He'd retired.
In the back of his mind he always knew that it would happen one day, but never this soon. It was a little fantasy he supposed he'd have to call it that he never retired, that he would be die in the field. He knew what he was doing was a great service to his country, yet it never compared to the thrill he got when he was on the front line, and so he played mind games. With suspects, with his team, with himself.
But that was all gone now and all that was left to pack up his basement and move to Mexico with Franks.
He sighed, reaching for another box when he heard a noise up in his house. By the time the person was at the top of the small set of stairs he already had his gun out, aimed and ready.
"B-boss?"
Puzzled he lowered his gun, and as the figure stepped forward, he sighed and threw it onto his desk.
"What do you want McGee?"
"Well, I was, ahh, I just came-"
Turning back to packing his boxes Gibbs cut him off.
"Did DiNozzo put you up to this?"
"No Sir."
"The Director?"
"No, Sir."
"Don't call me ‘Sir' McGee. I'm retired, you owe me nothing."
"You quit, Sir." McGee pressed on, slowly coming down the stairs and into the dim light of the basement. Gibbs stopped what he was doing and stood up, starring at McGee.
"You have no right to judge my decision."
"I'm not judging boss, merely stating the truth."
"I retired McGee. You and everyone else at NCIS needs to get that into my head. You can also go outside and tell DiNozzo that he shouldn't get you to try and convince me to stay." Gibbs growled out, advancing on McGee.
He'd really had enough of this- the looks, the talking. People finding out about Shannon and Kelly. If it wasn't for Franks he didn't think he would be able to get through it. McGee stepped back, but pressed on.
"I'm not here to make you change your mind."
"Then WHY are you here?"
McGee closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I understand what you went through, what you're going through."
Gibbs stoped and starred, confused by what his ex-Probie was trying to say.
"What are you talking about Tim?" he asked, this time more quietly, yet knowing that he had not lost the threatening tone in his voice. "When have you retired? Huh, when?"
"I-I'm not talking about that, bo-Gibbs. I'm talking about your wife, your daughter."
He stopped and starred then. What was McGee talking about.
"You have no idea what I am going through Tim! None! How dare you come in here and think you know what you are talking about. Y-you think you know everything. Well, you don't! You don't understand what I've been through." Gibbs screamed, shouted, toughing down what ever was in his hand, his eyes never leaving McGee but he didn't move. Just stood there, waiting for it was over.
"You're too young to understand what love is. You've never had an emotional connection with anyone, how can you think you know how it feels? How, how could you possibly-" McGee could see his fearless leader was braking, the walls crumbling.
"Her name was Chloe." Tim started quietly, seeing Gibbs run out of energy and stop, resting on his table, folded in on himself.
"We met when we were sixteen, the day after my car accident. I was still in hospital because they wanted to run some more tests and she was in the next room. She didn't tell me why she was in there , but after I got out I went to see her and she was in the middle of treatment."
McGee swallowed and looked up at Gibbs who was still at his bench but seemed to be listening to him. Knowing that he had gotten his attention McGee pressed on.
"Leukaemia. She'd only had it for a few months. I was shocked. How could this had happened to this wonderful girl who was funny and bright? She was in and out of hospital for months, years, but it didn't get in the way for her life. She knew her body would eventually go, not be able to fight the cancer, it didn't stop her though. We got married at twenty, started college together- everything."
McGee slowly approached Gibbs and sat down next to him, sighing as he continued.
"She died six months later, it wasn't until then I was told she was three months pregnant."
Gibbs head shot up, eyes searching Tim's. "But how, did she-?"
"She'd been refusing treatment, said she didn't want my life ruined by it. I-I still think about her all the time."
"So do I." Gibbs whispered in wonderment. He stared at McGee's outline. Head bent down, shoulders slumped. How could this man carry this burden?
"I know it isn't what happened to you Gibbs, I can't imagine what that would have been like, but you know her voice, know her laugh, know who she looks like. I never got to see that. And I never will."
"You have to come to terms with it boss, or it will eat you alive, and it won't stop until it's consumed you and you have nothing left. You can never move on, but you can't stay still either. You need to learn to consume it, not for it to consume you, so it becomes a part of you and not you a part of it." McGee finished, looking at his old boss who sat starring back at him.
"I don't expect you to believe everything I've said, nor do I believe it will make you stay, I just wanted to let you know you weren't alone."
Gibbs opened his mouth to say something, anything but nothing came. It would be hours later, sitting alone in the dark, packed boxes around him, after the young agent had left without another word that it would come to him.
"Thank you, Tim."
And with that he picked up the boxes, kissed his boat and left, smiling at the memory of his daughter on her first sailing trip.
Story Notes:
No spoilors but I did get the idea from the 'triwsted sister' promo about McGee's secret and this wouldn't leave my head.
Please review...
Author's Chapter Notes:
After Gibbs "retires" McGee goes to talk to him.
Chapter End Notes:
No spoilors but I did get the idea from the 'triwsted sister' promo about McGee's secret and this wouldn't leave my head.
Please review...
Please review...