Chapter 5.
Promise.
He had waited until the elevator door had closed behind him before hitting the red button and sitting on the floor his head in his hands. It could not be true, he would soon wake up in his bed with Bran at his side and nothing of it would have happened. But he had to face the truth, Gibbs loved him…the kiss was not only a test…It was for real.
He had dreamt of this moment for months before accepting it would never happen. And Bran had knocked at his door and he had felt loved again. Gibbs could not tell him that now. It was not fair. He should have told him before… when he needed to hear those words…not now.
He knew he could not stay here but he didn't want to see Gibbs. He didn't want to see that love in his eyes. He had never thought those words could hurt but that was exactly what Gibbs had done saying them. God knows he had wished to hear him say it. He had prayed that one day he would be able to say them to him too.
But he could not love Gibbs now. He could not love two men at the same time. He was feeling so confused that he was unable to decide what to do now. He could not stay but he could not go away so easily. He had done that too often…fleeing before he could get involved with anyone. But he knew he would not be able to flee from Gibbs. You can't go away from a man like him.
He stood up and hit the button of the parking. He needed to think and to go away for a while. He sat in his car and turned on the ignition. He didn't see Gibbs running to his car when he left the building. He didn't know where he would go but he needed to feel safe and there was only one place he had ever felt safe. He drove to his apartment and parked his car in front of his building.
When he opened the door, Bran was on the couch reading a book. He didn't say anything. He didn't need words to understand what Tony needed. He walked to him, helped him getting rid of his jacket, sat him on the couch and wrapped his arms around him. Tony sighed as he felt the warmth of Bran's body against him.
-You want to talk about what happened?
-Not really…
-Ok…Everything is going to be ok, Tony.
Bran knew what had happened; he knew that Tony had spent the night thinking of what he had to do with Gibbs. And he knew that Tony was disturbed by the feeling he had for his boss…because of him and what they had shared all those years.
-You should try to sleep. You stayed up all night.
-Only if you come with me.
Bran smiled at those words. Tony could sound like a child sometimes. He had never been afraid to show this side of himself with him.
-Of course, my sweet love.
-I love when you call me that…
Tony fell asleep almost immediately. A sleepless night and a discussion with Gibbs had exhausted him. Bran got out of the bed letting him sleep. He knew that Gibbs would not let Tony go away so easily. He was waiting for his call but he would have preferred to talk with him face to face. He was making coffee when he heard a knock at the door. It had taken Gibbs only 20 minutes to find where Tony had disappeared…well it was not difficult. But Bran was happy that the older man had decided to come here.
When he opened the door he could see the disappointment in Gibbs' eyes.
-Tony is here, Agent Gibbs. He is sleeping…but come in…
-I just want to talk to him…
-And I want to talk with you…I think we have many things in common and there are things you need to know. Tony needs to sleep.
Gibbs followed Bran inside not knowing what to think of the man. He had only met him a day ago and had only seen him for a minute. He was shorter than him, dark curly hair, clear brown eyes…He seemed to be about the same age as Tony but something made him look older. There was something in his eyes…
Gibbs had not realized Bran was looking at him a smile on his face.
-I think I can answer some of your questions Agent Gibbs. But you need to ask them first. I can't read your mind even if I think I have an idea of what you were thinking about…
-You said you wanted to talk to him. I think you should be the first one to ask questions.
-I don't need to ask questions for now. Probably later but I think I know what I need to know…
Gibbs laughed…this man was surprising him. When he had said he wanted to talk Gibbs had expected him to yell at him and tell him how wrong he was if he thought he could take Tony away from him. But Bran was only waiting for him to ask the questions that were burning his lips since the day he had met him.
-And what do you know?
-I know you love Tony and that he loves you. I know you talked to him today…
-And?
-And he came back home not knowing what to do. I don't know what kind of relationship you had with him before but I can tell you that Tony was waiting for a sign from you for a long time…
-He told you that?
