Gibbs was surprised to find himself enjoying the challenge presented by a simple game. He didn't often take time just to play, typically focused on finding better, more productive ways to use his time. At the moment, he couldn't think of anything better to do than spend time with Tony.
Gibbs eyed the board. He knew the basics, but winning at backgammon required more than just rolling dice and moving discs. Strategy definitely played into it. And Tony was better than he expected at logically planning his moves. The younger man had already won the first game.
Gibbs wasn't sure he could remember the last time he'd actually played a board game. They just seemed too much like a frivolous waste of time to him after he joined the Marines. In the service, the men in his unit had favored card games like poker. They didn't want to be encumbered by anything heavy or unwieldy like a game board. They often traveled light, taking only the necessities with them, so anything that didn't fit into a shirt pocket wasn't going. Having a wife and daughter to support, Gibbs didn't bother with gambling. His money was better spent elsewhere.
He remembered Shannon playing board games with Kelly. Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, and other kid stuff that Gibbs hadn't really bothered with. The time he spent with his daughter had always focused more on physical things like fishing, woodworking, or horseback riding. Things he felt he was good at, activities he was confident he could teach her the ins and outs of.
Gibbs rolled the dice and planned his next move, trying to figure out how to counter the moves Tony had already made. His mind was less on the game than on what he'd seen and heard outside earlier. Coming back from his walk, determined to find a way to make a new start with Tony, he'd heard voices. They were too soft for him to make out more than the general sound at first. He only knew Tony was outside speaking with someone.
He had instinctively lightened his step, moving cautiously around the corner of the cabin. Gibbs had reached for his gun, but kept himself from actually drawing it when he saw it was just Mike talking to Tony. He wasn't close enough to hear exactly what was being said but both men seemed relaxed and comfortable, at ease with each other.
He was familiar enough with Tony's mannerisms to know he was teasing Mike. Mike didn't seem to mind, accepting it with good grace and evidently managing to hold his own by the way Tony reacted. It was good to see Tony laughing so openly, looking so happy.
Gibbs had snarled silently, lips pulling back to bare his teeth when he clearly heard Mike say 'I love you'. His fists clenched, anger and disappointment raging through him. Mike hugging Tony and then placing a kiss on each of his cheeks had Gibbs grinding his teeth. Had he lost before he even got a chance?
He'd just leaned up against the cabin for support, forcing himself to remain calm and look unaffected, when Tony spotted him. To his surprise the younger man appeared startled but not guilty. It wasn't like he'd done anything wrong, but Gibbs had been expecting more of a reaction from Tony. After all, it wasn't every day his boss caught him with another man. He was almost casually defiant when he asked Gibbs if he'd had a nice walk. Mike had seemed unconcerned, greeting him like nothing had happened.
Gibbs had been unable to keep himself from sizing up Mike. But a quick review of the scene in his head made Gibbs realize there had been nothing even remotely sexual about Mike's interaction with Tony. It was really just the same sort open affection he'd seen earlier when they'd pulled into Mike's driveway. Mike wasn't a rival?at least not in the romantic sense.
Mike saying something in that other language had made Gibbs suspicious. He knew he was a topic of conversation between the younger men, but he also knew he wasn't the only topic. Tony's expression told him that. They had definitely moved on to teasing each other again about something. Gibbs couldn't decide if he was annoyed or relieved that he hadn't been their focus for long.
Finding out Mike had a date, with a woman, was a huge relief. Until a little demon in Gibbs' head pointed out Mike didn't have to be exclusively straight any more than he was. His dating a woman didn't mean Mike and Tony weren't 'fuck buddies'; except the limited interaction Gibbs had seen between them so far were more fraternal than anything else. It made him think they were brothers more than lovers. If that were the case, then the physical display of affection really was just as innocent as it looked.
If he didn't already have a headache, all those turbulent thoughts certainly would have given him one. He was very grateful Tony had thought to bring painkillers. Ordinarily, Gibbs would have just blown off the need, toughed it out, but he wanted a clear head as he tried to figure out what to do.
