Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
He looked around their living room once again, the place felt so empty; he wasn't used to being home alone. One could say that the last year with her had changed him. He wouldn't have corrected them.
Ever since she had been taken from him others around him had noticed a difference. One who didn't know him would have seen a guy going through life. He went to work, came home, sat alone and then fell asleep on the couch.
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could've been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walking away
But the ones who knew him saw something different. They saw a lost soul, one which had lost his first and one true love. They watched him go through the daily motions, coming to work, then going home every day but inside they saw this vast emptiness consuming him day after day. And there was no way of bringing him back to the way that he was before, their friend was lost without her.
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
He got up to retrieve the mail; forcing himself to stay strong as he picked up the letters, she had always done it; when they got home after work and while he was having a shower. Everyday without fail she would give him his letters when he came out with a cup of coffee alongside. Little things like that he missed.
He picked up the mail slowly and then made his way back to the living room and sat on the couch. Another little thing. He was amazed at how it was the little things they shared that he missed the most. They would always sit on the couch together, her on him leaning into him, them curling up together near the heater in the winter. Now it was no more, he felt another pang of hurt.
He flipped through the letters, most were notes of consolation; but nothing would change a thing. She was gone, and he couldn't do anything about it. He had had enough of the pitying eyes as he walked around the building at work. He put aside the consolation letters; he'd deal with them later. He continued flipping through the letters, ‘Mr A DiNozzo'; ‘Mr A DiNozzo'; ‘Mr A DiNozzo'; ‘Mrs C– DiNozzo'. He stopped. No. He was not going to break down again. He had never been the one to cry or to show any emotion; he had always been her tower of strength, her safe haven. But here he was desperately wanting to hold her; desperately trying to hang on. That was it. He couldn't go through the letters anymore; he knew the problem; so did everyone else around him. He desperately wanted Kate.
I've just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I want to cry
Chapter End Notes:
The song is 'Tonight I Want To Cry' by Keith Urban