Maya suddenly reached up and clutched his arm, “please tell me you rushed after her and stopped her? Or at least made sure she got home safely?”
Tony chuckled. “No I didn’t.”
“Why not?”
“If you met Ziva you’d see she doesn’t need protection.” Tony explained.
“But you still should’ve gone with her.” Maya insisted. “Did she mention it at work? What happened with Sasha?”
“No actually I got into work the next morning she hadn’t arrived yet and it was just me and Uncle Probie.
“Hey, finish that database yet, Probie?” Tony asked the younger agent.
“Yesterday.” McGee replied.
“Well then it should have been on my desk yesterday, shouldn’t it?” Tony told him.
“I didn’t realize a compilation of nudie bars was that urgent.”
“Well, it is.”
“Why?”
“I don’t have to explain myself to a junior agent.”
“Okay, is this work related because..?” McGee trailed off.
“But I will just this once.” Tony said giving in. “It’s a mercy mission, Probie. A buddy of mine is getting married to a particularly unpleasant beast of a woman.”
“So?” McGee asked.
“So? So the memory of his bachelor party will be the only thing that sustains him through the rest of his miserable existence.” Tony replied his mouth open in mock surprise.
“I will print it out as soon as I’m free okay.” McGee told him.
“On behalf of men everywhere we thank you, Probie.”
“A sailor was shot on Route Two Forty Nine. Tony, grab the gear. Green Acres -- gas the truck. Where the hell is David?” Gibbs said as he walked into the bull pen.
“Ah, Boss, Officer David is… uh…” McGee stuttered.
He was saved from having to continue when Ziva rushed into the bullpen and over to her desk. “Late. I took the wrong bus this morning. Had to walk from the Eighteenth Street stop.”
“That’s a tough part of town.” Tony pointed out.
“I’ve been in worse. Won’t happen again, Gibbs.” She apologized.
“I know.” Gibbs replied.
* * *
“Special Agent Gibbs?” Hampton asked Tony.
“No, he’s the older gentleman with the smile on his face.” Tony replied pointing Gibbs out, his boss noticed and walked over to join them.
“Agent Gibbs, car’s in the crevice at the bottom. The victim’s dead inside. Lieutenant Hampton, Virginia State Police. The last few yards are pretty steep. One of the EMTs managed to make it all the way down. The fire department’s bringing in special equipment to extricate the body. It’s going to take a while.” Hampton told Gibbs.
“McGee.” Gibbs called to the younger agent.
“Yeah.” McGee said as he walked over to them.
“Sketch.” Gibbs ordered him. “Get close enough without breaking your neck.”
“On it.” McGee replied as he walked off.
Gibbs turned to Tony. “DiNozzo, photos.” He ordered him but stopped when Tony didn’t move. “Is there a problem?”
“You didn’t say anything about my neck. But I’ll be careful.” Tony explained as he walked off.
* * *
“Preliminary trajectory shows that the bullet passed straight through the driver’s side window. So I recommend we search the area along this path looking for spent brass.” McGee suggested.
“You won’t find it. Nine millimetre rounds are slow and only accurate to about thirty meters. The shooter was in a moving car that pulled up alongside.” Ziva pointed out.
“Yeah, that is one possibility, Ziva. But, you see, we’re investigators, which means we investigate things. We don’t assume.” Tony told her.
“She’s right. Wife said she heard the gunshot over the phone. The shooter had to be close.” Gibbs said as he walked over to his desk.
“Thank you.” Ziva said to their boss.
“What do we know about Petty Officer Smith?” Gibbs asked.
“Ah, ran his military I.D. He was a clerk at Norfolk. Had four months left before his discharge.” McGee reported.
“Tony, take Ziva with you and check with the C.O. When you’re done with that, sweep the trajectory for brass.” Gibbs ordered.
“But why?” Ziva asked. "You just said…”
“Because DiNozzo’s right, too.” Gibbs replied.
* * *
“All of these people are in the military.” Ziva said in amazement as she looked around the Norfolk navel station.
“Yeah, the uniforms are kind of a dead giveaway.” Tony replied sarcastically.
“Then why aren’t they armed?” She asked.
“Because we’re in America, and the machine guns would just get in the way.” Tony explained as they walked over to the commander who was on a cell phone.
“All right. Okay.” The man said before hanging up and turning to face Tony and Ziva.