His attraction to Tony wasn't new to him...not really, but it sure as hell would come as a surprise to Tony. He couldn't just jump the younger man. Even if Tony were willing and open to that, Gibbs didn't want him to think it was some sort of byproduct of recent events or worse yet just a one time thing. Gibbs wanted more. He wanted something comparable to what he had with Shannon, and that was going to take some work to achieve.
He'd been tempted to hide in the bedroom, unsure of himself and how to proceed. He'd sighed deeply; hiding had never been his style. Lying there staring at the ceiling or out the window was not an option. So Gibbs forced himself back out into the main room. He suggested a game, offering the lack of glasses as his reason rather than admit he didn't want to be alone, that he just wanted to spend time with Tony.
If Tony thought it odd, he didn't say anything, just moved to find something for them to pass the time doing together. Gibbs thought his recent memory loss was probably giving him a lot of latitude. And he wasn't ashamed to take advantage of it.
Tony stretched, relaxing back against the couch with a yawn. The younger man had taken a seat on the floor, apparently finding it a more comfortable place to play from. He seemed content, watching Gibbs move a few discs in response to the number on the die.
Sharp green eyes took in every action, assessing the board with an intensity that reminded Gibbs of watching a cat toying with a mouse. Tony took a sip from his beer before rolling the dice himself. Gibbs had a feeling the younger man had already planned his moves, knowing beforehand what he'd do no matter what the result the dice came up with.
"When we head down for dinner, don't forget to call the others," Tony said casually as he took two more white discs from the board. At this rate, he was likely going to win again. Half his pieces were already off the board.
"Could call them now." Gibbs unclipped his cell phone from his belt, glancing at the display. He had forgotten he even had the thing.
"Doesn't work here very well around here." Tony shook his head, neatly explaining why Gibbs' phone had been so quiet. "Someone suggested putting up another tower in the area a few years ago. Mike said the town fathers got their knickers in a knot and killed the deal before it even got past the talking stage."
Gibbs nodded. He hesitated to roll the dice, holding them loosely in his left hand. Tony was talking so maybe he should do his part to keep the conversation going. It really wasn't Gibbs strong suit, but he was willing to try.
"You play this game a lot?" The question seemed like a safe starting point.
"Not as much as Zeke." Tony smiled fondly, eyes warming to a moss green. "It's his favorite game. Took me a long time to get good enough to even think about beating him."
Gibbs didn't feel so bad about losing. Tony was clearly not a novice at the game. He obviously had more practice and experience than Gibbs did.
"Zeke...that's one of Mike's brothers? The one in California?" Gibbs thought he remembered Mike and Tony talking about him at breakfast.
"Mike, Sammy, Zeke and Gabe." Tony finished his beer, setting the bottle aside. "Kind of feel sorry for Momma C. Not a girl in the bunch. She did get a daughter-in-law when Sammy got married two years ago. And Gabe's been talking about buying his girl a ring. About damn time." Tony shook his head. "He's been dating her for the last five years."
"What about Mike and Zeke?" Gibbs tried to keep the question casual. It wouldn't do for Tony to wonder why the answer was so important to him.
"Mike was married once...for six months." Tony huffed out a soft laugh. "Momma C hated her as much as the rest of the family did so no one was sorry to see her go. Don't think Bette cared much for Mike's family either. He's dated off and on since then but nothing serious. Kind of hoping he and Heather really click. Can't believe it took him three months to finally ask her out. God...There are glaciers that move faster than he does."
Gibbs digested that bit of information. Tony was happy about this Heather and Mike finally dating. More proof that Mike wasn't a real threat to his trying to establish more with Tony. Although, Gibbs was vaguely uneasy now as he considered how things might go if Mike didn't approve. Clearly Mike mattered a great deal to Tony. He might not think much of Tony being involved with men in general or Gibbs in particular. Gibbs wasn't sure he had made the best impression on Mike.
Tony shifted, sitting up a little more, drawing his knees in, forearms crossed over them. "And Zeke is gay, so it will be just one more son for Momma C if he ever does really settle down."
