Chapter 4.
One heart…two loves.
Tony h ad stayed for long minutes in the middle of his living room after Gibbs had left. He had kissed him…his boss had kissed him. He didn't know what to think about it. He had expected him to react violently, to yell at him. He had even thought he would fire him but that kiss had been a complete surprise.
He had forgotten about everything else…the dinner he was supposed to cook, Bran in his bedroom. He was still trying to clear his mind on what had just happened when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to face Bran who was walking to him a worried look on his face.
-What happened Tony? You seem a little lost…
-I wish I could tell you what happened but I'm not sure to know it myself.
Bran smiled at him and wrapped his arms around Tony's waist. He kissed him lightly and rested his head on Tony's shoulder. The following words were said in a whisper but Tony heard them well.
-He loves you Tony. There's nothing wrong in that.
Tony could not believe what he had just heard. How Bran could have known that? How could he tell him it was not wrong?
-What…? How…?
Bran broke the contact and walked to the couch where he sat. He didn't seem to be angry or disappointed.
-It's easy Tony. I just looked at his eyes.
-And you saw that he loved me in his eyes. Gibbs is the most secret man I've ever met and you're able to say that only by looking at his eyes.
-I think I saw what you've refused to see for years. It was the first time I saw him but I can say by the way he was looking at you…and me… that you are more than a co worker for him.
-I…well…
Bran laughed at Tony's visible embarrassment. He had always been amazed by his friend. Tony was not aware of the way people were looking at him. He loved playing a role, pretending to be a Don Juan but it was only a mask he was wearing. As far as he could remember Bran had always seen him trying to find love… real love. The love his parents had been unable to give him.
-Tony, it's ok.
-It's ok…? That's all you have to say. You knew what Gibbs wanted to tell me…what he wanted to do… and you left me with him…?
-You were not in danger, Special Agent Dinozzo.
-That's not what I'm saying. You know what I mean…you're not…?
-Jealous…? Of course I'm jealous Tony. I love you and this man loves you too.
Tony sat on the couch beside him.
-I'm lost here Bran.
Bran turned to face him cupping his cheek with his hand. There was only tenderness in his eyes…and nothing else Tony identified as sadness.
-I love you Tony. You know that…with all my heart and my soul. You've stolen years ago.
Tony smiled at him thinking of the first time they had kissed. This simple kiss had opened his eyes on what he really wanted to live. Bran had showed him that he could be loved.
-But we have not much time to spend together…
-Don't say that please.
Tony had closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to even think about it. He didn't want to think of a life without Bran.
-Tony, you know I'm right. I won't be here for Christmas…
Tears were now running from Tony's eyes. Christmas was only in 7 months…He needed more time…They needed more time.
-You don't know that, Bran…
-I know Tony and you know that too…And I don't want you to stay alone after…I want you to live your life…to find love.
-I won't do that. I don't want to…I love you.
-I know you don't want to think about it for now but I want you to remember this discussion when I'm gone. Remember those words Tony.
-You can't ask me to do that. I won't be able to live without you.
Bran placed his two hands on Tony's face.
-Listen to me carefully, Tony. Don't dare saying that…I won't let you say that. You have all your life to live. You will love again…
-I can't…I won't…I want to stay with you…I want us to be together forever.
-I will always be here with you. You will have all the moments we've spent together.
-I won't love anyone after you…
Tony was surprised by Bran's laugh. He had not intended to be funny.
-Can you answer a simple question, Tony? Please take a minute to think before answering. What have you felt when Gibbs kissed you?
-How do you know?
Bran put a finger on Tony's lips.
-I said take a minute to think about it.
Tony closed his eyes trying to remember what he had thought when Gibbs' lips had touched him. It was hard to describe with words. He had been confused at first. But the tenderness of that kiss had surprised him.
Bran could see that Tony was confused by the question and by his feelings.
-You should try to think about what this man really means to you. It's not easy for me. I won't lie and tell you I'm ok with it. But I can see that you have feelings for him and in a way it's a good thing.
-I love you Bran. You know that. Gibbs is my boss and he can't love me. It's impossible.
-Why…?
-Because of rule number 12…
Bran gave him a puzzled look and waited for Tony to explain him what was this rule.
-Gibbs has his own rules…rules he had tried to teach every member of his team. The number 12 says that intimate relationship between co workers can't work. Even if he had feelings for me, Gibbs would not do anything about it.
-Even a man like him can realize when he is wrong, Tony. I've seen the way he looked at me. He had come here tonight to tell you something important for him and he found me here. I think you should have a talk with him about it.
Tony didn't reply and took a moment to think of what had happened in the last two days. The discussion they had at the restaurant and the way Gibbs had talked to him. Tony had first been angry at him. But he had realized Gibbs had done that out of concern. The older man was worrying for him and he must admit he was feeling flattered by Gibbs' interest.
-You're right. I think I should talk with him.