“Commander.” Tony greeted him as he and Ziva showed the man their IDs.
“What can I do for NCIS today?” The commander asked them.
“I’m sorry I have to tell you this, Sir, but one of your men was killed this morning.” Tony replied.
The commander’s face paled. “My god, who?”
“Petty Officer Jerry Smith.” Ziva replied.
The commander’s expression turned from concerned to confused, “Smith?”
“He was shot on Route Two Forty Nine on his way into work.” Tony explained.
“I think you have my man confused with someone else. That’s Petty Officer Jerry Smith right over there.” He said as he pointed over to a young man.
“Huh?” Maya exclaimed confused. “Petty officer Smith died how did he get to work?”
“That’s the mystery we had to work out.”
“Was transferred from Pearl about the same time I was, Agent DiNozzo.” Commander Morris told Tony while Ziva went to talk to ‘Smith’.
“You serve with him there?” Tony asked.
“Different units. We never crossed paths until this Command.”
“What kind of a sailor is he?”
“Officially? He’s never missed a day’s work. He’s always on time.”
“I’m more interested in unofficially, Commander.”
“It’s not in my nature to be disparaging.”
“Well, I’ve got a body lying on a slab back at NCIS. So by all means, disparage away.”
“I guess you could say Petty Officer Smith is not the brightest sailor that I’ve ever commanded. Now that I say it out loud, the thought occurs to me that could very well be the reason that someone found it so easy to steal his identity.” Commander Morris explained.
“Can you think of any reason why someone would want to impersonate him?” Tony
“God no, Agent DiNozzo. God no!” The Commander exclaimed.
* * *
“What do we have, McGee?” Gibbs asked.
“Um… uh… cell phone records are downloading now. Okay, it looks like Petty Officer Smith… Petty Officer Smith in the car not the one on base who’s the real Smith-’’ McGee replied.
“Yeah, I got it, McGee.” Gibbs said interrupting him.
“Well he was definitely talking to Mrs Smith, if that is her real name.” McGee continued.
“McGee!” Gibbs snapped at him.
“Ah… he was talking to her at their home from his cell just before she called in the accident. I’ve got an address here. It’s an apartment in Newport News. Lease is in the wife’s name.” McGee explained.
“Ziva, you’re with me.” Gibbs ordered her as he stood up and grabbed his gear.
Ziva was too busy talking on her phone to notice. “Possibly a point man for an operational reconnaissance of the Naval Base. I-’’ But she was cut off when Gibbs walked past her and hung up the phone.
“That means you go with him.” Tony told her.
“Now.” McGee added.
“Preferably before the elevator doors close.” Tony continued as the doors started to close.
* * *
“Okay, the dead guy downstairs who we thought was impersonating Petty Officer Jerry Smith is actually the real Petty Officer Jerry Smith. And that Jerry Smith Tony and Ziva talked to Norfolk turns out to be the fake Jerry Smith and… it’s confusing.” McGee reported to Gibbs once he and Ziva had returned.
“Kind of like the pellet with the poisons in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Court Jester? Danny Kaye? Come on, guys, it’s a classic!” Tony exclaimed. “Thank you, Boss.” He said to Gibbs when he slapped him.
“Who is he, McGee?” Gibbs asked.
“John Kirby. We lifted his prints from his desk at Norfolk.” McGee replied bringing the profile up on the plasma.
“His empty desk. He didn’t report for duty today.” Tony added.
“He and Smith had overlapping tours at Jacksonville in oh-two. Kirby was discharged in oh-three.” McGee continued.
“Honourably.” Tony added.
“Boss, these guys must’ve had this planned from the first day of Smith’s new assignment.” McGee told Gibbs.
“Think so, McGee?” Gibbs snapped at him. “I’m gonna need Kirby’s-’’
“Address. He lives on West Little Creek. Been there about a year. And the warrant.” McGee replied handing him the warrant.
“DiNozzo, David, take a ride.” Gibbs ordered.
“You got it, Boss.” Tony replied as he grabbed his gear.
“Put a BOLO out on Kirby with the FBI, local and state.” Gibbs ordered McGee.
“Already done, Boss.” McGee replied.
“BOLO?” Ziva asked as she met Tony at the elevator.
“Be on the look out.” Tony explained.
“Good job, McGee. Go on. Catch up to them.” Gibbs said to McGee.
“Good job, McGee.” Tony mimicked Gibbs as the elevator doors opened.
