“So what happened with Ziva?” Maya asked. “Were you two dating?”
“Uhh…we…umm….it’s complicated.” Tony stuttered.
Maya raised her eyebrows.
“Well…
Tony handed the man some money before turning around, “So what do you think?”
Ziva appeared behind the curtains. “Not bad, I suppose.”
Tony chuckled. “Not bad she says as she walks in from the outdoor patio, past the fax machine and the mini-bar, complimentary basket of fruit.” He said as she picked up a piece of fruit. This is the perfect way to spend a weekend.” He walked across the room and opened the TV cabinet. “Come on! Big screen TV! Ooh! Two hundred channels. Look at this. HBO, ESPN, the Mystery Channel.” Ziva walked up to him and grabbed him by the collar, leading him over to the bed. “Turner Classic Movies. I take it you’re not interested in the premium channels?”
“There’s only one thing I’m interested in right now.” She replied making him grin. He leaned in and kissed her passionately, their clothes ended up in a pile on the floor.
“Wow!” Maya exclaimed. “Stop! Stop right there, I thought you said you weren’t in a relationship with Ziva! Yet you two were having Sex in a fancy hotel room!”
Tony laughed. “It wasn’t like that I promise. Let me continue.”
Maya sat up and crossed her legs and arms. “Go on then.”
“Do you think they bought it?” Ziva whispered from under Tony.
“I did.” He whispered back.
“That’s fairly obvious.” She whispered again.
“For your information that’s my knee.”
“Whatever. You can get off of me now.”
“It’s only been ten minutes. I have a reputation to protect.”
“We’re not even sure if we’re under surveillance yet, Tony.”
“You can’t be too careful when you’re undercover. Let’s give it another forty minutes, just to be realistic.”
“Realistic, huh?”
He grinned. “Uh-huh.”
“In that case…” She said rolling over so she was lying on top of him. “I’m right on top.”
“I can live with that.” They gazed at each other for a moment before Ziva brought her knee up and kneed him in the groin making him groan.
“What was that for?” He asked her.
“Because that was definitely not your knee.”
“So you were pretending to have sex?” Maya realised.
Tony nodded.
* * *
“Sweetheart, you know what I could really use right now?” Tony asked her as they lay in the bed, her head on his chest.
She sniffed him. “Some deodorant?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of a back massage.” He grinned at her.
“Good idea. Why don’t you roll over like a good boy?”
Tony rolled over and Ziva climbed onto his back and massaged his back. “Oh, wow. Oh, and to think my mother thought I was too good for you.” Ziva grabbed his neck. “Ow!” He gasped.
* * *
A knock at the door interrupted them.
“Who is it?” Ziva called.
“Room service.” McGee replied and Ziva opened the door to let him in “Compliments of the hotel management.” He said loudly before leaning over to whisper to Tony as he handed him a small black box with an ear piece inside, “Gibbs wants me to sweep the room for bugs and plant some of our own. And he also wants to talk to you.”
“You can put it over there, please.” Ziva directed McGee as Tony put the earpiece in.
“Very good, Ma'am.” McGee replied as he put a vase with a hidden camera on the table.
"Garcon,” Ziva said to McGee, “we’d like some extra bath towels.”
“Of course.” McGee replied as he checked out the room for cameras or bugs. “Just checking to make sure everything’s in order.” His mouth widened when he saw the state of the bed. “Would you like me to have the maid make up the bed for you, Sir?”
“Oh, that won’t be necessary.” Tony told him as he gazed at Ziva.
“Oh, and will you check the mini bar? We’d like it restocked with Red Bull.” Ziva added.
“Red Bull. That’ll keep you up all night, Ma'am.” McGee replied.
“Exactly.” Ziva said as McGee continued scanning the room.
McGee walked back over to the food trolley and picked up a tray. “Please accept this assortment of cheeses compliments of the hotel.” He said as he covered a bug with the lid. “If you whisper, it should be okay.” He whispered to them.
“Comfortable, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked through the earpieces.
“Well, yeah. I’m working on it.” Tony replied. “Why do you ask?”
“So Uncle Gibbs knew about you two too?” Maya asked.
