Slight shivers ran down his spine. He stood there at the receiving, waiting. Waiting for a sign to grab or break off. He was concerned about his boss. Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
Strictly speaking, Leroy Jethro Gibbs was more than just a boss. He was a friend. A good friend. A friend he didn't want to loose, not even in the worst circumstances. And he was the only real friend he had had in years.
"Nervous?" Gibbs had asked him half an hour earlier. What did he think when he asked that question? Of course, he was afraid. Jethro was his best friend and even if this man wouldn't be the one he always backed up, the one he obeyed, the one he trusted with his life, the one he loved… he would have been nervous.
And frightened. He never felt something like fear before or at least his colleagues would say that, if they knew. But that wasn't something he liked to mention to them because it made him look weak. And he didn't want to be weak once again. So he hid the fear behind a façade no-one could break through. No-one except Gibbs, his superior, his friend.
"Boss? Boss! Hey, boss." Hell had he been frightened. What if Gibbs had died down there in the autopsy? He would have been crying as loud and long he could. At least that. But more likely would have been, he had chosen to follow him into death. Yeah, he would have killed himself to be with this man. The only man he loved. His beloved Leroy Jethro Gibbs…
It was late. Gibbs was at home for hours, Kate had gone one and a half hour ago when she had finished her report. But he, Anthony DiNozzo, didn't consider going home and sleeping after a long hard workday. Longer and harder than usual workdays. He knew, Abby was still in her forensic lab, but he didn't want to go down see her. He wanted to be alone with himself and his bone-crushing thoughts.
When Gibbs had gone he had spent almost an hour of conversation with Kate. A long conversation. But not about his feelings for Gibbs. For God's sake, this would have been the biggest mistake ever! He had talked with her about nightmares. The one's he had in his childhood, about vampires. And about the one's Kate would have the next weeks after these traumatic events today. Yesterday. It was already half past midnight. Whatever, it was the most serious conversation he ever had with his female co-worker.
Tony managed to hold back a yawn. He knew Abbs would take her way home in a few minutes and she would come upstairs before driving to her apartment.
He was right. Less than ten minutes later she walked into the squad room and looked, if everything was okay. She saw him leaning in his desk chair and staring into space. He seemed to be miles away from reality but recognized her. In other circumstances he would have made fun out of this situation and scared her but today wasn't normal circumstances.
"You okay?" Abby asked him. He looked up to her and nodded slightly with giving her one of his friendliest smiles.
"Everything's okay." He said and turned his gaze away. "You should go home, Abby. It was a hard day."
She smiled. "The hardest for you I would say." He heard the grin in her words but didn't understand what she wanted to say. He looked at her in confusion.
"What…? Why?" His eyes tried to focus her but he was too tired to stand her gaze. "I think it was the hardest for Gerald. He cannot work anymore… His life is shattered. And Ducky, Kate, Gibbs… they were there. I wasn't. It was even harder for you."
"And for you, Tony." She added sitting on the edge of his desk to focus his shiny green eyes.
"Oh c'mon, Abby! I just had to lead the teams from here…"
"You were really concerned. And you are still, now. You couldn't do anything that helped for the operation. That's sometimes harder than anything else."
"You really should take some rest, Abs." He repeated himself.
"And you should go home, too. It was a long and stressful day."
"I know. I'm going in a few."
"Minutes or hours?"
"Minutes, Abs. Don't wait for me."
"Okay, I hope so. Good night."
"Night." He said before the forensic went to the elevators and left him alone in the squad room.
The next morning when Gibbs arrived, Tony still sat in his chair, arms folded and his head rested on his chest. He seemed to be asleep only since a few hours. His senior field agent hadn't been at home that night. Abby had been right.
"Morning, Tony." He managed to say in a friendly tone right next to DiNozzos ear. The young man almost jumped out of his seat.
"Mornin' boss." He managed to say before rubbing his eyes.
"What're you doin' here? Aren't you under medical leave?"
"Yeah, I am, DiNozzo, but who is supposed to lead the team while I am away, huh?" Tony smiled slightly. "You were here all night?" Gibbs asked and watched his agent as he stepped back to his own desk.
"I was. I was too tired to drive when I realized what time it was. Otherwise it wouldn't have made any sense…"
"Why? How much time did you spend sleeping?"
"At least two hours. Not more than three."
"What were you doing? I would bet you didn't write the report."
"The report was finished at 10 p.m. before Kate made her way home."
"You can't be serious, DiNozzo…"
"It sounds creepy but I am. What should I have done?" He said and recognized Gibbs blue eyes watching him with high concentration. He seemed to think about something but then he sighed and turned his gaze in another direction.
"Abby called me last night. She told me, you are worried." Gibbs stopped, waiting for any response or reaction but there was nothing and so he continued. After realizing, that Tony waited for him to tell. "What was it you were worried about?"
"Ducky, Gerald, Kate, the security here… and I was worried about you."
"There's nothing to worry about."
"There is."
"When I say, there is nothing to worry about than there isn't, DiNozzo!"
"You had been shot! You could have died."
"I'm a marine. Maybe you forgot about that."
"Oh, I forgot about the mystery rule number 247, which says, marines are immortal?" He said sarcastically. It worked, unless he didn't want to joke. Gibbs laughed and understood what Tony tried to declare to his boss.
"Yeah, you are right, DiNozzo. I'm not immortal. But I'm alive so there is nothing you need to be afraid of." He sent a typical glare to his agent and grabbed the report Tony had laid onto his desk the evening before. The young men watched his boss reading his report and played with an old football. After a while he nodded and closed the file. "Go and get me a coffee, DiNozzo. Your report is okay. You learned to write clearly."
A small smile played Tony's lips and he got out of his seat. Inside he felt a little bit disappointed. He hid his feelings for such a long time and now, when he was ready to stand his feelings, he couldn't. He would never be able to tell Gibbs, what he felt for him.
Never…
~Fin~
Story Notes:
I'm from Germany so please forgive me, if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes.
I hope you enjoy reading my story.
Feedback's welcome.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony sleeps in the headquarters after the events of Béte Noir and realizes there are things that'll never be spoken...
Chapter End Notes:
I'm from Germany so please forgive me, if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes.
I hope you enjoy reading my story.
Feedback's welcome.
I hope you enjoy reading my story.
Feedback's welcome.