Staring at John Carson, lying dead in an alley, Gibbs knew it could so easily have been Tony lying there. It hurt to even consider that possibility. Gibbs ruthlessly shoved the thought away, unwilling to dwell on it. Tony was fine.
Well, at least fine physically, Gibbs amended mentally as he watched Tony reach out to carefully to close John's eyes. They'd only known one another for a few hours, but it was obvious Tony and John gotten to be friends in that brief amount of time. Losing a friend was never easy, especially when one dies in front of you.
Gibbs wanted to say something, offer some consolation, but he knew there were no words that would make this easier. If they were alone, he might have even dared to touch, to risk hugging Tony. Unfortunately they weren't alone. And Gibbs wasn't sure Detective Morris would understand. He might read too much into Gibbs' gesture---and there might have been a time when he'd be right to do so, but that was before Mexico.
Gibbs shook his head, dismissing the faint longing that always rose up in him whenever he thought about what he'd lost and what might have been. It never did any good to dwell on the past. It was over and done with. Besides, they were in the middle of a crime scene. There were three bodies waiting to be dealt with and a case to be put to bed. That always took precedence.
"I'll get my gear and start processing, Boss," Tony said softly, eyes shuttered, expression painfully neutral when he looked at Gibbs.
Gibbs resisted the urge to ask Tony if he was okay, knowing what answer he'd get and not wanting to hear the standard 'I'm fine'. He settled for giving the younger man a brief nod of acknowledgement. Tony turned and walked away, putting as much literal distance between them as had been figuratively growing since Gibbs' return from Mexico.
In hindsight, Gibbs realized he should have expected things to be different when he came back. And he had intellectually understood that NCIS---his team---Tony---hadn't stood still in his absence. Emotionally, Gibbs still expected everything to be exactly as it was when he'd left. His job, his team---Tony--- would be waiting for him.
That expectation was one of the reasons he'd so rudely dumped all Tony's things back on his old desk. Gibbs knew it was a brutal way to announce his return, but it was best way. Like ripping off a band-aid, it was better to be quick rather than slow. And he wanted there to be no misunderstanding---he was in command.
He hadn't meant for it to be an insult, only belatedly understanding after the fact it probably seemed as though he had. Much the same way his leaving without saying good-bye, not once but twice, no doubt seemed uncaring and dismissive. In reality, he just hadn't been sure he could actually leave if he was forced to look Tony in the eye and say good-bye. All Gibbs knew at the time was that he simply wasn't ready to come back and he couldn't stay. He'd taken the easy way out and simply slipped away...no fuss, no muss, no explanation required.
Gibbs sighed, gaze once more roaming over the alley. Everyone else adjusted quickly, sliding back into their old roles with little fuss or fanfare. Except for Ducky...and Tony. Ducky was the easy one to fix. Hurt feelings of a long time friend were fairly easy to assuage. It was an apology that was long over do.
Tony...was another story. They didn't have the same sort of friendship he had with Ducky. A simple apology wouldn't fix everything. Especially not when Tony clearly wasn't looking for things to go back to what had been the status quo.
Gibbs grimaced, realizing there was no reason for Tony to want things to be back to 'normal'. Tony had gotten comfortable being in charge in Gibbs' absence, had done a good job as team leader. He deserved his own team, and Gibbs had honestly expected Shepard to offer him one. Maybe she had, but nothing had been said by her or Tony about it.
They weren't the only ones being closed mouthed. It wasn't like Gibbs had been forthcoming about how proud he was of how well Tony had handled being in charge, even though he knew how much a little praise from him would have meant. He was impressed Tony had figured out some of his tricks for knowing what the team was up to when he wasn't in the room, but never said so. The organization of the truck was better, more efficient so Gibbs let it stand, but didn't compliment Tony on establishing a better set up.
No, he didn't mention those things. What he chose to do was ridicule the whole 'campfire' thing, making sure Tony knew he thought it as much a dumb idea as Ziva and McGee did. He made sure Tony knew he didn't think the younger man's way of doing things was up to Gibbs standard.
He wasn't sure why he expected what he hadn't said to carry more weight with Tony but Gibbs had. He knew better. He was just being a bastard about it.
Watching the set of the younger man's shoulders as he prepared to sketch the scene, snapping photos with deliberate care, Gibbs was convinced he should have told Tony he thought he'd done a good job. The younger man deserved to know he had been a capable lead agent, but Gibbs knew the time to say something had long since past, the opportunity lost. To bring it up now would be too little, too late. It wouldn't be received as intended---an honest compliment---but rather would be regarded with wariness and suspicion. Like Gibbs might be looking to replace him and was trying to soften the blow.
Gibbs took out his phone and dialed McGee's number. They were going to need help processing the scene. McGee and Ziva should have heard through their earwigs what had gone down in the alley, but out of the van, the transmitters tended to have a limited range. Not to mention the probable noise level in the club that could easily obscure what little had been said just before they'd left the van.