“Yeah we were under cover as two hired assassins who had been murdered; we assumed the victim's identities in order to find the person who hired the assassins for their mission.” Tony explained.
“Oh, now I get it.”
“We’re looking at you, Agent DiNozzo.” Director Sheppard told him. “All of you.”
Tony looked down and noticed his robe was open he quickly closed it. “Ah, sorry about that.”
“DiNozzo what the hell are you doing? You’re married assassins. You’re not visiting the Playboy mansion.” Gibbs asked.
“It was kind of Ziva’s idea, boss.” Tony replied.
The telephone rang making Tony jump. “Incoming call.”
“Have her answer it.” Director Sheppard said.
Tony turned to Ziva who was sitting on the couch. “Sweet cheeks, do you think you could go over and answer the phone for me while I pour us some champagne? Thanks honey.”
“Yes.” Ziva said as she picked up the telephone.
“There’s a cell phone in the Bible next to your bed.” A gruff voice told her.
Ziva reached over to open the bible and revealed a cell phone. “Got it.”
“Keep it with you at all times.” The voice ordered. “You have dinner reservations at the hotel dining room at nine o’clock. Don’t be late.”
“The concierge. We were able to get into the dining room after all, my love.” Ziva told the others after she hung up and walked back over to Tony. “It looks like I’m getting dressed up for you tonight.” They clicked their wine glasses and took a sip.
* * *
“Solid on the visuals, Tony.” Gibbs said to him once Tony and Ziva were seated at the restaurant table.
“There’s quite a crowd here tonight.” He replied before turning to Ziva. “See anyone you know, Sweet Cheeks?”
“Not yet.” She replied. “But the night’s just getting started, my little hairy butt.”
“McGee, report.” Gibbs ordered.
“I’ve got the restaurant covered from the entrance, Boss.” McGee replied.
“Abs?” Gibbs asked the Goth.
“I’m loading the photos into the computer.” Abby replied.
“Duck, got any scoop for our married couple?” Gibbs asked the M.E.
“I have the breakdown of the contents of their stomachs and intestines. If Mister Ranier had lived, I would have suggested a more fibre rich diet. His colon was almost impacted with faecal material.” Ducky replied as Tony was about to put a piece of shrimp into his mouth making Ziva laugh.
“Do you think it’s too late to order a salad?” He asked her.
“I believe our food is here. Bon appetite mon petit bout.”
“McGee report.” Gibbs said.
“I’ve got the restaurant covered from the entrance, Boss.” McGee replied.
Ziva watched as Tony instantly began cutting up his steak. “I’m a meat and potatoes kind of guy.” He told her.
“Tony, the calluses on Mister Ranier’s hand suggest he was left handed.” Ducky said making Tony pause and look at Ziva nervously.
“Switch hands, DiNozzo.” Gibbs ordered and Tony quickly obeyed.
Ziva smiled at him. “This is nice, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, a quiet little dinner,” Tony replied, “just the six of us.”
“Our friend is calling.” Ziva said as the cell phone rang, she showed the number to Tony, who was wearing glasses with a hidden camera, before answering it.
“I’m glad you called. We were getting bored.”
“I thought it would help to see your target in person tonight.” The gruff voice said making Ziva look around the room anxiously.
“He’s here?” She asked.
“You don’t see him?”
“Relax, I’m been flying for over twenty hours. And the restaurant’s packed. We will.” She said reassuringly. “You didn’t mention anything about being surrounded by U.S. Marines. It’s too dangerous for the sum you’re paying us.”
“Accomplish your mission, we’ll discuss more.”
Ziva laughed. “But you won’t pay us more.”
“DiNozzo! McGee!” Gibbs ordered when Abby discovered the called was coming from a payphone inside the restaurant.
“Already moving.’’ McGee said.
Tony stood up. “I have to go to the little boy’s room.” He told Ziva.
“I have to talk to my boss.” The gruff voice said to Ziva.
“Do that.” Ziva replied. “We’ll wait for you to " he hung up.” She told the others.
* * *
“Must’ve slipped out through the kitchen. I didn’t even get a look. You want us back at the squad room, Boss?” Tony asked Gibbs over the phone.
“No. I want you and Ziva back in your room, maintaining your cover.” Gibbs replied.
