I find myself staring at Kate's door. I don't know how or why I came here, but I feel like I own her an explanation. Question is: will I be able to give it to her?
I take a deep breath and I knock on the door, strangely hoping that she won't be there. It only takes her a second to open the door. Lucky me.
She stares at me, surprise written all over her face.
She takes a step back to let me in. I walk into her apartment without saying a word. I hear her asking me if I want a drink, and I mumble something that – I hope – sounds like a no.
We sit on her coach and she just waits for me to start talking.
"I needed to talk to you" I start. She looks down, quietly clearing her throat.
"I'm listening" she says looking back up at me.
God, I hate to do this. I just want to get up and run away from here. Only I can't. Not this time.
"I wanted you to know what I meant earlier" I said uneasily. She just nods.
"When I was a kid, I used to be alone. I didn't have a lot of friends because the other kids thought being rich meant being snooty. My mother was always gone to some friends' house or something. And my father…"
I clear my throat, wondering if I'll be able to go on. However, I look up to meet her eyes. She's patiently waiting for me to speak again.
"My father was an alcoholic. He used to hit me every time something went wrong in his life, even though it had nothing to do with me"
I hear her gasp and somehow I can't help but smile. Typical Kate.
"My mother had no idea what was going on. At first I hid my bruises. I felt like I'd deserved it and I was ashamed of it. But after a while, I stopped hiding them. My teachers used to see them, but they pretended like they didn't. They knew my father was loaded and powerful. They knew they could lose their job or worse if they talked"
I can see the shock in her eyes even though she's trying to keep a straight face on. Memories flash before my eyes as I tell her about my life, but I won't stop. I have to let it all out.
"I finally found myself trying hard to make people see the marks on my arms. One day I even tried to tell my geography teacher about them. ‘Don't you see? Don't you see those cuts, those bruises?' I said right in her face. ‘Aren't you even gonna ask me how I got those?'
She just stared at me for a second, and then she said ‘What marks?' I swear, it felt like she'd just hit me in the face. I couldn't believe what she told me"
"What did you do?" Kate asks me, trying not to let me hear the emotion in her voice.
"I ran out of the school. I'd never felt so lonely. I tried to tell my mother about the bruises, but she didn't believe me. Until one night, my father thought she would only come back the next day, so he decided to have fun with me. Started to beat the crap out of me while I gritted my teeth trying not to scream. Screaming only made it worse. But my mother walked in, slapped him across the face and helped me up. She yelled at him, telling him that he was sick, that he would never touch me again"
I feel tears coming up to my eyes, but I don't care. I can't stop now.
"She took me away from him and she told me she was sorry, she should've listened to me. She promised me everything was gonna be okay.
For two weeks I've lived without that fear that consumed me. Until the day…"
The tears start running freely down my face and I can see she's about to cry too. I sigh before carrying on.
"My mother was supposed to pick me up at school. Instead two policemen came and told me that she wasn't coming. They said she'd had a car accident, but I knew better"
I wipe the tears with my sleeve. Kate shivers a bit, fearing what was coming.
"What happened?"
"Didn't take a genius to figure out who was driving the other car. My father had friends. Dangerous friends. He told them my mother had betrayed him or something, so they killed her. And it's all my fault. If only I'd kept my damn mouth shut…"
"I don't even wanna hear you say it, okay? It's not your fault" Kate says, tears rolling down her own cheeks.
"They killed her because of me, Kate"
"You were just a kid"
"No, not anymore" I say through my quiet sobs "I stopped being a kid the first time he hit me"
"Yeah, but you couldn't know…"
"I knew what he was capable of. I should've known better"
She just stares at me sadly as I breakdown and start crying like a little child. I can feel her wrap her arms around me and rest her head on my shoulder.
I keep on crying as a single memory is playing in my head. The words my father whispered in my ear the day my mom was buried.
"You know what happened, don't you?"
"They killed her"
"You know why?"
"Because she was trying to help me"
"So whose fault is it?"
"Mine"
"It's your fault because you always spoil everything. Your mother loved you Anthony. But you don't deserve being loved. Never forget that"
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony owes Kate an explanation
Chapter End Notes:
Everybody's got their handkerchief? Okay then, you can start to read! ^^