knocking himself off the couch at the same time. Tony hit the floor, clipping the trunk coffee table with his head hard enough to see stars. He scrambled back as Gibbs came to his feet, the older man's right hand reaching for the gun he wasn't wearing. Startled blue eyes glanced around the room, clearly wide awake and assessing the area for signs of danger. When he looked down, Tony smiled wanly.
"Hi, Boss." Tony waved, panting slightly as he recovered his wind.
"Tony?" Gibbs frowned. "What the hell--"
"Fell off the couch." That was true, more or less. No reason to tell Gibbs exactly why he'd fallen off.
Gibbs eyes narrowed. Tony looked away not wanting to give away too much. He raised his hand to gingerly touch his temple, wincing. No blood, but a goose egg was already forming. Oh well, Tony shrugged mentally. One more knock to the head wasn't any big deal.
Gibbs crouched down, hand reaching out to cup Tony's chin, gently forcing him to make eye contact. Concerned blue eyes searched green. "Another nightmare?"
Tony nodded briefly. It had been a nightmare, just not his. If Gibbs didn't remember, Tony saw no reason to bring it up. Tony would love to be able to forget his own. He could give that small blessing to Gibbs.
"You okay?" Gibbs tilted his head, eyes moving to assess the growing bump.
"Yeah." Tony pulled away. "Got a hard head."
Gibbs offered him a hand. Tony grabbed Gibbs' forearm, letting the older man help him up. He swayed for a moment before catching himself. Gibbs gave him a sharp look.
"DiNozzo?"
"I'm good." Tony patted Gibbs' shoulder, trying and failing to get the other man to release his hold. He was a little embarrassed to find himself enjoying Gibbs' concern and the continued contact. He told him to stop being a pathetic, needy idiot. 'No one likes a whiner, Anthony', his father had always told him.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure." Tony forced himself to look Gibbs' in the eye. "Just stood up too fast, Jethro. Little head rush is all."
Using Gibbs' first name was a calculated risk, one Tony hoped would convince the other man he was telling the truth. And he was telling the truth. Having low blood pressure often made standing too fast a bit dizzying. It wasn't a big deal. Tony had low blood pressure ever since he started playing sports and working out regularly.
Gibbs' eyes narrowed. He leaned into Tony's personal space, mouth close to the younger man's ear. "Do not lie to me, Tony."
"Not lying, Boss."
Tony unconsciously braced himself for a head slap when he saw Gibbs raise his hand. He was stunned when Gibbs lightly stroked the back of his head, cupping the nape of his neck before placing a butterfly soft kiss to his bruised temple. Tony fought not to lean into that astonishingly gentle touch, to ask for more.
"You may be okay, but you didn't fall off the couch. And it wasn't your nightmare." Gibbs countered calmly, pulling away to squarely face Tony again.
"One out of three." Tony smiled weakly. He should have realized Gibbs would not only catch him lying, but also call him on it.
Gibbs' thumb lightly stroked along the side of Tony's neck. "You thought I wouldn't remember my own nightmare?"
"Kind of thing I'd want to forget," Tony answered honestly. Tony wouldn't mind erasing the entire experience from his memory. Blue lights still made him nervous. He caught himself eyeing all envelopes suspiciously, unwilling to open anything if he didn't recognize the name and address of the sender.
"You ever forget one?"
Tony shook his head. "Not yet."
Gibbs nodded grimly. He squeezed Tony's neck once before releasing him. "I didn't mean to--."
"I know that." He waved off the explanation. "You'd have knocked me out cold if you meant to." Tony grinned, waggling his eyebrows.
Gibbs rolled his eyes. Tony was pleased to see he looked more amused than guilty now. Getting a kiss, even a platonic one, was fair exchange for a knock to the head in Tony's opinion.
Gibbs grimaced as he focused Tony's bruised temple again. "I shouldn't have?"
"My fault for falling asleep on you in the first place." He could shoulder the blame for that; Tony had already decided to do so earlier. Was the only time he'd ever fallen asleep after a nightmare, so again it felt like an even trade to Tony. In some ways, he considered himself ahead of the game.
"You sleep okay?" The question could have been intended as a joke, or simple courtesy, but the undercurrent of genuine concern made it more than that.