-He didn't need to tell me. It was obvious every time he talked about you. I think he was waiting for you to do something.
-But it came too late…
-Or too early…
Bran walked to the kitchen and came back with two mugs of coffee.
-Thanks. What do you mean by too early?
-It's a long story and I'm not really sure you want to hear it.
-You told me I can ask my questions and you would answer them.
-You're right, Agent Gibbs. But I don't want it to be a problem for Tony. I'm not sure he would agree about me telling you this. I would never do anything that could hurt him…
-I understand and respect that. I just want to understand why he reacted like that and what to do to make him forgive me.
Bran was looking at his mug trying to find a way to help this man. He wanted Tony to be happy and he knew that soon this man would be the only who could help him. But it was hard for him to think of the man he loved with someone else.
-You're a strange man, Bran.
-You're not the first one to tell me that.
-Why are you doing that? I mean you should be angry at me…and you're here talking to me and telling me Tony has feelings for like it was the most natural thing.
-I'm angry but not at you.
Gibbs had so many questions to ask but he waited for Bran to go on. Gibbs could feel it was not easy for him to talk and he realized he didn't know anything about him except he was Tony's lover.
-I've been angry at a lot of people. But I don't have time to waste with anger now. Tony is the only person who matters to me and I want him to be happy.
-But he seems happy with you.
-I hope he is…but it won't last.
-Why are you saying that? Is there anything wrong with Tony?
Bran looked up at him. He could see how worried Gibbs seemed for Tony. This man really loved Tony. He should have felt jealous…well to be honest he was a little jealous…but he was also relieved. There would be someone at Tony's side to help him and show him he could be loved.
-Tony is fine, Agent Gibbs. There's nothing wrong with him except his stubbornness…
-You're right but it's what makes him such a good agent. So if it's not Tony…it's you.
-I don't think you need to hear the story of my life today. Tony will tell you about it later.
-You're not telling me enough for me to understand why you are doing it. Tony and you are visibly in love and you are talking to me as if we were friends…I don't mean we can't be friends but it's a little weird to be here with you…I love Tony and nothing will change that…
-I know, Agent Gibbs. You made it perfectly clear…at least for me.
This discussion was beginning to make Gibbs feel unease. He didn't know where Bran wanted to lead him and he didn't like that; he was not used to be in this position. The younger man next to him didn't want to talk about himself but Gibbs knew there was something important he had to understand.
-Bran, I think you need to tell me exactly why you wanted to talk to me. I understand it might not be easy for you but as you said Tony is the only one who matters…
-You're not the kind of man who likes to stay in the dark…
Gibbs laughed at he heard those words.
-No, you're right. I don't like not to know. Especially when I know there's something hurting Tony and I'm unable to help him.
-That's what I thought and that's why I wanted to talk to you. I don't want you to think I'm trying to do things behind Tony's back but I know how he feels about it and it's better if he doesn't know I've asked you what I'm about to ask.
-I'm sure it's a good thing not to tell him…
-Let me tell you first and you'll tell him after if you want to.
Gibbs could see how serious Bran was about it. He nodded and waited for him to go on. The younger man stood up and began to pace around the room.
-Tony and I have been friends for more than twenty years. We've realized years after we met that what we were feeling for each other was more than friendship. The least you can say is that it had not been easy for him. We decided to go separate ways after University. I think we were too close and it was time for us to find out what life had to give us…The worst mistake of my life…
Gibbs was beginning to worry when he saw the younger man sway and catch the table in front of him to keep him from falling. He stood up and placed a hand on his arm.
-You should probably sit down. You don't seem to be fine.
Bran nodded and let Gibbs help him to the couch. The younger man had difficulties breathing and Gibbs understood it had something to do with what he was about to say. Bran seemed to read the unsaid question in Gibbs' eyes
-Pneumonia.
For a moment Gibbs could not say a word. He could still see Tony in this bed only weeks ago…He could hear him try to catch his breath every time he began to cough.