Gibbs blinked at this new revelation. He forcefully stifled the hope it engendered about alleviating one concern. "Mike and his family okay with that?"
Tony gave him a hard look. "Why wouldn't they be?"
Gibbs belatedly realized how his question might have come across. "You know me better than that, DiNozzo." He automatically reached out and smacked Tony across the back of the head. "I'm not a bigot."
"Sorry, Boss." Tony gave him a rueful smile. "Just--"
"I know." Feeling a need to explain himself further, Gibbs added, "I wasn't trying to imply anything, Tony. It was just a question." He toyed with the dice in his hand before setting them on the box. "I only met Mike this morning. Not all families are accepting of children or siblings having an alternative lifestyle."
"Yeah, I know." Something bleak took up residence in Tony's eyes, leaching the color. Gibbs frowned, wondering what caused that look. A moment later it was gone.
"No one in the family has a problem with Zeke being gay." He grinned, good humor restored with a speed that Gibbs found dizzying and gratifying in turn.
Gibbs stifled his desire to grin back. If Mike was okay with his younger brother dating a man, odds were good he wouldn't object to Tony doing the same. One possible hurdle down. Of course, Gibbs still didn't know if Tony would even be interested in men.
Tony laughed softly, drawing the older man away from his thoughts. "I'm pretty sure Zeke would prefer not to get dating advice from his decidedly straight brothers tough."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow, lips twitching as he tried not to smile. "Not much help?"
"No." Tony snickered, eyes sparkling with amusement. "But then I don't think they really mean to be either. More fun to harass him than help him."
That sounded like most brotherly interactions. Gibbs remembered similar situations between him and his buddies when he was in the service. He realized with some astonishment that he'd lost touch with a lot of them after joining NCIS. He'd cut a lot of people out of his life when Shannon and Kelly died, and he threw himself into his work.
It was still something of a mystery how he'd managed to get remarried once, let alone three times. But it did explain how he'd ended up sleeping with Shepard. Convenience and desperation made for strange bedfellows.
"Did you ever meet any of my ex-wives?" Gibbs asked. He was suddenly curious what Tony thought of the women he'd been willing to promise forever to and what it said about Gibbs that he married them.
Tony raised an eyebrow but didn't seem otherwise surprised by Gibbs' abrupt change in topic. "Just the last one. Ex-wife number three."
Gibbs nodded slowly. "What was she like?"
"You really don't remember?" Tony asked quietly, head cocked to one side, eyes narrowing in concern. "I thought you were getting more of it back--"
"I am getting more back." Gibbs was quick to assure Tony. "I remember her, but I can't remember why the hell I married her," he confessed with a sigh. "The woman I remember doesn't seem much like someone I'd have asked to be my wife."
"Guessing what you remember about her would be after stuff went sour," Tony commented quietly.
It was as good a theory as any. What he remembered was a shrew of a woman who threw things at him. She was capable of ranting and raving for hours about what a bastard he was.
"Tell me what you thought of her," Gibbs requested.
"She's a lovely redhead." Tony shrugged one shoulder. "Think all your exes are."
He bit his lower lip, giving Gibbs an uncertain glance before continuing. "In spite of being very attractive...she has an edge to her. Kind of like the Director actually. Independent. Strong. Type of lady who could take care of herself and makes damn sure you know it."
Gibbs pursed his lips, thinking about Tony's decidedly careful description. Maybe that edge was the attraction. It was something Shannon didn't have. She wasn't hard or bitter. Neither was Tony, even though Gibbs suspected he might have good reason to be.
"When I met Ellie, you guys were basically signing the papers. She was...well, I guess the best way to describe her would be intense. Maybe a little hostile."
"A little hostile?" Gibbs snorted. That was one hell of an understatement. "She was mad as hell. Still is. She calls on our anniversary. Rips into me about everything I did wrong. How I ruined her life! She left me after less than a year, how is that ruining her life?"
