Chapter 2.
Bran.
The next morning, Tony woke up early. When he opened his eyes, he could see no light coming from outside. He didn't have to go to the office today. For once he had his entire week end off. Tony didn't move. He didn't want to wake up the man who was still asleep in his arms. He looked down at him and was amazed to see him so relaxed. He almost looked like a child and Tony wanted nothing more than to protect him.
But he could not protect him from what was eating his body from the inside little by little. They had been friends for years before becoming more and he had never seen him so fragile. He could still remember the day he had knocked at his door telling him he needed help. They had talked all night long, they had cried. Tony could still feel the tears in his eyes as he thought about this discussion, about the words that had hit him like punches.
And here they were, six months later. Tony didn't regret anything. He loved this man; he had loved him for years. You never forget your first love. But the man in his arms was not really the same he had fallen in love with years ago. So many things had happened. His heart and his soul were still the same but he seemed so tired and fragile today.
Tony smiled at the thought of the first time they met. They were in the same class at school. Tony was new in this school and he had tried to impress the others. The only thing he had won was that they'd preferred ignoring him. He had tried to be brave and convince himself he didn't care but this day as he was watching them play basket ball he had difficulties to hold back his tears.
That's when he had seen this guy walk to him. He didn't know his name but he knew he was two years older than him and was in his English class.
-Hey, wanna play with us? One of our players is sick…
Tony knew he must look stupid, on his bench holding his breath.
-Close your mouth and tell me yes or no…
-Sure…
-Cool. My name his Bran…Brandon Christopher.
-Anthony Dinozzo but my friends call me Tony.
-Cause you have friends…?
Tony had been about to reply something and go back to his bench but when he looked at this guy he saw a big smile on his face. And he was right; he had no friend…for now.
-Welcome in our team…Tony.
They had spent the next ten years together. They had become best friends and a little more a night after Tony's 17th birthday. Tony would never forget this night. He had discovered in Bran's arms what being loved could mean. After that night he had cherished every little moment they had spent together knowing it would not last. No one could love him for long. But Bran had stayed with him giving him the best years of his life.
After University they had gone separate ways. They had stayed in contact but they needed to build their own life. They had been so close for ten years that no one had ever seen one without the other. It had been hard at first. Tony had never felt so lost but he had also found a new freedom.
They had not seen each other for almost five years the day he had knocked at his door. But now they were together again. The moment he had taken him in his arms Tony had realized nothing had changed. He had never stopped loving him. Their love was even stronger today.
-A penny for your thoughts.
-I was only thinking of the day we met…You remember that basket ball game?
-Yeah…we lost…
Tony laughed. Bran had always taken sport too seriously even when he was a kid.
-It was the best game I've ever played…
-You're kidding.
Bran was now sitting on the bed. Tony knew he should not have talked about basket ball but he loved seeing him so happy. It was not so often.
-You didn't even know how to catch the ball. You almost sprained your ankle.
-Yes and you yelled at me the entire game…
-You're right. That was great.
They both laughed but Bran began coughing. Tony helped him on the bed and put a pillow under his head. He hated seeing him in pain. The cough stopped and Bran closed his eyes.
-You want some water?
Bran shook his head.
-Water won't help, Tony.
-I wish I could do something to help.
Bran put a hand on his arm.
-You're helping me every day, Tony. You opened your door this night and let me cry on your shoulder. You were the only one I could talk to. I knew you would understand without judging me. I only wanted to talk and you offered me so much more.
-But it's not enough…it's not enough…
Tony closed his eyes trying to hold back the tears. He didn't want to cry; not in front of Bran. He had spent night crying, hidden in his bathroom but Bran didn't need to see his tears. He had enough to deal with. When he opened his eyes again, Bran was looking at him.
-You don't have to be strong in front of me, Tony. There's no need to hide from me.
-I don't know what you're talking about.
-You think I didn't hear you cry all those nights. You think I don't see the sadness in your eyes. I'm dying Tony but I'm not blind. I've known you for twenty years…
-Please don't say that.
Bran pulled him closer. Tony let his head rest on his lover's shoulder.
-Why, Tony? It's the truth. I know you don't want to hear it but you will have to face it sooner or later…My sweet love…I wish I could make it easier for you. I wish I'd had the strength not to come here this night and just go away.
Tony could not talk. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him and that he would never accept his death. That it was too unfair…but nothing came out of his mouth except a sob.
-You are allowed to cry, Tony. There's nothing wrong with that. You have the right to feel sad and angry.
For the first time in years Tony let go. He let his heart bleed, he let his anger go out. The hot tears that were now running freely from his eyes had been hold back for too long. His best friend, the man he loved was dying and he could not face it, he was unable to even think about it.
-You remember your 17th birthday?