-I'm feeling much better now but I can't stay up for a long time.
-For how long…?
Bran could have acted as if he had not understood the real meaning of the question but he was waiting for it. He knew Gibbs was smart enough to guess and he was relieved he didn't have to say it himself.
-I don't know. At first I thought it was only flu. I've realized it was probably something more serious only five years ago.
Gibbs was about to say something but he hold back the words and looked at the man next to him. He didn't want to judge him but he could not understand how he could have been so careless.
-I know what you're thinking, Agent Gibbs. And believe me I've told myself exactly what you're thinking at least a thousand times. But I didn't want to think about it and I chose to ignore it.
-I don't know what to say.
-There's nothing to say. I played and lost.
-Is Tony…? I mean…
-No…I would never let him take any risk.
Gibbs stood up. He was unable to control his emotions for now and he didn't want Bran to see it. He had not felt so confused for years.
-I won't be here for long, Agent Gibbs. I wanted you to know because Tony will need your help. I've talked about what he would do after…and I must admit I'm afraid. He's trying to hide himself from the truth.
-What are expecting from me?
-I just want to be sure he won't be alone. He's going to need you even if he would never admit it.
Gibbs turned to face Bran.
-You're asking me to wait for your…
-Yes Agent Gibbs. That's what I'm asking you to do. Let me live my last days on this earth with him. Let us share this moment. He will come to you…
-How can you be sure he will…
-Because he loves you. I've known him for a long time and I can see how much you mean to him. Don't let him push you away.
-What are you doing here, Boss?
The two had not heard Tony coming out from the bedroom. Gibbs smiled when he saw him…sleepy eyes, messy hair. It reminded him of the first time he had seen him like that.
-You left without a word.
-True.
Tony walked to the couch and sat beside Bran kissing him. He didn't feel the need to hide what he was feeling for him in front of Gibbs.
-So what are the two of you plotting behind my back?
-We were just talking, Tony.
Tony was aware that Bran was lying but he knew that neither he nor Gibbs would tell him the truth about their talk.
-Yeah…talking…You think I'm stupid…That's it? You think I'm going to believe you came here after what you told me…to talk.
Gibbs looked at his agent and smiled.
-No, Tony. I don't think you're going to believe it but it's the only answer you will have. Bran and I have a lot in common and we needed to talk…
-What do you have in common?
-You…We both love you. I know you don't want to hear those words coming from me and I understand that. But it won't change my feelings for you. I just want you to know I will always be here for you. If I can't be anything else than a friend…then I will be that…a friend. Someone you can rely on.
Tony remained silent for a long time trying to find what Gibbs really meant. But there was no hidden sense behind his words. He realized for the first time what Gibbs' love really meant and it scared him.
-Thanks, Boss.
-It's not your boss talking here, Tony. Take the rest of the week…You still have holidays to take and I think you need it. I don't want to see you before Monday.
Tony nodded. He knew it was useless to try to make Gibbs change his mind about it. And to be honest he needed that time.
-It was a pleasure to talk with you Bran. I hope I've answered all your questions…
-Yes, Agent Gibbs, you have.
-I think you can call me Gibbs or Jethro as you want.
-Jethro…?
Gibbs smiled again. Tony had not seen him smile like that in the last three years…he loved that smile… a true, warming smile. A smile Gibbs only offered to friends and children.
-I will see you in a week Tony. Don't forget what I said.
-I won't, Boss.
Gibbs exited the room trying not to look back at the two men still sat on the couch. It was hard for him to go away like that and it was even harder to think he had to wait for a man to die to love the person he was dreaming about for the last three years.
But he had done what he had to do…like always. Tony deserved to share the next months with the man he loved without him being in the way. He wanted to give him that and he would do whatever he needed to do to make this man happy.
He had made a silent promise to Bran and he would keep it no matter what it would cost to him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs and Bran talk and a promise is made