Gibbs shook his head, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "We've been divorce for almost five years. You'd think she'd be more than happy to just forget about the marriage and me all together."
"You're damn hard to forget. Know that all too well," Tony muttered, a definite note of pain in his voice.
"What?" Gibbs gaze focused sharply on Tony, unsure if he'd heard the younger man correctly or exactly what he meant.
Tony's eyes widened. He clearly hadn't realized he'd spoke aloud until Gibbs responded. Gibbs had the distinct impression if Tony could back away he would have, but his position on the floor, back against the couch, prevented him from going anywhere.
"Just...her leaving doesn't mean she didn't still have feelings for you. Well, okay so maybe not quite the feelings you hoped for. Like say apathy or a desire to avoid you. But she must have cared enough to say yes when you asked her to marry you. Stuff like that doesn't turn off over night. Or so I've been told. Wouldn't know anything about that personally. Not a thing." Tony was almost babbling in his haste. "I mean, she probably just needed to vent. Anniversaries do that to people. They get weird. Starting thinking about stuff lost and dreams they never quite got?stupid shit. It doesn't--"
"Stop." Gibbs effectively halted the flow of nervous chatter by placing his fingers against Tony's mouth. "Just relax."
Tony pulled his head back, watching him warily. "Relax?"
"I'm not your boss here." Gibbs thought maybe that would be a good place to start; he hoped so anyway. He wanted to be able to talk to Tony, to share with him. Wanted the younger man to do the same, the way he did with Mike. If they were ever going to be more than just coworkers, he needed to start somewhere. This felt like the best place to begin.
"I'm not angry with you." Gibbs cleared his throat. "And I'm not going to lose my temper over an honest comment you clearly didn't mean for me to hear."
Tony's eyes narrowed. "Your not?"
"I'm not." Gibbs made eye contact and held it. "We're friends. Friends should be honest with one another." <
"O...kay." Tony seemed pleased by Gibbs declaration, but he still fidgeted, as though he wasn't quite sure what more to say or do.
"Just be honest, Tony," Gibbs said quietly. "I'm not asking for more than that."
"Honest." Tony bit his lip, looking away before once more making eye contact. "I can do honest."
"Good." Gibbs nodded accepting Tony's answer. Although, he couldn't shake the feeling Tony might have crossed his mental fingers before making his last statement.
"We okay here?" He knew he was being uncharacteristically gentle, but he didn't like the way Tony still looked ready to bolt.
Tony gave him a rueful look. "Don't take this the wrong way, Boss, but it freaks me out when you're nice."
Gibbs nearly winced, catching himself at the last moment. "Why?"
"Because it's not you."
"You saying I can't be nice?" Gibbs growled, torn between being insulted and disappointed. His being nice 'freaked' Tony? Shit. This wasn't going the way he hoped at all.
Tony shook his head, clearly not bothered by Gibbs sudden switch from gentle to curt. "Not that you can't...just that well...you are usually more brusque."
"Brusque?" That was probably the most courteous way anyone had every described him.
"It works for you." Tony smiled shyly, eyes dropping, a bit of color rising in his cheeks. "Definitely makes you memorable...and I like it."
"You like it?" He sounded like an idiot, and Gibbs could feel his own face warming.
"Wouldn't have stayed at NCIS if I didn't. Hell, it's a big part of the reason I'm still with NCIS." Tony shrugged, finally moving to get off the floor, coincidently putting more space between him and Gibbs.
Gibbs wanted to protest, to keep Tony from moving, but stayed still. He didn't want to push his luck. He'd already come further than he expected. He focused on the fact that he was part of the reason Tony stayed at NCIS.
"You may not remember it yet, Gibbs, but I've learned a lot from you." Tony smiled warmly. "I'm a better agent, better investigator than I was. That whole 'no nonsense, lead by example' thing you got going really works."
It was a nice compliment, but Gibbs wasn't entirely sure he could take full credit for Tony's improved skills. He had to be reasonably decent cop or Gibbs never would have hired him. He remembered seeing the potential in Tony.
"What about out of the office?" Gibbs asked. "What am I like then?"