Gibbs covertly studied Tony as he waited for McGee to pick up. Going back to being just a senior field agent couldn't have been an easy transition. And doing so had to have been made harder by the way Ziva and McGee had acted toward Tony. But Tony had managed to do it with more grace than Gibbs knew he'd have shown in the same position.
He'd handled Gibbs cold shoulder with the same aplomb. He didn't stop by Gibbs home, never brought up the past or even hinted that there might have been more between them than just a working relationship. Gibbs wasn't sure if that meant Tony hadn't cared at all or if he was just honoring Gibbs unspoken request to pretend their liaisons never happened. He suspected it was the later because Gibbs had made it clear long before leaving for Mexico that he wasn't interested in more than sex.
It was what he told Tony, Gibbs knew, but he wasn't convinced he'd spoken the truth. If it had been the truth, then there was no reason for Gibbs to be jealous that Tony had developed a relationship with Shepard personal enough for Tony to feel comfortable using her first name. Or that Tony was running 'errands' for her, which later proved to be case related; a case his senior agent had effectively kept under wraps, successfully lying to Gibbs.
Gibbs had never thought Tony would lie to him. Or rather not lie and be able to get away with it...certainly not about something so damn big. It was one more thing that had changed while he was on his 'margarita safari' as Shepard called it. He couldn't decide if he was pissed for being left out of the loop or for being stupid enough not to realize his leaving would have resulted in so many changes.
Changes like Tony's unexplained absences from work; one minute he was there, the next he was gone. It hadn't all been related to his undercover operation. Of that Gibbs was certain. Tony wasn't really less dedicated to the job---but he definitely had something pulling his attention away from NCIS. Something that put an extra spring in his step; something which warranted a second cell phone and ignoring Ziva's calls; something that had him leaving on time for a change.
Gibbs barked into the phone when McGee finally answered. "Bring Ziva and Lee to the alley out back. Tell Abby to wait in the van."
"Boss?"
"In the alley. Now." Gibbs didn't bother to explain, he just cut the connection.
Gibbs put his phone in his pocket. Ducky confirmed that the tests Tony had shown nothing unusual, no lingering effects from the Y. Pestis. But Gibbs knew Tony had lied when he'd asked him directly if he was okay. And just last week Gibbs had overheard Tony talking to someone he'd addressed as doctor. The tone of voice implied something personal, but Gibbs hadn't heard enough to be sure.
It could have been the 'mystery girlfriend' Ziva claimed Tony had. Gibbs didn't completely buy into that idea. Every other woman Tony had dated he'd talked about ad nauseum.
Gibbs caught a glimpse of the regret apparent in Tony's expression as the younger man once more knelt by Carson's body. He froze, jealousy sparking white hot as he considered the possibility that Tony's new love interest wasn't a woman but a man. It would certainly explain why he was now so mum about his personal life around the office.
Gibbs jaw tightened. Their own interactions had certainly shown Tony was no stranger to gay sex and definitely knew how to be discreet when it was warranted. Maybe Ziva wasn't wrong when she claimed Tony had someone special in his life and wasn't willing to share details.
Gibbs shook his head. He had no right to be jealous, or feel any sort of ownership over Tony. Not professionally, and certainly not personally. Nothing they'd shared had ever hinted at anything more. No promises. No strings. They'd never been exclusive. It hadn't even occurred to Gibbs that Tony might have wanted something different. It hadn't occurred to Gibbs, until recently, that he might have wanted something different.
It was Colonel Mann that made him conscious of the change. She was the sort of person Gibbs thought he should be attracted to. Man and woman, traditional and acceptable, simple and so uncomplicated. But it wasn't anything like being with Tony.
Flirting with her had been awkward and Gibbs had to actually think about how to do it. With Tony, flirting had come naturally, the younger man's playful nature making it so easy. Sex with her was good, but not as good as it had been with Tony. Gibbs couldn't shake the feeling that with Mann he was settling for what he always knew, shying away from the challenge being with Tony represented.
It galled him to think he might have taken the cowards way out by simply ignoring the obvious---the same way he had when he let Franks walk. That had been murder, plain and simple. And Gibbs should have, by all rights, arrested his old boss and mentor, but just the thought of arresting Franks for doing what Gibbs would have done in his place was a hypocrisy he couldn't bring himself to face. There was no denying the guy deserved to die. Gibbs could live with lying for Franks a lot easier than he could have lived with letting the Russian walk away.
He thought living with having Tony on the team and not in his bed wouldn't be hard to do. He thought pretending he didn't remember anything between them would be simple. That everything could be the way it has always been. And that's exactly how it worked, until he found out so much had really changed in his absence.
Tony wasn't just his second any more. He was also answering to Shepard. She was grooming him to be more than just a stand in for Gibbs. She was giving him the chance to get the experience that would make him a better team leader in his own right.
That didn't really bother him half as much as the thought that Tony might be sharing his bed with someone else, someone he likely had more in common with than a gruff, former Marine who had been married four times. Tony might be involved with someone who could become a permanent fixture in his life---someone he'd actively selected and hadn't just been thrown in with because of the job or circumstance. Someone who was clearly vying for and keeping Tony's attention, luring him away from total and absolute commitment to NCIS...and Gibbs.
