Gibbs sat alone in an empty office, coffee in hand, reviewing his thoughts. Noah had been sulking since the wrap up of the last case. He wasn’t sure why. Ziva had been cold and withdrawn, which was very unusual. Abby had been sad since she had to have that terrible discussion with Tony about Kate. And Kate was very definitely gone. Her loss was felt throughout the office. Tony hadn’t been in the office in a week; he was in mourning all over again. McGee had been trying to console Abby, but was having a particularly difficult time because he was never able to see Kate’s ghost.
Maggie was the only one who seemed normal, and that almost disturbed him as much as the others being so depressed did. Morgan and Jaime had left to go back to Ireland, she was missing Kate, she was spending an inordinate amount of time checking on Tony – yet she seemed to be taking things all in stride. He supposed it had something to do with her maturity, but it grated on his nerves. It bothered him that she was able to push her attraction for him away so easily. Maybe it was male ego, but it was like she just shut it off after he treated her so badly. So he had convinced himself that she had feelings for Jaime. But when she had the opportunity to move forward with that, she made it clear that wasn’t where her heart was. The more he thought about it, the more it unnerved him. What right did she have to just shut him down after a little misunderstanding? Sure, he had told her under no uncertain terms that he did not want to be involved with someone at work. She could just be obeying his wishes – but it shouldn’t be easy for her. He laughed to himself at that thought. He was upset because Sullivan was doing what he asked. No. He was upset because it wasn’t as hard for her to stay away from him as it was for him to stay away from her. That was the problem.
“Hey babe,” McGee said, pulling Abby into his arms. “Thanks for the dream last night, which was particularly amazing,” he said, kissing her deeply.
“And thank you for the wake up this morning, which was even better,” she said, after she could breathe again. “How’s Tony?” she asked, knowing McGee had stopped by on his way in to the office.
“He was passed out, drunk, on the sofa,” he answered hesitantly, not wanting to hurt her feelings.
“I wish there was a better way,” Abby said, a tear running down her cheek. McGee brushed the tear away with his thumb.
“Honey, you and Maggie have done everything you can for him. You’ve been going by to clean his place, give him meals and do his laundry,” he said, rubbing her shoulders. “At some point he is going to have to snap out of it.”
“Tim!” Abby said, pushing back to look into his face, her mouth hanging open in shock. “He lost Kate right after they found each other again. It’s so tragic…” she began.
“He’s right, Abby,” Gibbs said, interrupting. “We’ve all experienced loss, and it hurts, but we have to cope.”
“Gibbs!” Abby exclaimed in protest. “You of all people should know how he’s feeling…” she began, before being interrupted again.
“Abby,” Gibbs said sternly. “We need to back off Tony for a while. I know it seems harsh, but I don’t want any of you going back over there until I give the word. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Boss,” Abby and McGee said in unison.
“Let’s get to work, Tim,” Gibbs said, heading for the door.
Once again alone in her lab, Abby picked up Bert and hugged him closely. Her thoughts traveled back to the conversation with Tony that she would never forget.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
“Tony, can we talk,” Abby said, leading him to Maggie’s couch. They had invited him to have dinner at Maggie’s thinking that the conversation would be more comfortable outside the workplace.
“Sure,” he said as he leaned back, putting an arm each around Abby and Maggie.
“It’s about Kate,” she said softly, watching his face. Tony winced, and sat up straight, pulling his arms into his lap.
“She’s gone, Tony,” she told him quietly.
“No, she’s just trying to find a way to stay,” he rationalized, knowing deep down that she was right.
“The entire time she was searching for answers I could still communicate with her, Tony,” Abby explained. “But not…”
“She’ll be back, Abby,” Tony said, rising to his feet. “You don’t know how hard we’ve fought to be together. There’s no way she could be gone permanently.”
“Tony, I don’t want it to be true either, but…”
“No buts!” he shouted. “I don’t want to live in a world without Kate! I finally understand what all the fuss has been about. For the first time I know what it’s like to love someone. Truly love someone.”
“Tony!” Abby interrupted, tears falling unchecked. “Kate died two years ago. You were blessed to get to resolve your feelings in the first place…” she began.
“Blessed?! Is that what you call it?!” Tony spat angrily. “I had put those feelings to rest, Abby. I had convinced myself that I could move on and then suddenly there she was again. She made all my dreams reality.” He sank into a leather armchair and dissolved into tears. “I would rather not have known how love felt than to have to live without her now.”
“That’s not true, Tony,” Maggie said softly. “I know it seems that way right now, but the time will come when…”
“The time will never come, Maggie!” he shouted. “I will never get over this.” He grabbed his things and stormed out the door.
END FLASHBACK
Abby knew Tony had climbed into a bottle and had yet to resurface. He was so angry, yet she felt that deep down he already knew about Kate before they talked to him. She prayed God would take care of him. Especially now that Gibbs wouldn’t let the rest of them do it.
“Ziva, please,” Noah asked for the fifteenth time. “Just talk to me.”
“I can’t, Noah, okay,” she explained. “If I talk to you, I’ll agree to whatever you say. You are too irresistible.” Noah smiled.
“Well, that’s not a problem, is it?”
“Of course it is!” Ziva explained, exasperated. She walked away from him, but he quickly caught her. He pulled her into his arms and grabbed her chin with his hand, forcing her to look at him.
“Ziva David, look at me,” he said insistently. She closed her eyes.
“No,” she said, trying to pull away. His held her firmly, but gently. Not allowing her to move, but causing her as little pain as possible.
“Ziva, please just tell me what I did,” he said confused.
“You didn’t do anything, Noah,” she admitted, still refusing to open her eyes. Her body had already begun to betray her by responding to the closeness of his. She was trembling, and she hated it. “The problem is wholly mine.”
“Sort of an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech? That’s odd for you,” he said, trying to reason everything out. “If I let you go, do you promise not to run away?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “But if you don’t let me go, I promise to kill you in your sleep,” she threatened. He chuckled.
“That’s the Ziva I know,” he released her, watching her intently as she strode quickly past him and to her desk without another word. He wished he could still hear her thoughts, but he had taught her too well how to guard them. He needed to get her to open up to him, but had no idea how.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Another short one