Gibbs shook his head. He should have known talking to Abby would take more than five minutes. Just getting her to focus and actually slow down enough to make sense had taken longer than that. Gibbs had real sympathy for Tony's earlier need to shout at McGee to shut up. He was tempted to do the same to Abby but forced himself to stay calm.
"Abby, I need you to breathe," Gibbs interjected gently, giving up on waiting for an opening. He wasn't sure she'd give him one if he didn't force it.
"Gibbs, I am--"
"In. Slowly," he ordered, waiting until he could literally hear her take a breath for before continuing "and out. Slowly, Abby. Again. In?and out. That's it." Gibbs had no trouble picturing her expression, but frankly he didn't care if she was sticking her tongue out at him as long as she just stopped speaking for a moment and calmed down.<
"Good." He took a deep breath of his own. "First things first...I'm fine." It wasn't exactly a lie; he was a hell of a lot better than he had been. His health and well being were obviously her main concern. He wasn't going to fault her for that. He felt bad about not calling sooner. Gibbs knew how wound up she could get.
He kept his tone warm and reassuring. "There is nothing wrong with me that a little down time can't fix."
Maybe more than a little, Gibbs amended silently. Physically he was already on the mend, and mentally he was getting more back all the time?but really getting to 100% would depend a lot on how things went with Tony. Not that he really knew just how to proceed with?wooing, for lack of a better word.
Gibbs just knew he'd have to make some sort of definitive step before they left, and that he couldn't make any mistakes. Back among other people and the constraints of the job, Gibbs knew there would be too many distractions, too many excuses. He'd never do anything about his attraction to Tony there?.and he had already decided he wasn't going to miss another opportunity. Nearly getting killed had hammered home the fact he might never get another chance. He wouldn't, couldn't mess this up.
"Gibbs--"
"Just breathe," Gibbs instructed, cutting Abby off before she could start again, forcing his focus back to her. "I'm with Tony so I am not as you put it earlier 'running off on my own without any one to help if I suddenly wig out and forget my own name'."
"Thank God."
Gibbs arched an eyebrow. Some of her obvious relief could have been just from knowing Gibbs wasn't alone, but her heartfelt murmur sounded like a lot more than that. He decided the reason for it could wait. Tony could probably explain it to him later.
"Where are--"
"We're in Virginia."
"It's a big place, Gibbs." Abby huffed out an exasperated breath, sounding much calmer and more relaxed than she had when they started the conversation.
Gibbs debated telling her about the cabin, but it was Tony private retreat. He said no one else at the office had been to Grottoes, knew about Mike or Tony's owning land. Gibbs wasn't going to be the one to reveal his secrets. He couldn't abuse the trust Tony had shown him by sharing something so private.
"Virginia is not that big, Abby."
"Too big to put in a shoebox, Gibbs." She pointed out dryly. "What if you guys need--"
"We know where to find you if we need anything," Gibbs inserted calmly.
"Tony's cell doesn't work. I've been trying to reach him all day," Abby countered. Her hatred of technological 'dead zones' was well known. She despised knowing such places still existed and absolutely hated not being able to stay in touch. Most of the time, in spite of his own misgivings about technology, Gibbs shared her sentiment with regards to being in contact with his people.
"His phone works?just not very well here."
"Semantics, Gibbs."
He didn't have to see Abby to know she was rolling her eyes. Gibbs grinned. "Semantics are important." He was tempted to give her the same example Tony had given, and bit his tongue to keep from doing so.
"That sounds like something Tony would say."
Gibbs chuckled. "He did say it."
"Are you sure you're okay, Bossman?"
He could picture her fingers fidgeting nervously as she voiced the soft question. Her voice was laced with genuine concern deserved an honest answer. "I'm getting there, Abby."
She sighed. Gibbs could see her shoulders slumping as she accepted the truth of what he said. He really should have called her sooner.
"You should contact the Director."
"Why?" Gibbs blinked surprised by her sudden assertion. As far as he knew he was on official sick leave. He couldn't work in the field until cleared for duty, so there was nothing she should need him for.
"She keeps calling." There was a lot of annoyance and anger in that statement. Some effort was made to soften her tone as Abby continued speaking. "She's...well, I guess?she's worried about you too."
Gibbs resisted the urge to snort derisively. Shepard was not worried about him. If she actually gave a damn she'd have found a way to get the schmucks in charge to listen to him. She'd have backed him up in MTAC.
Abby made a 'tsk'ing sound. And Gibbs realized something in his silence must have given away his thoughts.
"She does care about you, Gibbs. Maybe not the way we do...well, definitely not the way we do. Or quite the way she should. A blind man couldn't miss the looks she sends you at times. We ALL know there's a history there."
Gibbs nearly choked. "You know--"
"Yes." Abby giggled. "Neither of you are exactly subtle. Tony was actually the first one to pick up on it and pointed it out."
Gibbs fingers tightened on the phone. Shit. Did this mean they all thought...that Tony thought he had a thing for Shepard? That he was interested in rekindling whatever it was they'd had in Paris?