-Cool. Finally after almost 20 years you begin to listen to what I say. I thought it would never happen…
-I always listen to you…The thing is that, most of the time; I only choose not to do what you say…
Bran slapped him at the back of the head. Bran was to used to doing it since they were kids and when Gibbs had done it to him the first time he had been about to slap him back. It would have been funny to see his reaction…Funny was probably not the right word.
-Ok, I deserved it but I only told the truth…
-You should stop here Tony…
-You're right I have a dinner to cook and I don't want to sleep on the couch tonight.
They spent the rest of the evening talking lightly but Tony could not help thinking of Gibbs, the way he had kissed him. It had been so easy to let him take the control of the situation. He could have pushed him away but he had not done that. He had kissed him back and now he was wondering why he had done that and what it really meant.
He was not so sure now that asking for a leave would be a good idea. He had things to talk about with Gibbs first. The problem was that he didn't know how to do it.
He had many questions to ask him but he was not sure to want to hear the answers. He needed to be with Bran and only with him and Gibbs was only making the situation more complicated and confused.
The next morning Tony was the first one to enter the office. He knew that Gibbs would be here soon and he needed to think before talking to him. He didn't know what he had to think about…He had spent the night thinking and he was still not sure what he would tell his boss…
He was still lost in thoughts when he heard the doors of the elevator open. He could smell coffee from his desk and knew before seeing him it was Gibbs. He was not ready to face him. If he closed his eyes he could still feel Gibbs' lips on his.
-Are you ok, Tony?
Tony had not realized he had closed his eyes. Gibbs was standing in front of him, looking at him with concern.
-I'm fine, Boss.
-You don't look so fine to me.
-I didn't sleep well last night.
-Your boyfriend is keeping you awake…?
Tony hated the tone of Gibbs' voice. He looked up to his boss. Gibbs was smiling at him but that smile froze him.
-It's none of your business, Gibbs. And I would be glad if you kept your opinion on my private life for yourself.
Gibbs was still looking at him but he had lost his smile. Tony knew it was not the best way to begin the discussion they needed to have but he could not let him say such things in the middle of the office.
-I think we should continue this conversation elsewhere.
-I must agree with that, Boss.
-Ducky won't be here this morning. We could use his lab.
-Great…A morgue is a nice place to talk…
-Not nice but discreet.
Tony followed Gibbs to Ducky's repair. The older man was visibly tensed and worried about Tony's reaction but he would never let anyone see it. Tony tried to see him with Bran's eyes. As if he didn't know him and he saw what his lover had meant. Gibbs was hiding his feelings but they were here. He could now see insecurity in those blue eyes and tenderness when he was looking at him.
As they entered Ducky's lab, Gibbs turned to face him placing a hand on his arm.
-I didn't mean to hurt you with that comment. It was stupid to say that.
-Yes it was, Gibbs.
Tony had decided to let him lead the discussion and see what would happen. He walked to one of the autopsy table and sat there waiting for Gibbs to say something. The older seemed to be searching for words.
-Is it really serious between you and this man? I mean I know you're friends but is he more than that…?
Tony could not believe what he had just heard.
-What do you want to know, Gibbs… if there's a place for you in my bed?
-That's not what I asked.
-I heard the words you said but I also understood what they meant.
-You know what, Tony…Forget about it…
Tony walked to him looking him straight in the eyes.
-No Gibbs. I don't want to forget about it. You went to my apartment, acted with Bran as if he was a suspect, kissed me in the middle of my living room and left without a word. I need to know why you did that.
-I wanted to apologize for what I said in the restaurant.
-Nice way to apologize, Gibbs. But I don't buy it.
Gibbs walked away from Tony. He was not the Boss anymore; Tony was trying to make him say things he didn't want to say…not now…not here.
-Why have you done that, Gibbs? You wanted to see what it was like to kiss another man? You wanted to hurt Bran? Tell me because I don't know what to think.
-I just wanted to show you what I was feeling.
-And what are you feeling, Gibbs? Because it was not clear for me.
Tony placed his hands on Gibbs' shoulders trying to make him look at him. He knew the older man was trying to find a way to escape. But he needed answers and he would do what he had to do to get them.
-What did you want to tell me, Gibbs? What did that kiss mean?
Gibbs was looking at him as if he didn't understand what Tony was saying. The younger man was beginning to worry when he heard not words coming from Gibbs' open mouth.
-Talk to me, Gibbs. Please…
Tony met him go but Gibbs didn't move. The older man seemed to be frozen. He could not decide what to do. Telling Tony what he really felt for him when he was already engaged with someone else would be dangerous for him. But he needed to say those words. He needed Tony to know what he meant to him.
-I'm sorry, Gibbs. I should not have asked…You're right; we'd better forget about it.
Tony was walking to the lab's door when he heard Gibbs say something. The words had not been said loud enough for him to hear. He turned to look at Gibbs who had still not moved. He waited there for what seemed long minutes. He could not ask him to repeat but he could not go away now…
-I love you, Tony.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The title says it all.