"You're a workaholic, Boss." Something unreadable took up residence in Tony's eyes as he sat on the couch, facing Gibbs. "We don't exactly hang out together after work."
There was a barely discernable note of disappointment and longing in that statement. Gibbs got the distinct impression Ton was also trying very hard not to say too much. Tony was obviously determined to stick to the truth?at least as he saw it. Gibbs wished Tony had less control. Probably the first time I've ever wished that, he thought with a wry internal smile.
"I remember having dinner with you." Gibbs felt compelled to point out. He wanted confirmation that what he remembered had been real, and not just wishful thinking.
Tony raised an eyebrow. "You remember that?"
"I remember that." Gibbs smiled, pleased to be right. He felt warmed by the smile Tony gave him in return.
"Your place. Take out or delivery mostly. We watched Casablanca once. And something action thing with Bruce Willis in the jungle--"
"Tears of the Sun." Tony's smile widened, any remaining shadows in his eyes vanishing. "You thought it was okay, in spite of all the stuff they got wrong."
"You only started dropping by recently." Tony told him hesitantly. "I know we kind of touched on this before coming here?but you really should probably ask Ducky about your personal time. He'd know more than I would. He was the one who introduced you to your second wife."
"Diane?"
"That her name?" Tony frowned. "Hunh. Never knew it. Just always called her wife number two."
"She's actually wife number three."
Tony looked confused. "No...that's Ellie. The one I met."
Gibbs debated silently with himself about revealing a bit of his past. He needed to volunteer things if he and Tony were ever going to have more, or be more, than what they were right now. He wanted Tony to be honest; he had to do the same.
Gibbs took a deep breath, "My first wife...Her name was Shannon. It would be almost fifteen years ago she and our daughter, Kelly, were killed."
Tony sat back. Gibbs could almost see the wheels in his head turning. "Fifteen?" Tony swallowed hard, green eyes sympathetic when they met blue. "I am very sorry for your loss."
Gibbs nodded slowly, accepting the genuine offer of condolences. Tony made it sound as though Shannon and Kelly had died only a few days ago, and in some ways, to Gibbs they had. The pain of their loss was once more a dull ache, not nearly as sharp as it has been when he awoke in the hospital. His rage and despair no longer completely colored his memories; Gibbs could smile when he thought of them.
"How did they--"
"They were shot."
"Shot?" Tony looked surprised. He had probably assumed they'd been killed in an accident. "Did they get the guy who--"
"I did."
Tony's eyes widened. "They let you work a case that personal?"
"It was before I joined NCIS." Gibbs shook his head. "I took him down. Permanently."
He took a breath, bracing himself for what he expected to see in Tony's face. There was no way the younger man could misunderstand exactly what he meant by ?permanently'. To his relief, Tony didn't seem shocked or appalled. It was almost as though he expected Gibbs to have taken matters into his own hands and saw nothing wrong with it.
"Sometimes right and wrong aren't well defined by the law. The letter and the spirit it of it occasionally differ." Tony's expression was open and honest; he wasn't trying to placate Gibbs with some meaningless platitude.
Gibbs hadn't anticipated such easy acceptance, at least not right away. He thought he'd have to justify and explain himself more. Gibbs was damn glad Tony wasn't judging him or his actions. He wasn't sure how he'd have handled it if Tony had reacted differently.
He found himself wondering what Tony would say if he told him about falsifying evidence in the Danforth case. Would the younger man see it as right to lie to keep Merrill in the Corps? Seeing him ousted for helping out his best friend would have been a crime. Merrill could save a lot of lives with what he could teach those young men going to Iraq.
He dismissed thoughts of Danforth and Merrill. They weren't important now. What mattered was how much more should he tell Tony about his wife and daughter. All the details of what happened to his wife and daughter, or what he'd done weren't really necessary, but he felt the need to give them to Tony anyway. It felt right to finally talk to someone abut this. He'd carried it alone for a long time, never feeling strong enough tell to anyone about it. Franks knew...but they never talked about it.
