I don't like it...I always hope he doesn't show up...I mean, C'mon! Tony DiNozzo? Tony Ladykiller DiNozzo and a guy? Who would ever bet on that? No...and I don't want it...
I always hate myself for it. No, he doesn't force me. Not even a little. If I told him to stop he would. The problem is, I never tell him to stop. My brain is always intoxicated when he's around. No matter where we are...my apartment, his house...even at the office I want to fuck him...to get fucked by him...
Of course, we never do anything at the office. We don't even kiss. No...office is out of quetion. But maybe there I could tell him to stop. Maybe...but maybe it would only open a new door and after we did it once we would do it again. No...office is out of quetion.
Tonight, I really don't wanna see him. I went out as fast as possible after I got home from work. I knew I had about one hour. When he finishs his report, talks with the Director, maybe Ducky or Abby. Then I had to be out. And I was.
Load up on guns and bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
So right...yeah, that song is just right. Never noticed before. I'm nearly at the club when that song started in the stereo of my car. Nirvana...always liked them...pity about Curt Cobain...Hot guy...But I never like that song very much...but now...What am I doing all day?? I'm walking around with a gun at him hip or under my arm and what? I lose friends...Kate...God, I miss her...and I pretend...pretend to be fine...pretend to be the ladykiller...and sometimes...yeah, sometimes it's fun to pretend...
After half a hour waiting in front of the club one of the guards lets me in...usually at that time of night you are very very lucky if they let you in, at least if you're a guy. The club is crowded and I love it just that way. Ohhhh, c'mon! That has to be a joke!! I know that riff, no other song has a riff like that! Well, yes, Rape me has pretty the same intro but hell, that songs haunting me!!
She's overbored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word
I see her standing near the bar and she really looks bored. In the five minutes I'm watching her six guys have turned up with drinks and now I'm gonna show them how to work with somebody like that.
I walking over looking at the bar right behind her right ear so she's thinking I'm looking at her. She even turnes towards me and smiles...God, I love their look when I walk past them. I order a drink at the bar and turn around. I do as if I notice her for the first time and smile suggestingly. Then I turn back to bar and take my beer. Before I turn back I know she's standing there. It's always the same...it's so easy...She thinks she has control and the chicks like that...
I turn again and give her a once over...oh yes...I know some dirty words...
We crash into some wall but who does really care? She's a woman and not Him...and that's what matters for me at the moment...In fact I didn't come here to find the perfect woman, no...I came to find somebody who can distract me and I didn't care for anything...God, how low can I get?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
With the light out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My lipido
YEAH
The night was over and the next day I slept till noon. Maybe even later...didn't look at the watch when I finally stood up. Anyway...I have cocking class today...yes, I'm taking cocking classes. Well, I'm single and don't plan to change that soon but if I want to keep my shape and well, my life, for a little longer I have to eat other things but take-out. Besides, that gets really expensive...
I'm the worst there. I know that, everybody knows it. But...the teacher likes me...she's cute...a bit older than my usual girls but well...younger than Him anyway...
We got called in when I was just on the edge to get a date with her. No fair!! But well, it's worth it since on that way I can again see the stupid faces of the FBI when we walk away with the body, the evidences and jurisdiction...God, I love that!
I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end
The case keeps us up all night and I'm grateful for that. I neither have to hate myself in the morning nor do I have to fuck some girl just to pretend. Mhm...Get's even lower I guess...
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
With the light out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My lipido
YEAH
When I step out of the shower that night I already know that he's there. Shit, the hour was wrong calculated. There's no way to pretend that I'm not at home...He knows I'm there. I open the door before he knocks.
„Hey."
I say and immidiatly I feel dizzy from his scent.
„Hey."
He says and steps inside. We got past the point where we wait for invitation. The stereo I had turned on while I was under the shower starts a new song...No, not again?! I don't want to...I don't know why...but I need to kiss him. To taste if he is as delicious as he smells...and he is...and I smile...God help me...why am I here again? Why are we kissing again as if there's no tomorrow??
„God, I love you."
The words had left my lips before I knew they were there. He looks up from my neck and for a second we just look at eachother...
„What?"
„Oh...well...whatever...nevermind!"
I say and kiss him quickly again.
And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
I'm lying on my bed and he's on top of me. The room is dark, neither of us wants the light on...there's no need to see...to see would make it real...For only a second he raises his head from my chest and says teasingly „How low?"...Yeah...that's what I ask myself. Honestly...we are two men captured in denial. Neither of us wants it but it always happens...
With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contangious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosqito
My lipido
A denial......a denial..........a denail.........
He collapse on top of me and we both are trying to catch out breath. He kisses my collarbone.
„I love you, too, Tony."
Ok, maybe denial is over...
When I sit behind my desk the next morning I have a big smile on my lips. I still can smell him on my skin and taste him on my lips. Yep...I love him...and he loves me...Nice...
I hear the „bling!" of at least six or seven computers getting an email at the same time. I look at my own screen and see that I was one of them...probably a memo of Madame Director. I first put away my gun but McGee snickers. I look at him but he flushs and turns away. Ziva is just grinning widely. I look at the boss and he shrugs. Finally I click on the message. My smile fades and I grow pale, just as Gibbs. I stare at the words, then at him, back at the words.
„Tony smells like Saw Dust!"
Story Notes:
Inspired by Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana aswell as the story how they came up with the name. Teen Spirit was a perfum and Curt's girlfirend used it. A friend of him wrote on his wall "Curt smells like Teen Spirit"
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony tries to distract, to deny...but in the end...
Chapter End Notes:
Inspired by Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana aswell as the story how they came up with the name. Teen Spirit was a perfum and Curt's girlfirend used it. A friend of him wrote on his wall "Curt smells like Teen Spirit"