BECOMING THE BOSS
"He's not dead, Tony."
I turn around and look into Ziva's brown eyes.
"But he isn't here anymore."
I answer and go to my desk. *My* desk, not Gibbs'. I'm afraid to use it. I smile, when I remember the first week I was at NCIS. One morning Gibbs had found me at his desk and was so angry he didn't talk to me for 5 hours, until a case came in and he had to talk with me. My smile fades and I shook my head. This is the past now. I have to live in the present, have to go on.
"Go home, guys. See ya tomorrow morning. McGee, stay with Abs, she'll need it."
"Yes, boss."
I look at him and I'm surprised that to be called ‘boss' isn't as good as I thought it would be. It's because I don't want to replace Gibbs. I know I don't but it feels like it.
"Do you really think this is the right time to start calling me ‘boss', probie?"
My voice is loud and angry and I can see McGee wince. I don't care.
"I'm sorry, boss…"
He says and I stand up, round my desk and stop right in front of him. All my anger is coming out now. It's not McGee's fault. It's nobody's fault. Oh, I have to be careful or I'll do something I'll regret later.
"Stop that, Tim!"
I shout and neither Abby nor Ziva is able to calm me down.
"Enough, Agent DiNozzo. In my office, *now*."
I glance at McGee one last time, swallow my anger down and climb the stairs to the director's office. I hear them whisper something and I know I lost a piece of respect, but like I said. I don't care. I don't care if the director is yelling at me now, or fire me, or whatever.
The only thing I can think about right now is one Leroy Jethro Gibb; Now my ex-boss.
"Tony…"
Jenny starts and I know this is not a good sigh. She never called me Tony since she joined NCIS.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. I overreacted. I promise you, it won't happen again."
I say in the coldest voice I can manage. And look into her eyes. It's the first time I see her eyes like that and I don't know what the look she gives me is telling me. I know her good enough to know it isn't worry in there.
"That's not what I want to talk about with you. I know this down there wasn't your fault. You just showed your feelings, that's okay."
I can't believe it, is she my fucking therapist now, or what? I stay quiet; don't exactly know what she wants from me.
"What I want to know is: Do you think you're able to make it work or not?"
I open my mouth to ask her what she's thinking of me. Of course I'll make it work.
But I stop myself, because now it hits me really for the first time.
Gibbs is gone. I'm the boss now. I have to take care of the people in the team. I have to lead them. I am the one who commandos them around now. This is… not what I want.
"Honestly?"
It's not a question I have to ask and we both know it.
"I really don't know. Let me try, at least."
"I will, Tony. And I'll help you whenever and wherever with whatever I can."
We both smile and somehow I have the feeling she isn't that bad, after all. She'll be there for me, I can tell that. And I know I'll need her.
"Thanks, ma'am."
"Jenny."
"Thanks …Jenny."
We smile again. And I go down again. To pack my things, go home, take a shower and maybe… *maybe* I'll get some sleep, too. Maybe...
~The End~
Story Notes:
Short!
maybe bad language because I'm from germany!
Author's Chapter Notes:
Takes place after Gibbs left. Tony POV
Chapter End Notes:
Short!
maybe bad language because I'm from germany!
maybe bad language because I'm from germany!