“Oh, all night?” Tony asked.
“Do I stutter or something, DiNozzo?” Gibbs replied before hanging up.
Tony turned around to find Ziva standing right behind him. “Afraid I’ll bite, Tony?
“The name is Jean Paul, Sophie.” He corrected her hoping no one heard her slip up.
“Jean Paul.”
* * *
Tony lay in bed as he listened to Ziva snore loudly. “Oh my god! Ziva! Shh!” He whispered and for a moment he thought it worked because she stopped but then she started again and even louder this time. “Come on, you’re killing me here! Sophie!”
He said louder making her turn around to face him.
“Oh!” She moaned. “What?”
“Nothing. I thought I heard something.” He lied.
She rolled back over mumbling.
“Crazy chick.” He muttered.
“I heard that, my little hairy butt.”
* * *
“We really should take you to see the doctor, Sweet Cheeks.” Tony said to Ziva as he sat drinking a cup of coffee to wake himself up.
She turned to look at him. “Why’s that?”
“Because you snore like a drunken sailor with emphysema.” He told her as she walked over and sat down next to him.
“Look who’s calling the pot black.” She replied as she fiddled with her sunglasses.
“Kettle.” Tony corrected. “The pot is calling the kettle black.”
“Huh.” She put the glasses on and quickly looked out the window before turning back to face him. “I’d really like some music. Something with a little… beat, dear.”
“Sorry.” Tony said as he turned the music on loudly. “What have we got?”
“Ooh, sneaky people. Top floor, northwest corner, Gibbs. They have a laser trained on our room.”
“I can’t believe that your sunglasses can detect different light spectrums, Ziva. That’s amazing.” McGee exclaimed.
“DiNozzo, we’re going to need a diversion.” Gibbs told him.
“I think we can manage something, Boss.” Tony replied.
“Let’s roll, McGee.” Gibbs ordered.
“Ziva, that is amazing. Big whoop, she has spy glasses. Anyone could do that. That’s not amazing. She’s just-” Abby complained.
“Uh, you realize we can still hear you, right, Abby?” Ziva told her.
* * *
“Like what you see, Agent DiNozzo?” Maya the FBI agent asked him as she leant over the bed. “The room’s clean except for the listening devices we installed. We’re free to talk.”
“Yeah, so you’re the one who’s been watching us?” Tony asked her.
“Oh, yeah. When this is over, we really should go out for drinks.” She replied.
“I’d like that.” Tony agreed.
“I’m pregnant, Tony.” Ziva said interrupting him as she walked out of the bathroom.
“We’ll be sure to let him know that.” Tony said to the commander,
Maya’s mouth dropped opened. “What! I thought you were pretending!” She exclaimed.
“We were.” Tony told her. “Ducky discovered that the real Sophie Ranier was pregnant so we had to pretend Ziva was.”
“Oh that explains it.” Maya said.
Tony’s eyes widened and Maya stepped away and headed for the door. “Maybe some other time.”
“She… she was kidding.” Tony told Maya as he watched the door close.
“Something wrong?” Ziva asked.
“Thanks.”
“Oh, she’s really not your type anyway.”
“Hot and in a maid’s outfit? They don’t get any more my type.” He replied as the cell phone rang.
Ziva picked the cell phone up off the table. “He’s learning. Number’s blocked.”
Tony grabbed the cell phone and answered it. “Talk to me.”
“I’ve been told to negotiate a price commensurate with the risk.” The gruff voice told him.
“I’m listening.” Tony said.
“Not on the phone. Be in the lobby in exactly one hour. A black Lincoln will be waiting out front. Make sure you’re not followed.” The gruff voice told him before hanging up.
* * *
“Tony, Ziva, get ready to roll. Hour’s almost up.” Gibbs told them.
“Roger that, Boss.” Tony replied before turning to Ziva who was cleaning her gun. “You haven’t fired your weapon, so it’s already cleaned.”
“It calms my mind. Forces me to stay focused at the job in my hand.” She replied without looking up at him.
“The term’s ‘job at hand.’”
“Same difference.” She shrugged as he got up and walked over to her his hands placed nervously in his pockets. “Is something wrong?” She asked him.