"The guy who shot Shannon and Kelly...he was a drug dealer." Gibbs jaw clenched. A more useless type of human being he had yet to encounter. They were death peddlers, each and every one of them.
"He was smuggling shit across the Mexican border. I was overseas when Shannon saw him kill a Marine in a deal that went bad. She was the only witness to what happened."
"No witness protection?" Tony asked softly.
"Didn't do any good." Another Marine had died along with Shannon and Kelly.
Sharp green eyes met blue as Tony leaned forward. "Franks told you who it was and where to find him...didn't he?"
Gibbs started. "How did you?"
"No other way for you to know." Tony shook his head. "I hope to hell if it ever comes down to it, I'm man enough to kill the son of a bitch myself." The younger man's hands fisted. "It wasn't right for Franks to pass the job off to you."
"Wasn't like that." Gibbs glared at Tony.
"No?" Tony arched an eyebrow. "You sure Franks didn't use you to do what he wouldn't do himself?"
"Franks couldn't touch him. No jurisdiction in Mexico." Gibbs ground out.
"You found a way around that."
"I wasn't interested in seeing the fucker go to trial!" Gibbs hissed, eyes blazing.
"Franks wasn't either." Tony pointed out. "If it was about the letter of the law, he never would have given you the information to find the guy and hunt him down."
Tony's eyes narrowed. "And don't tell me Franks couldn't risk his career doing the deed himself. That's bullshit. He sure as hell risked it when he gave you what you needed to take the bastard out. If anyone found out, he'd be looking for a job. We both know that."
Tony gave him a fierce, measuring look. "Would you have given a grief stricken family member information on a case so they could exact revenge? Tell me if you'd do that."
Gibbs blinked. He'd been tempted, but never had, not once. It was his job to see justice done, not something he could or would pass off to another. Families who lost loved ones should have the time to grieve and not have to worry about seeing wrong doers punished. They should be able to trust him to see to that for them.
Killing the bastard that had killed Shannon and Kelly hadn't made Gibbs hurt any less. It hadn't made the loss any easier to bear. In some ways, it just made things even worse. At the time all he wanted was revenge. He couldn't let that miserable excuse for a human being get away with killing the most important people in his life. It never occurred to him then that Franks giving him the chance to balance the scale was wrong in more ways than just legal.
Tony nodded. "Yeah, that's what I thought."
Gibbs grimaced. He made the right choice in coming to Tony. The younger man might not know as many details of his life as Ducky or Shepard, but he sure as hell knew Gibbs. Tony didn't just know him, he understood him as well. And he liked him anyway. Tony was definitely a rare individual.
"When did you get to be so smart?" Gibbs asked with a smile.
Tony smiled back and shrugged one shoulder. "Learned from the best."
Gibbs laughed softly. "Suck up."
Tony preened slightly. "Got my nose just the right shade of brown, Boss."
"Yeah, you do." Gibbs reached over to lightly cuff the back of Tony's head. He let his fingers linger for a moment, turning the gesture into more of a caress than a head slap. He was pleased when Tony leaned into the gesture, accepting it as easily as he had the hug and kiss from Mike.
"Thanks," Gibbs whisper, hoping that one word would express his gratitude for some any things.
"Any time." Tony dropped his eyes, another light blush rising to color his cheeks. He cleared his throat. "What you say we finish the game after we eat?"
Gibbs recognized the question for what it was?a chance to take a little breather from what had turned into a far heavier conversation than either of them had likely expected or had been prepared to handle. He nodded, rising to his feet. "I could eat."
Tony stood as well. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder, pointing toward the bedroom. "Might want to grab a change of clothes to bring with, if you want to take a shower."
A hot shower sounded perfect. "Be with you in five."
"Take all the time you need, Boss." Tony smiled warmly. "Not going anywhere."
Damn right you aren't, Gibbs thought to himself mentally imbuing that innocent comment with greater meaning. Tony was his, even if he didn't know it yet.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs and Tony talk. Gibbs reveals a bit more of his past.