Tony stood stock still as the others slowly got out of their confusion. Gibbs said there, the mustache a very old-making presence in his other wise handsome face. He was back. Simply back. And all he could say was „What?"? McGee and Ziva walked back to their places, McGee to his former desk, to Agent Lee's desk. She stood just opposite Tony with a look on her face like a beaten puppy, and for the first time, he pitied her. He regretted that he didn't treat her nicer, that he didn't teach her as much as he could in the short time he had been team leader. Had been? It was over! Gibbs was back and he was the second again. Like most times in his life he'd been the second. And now, now that he once was the first Gibbs came back and took it away from him. At first Tony wanted him to come back. Come back to him, to the team, what ever. But months had passed and Gibbs didn't do so much as call and now he was sitting at his, Tony's, desk doing as if he was never gone. Tony walked straight over to him. He had everything he'd need for a quick dissappearance on him. He just stepped up to Gibbs‘, no, his own desk and bend down resting his hands on the table top.
„You always get what you want, don't you? You ever think about the consequenses your actions have on others?"
With that Tony straightened up and walked out of the office. He knew his team was staring at him but he didn't care. He was positive they hadn't heard a thing and it was what he wanted. He could care less if they thought he was pissed because Gibbs had taken him his position as team leader, he never really cared about the position.
And Gibbs! He had just looked at him with his damn blue eyes Tony loved so much and that stupid mustache! What was that mustache about? The beard was fine, it fitted the retired NCIS Agent living on a beach in Mexico picture, but now he was back! He was a god damn federal Agent and not some drug baron in fucking Cuba!
Tony sighed as he sat in his car. He knew he was thinking around the main issue. The issue he tried not to think about since the day Gibbs had handed him his gun and badge.
// „I'm sorry, Tony. I couldn't remember before I was gone. I tried to find a way to come back and tell you with the right words what I'm feeling but I couldn't...Tony...please...take me back?!" //
Tony shook his head determined to get the words out of it. Gibbs had never said those words, would never say those words. He knew Gibbs remembered him, Gibbs had said it himself. He just didn't care about him anymore. Probably he didn't care about him at all. Never had, never will. Gibbs look always was steady, he never gave Tony a once-over like he did before his coma. At the time Tony thought it had been the worst days of his life. When Director Sheppard informed them that he had lost the last fifteen years he knew it just got worse. But then, when Gibbs returned and he remembered them he looked at Tony so differently. There was no passion, no love, or what Tony thought had been love, now he wasn't sure anymore. Maybe it had been just lust. Maybe the older man had satisfied his desire for a young male body and was looking for something hot and red again.
He turned off the engine at his building. He didn't immidiatly got out of the car, he wasn't able to move. Tears he didn't want to shed in the last months threatened to break to surface. He remembered the night Gibbs first came to him. He stood casually on his door step, asking him for a favour.
// „I try to learn Italian and you're the only one I know who could tell me if I'm doing it right."
Tony nodded slowly.
„Ok, go on."
„To voglio."
Gibbs said and Tony raised his eyebrows. That had do be a strange unit in that textbook.
„Actually it's Ti voglio, not To voglio. You've got more?"
„Sei la mia vita e sei mio."
Tony swallowed the nervous lumb in his throat down.
„That was perfect."
He said unsure what was happening next. //
(Translation: Ti voglio-I want you, sei la mia vita e sei mio- you're my life and you're mine.)
he finally made it to his floor although he had no idea how he had gotten there.
„Finally home, DiNozzo?"
He looked up in the stranger‘s face. Once he thought he knew the man but now it was a stranger with an embaressing mustache.
*Pathetic, Anthony, keep thinking about the damn mustache and avoid the main topic*
„What you want, Gibbs?"
„An explanation, to start with."
The older man answered his voice cold and hard. Tony shook his head and opened his door. He knew there was no point in arguing so he just let Gibbs follow him.
„I don't owe you an explanation. I said everything I had to say."
„Jeeze, DiNozzo, is it really that bad that you're the second-in-command again? The others don't have a problem with it. I noticed that I'm not ready to go away. I changed, yes, very much. But I'm still used to be the boss."
„NO! You are not used to be the boss, you just used to be the boss. You get into the office and you think nothing had changed. Newsflash! A lot of things changed! You just pushed a young Agent out of the team, if you haven't noticed. You took me my position on a way that is more than insensitive. You just sat on the desk you used to sit on. Should I bent over just as you used me to?"
A confused look showed on the ex-Marines face.
„What?"
„You ever thought about it that for me it might have been more than just sex? That I could have had others if I wanted to? That there was a reason I was there every god damn night you wanted me? A fling doesn't go five years, Jethro! Jeeze! Five fucking years and all you say is „You'll do". Not even a good bye, or it was nice with you. Nothing!"
„You and me...we...we were lovers?"
„Lovers? Looking at it now, I don't think we were more than fuck buddies."
„I didn't know."
Gibbs said in a low voice. He sank down on the couch putting his head in his hands. For a minute or so he didn't move and Tony's anger grew and grew. Suddenly there was a sob escaping Gibbs‘ throat.
„I was going to lose you."
Tony opened his mouth but closed it again. What the hell was he talking about? They had had some difficulties just before the explosion. The weeks before had been stressful and they had been both constantly on the edge but Tony didn't know Gibbs took that that serious.
„I...I thought you were about to leave me...like my wives. I didn't want to lose you, Tony...I...I love you."
Tony sank into the easy chair opposite the couch. He loved him, he still loved him. Loved him again since he couldn't remember just a minute ago.
„You couldn't remember? You said you remembered me."
„I remembered you being my second-in-command, being an exceptional Agent. Before...I...it was the fifth night you hadn't come over and I was positive it was over. I was a terrible man, Tony. Egoistic, stoic...stubborn. I'd never talked to you, rather I'd denied that there ever was something. That night before the explosion, you weren't there again, I wished I could just forget you, erase you from my memory like chalk on a board. The doctor had told me that the memory loss could have been psychological. I didn't believe him. There was nothing I'd want to forget, right?"
Gibbs looked at Tony. The younger man sat hunched in the chair, his knees pulled up and his head hiding behind them.
„I can't ask you to get back to what we used to have. I don't even want that. I understand if you want to leave, I don't want you to but... I want to be a better man, Tony. The man you deserve. I want to make you happy and give you the relationship you're supposed to have. And not the relationship you were used to have."
Tony looked up but not at Gibbs. He wiped over his face and licked his lips.
„One condition."
„Name it."
Tony looked at him before he stood up and sat next to him on the couch. He took Gibbs‘ face in his hands stroking with his thumbs over His cheekbones.
„That mustache's gone before you come to bed."
Tony said kissing him deeply. Then he walked out of the living room into his bedroom.
„I hope you keep the throw-away razors in the same drawer you used to!"
Gibbs called after him and was off to the bathroom in a hurry.
Story Notes:
I saw Escaped and this came out of it. Although I'm a girl Tony's a bit autobiographic in this fic, I mean, what's this mustache about? Honestly!
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Chapter End Notes:
I saw Escaped and this came out of it. Although I'm a girl Tony's a bit autobiographic in this fic, I mean, what's this mustache about? Honestly!
Feedback as always apreciated
Feedback as always apreciated