“Is he always this juvenile?” Ziva asked McGee.
“Only on days of the week ending with the word day.” McGee replied.
“I’ll drive, Tony.” Ziva told him when they reached the NCIS car park.
“No, no, no, no. Not gonna make that mistake again.”
“Did you really think my driving was that terrible? Aside from the high speed and near misses.” She asked him.
“Let’s just say it’s an acquired taste, like regurgitated lunch.” He said sarcastically.
“That’s disgusting, DiNozzo.” McGee said.
“Tell me about it, Probie. That chilli cheese dog was hard to chew the second time around.” Tony replied.
“Maybe we should give her another chance. It’s not like she killed or maimed anyone.” McGee suggested.
“Maybe we should concentrate on why John Kirby switched places with Seaman Smith at Norfolk and leave Death Wish for another day.” Tony told them.
“He could very well be an assassin.”
“He works in a supply office. Who’s he going to assassinate? Mister Clean?” Tony pointed out.
“All the better not to draw attention to himself.” Ziva replied.
“She’s right. It’s a big base. Lot of targets.” McGee agreed.
“I don’t know. Look at the guy. He’s such a…” Tony trailed off looking for the right word.
“Pimp.” Ziva finished.
“Wimp.” Tony and McGee said in unison.
“Very much in line with other assassins.” Ziva said.
“She’s right, Tony. Look at Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan.” McGee pointed out as they all climbed into the car.
“That’s original, McGee. Is there any part of your brain that’s your own?” Tony asked sarcastically.
“At least I have one, Tony.” McGee shot back.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tony asked turning around to face him.
“Nothing.” McGee muttered.
“We’re not going anywhere.” Tony said.
“What, until I apologize?” McGee asked.
“No, not until you apologize. We’re in the wrong damn car.” Tony replied.
* * *
“Oh, I love Hawaiian shirts.” Tony said as they sorted through Kirby’s bedroom.
“I’m not surprised.” Ziva replied.
“It’s a cultural experience you couldn’t appreciate. Isn’t that right, Probie?” Tony asked the youngest agent.
“I wouldn’t be caught dead in one.” McGee replied.
Tony gasped as he pulled out another Hawaiian shirt. “It can’t be!! Do you realize what we have here?”
“Another ugly shirt?” Ziva asked sarcastically.
“It’s an authentic Magnum, P.I. Jungle Bird design. Hundred percent cotton, bamboo buttons, Made in Hawaii label! Come on, this is the Holy Grail of Aloha garments.” Tony explained.
“That’s great.” McGee replied sarcastically.
“Eight seasons Magnum wore this shirt. Putting up with Higgins and those stupid dogs. Zeus! Apollo! The TV show was big in the Eighties.” Tony explained to Ziva.
“Magnum, P.I. is so cool how can Uncle Probie not know who he is?” Maya exclaimed shocked.
“I know who Tom Selleck is, Tony. The hot, sexy American man of adventure.” Ziva said.
“He was …he was good, sure. But take away the shirt, the moustache, Detroit Tigers hat, Ferrari, the Audi, wine cellar, Robin Masters’ estate, Rick, T.C. and the helicopter.” Tony continued eagerly.
“Well, it looks like Kirby has not checked his email or even turned on his computer since yesterday.” McGee said looking over the computer.
“Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.” Ziva said.
“Hike.” Tony corrected her. “The expression is taking a hike.”
“She may have had it confused with ‘go fly a kite’.” McGee pointed out.
“I speak five languages; forgive me if I get confused sometimes.” She told them as she went over to the desk and picked up a thin black book. “I found his bank book.”
“Check book.” Tony corrected again.
“Whatever you call it. His deposits seem high.” She replied as she flicked through it.
“Where you come from, they may seem high but here in the good ol’ U.S. of A "’’ Tony said as he walked over to her, “these are really, really high.” Suddenly there was a banging noise coming from the kitchen.
“I think it’s the-’’ Ziva started to say.
Tony stopped her. “Shh…” They walked into the kitchen with their guns raised, and cautiously opened the cupboard.
“It’s a-” Tony started to saying looking at the small monkey in the cupboard.
Maya started laughing. “It was just a monkey.
“It’s a marmoset.” Ziva told him.
“Actually, that’s a capuchin.” McGee corrected her.