Bran didn't wait for a reply. His hand was caressing Tony hair and the soft contact had been enough to bring back sweet memories.
-I don't think I've ever told you about that. I knew your parents had prepared a party and I also knew they were not really happy to see me there. I don't think they liked me a lot…
Tony could not help laughing at this statement.
-Bran, my parents hated you.
-"Hate" is probably a too strong word…
-Oh no. Believe me they hated you …Well… they hated me too.
Bran kissed Tony's forehead. It had happened years ago but the wound was still open and painful for him.
-Ok, you're probably right. I spent hours trying to find what I would wear for your party. My mother was going nuts. She knew how much I loved you. I think she had realized it even before me.
-Your mother was a great woman.
-I'm happy she and dad are not here today to see me like that. It would have broken their heart.
Tony put his arms around him. Bran had lost his parents in a car accident years ago.
-I'm sure she would have been proud to see you fight so hard.
-She once told me she only wanted me to follow my heart and don't listen to people who would say I was wrong.
-And that's what you did…
-Yes, especially that night. When I entered your house, the only person I could see was you. You were there in the middle of the room, talking to this girl and my heart missed a beat. You were wearing a white shirt, black trousers…And when you turned and looked at me…this smile made my heart melt.
Tony looked up at him. They had talked about this party many times but Bran had never sounded so nostalgic.
-You had never told me that.
-A guy can keep his secrets. I was dreaming of you for nights. In my dreams you were smiling at me like that and here you were. There was no one else in this room; you were the only one I could see.
-When I first saw you, I thought you were feeling bad. You were as white as sheets.
-I was only in love. It has never changed Tony. Every time I see you, my heart begins to beat faster; I can't control what I feel.
Tony kissed him. He was not as good as him with words but he could show him what he was feeling. He put all his love in this kiss.
-I love you so much, Tony. I should not have let you go away from me. So many things would have been different.
-I'm sorry too, Bran. I should have been here for you. I should have protected you from what happened.
Bran put a hand on his face, touching lightly Tony's lips with his thumb.
-There's nothing you could have done Tony. I've asked myself so many times why…but there's no answer to this question.
-It's so unfair…
Bran smiled sadly at his lover. He knew what Tony was feeling. He had felt the same a long time ago, crying on himself, trying to find the reason why…why it'd happened to him. He had lost a lot of time trying to find the answer, a lot of time being angry. But he realized he was only wasted precious time. He could not go back in time and erase that moment. It had happened and now he had to live with it…with this thing running through his veins.
He had wanted to stay hidden at first and wait for death but he had to fight and show himself he was able to live his life. The first person he had thought about had been Tony but it had taken him years to go and see him for real.
He had dreamt of this moment many times. He would knock at his door and Tony would smile at him like this day in his parents' house. And everything would be all right…
It was a dream but, this night Tony had opened his door and smiled at him. He had listened to him and said nothing. Bran had never been so afraid. If Tony had thrown him out, he would have had nothing left. He had already planned his death but he wanted nothing more than live. And Tony had opened his arms and hold him tight for long minutes before he allowed himself to cry.
-Maybe Tony. But no one can change what happened. I was the only one who could have done something to avoid it and I let it happen.
-It was not your fault.
Bran smiled. They had had this discussion so many times that he would have been able to say the words Tony was about to say. He knew it was not his fault but he could not help feeling guilty. He also knew Tony would not understand so he would agree with him this time.
There were things he could not explain even to the man who knew him better than anyone else. Things he was the only to know deep inside. He had never seen it as a punishment but life has his own way to remind you of your mistakes. Tony could not understand that and it was probably better for him.
-You're right; it was not my fault…You know what?
Tony knew this look. When they were kids he had called it the look "we're going to be in trouble again". Bran was always the first to try things and most of the time it was stupid things. And Tony had always followed him.
-Tell me.
-I was thinking we could go out for breakfast. I want muffins and a black coffee…
-You're growing old…I thought you had something more dangerous in mind…
-Like what?
-I don't know. You've always been the one who imagined new games.
-Today, I only want to be with you, holding your hand in front of a black coffee.
-I want to be with you every day…every minutes of the day…
-You know we can't do that. I can't follow you to NCIS office and hold your hand while you're talking to Gibbs.
Tony laughed at the thought of the look on Gibbs' face.
-I'm sure it would be funny.
-We should do that one day. But for now I want my muffins and my coffee.
-I see you don't mention me anymore…nice.
Bran found the perfect way to make him shut up and when they broke the kiss they were both breathless.
A smile on his face Tony walked to the bathroom and took a shower. It would be a good day but it was not enough. They could not spend more than a few hours together in a week. He wanted to spend more time with Bran. He had been thinking about it for days but he had made his decision. Monday morning he would go to
Sheppard's office and ask for a leave.
Author's Chapter Notes:
His name is Bran.