"I am not interested in her, Abby." He couldn't help how dogmatic he sounded.
"Oh, I know that." Abby's casual dismissal made Gibbs feel like he'd just commented on the fact that the sky was blue. "I said it was obvious you had a past, Gibbs, not that any of us thought you looking for a future. Doesn't mean she isn't. Just that we know you're not."
He was tempted to breathe a sigh of relief when another thought hit him. He had no idea of who she meant by 'we'. What if she meant McGee? What if Tony didn't see it? Abby did say he was the first one to notice the looks between him and Shepard. Maybe he stopped looking past that.
"Doesn't hurt to hear you say you aren't interested." The smile was readily apparent in her voice, neatly severing his train of thought. "Always good to get confirmation I'm right. And now McGee owes me twenty bucks."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "You bet on me being interested in Jen?"
"No." Abby chuckled. "On whether or not you'd ever say so one way or the other."
Gibbs cleared his throat. "Were...ah...were all of you in on that?" It was a close as he could bring himself to asking if Tony had bet on his interest in Jen.
"We didn't bother including Ziva. She's a bit too tight with the Director to risk it, you know? Ducky doesn't even play bingo let alone make bets. You know that...or well you knew that." There was an infinitesimal moment of embarrassed silence before Abby recovered and continued to prattle on. "And Palmer is just isn't the sort to take a bet no matter how sure a thing it is. That boy is wrapped a little tight, but I'm working on him. He's come a long way. Not really obvious to the casual observer, but I can tell."
Gibbs rolled his eyes. Leave it to her to mention everyone but the one person he really wanted to know about. He was sure sometimes she did stuff like this on purpose.
"And Tony?"
"I owe him forty."
Gibbs frowned. "I don't--"
"He didn't just bet on you saying it but on who you'd say it to first." Abby sighed. "Some day I'm going to figure out just how he does that. I mean, he wasn't even sure you liked him for the longest time, and he can make money betting on who you'll tell stuff to. Or maybe he's betting on me. Hunh. Never thought of it that way."
"Wait." Gibbs held up his hand in a classic 'stop' command even though he knew she couldn't see him. "What do you mean he wasn't even sure I liked him?"
"You are hard on the new people, Gibbs." Her statement was very matter-of-fact. "You were really hard on Tony." There was another minute hesitation as though Abby was picking her words more carefully now. "I think he kind of liked it. He said knew you only pushed hard because you wanted his best. Think he liked that you cared enough to make him work so hard. At least he said he did...in so many words. But sometimes you were just--"
"A bastard."
"Yeah. It can be hard to be the focus of that." He could almost hear her fidgeting. "I'm sure it didn't seem like it to you. You were just being...you."
Gibbs closed his eyes, wincing, wondering why she thought that sentiment would help. He'd always told himself he was giving Tony a hard time to teach him, to get him to measure up to his potential, but the truth was it was more a way to subjugate a desire for something else. Browbeating and always raising the bar served to keep Tony off balance and at an emotional arms length while paradoxically keeping him physically close enough to satisfy the desire to touch, even if only to smack the back of his head.
"You don't have to worry, Bossman," Abby assured him. "Tony knows you like him."
"He tell you that?"
"Kind of."
Gibbs scowled. Was that a yes or a no? "Define 'kind of'."
"Tony never says stuff like that directly. He's not any better at it than you are, Boss."
Gibbs arched an eyebrow. Just because he didn't spill his guts didn't mean he didn't know how. So he's not touchy-feely. When did that become a bad thing?
"Lately though he's a bit more forthcoming. Still kind of talks in circles but I got a handle on it. Kind of happened after that whole trapped in a box thing?"
"Trapped in a box?"
"It wasn't so much a box as a metal shipping con---" Abby stopped abruptly. "How much do you remember, Gibbs? And no bullshitting me either."
He could just see her pointing her index finger at him. His brow furrowed as he struggled to recall enough details to satisfy her. "Ziva and Tony were at the docks for a case. It was early morning when they went down there and we lost contact."
He swallowed hard as the image of blood on the ground and a report of a body in the water came to him. He struggled to breath through the nearly overwhelming fear that it might have been Tony's. He coughed to clear his throat. "They were being shot at, took cover and got trapped. No cell coverage. Lots of counterfeit money Tony used to leave a trail. Tony...Tony...he was injured."
Gibbs could almost feel the pieces click in place. The scar on Tony's arm that he'd seen...the younger man leaving...everything being slightly off when Tony got back a week later. Then everything was back to normal although he had no idea of how it happened or why.
"Ziva said it was just a scratch, but it was really a bullet burn." Abby sounded angry with Ziva and just a touch disappointed...whether with herself or Tony Gibbs couldn't tell. "He needed stitches, Gibbs. You don't get stitches for just a scratch."
"You said something about Tony talking to you more after that?" Gibbs gently refocused the conversation. He didn't want her to dwell on Tony being hurt any more than he wanted to think about it either.
"We get together about once a week. We have dinner, drinks, talk. Just friends stuff." Abby sighed. "Or at least we used to until recently. Job was sort of getting in the way of that."