“I don’t advise shooting him. Americans and their pets. It will be a public relations nightmare.” Ziva told Tony who still had his gun pointed at the small monkey.
“You knew all about this, didn’t you?” He asked her.
“I tried to tell you, but you shushed me.” She reminded him.
“Well next time try harder.” He ordered her.
“His name is Max.” She told him.
“Oh, ad a Snapple cap that said that the most popular name for a pet in the United States is Max.” McGee told them.
“That’s funny, I thought it was Tim.” Tony said sarcastically.
* * *
“Nah that really doesn’t work for him.” Tony said looking over McGee’s new outfit.
“Boss, for once I’ve got to agree with Tony here. I don’t think I’m a Hawaiian shirt type.” McGee told Gibbs.
“You’re the closest we’ve got to age and looks to Smith and Kirby, McGee.” Gibbs reminded him.
“This won’t matter if whoever he’s meeting with knows their faces.” Ziva said.
“No, it won’t.” Gibbs said. “But if it doesn’t, we just might get something. Which is more than we have now. DiNozzo, you and Ziva will be here mobile on Granby, as far down as you can be while maintaining visual contact. I’ll be over here on Harbour. McGee, we do not know what we have here. So go with the flow. If it gets hinky, call it.”
“Hinky? What’s hinky?” Ziva asked.
“You know, like when your gut is telling you something?” Tony explained.
“Oh, I see. In my country we refer to that as gas.” Ziva replied.
* * *
“It was called The Transporter.” Tony said to McGee.
“Didn’t see it.” McGee replied.
“Cool British guy delivers illegal stuff for a price. Obviously what Smith was doing, then what Kirby was doing, then what you were doing, Probie, only badly.” Tony explained.
“Yeah, I got the case, didn’t I?” McGee asked.
“You’re missing the point.” Tony replied.
“How could there possibly be a point?” McGee asked.
“I think what Agent DiNozzo means is that the Transporter would have gotten the case, gotten the girl, and still have held on to his cappuccino.” Ziva explained to McGee.
“Exactly. Speaking of movies, you know what I was thinking about, Probie?”
“Really not interested, Tony.” McGee told him.
“Mister and Mrs Smith. Identity mystery. Then there’s our Smith. Identity mystery. “And if it turns out the guy charging porn and tractors on your credit card is a Smith, then that would be a mystery.” Tony told him.
“Uh... Tony?” McGee warned him.
“Not now, Probie. I’m almost done with this level.” Tony continued but stopped when Gibbs hit him on the back of his head. “Find out what was in the case yet, Boss?” Tony asked Gibbs.
“Are we going to interrogate Kirby now?” Ziva asked Gibbs.
“No.” Gibbs replied.
“That is a mistake.” Ziva told him. “The longer we wait, the more time he has to-”
“I am going to be interrogating Kirby. You and DiNozzo will be observing.” Gibbs said cutting her off before he walked towards the elevator.
“It takes a while for him to warm up to people, doesn’t it?” Ziva asked Tony as they hurried to catch up to him.
“Want to know the secret about getting on his good side?” Tony asked her.
“Of course.”
“Me, too.”
* * *
Gibbs and Ziva went to arrest the wife while Tony and McGee stayed behind.
“Thanks for getting me that info.” Tony said to the younger agent.
“It’s okay. I don’t really see the point of Bachelor parties though.”
Tony’s mouth dropped open in shock. “What! It’s like the last night of freedom and the perfect time to realise if you really should be getting married.”
“He’s right you know McGee.” A voice interrupted them. They looked up to see Abby standing in front of Tony’s desk. “Have either of you seen Gibbs?” She asked.
“Yeah, he and Ziva left to pick up Wendy Smith.” Tony replied.
“Oh, he’s on his way here.” Abby said with that knowing look in her eye. “Oh, Tony that reminds me there’s someone in my lab waiting for you.”
Tony frowned. “Who?”
“Go down and you’ll see.” Abby replied simply.
Tony shared a confused look with McGee as he stood up and raced to the elevator and down to the lab.
He walked through the doors to find Sasha sitting on Abby’s computer chair waiting for him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
When a non-commissioned officer is shot to death on the freeway, the NCIS team takes upon the investigation. The first lead, a fact that the victim was leading a double life, takes them to a possible solution of the crime, but the tables are turned when the victim's dying message is discovered and it leads them to a totally different clue. Tony gets an unexpected visitor.