“Just trying to picture you pregnant.” He replied.
“Don’t.” She warned.
“I have to. I’m going to be a father. It’s a great responsibility.”
“Maybe it’s not yours.”
“Maybe she didn’t know.”
“Oh, she knew.”
“So why take this contract, put our unborn child in danger?”
“Perhaps we needed the money.”
“Kids are expensive.”
“Bullets are cheap. There’s a big chance this meeting is a set-up, Tony.”
“Are you scared?”
“Nope. Excited.”
* * *
“We’re on our way to the elevator, Boss.” Tony told Gibbs as he and Ziva prepared to leave.
“Tony, Ziva, we’re not taking any chances on this one. First sign it goes bad you call it.” Gibbs ordered them.
“Hold the door!” Tony called to the guy in the elevator as he and Ziva reached it just in time. “Thanks.”
“Sure.” The guy replied.
“Sweetheart.” Tony said as he wrapped his arm protectively around Ziva.
“You’re getting off here.” The man suddenly told them as the elevator doors opened and both Tony and Ziva reached for their weapons.
“Not a wise choice, Mister and Mrs Ranier. Weapons.” A familiar gruff voice told them as they looked at the men with guns pointed at them.
“We would have come to the third floor ourselves. Three armed escorts seems a bit excessive.” Ziva told them.
“Very good. Our location and our number in two sentences. It’s too bad your friends can’t hear you.” The man replied.
“You’re being jammed.” The man in the elevator added.
“Bring them to my room. If they resist? Shoot the woman.” The first man ordered as the guards led them out of the elevator.
“Come on, let’s go.” The man and the elevator said.
* * *
The man from the elevator who was called Henry smashed the earpieces with a vase.
“There are two things you should be painfully aware of right now. One, no one leaves this business. And two, never threaten the people who employ you.” Marcos told them.
“Should I be writing this down?” Tony asked he was answered by being hit in the face with a cord. “I take that as a no.”
Maya gasped. “Why didn’t you stop them?”
Tony hugged her close. “We were tied together.”
“Where is the disk?” Marcos asked.
“What disk?” Ziva asked her face showing no emotion as Tony was hit again with the cord.
“Where, Mrs Ranier?” Marcos asked again.
“What makes you think we have it?” Ziva asked him.
“We spotted your backup at the restaurant. On some level, you must have known this was going to happen.” Marcos replied.
“Oh. Observant.” Ziva said. “How much is our disk worth to you?” the cord hit Tony again.
“I have a better question. What’s it worth to you?” Marcos asked Ziva as he walked over to stand in front of her. “Out of professional courtesy, I’ve had Mister Cord go lightly on your husband.”
“And I appreciate that.” Tony said.
“Unfortunately we’re running out of time.” Marcos said.
“If you let him go, I’ll tell you where the disk is.” Ziva told him.
“You’ll tell me either way, Mrs Ranier.” Marcos paused so Henry could bring him a case and pull a sharp knife out of it. He touched it to Ziva throat before continuing. “Why don’t you two take a moment and consider your options?” He and his men walked over the other side of the room to let Tony and Ziva talk.
“I might have a plan.” Tony whispered to Ziva once they were alone.
“What?”
“The Raniers obviously stole something they want. You’re going to give it to them.” Tony explained.
“We don’t have it.”
“You’re going to tell them it’s in our hotel room. The only way they’ll find it is if you show them. McGee should be waiting for us in there.”
“Good plan, except for one minor drawback.”
“What?”
“When I leave, they’ll most likely put a bullet through your head.”
“Oh. Well, I didn’t say it was a perfect plan.”
* * *
“Did you know the Peruvians make blades so sharp, some people can’t even feel the initial incision?” Marcos asked as he fingered the knife.
“Stop!” Tony exclaimed. “The disk’s in our hotel room.”
“Don’t!” Ziva warned. “He’ll only use it-”
“Where?” Marcos asked Tony cutting Ziva off.
“She has to show you.” Tony told him.
“Not what I asked.”
“You’ll never find it without her, even if you kill us.”
“Untie her.” Marcos ordered. “Your only mistake was going for one last big payday. You got greedy.”
“I’m pregnant.” Ziva told him.
