Ziva sat on her couch listening to the soulful, voice of Natalie Merchant's "My Skin."
‘I've been treated so wrong; I've been treated so long, as if I'm becoming untouchable.' "Untouchable, indeed," she said aloud to herself.
A half-empty glass of wine sat nearby on the coffee table. The only light in the room came from the flickering of several lit candles which were filling the room with the soothing scent of vanilla spice. This was her favorite way to relax after a long day. The past few days had been very trying for her and her fellow NCIS teammates.
As she watched the light dance across the wall and the shadows play back and forth, she contemplated the events that had brought her to NCIS. She had worked so hard for the past year to push the memory down and go on with her life. What was done was done; dwelling on it would do no good, only cause pain. But after today, she couldn't help but think of it. Admitting out loud to Gibbs and herself that she had killed Ari had opened a damn of grief that she had kept hidden for so long. Of course they had both known, but this was the first time she had ever voiced the fact.
Hearing Gibbs' question, "Your brother? You killed your brother? To save me?" had somehow made the pain a bit more bearable. Perhaps that was what she had been needing, to hear someone tell her that she had had no other choice but to take her beloved brother's life. She now knew what Ari had been; a terrorist, a murderer of innocent people. The only justification that she could find for his ability to fool her was the fact that he was her brother and she was blinded by her love for him. Although she did understand what he had been, it didn't stop her from loving him.
She glanced down at the picture she clutched in her hands. It was of her and Ari five years ago in Israel. They both smiled into the camera with their arms around each other. Standing side by side, the resemblance between the two was obvious, as was the affection they had for each other.
As she sat contemplating this, she heard a knock at her door. It almost startled her, she never had visitors. She didn't really have any friends here in D. C. besides her teammates. Ziva had never had many close acquaintances, in her line of work it was hard to know who to trust. Coming to America and working for NCIS had changed that. One year ago, she never would have thought she would form such close relationships with her teammates and co-workers.
Ziva got up and walked over to the door. She peered through the peephole and was surprised to see the face of Tony DiNozzo, her former partner who was now the new leader of their NCIS team. She opened the door with a questioning look on her face.
"Is everything alright, Tony?"
"Hey, Ziva, yeah, everything's fine. I'm sorry for just showing up like this, but in all the confusion today, I didn't get a chance to talk to you. I wanted to ask you a question. Is it ok if I come in?"
"Of course." Ziva stepped back to allow Tony entrance into her apartment. She walked over to a nearby table to switch on a lamp and turn down the stereo. Turning around she leaned against the table to face Tony. He had taken a seat in the armchair next to couch facing her.
Tony belatedly realized that she had been basically sitting in the dark except for the candles he noticed sitting around the room and although he hadn't quite understood the brief lyrics of the music she was listening to, he knew that it had sounded depressing to him. He looked closely at Ziva's face and saw that although she was smiling as if everything was fine, the smile did not meet her eyes.
"Ziva, are you ok? You seem a little down." He asked with concern in his eyes.
"I'm fine, Tony. It's just been a rough week with everything that's gone on. Really. I appreciate your concern, but I'm ok. So, what did you want to ask me?"
Tony didn't look convinced, but he dropped the subject. He could tell whatever it was that was bothering her, she wasn't going to talk about it with him. She was such a private person.
"Well, it's about Gibbs. I don't mean to pry, but I can't help but wonder…"
He was cut off by Ziva, "You want to know how I got him to remember?"
"Yes. That's it. It's just that, Ducky, couldn't get him to remember and neither could the Director, but you were able to. Don't take this the wrong way, but he's only known you a year, and the rest of us for much longer, so I was surprised when you called to say you had been to see him and had helped him to get his memory back. How did you do it?"
"I didn't really do anything. I just told him to try harder and made him angry enough to want to Gibbs slap me." She smiled at the memory of the look on Gibbs' face when she told him to try harder.
Tony got up and began to pace around the room; he never could sit still for long unless he was sleeping. Whenever they went to a suspect's house to interview them, he usually poked through their belongings during the questioning. Not only did it cure his hyper energy, but it also helped him to gain a bit more insight into the personal life of the suspect. Tony found himself doing the same thing here in Ziva's apartment. This was the first time he had been to her home and he was more than curious about the life of the beautiful, secretive woman who lived here.
"You had to have done or said something more than that. Come on Zee-vah, I'm not buying that…" Tony's voice trailed off as he walked over to the couch and saw the framed photo lying there. He blinked once, not sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him or not.
Ziva watched as Tony reached down to pick up the photo. She felt panic swelling up in her chest. She moved over to Tony and tried to grab the frame away from him, but was unsuccessful as he pulled it out of her reach.
"Tony, give me that. It's a personal belonging."
He turned to her with a bewildered, confused look on his face. "What is this? Why do you have a picture of you and Ari? I knew you were his Control Officer, but I didn't realize how close you were."
"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Tony. It's none of your business why I have a picture of myself and Ari." Ziva snapped.
"Wait a minute. Was he your lover? Is that why you tried so hard to keep Gibbs from killing him?"
"No, we weren't lovers. I told you, Tony; it's none of your business. Now give me my damn photo!"
Tony just looked closer at the picture. Ziva knew the moment he figured it out. She saw recognition flash in his eyes. He looked up at her with disbelief written across his features.
"I never noticed before how alike you two look. Ari was your brother? The man who murdered Kate? I can't believe you've fooled us for so long. Is that why you joined the team? To get revenge against Gibbs for killing him?" His voice had risen as he spoke and it was filled with contempt.
"No, Tony. That's not it at all. You don't understand. I can't explain it, but you have it all wrong. I would never do anything to harm Gibbs or any of the team."
Her eyes were filling with pain. She couldn't believe what Tony was accusing her of. She had thought they trusted each other, that they were more than partners. In the time that she had been with NCIS they had developed a friendship that teetered on the edge of something more personal. They both knew it and recognized it for what it was, but they had yet to do more than flirt. She had felt they were slowly building toward something more.
"You know what Ziva? I don't want to hear it. There's nothing you can say to change the fact that Ari was your brother and you have been lying to us for so long. Just save it."
Tony couldn't believe this. He had trusted Ziva, had even began to feel something more than friendship with her. He had been contemplating asking her out to dinner. They were both professional enough to keep their personal feelings outside of work. But he didn't know what would happen now. He didn't think he could ever trust Ziva again. He felt angry and stupid. But most of all, he felt pain at her betrayal.
"I'm truly sorry you feel that way, Tony." Ziva said softly with a tremble in her voice.
Ziva walked slowly over to a table by the door where she had placed her badge and gun after removing them when she came home. She picked them and walked toward Tony with them.
"If you feel that you can't trust me, then I cannot remain a part of the team. You need a partner you can trust implicitly with your team as well as your life. There is no room for doubt. I am resigning my position from NCIS immediately." With that she placed her gun and badge in Tony's hand, then leaned forward a placed a soft kiss on his cheek.
"As the new team leader, I accept your resignation." Tony said in an impersonal business-like tone. He turned and walked towards the door.
"Goodbye Ziva." He said without turning around to face her, and then he walked out the door and slammed it closed behind him.
Ziva walked over to the door and leaned against it. She allowed the tears she had been holding in to flow as she slid her body down the door and sat on the floor. In the quiet of her apartment, the only sounds that could be heard were her soft sobs.
TBC..
Author's Chapter Notes:
Takes place after Hiatus. Tony discovers that Ari was Ziva's brother and Ziva resigns from the team. Hamas is after Ziva. Gibbs comes back.