Gibbs cursed silently, wondering what sort of fucked up individual it made him that he didn't really want Tony until he thought someone else might. As long as Tony stayed at his beck and call, he hadn't given a damn who the younger man might be sleeping with. But this...whatever it was...could be serious. Serious enough Tony might start looking for a position less demanding, one less life threatening. Serious enough Tony might want to not be reminded of a past affair and start looking for a position that didn't have him around Gibbs all the time.
Gibbs glared at McGee and Ziva when they entered the alley before giving them curt instructions to start helping Tony. Given how things had turned out in the alley, he knew no one was going to question his abrupt, almost hostile reaction. They'd misread this damn case from the beginning. Looking at Morris, Gibbs had to concede they weren't the only ones, but that was piss poor consolation. Especially in light of what it ultimately cost the man.
Morris looked at Gibbs, dark eyes solemn and sad. "I need to...make arrangements...call his family."
"Go do what you have to," Gibbs ordered quietly, understanding the burden Morris was being forced to carry. "We'll handle things here."
"You'll take care of Carson?"
"Like he was one of our own," Gibbs promised. It wasn't much, but it was the least they could do.
Tony stopped Morris to say something Gibbs couldn't hear. A hand still stained with Carson's blood rose to squeeze Morris' shoulder in a gesture of consolation and compassion that Gibbs suspected far outweighed whatever was said. He'd forgotten how easily Tony could interact with people, saying and doing the right things with so little effort or obvious forethought.
Gibbs used the time while his team processed the scene to try and find a way to do the same thing for Tony that the younger man had done for Morris. Unfortunately, Gibbs had no idea what to say or do. A confession of his own short comings and renewed interest in Tony weren't appropriate things to say, but they were all that seemed to come to mind.
Everything was loaded and ready to go when Gibbs hit on the idea of inviting Tony to his place. It wouldn't be the first time they'd done that after a tough case---just the first time since Gibbs' return from Mexico. It would give them a chance to talk. Maybe he could find out just how serious this new flame was. Maybe it wasn't anything Gibbs needed to worry about. It could be just another fling.
Before Gibbs could act on the idea, Tony's cell phone rang. Tony smiled faintly as he stepped away before answering the call. "This is Tony."
Definitely not official business, Gibbs thought with a grimace. Those calls Tony answered with his surname, not his first. And never with that warm tone of voice which was an obvious welcome to whoever was on the other end.
Gibbs squinted as he caught the glimmer of a band of metal around Tony's right wrist. Other than his watch and an occasional tie tack, Tony rarely wore any sort of jewelry. This bracelet was new. Gibbs gaze narrowed as he studied it. There was an inscription but his weakening eye sight made it impossible to read clearly. He knew enough about jewelry to recognize it wasn't silver, which meant it was white gold or platinum. High end and likely not something Tony had purchased for himself.
"Yeah, I'd like that," Tony said in response to something the caller said. "I'll see you soon."
He snapped the phone shut, ending the call and stuffing it into his coat pocket. Green eyes narrowed when he looked at Gibbs. The former Marine knew Tony was aware that Gibbs had been watching him. Rather than trying to explain or justify anything, Tony simply stood a little straighter, silently challenging Gibbs to ask.
"Personal call?"
"Yes."
It was such a simple and straightforward answer, unhesitating and unequivocal, no backing down or denial. It just begged Gibbs to ask for more. And he wanted to, god, he wanted to. But he found himself genuinely afraid of what the answer might be. What if this person meant more to Tony than his job...or Gibbs? What if by asking for great detail, Gibbs ended up pushing Tony into making a decision that put him out of Gibbs' reach forever? It wasn't a risk Gibbs was prepared to take at the moment. Not when he wasn't sure how he'd handle the outcome.
"We done here, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked instead, looking around the alley.
"I's dotted and the T's are crossed," Tony answered, his expression unreadable.
"You going to be okay?" Gibbs dared to ask, nodding to where Carson's body had been only a few minutes ago.
"Nothing I can't handle, Boss," Tony replied without hesitation.
"If you need---"
"I won't." Tony neatly cut him off, halting the offer before it was even made. Green eyes were remote, giving away nothing. "Anything else?"
Gibbs hesitated, unsure if Tony was referring to more than the crime scene or not. Finally, he shook his head. He left the 'not now, but definitely later' unspoken. Judging by Tony's smirk, he heard anyway and wasn't bothered by it.
Watching Tony walk away, Gibbs wondered if he'd really get another chance to ask the questions uppermost in his mind. He wondered if he'd be ready for the answers when he did.
Story Notes:
There are several missing scense I"ve written. First would be Wait and See, Second would be Watching and Waiting, and third would be No Longer Waiting. Those were Tony's POV. This one is Gibbs' POV.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is a missing scene for Friends and Lovers.
Chapter End Notes:
There are several missing scense I"ve written. First would be Wait and See, Second would be Watching and Waiting, and third would be No Longer Waiting. Those were Tony's POV. This one is Gibbs' POV.