"You make for a lumpy pillow, Boss." Tony smiled, unable to resist teasing the older man, and not ready to admit he couldn't remember sleeping so soundly in a long time.
"You didn't seem to mind," Gibbs shot back dryly. "A bomb could have gone off and you wouldn't have noticed."
"Then what did you ask me if I slept okay for?" Tony gave Gibbs his best innocent look. The light head slap was welcomed. It was a sure sign things were okay...normal even, between them.
Tony stepped back and stretched, arms overhead, reaching for the ceiling. He closed his eyes, relaxing into the movement, hearing a few vertebrae popping back into place. He felt guilty, realizing Gibbs was probably stiff and sore from acting as his pillow. Sleeping sitting up was never any fun.
"You should have taken the bed, Boss." He could hear the apology in his voice even if he didn't actually say outright that he was sorry.
"If I wanted to sleep in the bed, I would have, Tony."
Tony blinked, and stared at Gibbs in surprise. Had Gibbs really meant for that to sound like he preferred staying with Tony to a good night's sleep in a comfortable bed? Or was it just wishful thinking? Maybe it was little more than a poor choice of words.
Tony had to know for sure. "Boss, did you mean--"
"Yeah, I did." Gibbs regarded him steadily, expression open and honest. His blue eyes warmer than Tony could remember ever seeing them before.
Tony blushed and looked away. He hadn't felt so shy and uncertain since high school. The comparison made him smile. It had been in high school that he started to recognize flirting and learning how to flirt back. It was also in high school when Tony realized he didn't envy the quarterback kissing the head cheerleader, he was envious of her being able to kiss him.
"Something funny, DiNozzo?"
"Actually, yeah." Tony chuckled, eyes bright with merriment. "I suddenly feel a bit like I did when I was sixteen."
"Sixteen?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because I don't think I've blushed much since then."
"That's a shame." Gibbs smiled. "It's a good look for you."
Tony found himself staring at the floor again. He knew how to flirt. He was good at it for crying out loud. This shouldn't be so hard. It was harmless, he reminded himself. Gibbs couldn't mean it, could he? But what if he did? Should he jump at the chance? What if he got it wrong, would flirting back ruin everything?
Realizing he was in danger of letting what should be a lighthearted moment become unnecessarily awkward, Tony cleared his throat and glanced up. "Hard to switch gears," he confessed, feeling the need to say something.
Gibbs cocked his head to one side. "Switch gears?"
"Usually think of you as my boss." Tony shrugged one shoulder.
"My being the boss is a problem?"
"Never flirted with my boss before." He didn't mind flirting with his coworkers, or verbally sparing with them, but Gibbs had been off limits for from the day they'd met. Tony hadn't wanted to risk having his attraction to the older man discovered or to give away his bisexual nature. He'd been hiding it for too long to be careless.
"You practically undressed Shepard with your eyes the first time you met her," Gibbs challenged, sounding almost jealous.
"She's not my boss." Tony shook his head. "Only got one, and that's you."
Gibbs frowned. "Is that an all or nothing?"
"I don't--"
"I can't be anything other than your boss?" The answer obviously mattered to Gibbs.
"You already are." Tony smiled, unable to lie. Gibbs meant the world to him. He cared more for him than he knew was smart to.
Gibbs smiled back at him, stepping closer, eyes intent on Tony's face. "How much more?"
Tony hesitated. Lying still wasn't an option. Gibbs would know.
"How much more do you want to be?" Tony gave Gibbs a coy look; his eyes make an unmistakable invitation, leaving it up to Gibbs to decide whether to accept or not. If Gibbs backed off, Tony would just have to find a way to accept it. Tony hoped he opted to take him up on the offer, holding his breath as he waited for an answer.
Gibbs bit his lower lip, looking atypically nervous and uncertain. He squared his shoulders. "Everything."
"Everything?" Tony blinked, afraid he might have misheard. "You mean?"
"Boss, friend," Gibbs paused meeting Tony's gaze evenly, "lover." He raised hand to lightly caress Tony's cheekbone with his knuckles. "I want it all."
"You sure?" Tony forced himself to ask. He felt like pinching himself to make certain he wasn't dreaming.
