"How are you holding out?" Rick asked as Tony carefully shifted around on the bunk until he too was sitting with his back to the wall.
"I've had better days," Tony managed to raise a smile but the speed with which it vanished had Rick's mind made up.
"I'm sure you have," he chuckled. "Lie down and let me check you out."
"Rick - no - I'm all right - really." Tony tried to protest as Rick slid off the mattress, pulling himself to his full height - an "oh yeah?" expression on his face. "Fine!" Tony lay down - albeit carefully as Rick knelt beside him.
"Not the best patient are you?" Rick grinned. "Does this hurt?"
"Holy fuck - no!" Tony hissed between clenched teeth, his breathing erratic as renewed pain slammed through him. "Didn't feel a thing!"
Rick shushed him with a shake of his head as he gently prodded and poked his way over Tony's side. "At a guess - three ribs - cracked but not broken."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" Tony sounded sarcastic, but Rick knew it was only his way of hiding the real pain he was surely in.
"No, just stating a fact." Rick shifted about briefly before lifting his fingers to his lips and blowing on them gently. Tony watched him curiously, brows knitted together.
"What are you doing?" he asked tentatively.
"Not a lot - just lie still and this won't take long," Rick offered as he placed his hands onto Tony's side wincing with the younger man at his touch. "You're braver than you're making out, DiNozzo." He noted with a quick glance at Tony. "If it had been me I'd have been screaming for morphine by now."
"All part of my job," Tony chuckled and then groaned. "I've taken my fair share of shit - "
"I'm serious," Rick growled. "So shut up and let me do this."
Moments later, Tony was staring at the Uber Dom as though he was some kind of alien - his mouth opened, then closed and opened again. "What the hell did you do?" he breathed.
"Fixed you," Rick smiled warmly. "Ribs as good as new."
Tony sat up - ready for the pain - but when none was forthcoming, he lifted his head and stared into Rick's eyes - searching them for some kind of answer as his own grew hooded with uncertainty. "How did you do that?"
"A knack," Rick slapped Tony's legs off the bunk and sat down, elbows on knees staring at a spot on the floor about three inches in front of him. "Seriously - did Jethro tell you about our - ancestry?"
Tony snapped out of his reverie and glanced sideways at the other man. "Yeah - something about - native American?"
"Direct descendant from - " Rick's reply was cut short at the sound of a key turning in the lock of the metal door. Rick cursed under his breath - dammit to hell!! Why now? He'd left it way too late to brief his companion on how to handle his deranged cousin - instead of in depth - it was going to have to short and sharp. "Tony - listen to me," he hissed. "Taylor isn't quite all there - "
"I gathered that," Tony shrugged as the door began to swing open.
"Just follow my lead - and you should be all right."
"I can do that." Tony affirmed.
"And if he offers you a Gummi Bear - don't take one."
"Why not?"
"They're not too good for your health? Get my drift?"
There was no time for further pointers, the door swung open fully to admit two huge brutes - one dark - the other blond - both holding guns up at chest height as they progressed into the room.
"Ah - yeah - " Rick leaned in to whisper in Tony's ear. "Not bullets - tranquiliser darts - no sudden movements."
"I'm not moving a muscle," Tony shot back.
"Oh here we go," Rick drawled, sitting back on the mattress, folding his arms across his chest. "The ego has landed."
"And good morning to you, Ricky - Ricky - Rick Rick - Ricardo - Dick - can I call you Dick?"
"You can call me Susan if it makes you happy, Taylor - what the fuck are you up to this time?" Rick sounded and looked bored - something - Tony noticed - that seemed to bristle Taylor as he continued to pick his teeth with a pick.
"Come on, Dickie - " Taylor spat the toothpick to the floor and spread his arms. "What do I have to do to get to spend quality time with my dear cousin? Huh? I figured you wouldn't come if I asked you really nicely - and you know me and violence." He paced the floor in front of the two men for a few moments and then quickly spun round to face them, hands behind his back as he bent forward at the waist. "I love it! A little gratuitous slap around first thing really gets the adrenalin pumping - especially when you're involved."
"I only wish I'd known you were coming - I'd have baked a fucking cake." Rick was now examining his fingernails minutely. "Get to the bastard point and we'll say thanks but no thanks - that way - you're still pissed off but in one piece - and we're not as pissed off but sorry we had to leave you in one piece."
Tony closed his mouth and gaped at Rick. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he whispered, his eyes wide.
"Dealing with this little shit the only way there is to deal with him."
"Um - Rick - as much as I love family re-unions - this is one I would actually like to avoid - I'm very attached to my head!"
"S'okay," Rick said before yawning expansively. "Potato head here will get to the point in about - ten minutes - just be patient."
"And who the fuck asked you to say anything, sweet cheeks?" Taylor glared at Tony.
"Leave him out of it, Taylor." Rick rose to his feet fluidly, mindful of the dart guns still pointing at him - and Tony. "It's me you want - again - let Tony go - he's nothing to do with this."
"Hah!" Tony rolled his eyes. "No way - "
"Shut the fuck up, pretty boy!" Taylor spat, approaching his cousin slowly as he flipped hair from his face. "He's with you - which makes him a viable commodity, Dickie - Dickster - who is he anyway?" He pushed his face into Rick's - slightly put out that Rick wasn't backing off. "Your latest fuck toy?"
"For the record, calling me Dick - it isn't big and sure as hell isn't funny." Rick sighed, shaking his head. "My name is Rick - R - I - C -K - and no - Tony is not my fuck toy - he is a friend who, unfortunately, was in the wrong place at the wrong time - "
"Um - " Taylor snickered nastily. "From what I saw - the two of you were very much in the right place at the right time - cuz!"
"Taylor," Rick rested a hand on his shoulder. "Please - can we just skip the bravado - the gesturing and just get to the point which is - what the fuck do you want?"
Taylor shook off the hand and paced backwards, pointing an accusing finger at his cousin. "I have enough on you now!" he said, his voice nearly trembling with excitement. "The two of you - "
"Me?" Tony pointed to himself. "What I do?"
"From the look of it - " Taylor snatched a buff folder from under the arm of the dark brute. "Quite a lot - " he tugged out a collection of photos and waved them under Rick's nose - his eyes shining in triumph. "Taken this morning - you two - practically sucking each other's faces off - I think the Post will want to see this - don't you?"
Rick took hold of the photos and studied them - one by one. "Nice stills," he commented with a wry smile. "Tony - take a look at these - they're really good."
Tony gauged it safe to join Rick at his side, taking the proffered photos and smiling as he too studied them.
"Taylor," Rick asked, holding two photos to his chest and regarding his cousin as one would a complete imbecile. "You have a lot of buff folders in your shiny new office don't you?"
"Don't fucking start - " Taylor growled - irked that this was not the reaction he'd been after.
"It's just - that new PA you hired - you know - the one who can't get out of bed she's so worn out with you shagging her?"
"Rick - "
"How can I put this - " he held up the photos. "If you have to take photos of Harriet your pet Great Dane - please don't dress her up in Halloween costumes? She's an animal not a shop dummy."
Taylor's face hardened, he snatched the photos from his cousin, shoving them back into the folder as Rick and Tony retook their place on the bunk.
"See what I mean?" Rick whispered, gesturing to Taylor with a hand.
"Oh yeah," Tony nodded. "Certifiable."
"And this is just the beginning."
TBC - - - - - - -
Author's Chapter Notes:
And Tony's somewhat - astounded??