I was having a smoke, reading about whatever it was, when I heard someone whistle. It wasn't my mom, nor my brothers, and my speakers of my computer were off. I looked around to see if anyone was standing outside, but no.
Another whistle.
And another.
What the…
"HEY!" a familiar voice sounded. "Look inside your head!"
Oh, it's you.
"Yes, it's me!" the voice barked. "Give me some coffee."
I have cola?
"Coffee."
Peanuts?
"Coffee!" the man growled.
"How about some Earl Grey tea, dear?"
Oh, hey Ducky, you're in there too!
Gibbs walked in to his kitchen, and filled his mug with coffee, and made some tea for his lover Ducky too.
"Hey!"
Don't hey me!
"Why did you put the word ‘lover' in that line?"
We've been over this before, Gibbs. You two love each other.
Now… go to your living room and sit down. What do you want?
Gibbs walked to his living room, the sun was faintly shining through the curtains. At the sight of his lover he started to smile. He kissed him tenderly and handed Ducky his cup of tea, before sitting down on the couch.
"I want you to get rid of someone."
Me?
"You're a writer. I mean, the Powers that Be won't listen anyway."
Okay… you made a point. What do you want me to do?
"We want you to get rid of Jennifer, dear." Ducky said.
Jen?
"She is one redhead I'd love to see dead." Gibbs said seriously.
But…
"Do it."
Got any ideas?
"Personally, I'd shoot her."
"But that's Jethro's way of solving things." Ducky deadpanned.
You can't shoot her, it'll cost you your job.
"I know that!" Gibbs said annoyed. "Just.. think of something."
Hey, you want her dead.
"You want her dead too, admit it."
Yep
"You have this beautiful word for it… what is it?"
Poisoned Pixie.. but that one isn't mine.
"Well, it's a great find anyway." Gibbs shrugged. "Kill her."
Give me ways to kill her, Gibbs.
"Shooting accident…"
"An autopsy while she's still alive?" Ducky suggested.
Oh Duck, that's cruel.
"Put her in a movie marathon with DiNozzo."
"Lock her up in Abigail's basement?"
"No Ducky, think worse."
"Let Abigail be dominant and let Jennifer die?"
sharpiesgal: Bury her alive
"Now, that's a good one." Gibbs snickered.
"I could inject her with air?" Ducky suggested.
"Cruel, Duck, cruel." Gibbs roared with laughter.
"Jethro! You're laughing!"
Watch it Gibbs, you might stay in it and then your face will be full of cracks.
"Tie her up and drag her behind a horse."
"How about a car, Jethro?"
"Oh, that's a good one too."
Sharpiesgal: draw and quarter her
What?
Feenixandashes: hang you then cut you in half and then again, gizzards and other bits hanging out, while you are still alive apparently.
"That… " Gibbs choked in his coffee.
"I think Jethro likes that, dear."
Sharpiesgal: though it doesn't seems as bad as a hot poker up the bum
Ducky grinned. "Branding her like livestock, that sounds good… reminds me of a story when I was at a ranch in Australia once, where I was supposed to help to brand their cattle. I accidentally took the wrong branding iron, so the neighbours ended up buying up all the cattle of the ranch I was helping out."
"I knew there was a reason why I never let you near my horse." Gibbs deadpanned.
That's mean, Gibbs. Poison her?
"Oh yes, the obvious way to kill her. Pour poison in her coffee."
"But hasn't she stopped drinking coffee?" Ducky asked.
"Right… in her wine then."
Feenixandashes: wrap her up like a mummy and dig her brains out through her nose
"Very good, my dear." Ducky said amused.
Sharpiesgal: wait a minute...does she have a brain?
"I ask myself the same question every single day." Gibbs snickered.
Sharpiesgal: then answer me this, Jethro...why did you sleep with her in the first place?
"Because she's a redhead? I dunno. Oh, I do. Diane was cheating on me and Jenny was there to help me cheat." Gibbs nodded.
"Very low, dear, very very low."
Burn her at the stake?
"Yes! She's a witch!"
"How about a lobotomy?" Ducky offered.
"Will you do it?"
"No!" Ducky objected. "That's against the Oath… but I would if I could."
Car bomb?
"Oh yes, I'll resurrect Ari from the dead and let him plant a bomb." Gibbs rolled his eyes. "And then kill Ari again."
Execution?
"Blindfolded execution." Gibbs said quickly. "That way, I can shoot her myself."
"Lethal injection."
Good one
Sharpiesgal: stick matches under her nails and lit them
"That's only torture." Gibbs noted.
Sharpiesgal: well...true....how about sitting her hair on fire as well...
"And then throw her in a bath tub filled with gasoline?"
Pixie goes fly?
"Run like the devil she is, more likely."
Okay… well I have enough… but I'm not going to write them. They're awesome scenario's all, but …
"You don't have the guts." Gibbs sighed.
Maybe someone else does.
Now shut up again and leave me alone.
"Yes ma'am."
Gibbs got up and held out his hand to Ducky. Ducky took it eagerly and followed his lover upstairs, to Gibbs' bedroom.
Author's Chapter Notes:
A muse gets inspired.
WARNING: Jenny Shepard dies many ways
WARNING: Jenny Shepard dies many ways