"I'm sure." Gibbs caressed his cheekbone again. Tony fought not to close his eyes to better enjoy that impossibly soft touch.
"But it was only last night--"
"It was last night that I found out you liked men. Wasn't when I found out I liked you, Tony. I knew for years that I was attracted to you." Gibbs looked sheepish. "Just seemed like such a huge risk, I wasn't sure how to?"
"Yeah, I can relate to that." Tony chuckled wryly. "Quite the pair, aren't we?"
Gibbs turned his hand to cup Tony's cheek. "Yes, we are."
"This just an itch you need to scratch?" Tony winced, cursing his inability to just keep his mouth shut.
"Is that all it would be to you?"
"No."
"Good." Gibbs leaned in closer. "I want more than casual and short-term with you. I want a lot more than that. Need more than that."
Tony met Gibbs half-way, lips coming together in a chaste, closed mouth kiss. It was almost an introduction, a mutual test of willingness and intent. It held a soft promise of more.
Gibbs nibbled at Tony's bottom lip, requesting entrance. Tony opened his mouth, inviting Gibbs in, letting him explore, teasing and tasting.
Tony followed when Gibbs retreated, mapping the other man's mouth with his own tongue. He caressed the roof of Gibbs' mouth, enjoying the feeling of the rough surface. He shivered when Gibbs sighed deeply. It was as though he'd been waiting forever for this moment.
Tony wrapped his arms around Gibbs, pulling the former Marine's body flush against his own. Being close to the same height, the full body contact felt amazing. Everything felt so natural, so utterly right, so perfect Tony couldn't remember why he'd ever thought kissing Gibbs would be a mistake. He could easily spend the rest of his life doing just this.
He whimpered, giving voice to his feeling of loss and disappointment when Gibbs finally broke the kiss. He tried to recapture the other man's mouth, hungry, almost desperate for more, but Gibbs stopped him, framing his face with both hands. Gibbs smiled gently, before resting his forehead against Tony's.
He breathed out, slow and deliberate. Tony breathed him in, green eyes meeting blue. It was so intimate, honest and raw, Tony shuddered in response, feeling totally exposed.
"I got you, Tony," Gibbs murmured, thumbs moving back and forth against Tony's cheekbones in a calming, reassuring caress. "I got you."
Tony took a slow, deep breath, nodding. "Wow," he whispered.
Gibbs kissed him again, just a light peck, comfortable and familiar. "You okay?"
Tony laughed, letting his joy out. "Never better, Boss."
"Jethro," Gibbs corrected, nipping Tony's nose playfully.
"Jethro." Tony grinned.
"I know this is going to sound old fashioned but I want to go slow." Gibbs' expression was earnest, a request for understanding. "I got three failed marriages, Tony. Don't want to screw up again."
"You won't screw up." Tony was sure if something went wrong, it would be his fault. It usually was.
"Not sure I'm worthy of that faith, but I'm grateful for it just the same." Gibbs tilted Tony's head and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Are you okay with us taking time?"
"Slow is good." Tony sighed, leaning into Gibbs, delighted to feel Gibbs lean into him so they were supporting one another. Momma C had always told him good things took time. He knew better than to try and rush this. He'd been secretly in love with Gibbs for years, just knowing he'd finally have a chance to act on it, to express it was enough. If sex was even half as intense as their first kiss, he'd need time to prepare for it anyway.
Gibbs ran a hand up and down Tony's back. The touch was relaxing, comforting. Tony hummed in appreciation. He closed his eyes, memorizing this moment.
Tony wasn't sure how long they were wrapped up in each other when his stomach ruined the mood by growling loudly.
Gibbs laughed. "Another country heard from."
"Sorry." Tony gave him a sheepish look.
"Don't be." Gibbs smirked. "You aren't the only one who's hungry. And I could do with a cup of coffee."
"Naturally." Tony grinned. "Mike should be up." Mike was going to love finding out he'd been right.
"We better get dressed then."
Tony reluctantly stepped away. He smiled back over his shoulder when he felt Gibbs pat his ass. The promise in Gibbs' eyes made him wonder if Mike would mind his taking a cold shower before sitting down to eat.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs and Tony finally come together.
Chapter End Notes:
This is definitely slash...but only a kiss or two.