December 6th
„Ouch!"
Tony winced when he turned in sleep and was suddenly bright awake.
„No! No, no, no! This couldn't..."
„Whasematter?"
He heard a sleepy voice next to him and was short of jumping out of the bed.
„God...I have to...I need..."
„Tony, what's wrong?"
„I have to go home...Nick...I let her alone..."
He murmured as he tried to collect his cloths.
„You didn't. Abby's with her."
„Nick barely knows Abby! I'm her father...I shouldn't be...Shit!"
He stumbled and crashed against the wardrobe in a try to put on his pants.
„Tony, it's 3 AM. If Abby didn't have it under control she would have called."
„That's not it...I...I can't do this to her."
„You can't do what to her?"
Tony sank down on the floor his back against the wardrobe.
„This...you and me? She just has lost her mother...She has to go through enough...I can't come home from my homosexual lover...I can't have a homosexual lover."
He buried his face in his hands for a moment before he stood up and tried to find his shirt.
„Tony, wait...you're telling me that this was a one time?"
„No...yes...I mean...I didn't mean it to be but it is...I can't be with you."
Gibbs saw hurt in Tony's eyes and he couldn't understand why the younger man was doing that to himself, and to him.
„But...if you want to be..."
„I'm a father, Gibbs! It's not about what I want! It's about what's good for Nick..."
„And you think it wouldn't be good for her if you're happy?"
„You don't understand it!"
„You're right! I don't understand it! Explain it to me."
Tony looked at him for a moment his mouth open trying to find a way to express everything.
„She's-...She already doesn't talk to me, God knows why...I can't put that burden on her aswell."
„But it could make you stronger..."
Tony shook his head.
„Maybe...and maybe it would make my relationship with her more complicated. I can't Jethro..."
Tony walked to the door, finally remembering that his shirt was somewhere out there.
„Why didn't you just say it was only sex?"
„‘Cause I know how that feels...and I don't want you to think you were only comfort...you weren't."
With that he left the bedroom and a few minutes later Gibbs heard the door shut quietly.
When Tony closed the door he first collapsed against it. Five years he had dreamed of being with Gibbs and now he had had him, and left him. Everything was confusing him and when he slowly entered the living room he didn't knew if he should cry or smile.
Abby sat on the couch sleeping soundly. Nick lay in her arms. He didn't know if the goth had made any progress but Nick seemed to sleep without nightmares for the first time in the last five days.
Quickly he went into his bedroom and shut the door as silent as he could. He just reached the bed before he collapsed on top of it crying yet again. He didn't really know about what he was crying. If it was that he had just seen that his daughter trusted Abby more than him. Or that he had left the man he had fallen for hard. Or if he cried about the loss of a loved one.
He heard the door open but couldn't bring himself to care.
„Tony?"
He felt the bed dip and a hand on his shoulder.
„Honey, what's wrong?"
Abby's voice sounded so much after Rachel's that the sobs increased shaking through his body. Abby's arms came tight around his body and he let himself be hold although it wasn't the person he wanted it to be.
Later Tony carried Nick in her bed and sat in the kitchen with Abby. She looked sadly at him after he had told her everything about the night before.
„And you really think Nick wouldn't want it?"
Tony shrugged half hearted. He was tired. Physically and emotionally.
„She didn't say anything to me either."
Abby said when he didn't continue.
„Ok, you want me to stay?"
„No, you...you can go home...I guess I'll need a bit time alone."
Abby nodded and kissed him on the cheek.
„Everything is going to be ok, Tony. I know that."
Author's Chapter Notes:
Aftermath
Chapter End Notes:
Ok, this is becoming really difficult...I hope you like it. Thanks for the nice feedback and I'm happy if I get more of that.
Sorry that the chapters are that short but it wouldn't be better for the plot to extent them.
Sorry that the chapters are that short but it wouldn't be better for the plot to extent them.