“Really? Congratulations. Boy or girl?” Marcos said.
“I don’t know. We want to be surprised.” Ziva replied.
“It’s the best way, believe me.” Marcos said. “How many months?”
“Three!” Tony exclaimed.
“Morning sickness?” Marcos asked.
“Only every single day.” Tony replied.
“I hated to see my wife go through it, but believe me, it’s all worth it in the end.” Marcos said.
“So you’re not going to kill us?” Ziva asked.
“We’re assassins. You know we can’t just walk away from the game when we feel like it.” Marcos replied. “Hell, don’t you think I’d rather be at my daughter’s fifth birthday than here?”
“So you are going to kill us? Right?” Tony asked.
“I haven’t decided yet. Give me the disk and we’ll see, play it by ear.” Marcos replied before turning to Mister Cord, “If I’m not back in five minutes, kill him.” Ziva glanced pleadingly at Tony before Marcos led her out the door.
“That was purely for your wife’s cooperation. We like to call them little white lies.” Mister Cord said to Tony when they were alone.
* * *
“You know what’s funny? I was really looking forward to having a kid there for a minute. That’s a big step for me.” Tony said to Mister Cord. “Having a little DiNozzo running around.”
“DiNozzo?” Mister Cord asked him.
“Yeah, that’s my full name. Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS.” Tony replied as he swung the chair round, knocking Mister Cord to the ground. “How does that feel? Huh? Huh, big guy?” Tony asked as he continued to kick him as the door opened and Gibbs and Ziva burst in.
“Enough!” Ziva told Tony.
“You want to punch me again?! Come on!” Tony exclaimed still ignoring her as he continued to kick the man.
Ziva walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Enough, enough, Tony. I think you made your point.”
“I want a divorce.” Tony told Gibbs.
* * *
“The emergency room seems to have done a pretty good job. How do you feel?” Ducky asked Tony as he checked him over.
“Better, now that I can breathe.” Tony replied.
“There doesn’t appear to be any permanent damage.” Ducky said. “How many times did he hit you?”
“I wasn’t counting.” Tony replied.
“Seven times.” Ziva answered.
“She was, of course.” Tony muttered.
“It was hard not to.” Ziva told him.
“We’re going to take really good care of you, Tony.” Abby promised. “I had Chip pull your car right around front.”
“He drove my car?” Tony asked.
“Just from your parking space. I took extra special care.” Chip reassured him.
“Oh, thanks.” Tony replied.
“And uh,” Ziva said as she showed him a set of keys, “I’m driving you home.”
Tony turned to McGee. “Probie-”
McGee nervously turned to Ziva. “Uh Ziva, actually you shouldn’t probably drive him home tonight.”
“Why’s that?” Ziva asked him.
Abby shrugged. “Maybe he wants to live.”
“Yes, well however you get home, I suggest a couple of aspirin… yes, and perhaps some scotch.” Ducky told Tony as he tenderly touched the wound on Tony’s head.
“I thought doctors weren’t supposed to prescribe alcohol anymore, Duck.” Gibbs said as he walked over to them.
“Well, it always seems to work for you.” Ducky replied.
“Did you get tickets to that gazelle thing again?” Gibbs asked as he noticed Ducky was wearing a tuxedo.
“It’s Giselle, Jethro.” Ducky corrected him. “And no, that’s not tonight. Marine Corps Birthday Ball. She didn’t tell you?”
Everyone looked up to see Director Sheppard walking down the stairs in a beautiful black dress. “Our lovely Director has asked me to escort her.” Ducky added as he went and took the Director’s arm. The rest of the team looked at each other with shocked expressions as the pair walked past and to the elevator.
Tony took that as his cue to leave. “All right, good night, Boss.” He stood up and stumbled backward but luckily Ziva caught him. “All right, I’m good.” Ziva and McGee helped him to the elevator.
Author's Chapter Notes:
When bodies of two hired assassins are delivered to the NCIS team, Ziva & Tony go undercover assuming the victim's identities in order to find the person who hired the assassins for their mission. While working on the case, Ziva & Tony spend some quality time in a luxury hotel and the attraction between them arises. Gibbs discovers that his team is not the only one working on the case.