It sounded as though she missed it, missed Tony. Gibbs winced. One more person he'd hurt by making Tony work longer hours and stay with him.
"But then my wacko boyfriend didn't help." He could almost hear her grimace. "And god was Tony pissed about that. I should have told him I was having trouble. Not saying anything made it seem like I didn't trust him...which is totally not the case. I didn't tell you either. He was okay with it after I pointed that out."
Gibbs was tempted to tell her to focus and get to the point put he was learning more by letting her run. He remembered nearly losing her several times during that case to her psycho ex, Mikel Mawher. He made Gibbs' exes look positively placid. Her comments evoked memory flashes of anger...anger so white hot he'd almost shook with it at the time. He'd been livid that she'd been so careless, for not speaking up, for not taking the whole situation seriously. But in the end Abby had handled herself admirably.
"Anyway, after that stuff with Mikel, Tony took me home. And we talked."
"I thought McGee did that?"
"I can't talk to him about guys I used to date." She sounded exasperated. "It would be like...salt in an open wound."
Gibbs stifled a chuckle. He should have expected that. "But you can talk about them with Tony?"
"Sure." She made it sound like she did it all the time. "He can totally relate."
"He can?" Gibbs knew he sounded amused, but he couldn't help it.
"Yes." Abby huffed out a breath of annoyance. "He's totally not judgmental. It would be hypocritical of him to be. Tony's had dated a few wackos of his own you know. His taste in women is almost as bad as yours."
Gibbs scowled. He did not have lousy taste in women. His protest died stillborn as Abby continued speaking.
"And his taste in men, ugh. Please, don't even get me started. I think he's got some sort of pathological need to--"Abby stopped suddenly. "Oh?shit...It's probably best if you just forget I said that."
"Why?" Gibbs heart beat faster. Why the hell would he want to forget getting confirmation that Tony had dated men as well as women? He had a better chance now than ever before. No way in hell would he be forgetting that.
"No one is supposed to know. I promised." Abby almost whined. "It's not that he's ashamed or embarrassed, but you know everyone's accepting of being a little bent."
"And I'm everyone?" Gibbs growled unable not to voice his displeasure at being lumped in with other narrow-minded schmucks.
"No, Gibbs, you're not. You know that. I know that. He knows that." Abby sighed heavily. "It's just private. It wasn't my secret to tell and I fucked up by opening my big mouth."
"I'm not a bigot." That was a close as Gibbs could force himself to admitting his own bisexual nature. "I'm okay with this."
"I know that." Abby had to be rolling her eyes. "But not everyone in NCIS, or the Marines or the Navy is so accepting. It should be his choice to say something or not. He's worked his share of hate crimes, Boss. Tony's got good reason to be wary."
Gibbs flinched. He'd worked hate crimes too. Crap like that was one of the reasons he'd kept his own secret for so many years.
"That's part of the reason why Tony teased McGee about his skin care stuff. He was worried McGee might get a ration of shit from someone else. Had to know he could handle it. Not that I'd ever say anything to Tim, but putting up with Tony's teasing, and finding a way to tease back has been good for him. He's a lot more confident and comfortable than he was when he started with the team."
Gibbs had a sudden flash of McGee the day he'd met him and it contrasted sharply with the image of the computer expert as he remembered him last. He knew he'd let Tony tease him for the same reason Gibbs had ridden Tony when he'd started at NCIS. If he couldn't take it from colleagues and coworkers he'd never be able to handle it from suspects. And knowing he could take it from someone he respected made it easy to be able to handle it from someone he thought little of.
"Don't tell Tony I told you anything. Please, Gibbs." Abby pleaded. "If he finds out I can't keep my mouth shut, he'll never talk to me again. Please, Gibbs. I messed up with him before and he forgave me, but everyone has limits. I mean, I know, Tony doesn't seem like he's got them, that he can brush off anything but--"
"I won't tell him, Abby. I promise."
"Thanks, Gibbs. You're the best."
"Any time, Abby." Gibbs smiled. "Now I have to go eat dinner."
"Call me tomorrow." There was no room for argument. "I mean it."
"I'll call." Abby had been a font of information. He might need to tap into that again. And he really didn't want her or McGee to worry.
"Tell McGee to call Ziva." Ziva wouldn't need the personal touch from him. She'd be okay as long as someone let her know he was still alive. And he didn't want to waste any more time away from Tony.
"Will do, Gibbs."
"Good night, Abby." He closed his phone before she could say good-bye knowing that would annoy her but that it was also expected.
He smiled, resisting the urge to pump his fist in the air and shout 'yes'. One more question answered. Although, he still didn't have a clue about what sort of guy Tony was interested in. Abby had implied Tony had crappy taste in men. Gibbs wasn't sure exactly how to translate that. Her definition of normal or acceptable wasn't exactly the same as everyone else's.
He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. "About damn time I found out what Tony looks for in a guy," Gibbs murmured to himself as he headed inside to join Tony for dinner.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs and Abby talk. She lets a secret slip
Chapter End Notes:
Lots of spoilers still apply.